My Soul To Keep

by Jackie Sonnenberg

  “Not yet, but actually I have something going on later tonight at eight with my friend Damien. We got invited to this organization open house thing at their house, and it’s this really awesome and huge log cabin!”

  In the middle of my description Deanna’s eyes just popped.

  “Wait, shut up. A club already invited you to their open house meeting?”

  “Yeah, it’s this one,” I said showing her the flyer.

  Deanna took a brief look and crossed her brow a little. “Well, whatever it is, it’s so cool you got invited somewhere already. So, what is it?”

  “It’s like a religious group,” I said.

  “Like, what kind of religion?”

  “Oh, I don’t think it’s a specific one. What I should say is that it’s a spiritual group. Spiritual, not religious. I mean, they’re not preaching about Jesus or anything, just about how to find inner peace. They talk about inner strength and spreading a message about how to find your inner light.”

  She shrugged indifferently.

  “I think it could be something good to have.”

  Deanna looked at the flyer again. “Whoa, is that the house?”

  “Yeah! Isn’t it awesome?”

  “None of the other houses here look like that. It looks like my aunt’s summer house on the lake.”

  “I think it’s one of the older ones built. I can’t wait to check it out. We’re going tonight, if you want to come with.”

  “No thanks,” Deanna said. “But tell me about it later.”

  “I will.”

  Deanna sat at her desk, which was on the right side of our room by her bed. The left side was my side, with my desk actually closer to the window, next to the couch that looked like it’s been there since the school opened. I went over to mine to finish reading emails. I saw that I had a new message from my mom.

  Hi Sky! How are you? How are classes so far? How is your roommate? She seems really nice! I hope you are joining organizations and activities and making some new friends!

  Did you meet with your counselor yet? I know it’s early and you probably want to wait until you get more settled, but you should be going. I know it won’t be the same as your other counselor, but you know how much better you feel when you speak your thoughts. Be open and know that help is available. Your sister and brother and I know that you’re strong and will have a good time. You can call us home anytime you want and your room will be waiting for you whenever you want to visit! Taylor and Jordan say “hi” and hope you’re adjusting well.

  Hope to talk soon! <3 Mom

  I already hit “reply.”

  Hey Mom! Classes are pretty okay so far, I am just getting more homework but I guess any Jr. High would. I will look into counseling, but not just yet. Like you said I want to be comfortable, and really, the busier I am the easier it will be to move on and sort of get back to normal. It’s funny you mentioned getting involved in organizations because I think I found the PERFECT one! It’s a spiritual group and I think it’s exactly what I need. They are all about healing your soul and meditation and stuff. I went to this student activities information event and I got invited to their meeting. They are in this log cabin house and I can’t wait to see it! We’re going there tonight, so I’ll be able to tell you all about it soon. Say “hi” to Taylor and Jordan! Tell Tay to stay out of my room! Ha ha ha. Take care of yourselves and we’ll talk again soon!

  Sending my love,

  Sky

  I hit “send,” not saying that someone would send his love from the grave soon.

  ***

  About a quarter to, I walked outside of my dorm building to look for Damien. He told me in an email that he already went exploring during the day and found the house; it was a little walk away from the furthest academic building in a little woodsy-type area. I paced back and forth for a bit, awaiting him to get here soon so we could get on with it. It was an understatement to say that I was excited, really. I certainly believed they would make things happen for me.

  Before I knew it Damien appeared on the sidewalk and I joined him on our walk.

  “It really is as big as it looks, Sky,” he said to me as we walked on the sidewalk.

  “That’s so great you found it. I was worried I never would. They didn’t really tell us where it was.”

  “It’s the only residential house out there by the woods, apparently they were planning on building more residential places out there but The Manor was the only one they finished and had the budget for, so it sort of just stays on its own. Seth told me that.”

  “That is actually awesome. Did you see inside yet?”

  “No, not yet. No one was around but I saw it from afar in the woods. There’s a bridge over there too with a small pond, and then I saw the areas in the pictures where they have their campfires so it had to be the place.”

  I heard the enthusiasm in Damien’s voice, knowing that it echoed mine. I exhaled and cleared my head, beginning to see how my new life was to unfold as it should.

  Soon, after passing the academic buildings and even the place where Student Orientation was near the library, we crossed through the parking lot near the end of campus.

  “This is going to suck coming back at night when it’s dark...the street lamps stopped before the parking lot.”

  “Right, and navigating through the woods won’t be easy.”

  As soon as Damien said “woods” we approached the wooded area and saw the bridge. The “pond” underneath it was more like a shallow stream whose flow was interrupted by empty water bottles, pop cans and cigarettes. We would have walked across if I didn’t stop short and tug on Damien’s shirt.

  “Look,” I said. “What was that?”

  Damien looked in the direction I was pointing at. I felt stupid because I was pretty sure his answer would have been “a student walking? So what?” But the expression on his face changed as soon as he realized that it was not exactly a student… but more like the figure of one…as this student did not seem to be all there. He looked at me.

  “It’s gone.”

  “So you saw it too?”

  “Yeah… it was a person, or shadow of a person. And it didn’t look…normal.”

  “Right. I see them all the time.”

  Damien’s eyes slightly twitched. “See…what?”

  We stood there before the bridge, not crossing over just yet.

  “Do you believe in ghosts?” I asked him.

  “Yeah,” he said. “I do.”

  “Really? You do too?”

  “It does kind of freak me out,” Damien admitted. “But I’m also kind of interested, you know?”

  His answer lifted my mood. “I am too, you know, I believe in it. Not a lot of people do and no one understands me. I know these people will.”

  Damien and I crossed the bridge headed into the wooded area, the wood, leaves and twigs on the ground multiplying as we went. We turned a corner around a small hill and then that house came into view. The majestic being greeted us at the top as the keeper of the woods. We quickened our pace and approached it head on until we stood right in front of it, almost waiting for it to give us permission to enter.

  It was huge. Big enough to house a large student body and hold group activities and events. We were aching to get in to see the inside, but at the same time we could not stop staring at it, like it was one of those fake backdrops people use for photo shoots, and if we got any closer it would sway and wrinkle. But the house, and whatever was going on inside had a gravitational pull of its own and lingering was not necessary. We got up to the front door without a moment’s waste. Damien eyed me curiously.

  “Should we knock?”

  I crossed my brow, not really thinking it through.

  “Are we supposed to? I don’t even see a doorbell anywhere.”

  As I looked all over the place I finally saw a piece of paper that answered our question.

  “Welcome to the Guardians of Light headquarters,” I read aloud. “If you are seeki
ng the Light, please come on in and join us in the lounge to the left of the hall.”

  I waved it at Damien.

  “See? There ya go. They should have put more tape on here.”

  I stuck the sign back on the door and opened it.

  It was a small hallway and we followed the left as per the sign. As it promised, it led us to a big lounge area out to our right. To our left was a kitchen area where someone burned strong sticks of incense. We suddenly saw the smoke trailing into long, tight streams in front of our faces. It tickled and almost made me sneeze, but I welcomed it.

  Damien and I turned our attention to the lounge area, where everyone sat on couches around a lit fireplace in a horse shoe. A girl with a big smile stood near us. She had to be at least a 10th or 11th grader.

  “Welcome!” she exclaimed. “Please sign our guestbook and then come join us.”

  We had absolutely no idea just how many people were actual members or incoming newbies like us, we just signed our names in the book as well as our email, dorm, extension, year,—who cared?

  Damien and I went to find empty seats on the couches and we were greeted instantly by everyone.

  “So what are your names?” the girl asked us.

  “Sky.”

  “Damien.”

  “I’m Kimberly. What can I get you guys to drink? We have water and some soft drinks.”

  “Hey Kim, Josh is already in the kitchen getting the snacks and stuff to bring out, so don’t worry about it,” said a guy near the back.

  “Oh, all right. We’ll just hang out and get to know each other before the snacks come out and the meeting starts.”

  I eyeballed the hell out of the room, which I realize was bigger than I thought. Around what I thought was the ceiling was actually another floor with a balcony and more seated areas, and two beautifully curling staircases leading up to it, The log cabin definitely lived up to its appearance: Everything about the structure of the balconies and stairs looked like freshly shaven Lincoln logs finished with a gloss. Behind those balconies I could see the lines of students descending them, all wearing those membership T-shirts. I recognized Seth, and then I recognized someone else.

  It seemed to feel colder in the room for some reason when she came down.

  No doubt it was the girl in my class, but this time I saw what she really looked like without the cloak as a shield. She had long, dark hair which hung down her back and as she came downstairs she looked at us, all of us, and sized out the newcomers. Her bright eyes picked Damien and me out already—and she recognized me, too. She smiled as she sat down with the others, but didn’t say anything.

  “Come on in,” Kimberly said to the three, four, and five new people who just walked in. While they were taking their turn at the guest book, a guy came out with a cooler, followed by a woman carrying a tray of cookies. I could tell they were freshly made because of #1: The uncooked dough still sticking to the sides and #2: The smell. Oh God, the smell.

  “Hi there,” the woman said with a smile. She had “school lunch lady” written all over her, but instead of a fat bun hiding behind a hairnet she allowed her blonde locks to run free. She put down the cookie tray and rolled her sleeves up.

  “I’m Carol,” she introduced herself. “I work with housekeeping and campus catering, but I was converted to come to The Manor full time as of the resident faculty. This place is like a family.”

  “I’m Sky,” I answered.

  She pointed to the tray. “Help yourself, I’ve got to go help out.”

  Others brought out more goodies on the table and I had to smile. I was starting to believe I could be quite comfortable, but I felt something else. The walls, the ceiling, every nook and cranny of the house, I could feel that something was there. It was like an overwhelming sense of being; it was a force field that would keep me within its walls. Weirdly enough, it was what I felt when I witnessed that group ceremony. Their presence meant something, and I know it meant she came from this place.

  As some more people trickled into the room we were given the official green light to swarm the food table. Carol put out the napkins while I got a plate of veggies and dip, a few cookies and a Pepsi.

  “Hi Sky and Damien!”

  “Hi Seth,” I greeted as I popped open the tab and took a swig. Damien waved, already chewing a mouthful.

  “So happy you could make it.”

  “The house is awesome!” I said.

  Out of the corner of my eye someone crossed behind some couches and made their way to the front of the fireplace.

  “Are we ready to begin?”

  I turned to the familiar voice and saw none other than my own English teacher. Instead of the student-clad T-shirt he wore a black polo bearing the logo and freshly ironed khaki pants.

  “Hello all, and welcome to ‘The Manor’ as we like to call it.”

  As soon as he began to speak all the members came into the lounge immediately to sit down.

  “I’m Mitchell Brooks, but in here and everywhere, I am just Mitchell. This is a family and we all act like a family. We encourage everyone to relax and learn to be comfortable with one another.”

  Then, suddenly, I felt like I was back in class as Mr. Brooks—Mitchell—started to do his pacing thing.

  “We are the Guardians of Light, and we have this group and this house as a place of haven. Our mission is simple: To spread the Light. We—you—all of us have Light on the inside. We just have to find it and shine that light on the darkest parts of the world and on those that need it the most. We bring knowledge and understanding to all we encounter. Our house in a place of sanctuary and when we are together we are helping build that sanctuary.”

  During his spiel some members came over, bringing a small table with a laptop. As he continued to preach, a screen began to descend behind him.

  “We have a lot of fun here, too. We host a lot of student-run activities that everyone enjoys. This should tell you a little bit more about us.”

  It took a few seconds for a video to start playing with the instrumental elevator music to go along with it. I felt like it was one of those cheesy training videos for Walmart or something where different people are telling the camera sugar-filled testimonials. The only difference is here, I actually liked it.

  “Guardians of Light changed me for the better!” boasted a brace-faced girl on screen, while pictures flashed by of this girl working at a nursing home. We saw student members clad in their group hoodies as more testimonials played.

  “I need something to help me find myself, and Guardians of Light did just that,” said a boy at a group prayer service.

  We saw all those members during meditation ceremonies, the lights all out sans the glow of about a thousand candles. It was this picture that drove me the most: From the candles the only thing visible was the faces of the holders. The black clothes concealed them in the dark, showing their heads floating all by themselves. It was eerie and it got under my skin…but I was in love with it.

  Mitchell shut off the film and proceeded to tell us that we were all blessed and we were capable of inspiring others and doing great things, we just needed to believe it for ourselves. The introductory meeting ended not too long after that, with a few students sticking around and answering questions.

  “I’d like to leave you with one other thing,” Mitchell said. “That if you are interested in coming, we are having a barbeque and spiritual retreat on Labor Day. It is a time to break from studies and cleanse your souls with a walk through the woods, following by a mediation and reflection session. It will be a rewarding time for all and we hope you can come.”

  After Damien and I were stuffed full of food and socializing, we decided to go back to our dorms.

  The minute we opened the door to the outside, we confirmed our concerns from earlier. The area of the woods was considerably dark with nothing but the moon peeking through the trees.

  “Um…” I started.

  “Keep going,” Damien said.

 
We descended the stairs, but before I take out my phone as a flashlight, Damien pointed at the glowing orbs appearing as we turned on the path. Strategically placed around the fence and even on trees were those little lanterns, solar-charged and fired up, showing us the way. Of course. I remembered them from the pictures.

  “That was nice,” Damien broke the ice as we comfortably walked down the path.

  “I know,” I agreed.

  Damien sideways looked at me as we followed the solar lanterns down, left, and onward.

  “I feel like they…accept me.”

  It was my turn to look at him. “Why wouldn’t anyone accept you?”

  He shrugged. “I just had a hard time fitting in school. I could never join any groups because none of them were for me. But I was talking to some people there and they seem really cool, like I could actually fit in with them.”

  “That explains why I never saw you after school.”

  “Well, we’re in Jr. High now, and there are more things available here. We’re not little kids anymore.”

  “I feel good about them, too. They could help me. I feel like there is more to them…and more that is there.”

  “So… you felt it too?”

  His answer made my heart flutter with joy. So, it was true, and I was not the only one who knew it. I didn’t need to ask him to know what he was talking about. Stepping foot in that house only proved it.

  “I did. Yeah, it was like…a presence. I definitely feel like there is something behind this group.”

  Chapter 5

  I was in the middle of studying for science when Deanna came in.

  “Girl, guess what!” she said finishing her Styrofoam cup of what smelled like coffee.

  “What?”

  “I got invited to a party!”

  “Nice.”

  Deanna came over and sat on her bed across the room, still staring at me in shock.

  “No no, you don’t understand. A real party. Like, this girl who lives just a couple of houses down who is a freaking ninth grader and that means, the best part: There’s going to be a ton of guys there!”

  “Well that’s good.” I actually wanted to pay more attention to animal classifications more than that conversation, as I did not like where it was headed.