John looked up sharply. ‘Like I said, when I’ve been able to I’ve tried to follow my passion. Sometimes, you’re just not able to so you get on with that as best you can.’ He continued with his weeding, and the two of us fell into silence. I wasn’t sure what to say. I hadn’t even thought of John as being passionate about anything other than gardening. He had lived at the Hall for twenty years and had never married. Now perhaps I finally knew the reason why. I just wasn’t sure what to do with that knowledge. If I should do anything with it. But I knew that it saddened me.
I thought, though, about what he said about passion being all you really needed to succeed. I liked that idea. I knew that I had been passionate about keeping Izzy and raising her in the way I wanted to do, building my own life with her. I was passionate about gardening, and I knew that if I put my mind to it I could make a success of that. I had been passionate about saving the village and we were going to fight until the end to try to do that. And about my family: we’d had our ups and downs, but we were focused on rebuilding, on the future and not the past, and that was already working out better than I could have ever hoped.
And I was passionate about Drew. My heart was full of him. Perhaps had always been even when I had tried to deny it. Maybe always would be.
But what if what happened to John happened to me? If I was never able to tell Drew how I felt, if his heart always belonged to someone else, if I could never tell him that I loved him.
What then?
Chapter Fifty-Five
There was déjà vu in the air as my mum, Heather and I climbed out of the car and walked towards the Glendale council offices, as we had just a couple of weeks before. Sleet was dancing around us and so much had changed in such a short space of time, apart from our determination to do everything we could to keep Glendale village alive.
We were shown into a meeting room. Edward Murray was there again and Tom Walker, the finance officer who had come to the trail, and a woman introduced as Mary Smith. We all shook hands before we all sat down around the round long boardroom table.
‘I’m glad you could come in today,’ Mr Murray said. ‘As you know, we were touched by the impact your Christmas trail has made in the village. The report in the local paper proved that has been the case. We would like to hear your ideas and see if there’s anything we can do together to change things.’
Heather handed out a presentation document she had created for the meeting detailing our proposals to them. ‘First of all, we’d like you to look at our ideas for the library. We have approached the Public Library Improvement Fund and we believe our bid for money will be successful. We have proposed that we add two initiatives to the library – one to help local children and one to help the elderly. As you can see, the funding would help set up a homework and a computer club and would help fund the library for another two years. During that time, we would be looking to increase the use of the library by the community and continue to look at ways we can fund it for the future. What we’d like from the council is assurance that if the bid is successful, you will keep the library open for those two years,’ Heather said, showing them the details in our proposal. ‘The fund has been really successful in helping other libraries stay open, and it proves that there is a vital need to keep the library going for our community and for future generations.’
‘Who would run these new projects?’ Mr Walker asked then, looking up from our plans.
‘I would,’ Heather said. ‘I already have volunteers interested in helping out as well.’ He nodded at her response. ‘This idea came from someone in the village who came to see the Glendale trail – everyone has been really inspired to offer their help for these projects,’ she added.
‘And what have you to say about the high street?’ Mr Walker asked, leaning back in his chair. I glanced at my mum, unsure if his relaxed pose was a good sign. She nodded at me to explain.
‘My mum and I would like to make a competing bid for the premises on the high street. We would like to take over the premises and run them as local businesses. We would offer reduced rents under a profit share scheme. It would mean the high street remains a vital resource for the community, and we might even be able to draw tourists from Inverness and Loch Ness over to Glendale looking for local produce. By keeping the buildings as shops, you’ll actually make more with our bid than if you accept the offer from New Horizons, as the shops will obviously pay rates.’
Mr Murray glanced at his colleagues. ‘You have the funds to make such a bid, forgive me for my blunt question?’
‘We do.’ I pointed to the page in the proposal. We had been sneaky. My mum had gone into my dad’s study and found the bid from New Horizons. We’d worked out an offer that was as close as we could afford, hoping that the community angle would make up with the slight reduction.
‘It’s a healthy bid,’ Mary Smith commented. ‘What if you are unable to make a profit? We wouldn’t want to accept your offer and then it ends up being flats in the future anyway.’
‘We could draw up an agreement that the buildings must always be used for the community,’ Heather suggested. I threw her a smile: that was a great idea.
‘We are really passionate about this project,’ Mum said then. ‘We love the village and you know how much we are willing to do to save it. We brought everyone together by putting on that trail and it showed us just how much of a community spirit there is still alive in Glendale. We are confident that everyone will work with us to make this a success.’
‘It’s an exciting idea,’ Mr Murray said, flicking through our proposal again. ‘We must admit that we didn’t think there would be any opposition to our proposal to sell to New Horizons. We’ve tried over the past couple of years to think of ways we can inject life into the village, but it has been an uphill struggle, and with resources stretched to almost breaking point, we really saw no other option. You have, however, provided another option.’
‘The report in the paper has galvanised people, it seems,’ Mr Walker agreed. ‘We’ve had a lot of emails and phone calls from people worried about our plans and pleading with us to change our mind. We haven’t seen such enthusiasm for a long time. We want, of course, to do the best we can for the people we serve in this community. It would be remiss of us to ignore this… what would you call it? People power?’ He smiled a little. ‘We’ll need to go over it all in detail, of course.’
‘We are committed to making this work,’ I told them. ‘This will breathe life into the village again and not only give you money to spend on other things, I think it might even save you some in the long run. The people who might have ended up needing social care might remain more independent if they have a local place to get everything they needed. If they have a community to lean on again. A win-win for all I think.’ I could tell, by the look they exchanged, they hadn’t thought of that as an outcome.
After asking a few questions about our presentation, Mr Murray said they would come back to us within a week with a decision, and we all stood up and shook hands again. I knew that they knew giving it to us would be the popular decision, that it was what the community both wanted and needed, but I worried that New Horizons might throw more money at them once they heard they might change their minds about redeveloping the village.
‘We could talk to Dad,’ I said as we walked out into the fresh air an hour later. ‘He might be able to persuade New Horizons to not make any counter-offer to the council.’
‘I suppose it would be the least he could do,’ Mum agreed.
* * *
The four of us sat down in the dining room that night, Sally bringing us in plates of steaming fish pie and giving me and my mum a reassuring smile, before she left us alone to eat as a family for the first time since Christmas Day. Izzy tucked in to her meal straight away, and I looked at my mum, who nodded, stealing herself with a gulp of wine, for which I couldn’t exactly blame her. My dad was back at the head of the table, still in his work suit, having come straight from the office to us,
accepting my mum’s invitation without knowing why we wanted to see him.
‘We wanted to talk to you about our meeting with the council,’ Mum said. ‘About what Beth and I want to do.’ She told him about our plans. He listened in silence having stopped eating.
Dad let her words sink in for a moment before turning to me. ‘You want to invest that much in Glendale?’
I nodded. ‘I’ve decided… well, we have,’ I said, looking at Izzy, who beamed. ‘That we want to move back to Glendale. As well as helping Mum organise all of this, I have decided to go back to college and study horticulture. What I’ve always wanted to do. Izzy will go to school here, and we’ll live here at the Hall.’
He sat back in his chair, trying to take it all in. ‘Well, I’m glad that you two are coming home for good, of course I am. But your idea for the high street – have you already spoken to the council about it?’
I nodded. ‘We went to see them today.’ I told him the offer we had made. ‘We’re hoping to not only save the shops but the library as well.’ I explained Heather’s idea for funding. ‘We think this will be such a good thing for the community, Dad, surely you can see that?’
‘I can see that, yes but, Beth, if the council goes with your idea that means all the work we’ve put in at New Horizons will have been for nothing.’ He frowned. ‘You can’t expect me to be happy about that?’ An edge returned to his voice.
‘We hoped you’d see that this is not only a good thing for your family but for Glendale too,’ Mum said, losing her cool a little. ‘But, then again, when have you thought about either for a long time?’
Dad sighed. ‘Caroline, this is business, it’s not personal.’
‘It’s personal to us!’ I cried. ‘We want to open up a Glendale shop as well. We really believe in this, Dad.’
‘What do you want me to say, Beth?’
‘I want you to promise us that New Horizons won’t make a competing offer to the council, that you’ll let them go with our proposal if they want to.’
‘I can’t do that. I have a board meeting tomorrow. I have to share this information with my company. It’s part of my duty as a director.’
‘And what about your duty to your family?’ Mum cried. She pushed back her chair and stood up. ‘Why did I think you would even think about us, David?’ She shook her head and left.
‘Why is everyone arguing again?’ Izzy cried, her knife and fork clattering onto the table.
‘Oh, love, it’s okay,’ I tried to say. ‘We’re just all very stuck to our own ideas.’
‘But why do you need to fight?’
I looked at my dad, wondering the same thing myself.
He stood up. ‘I should go.’
I followed him out, telling Izzy I’d be back in a moment. I didn’t want her to hear any more arguments. It certainly wasn’t what I wanted to move back to Glendale for. ‘Dad, please, think about this,’ I pleaded with him in the hallway.
‘I’m in an impossible situation,’ he said, quietly then, his hand on the doorknob, ready to escape. He looked back at me for a moment.
‘I suppose you are,’ I conceded – he either sided with me and my mum, or his company and, of course, his mistress. It was time for him to choose.
Dad nodded, once, and then walked out of the door.
Chapter Fifty-Six
My mum and I walked to the village together. ‘I thought about this one… for us.’ She paused at the empty shop right in the middle of the high street, a wide frontage with large glass windows either side of the door. I went to the window and framed my eyes, trying to see what it looked like inside. It went back reasonably far, completely empty at the moment. ‘I like it,’ I said, trying to picture a wall of plants on one side and maybe a round table in the centre to sell homemade jams and chutneys. I stepped back and looked up at the empty sign and tried to picture one announcing it to be the ‘Glendale Hall Shop’. ‘It would be great, wouldn’t it?’
‘And we could sell the family whiskey too,’ she said, moving on to look inside the next shop. ‘If they’ll give us a good deal,’ she added, her business hat very much on.
‘What do you think Dad will do?’ I asked her then.
‘Honestly, I think he’ll tell the company about our bid. He’s pretty much always put business first and he has extra motivation now,’ she said, dryly. We carried on walking.
‘I can’t imagine being with someone for as long as you’ve been together.’ I tried to stop Drew flashing through my mind. I couldn’t help it though. He was on my mind more and more as the funeral approached, when I would see him again. We moved passed the final empty shop. One that could very well be filled by Rory soon, selling their farm produce.
‘Together for thirty years and still we have trouble telling each other exactly how we feel and what we want. We have been drifting apart for a long time. It’s sad to think that it might all be over, but maybe it’s just our time. I suppose we haven’t worked at our relationship as much as we should have.’
‘And he shouldn’t have had an affair.’
‘No.’ She glanced at me. ‘But I suppose in a way I can understand him feeling lonely because I have too. I have been lonely for a long time, without even realising it, I don’t think.’
‘Oh, Mum, I’m sorry.’
‘I’m not lonely now.’ She touched my arm. ‘Having you and Izzy at the Hall has brought it, and me, back to life. I’m so happy we’ve been working on this project together. Whatever happens, it has given me back my zest for life. Losing your grandmother has made me see that I don’t want to sit at the Hall drowning my sorrows and being wrapped up in self-pity. If I’m lonely then I need to do something about it. You know?’
I nodded. ‘I do. And I’m so proud of you. It must have been so hard looking after Gran by yourself and knowing that dad was with someone else. I wish I could have been here sooner to help. But I’m here now, and whatever you want to do, I’ll support you.’ I looked at her. ‘Mum, did you ever think about having an affair?’
She glanced at me sharply and then sighed. ‘No. And yes. And no.’
‘With John?’ I dared to ask.
‘When John came to work with us, I was happy. Your father worked too much but I had you and my mother and a real social circle then: I wasn’t lonely. I felt blessed for what I had. I liked John. He was a great gardener, of course, but as time went on, we became fond of one another, I suppose. I could talk to him. I didn’t ever feel that way with your father. Maybe I was too scared to tell him what I really thought or felt because I had so much to lose, but with John, I could just be honest about everything. Does that make sense?’
‘You could be yourself.’
She nodded. ‘He never judged me. When things started to go wrong, I leaned on him more. When you left, my heart had a hole in it. Your father was absent more and more, and then when your gran got sick, I did get lonely. John was there for me, as he always has been. But, in a way, it didn’t help as it once had. Perhaps because I started to want more and knew that I couldn’t have it.’
‘He loves you,’ I said. It wasn’t a question and she knew it.
‘Yes, but I’ve never been able to give him my heart fully. He’s always known that. I loved your father too much and respected our marriage too much. John was furious when I told him about Cathy. And I can understand why. It was hard to stop him thumping David, to be honest.’
‘I bet.’
‘I don’t know that I’ve been fair to him. I should have made him leave a long time ago, but I was selfish, I let him stay, even though I knew how he felt. I didn’t want him to go.’
I hooked my arm through hers. ‘I can understand that.’
We walked towards the Glendale Arms, passing by the church. ‘Mum, how did you know that Dad was The One? I mean, what made you want to marry him?’ I asked her. It was something that I hadn’t thought much about before. They were my parents and when I had come into their world, their relationship was already fixed: they were alrea
dy committed to one another.
‘Your father was the son of some family friends, so I knew him for a long time. We threw a party at the Hall when I was twenty and he came along, with a girlfriend.’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘I remember looking at him and thinking that he hadn’t looked that attractive the last time I had seen him, I was sure. I followed him to the drinks table, and we started talking. He was at Edinburgh University, and I was taking classes at the local college and helping your gran with her charity work. He seemed to have all these big plans. He chatted about what he wanted to do with his life, and he talked about hoping he would get married. I asked him if it would be to the girl he was with and he said: “no, it will be with you”. We barely left each other’s sides after that.’ She chuckled. ‘I don’t know what it was. It was as if we had finally noticed the other person and realised they had been right there all along just waiting for us.’ She opened the door to the pub, me trailing after her, surprised that my parents had been so swept off their feet by one another. I hadn’t witnessed anything close to that growing up. It was sad how such a spark had faded.
Mum turned to me then. ‘No one knows what’s going to happen in life. Whether or not things will work out. But life is about the trying, and the journey. Your father and I have had a lot of ups and downs, but we shared them together, and that’s what marriage is all about. You’ll know when it’s right, when you find that person you want to go through life with. And it might last forever, or it might not, but as long as you start out believing that it will, that’s all anyone can ask for.’
I nodded as we made our way to a table close to the crackling fire. ‘I always thought I was meant to be with Drew.’
‘Maybe you are.’
‘I don’t know what to do,’ I admitted. ‘I mean, is it crazy to think there might be something between us? After all this time? We were just teenagers back then.’
‘You’re not teenagers now, Beth. You know what’s real and what isn’t. You two have a strong bond, and you have a daughter together. It’s complicated, of course it is, and a lot of time has passed, but if the love you had back then is still there then it’s not crazy at all. Maybe now is the right time.’
Coming Home to Glendale Hall Page 28
