Avalon Expandable Heart: The Wild Heart Series

by Shantelle McKinnon

  “You were giving me a coronary,” he presses against my ear. “Don’t do that again. Ever.”

  “The sexy face?” I pull back from him. “I have to nail it; I’m being bet on.”

  He tilts his head with a wry grin, “The making me believe you think bad things of me.”

  If you only knew right this second, but his green eyes are tortured underneath the smile. I don’t want that, to not trust he’s in for a long haul or that I would push him away. I consider Nat’s words from earlier. I wonder if this flirting business would help. Or, if I can even pull it off?

  “I think you might have got mixed up between me thinking about bad things of you and me thinking about bad things with you,” I raise my eyebrow hoping it looks the goods. My chest wall is thudding wildly like it does when I see the mother croc coming back to the nest when I’m raiding it. It takes a moment for the whole thing to register with him. That green gaze darkens significantly. I may just have succeeded. Holey Moley! That was… easy and kind of fun. Whoa!

  But then those eyes drift down my dimly lit body. I discover then that my stupid octopus is defunct! A bloody chicken that’s clearly inexperienced as I am in this game; purely all about giving false bravado, conflicting feelings and tingling sensations then slinking off when action looms on the horizon leaving me bewildered and confused and not at all ready for any of… whatever it tricked me into. I hate it! I’m being driven mad from the inside out. I’m ringing Dell in the morning.

  Noah smirks as he watches my face. Those eyes fix on my lips and then slowly elevate to my eyes, my chest is reminiscent of like Dad’s old jackhammer when I throw it down without turning it off. I swallow. Loudly.

  “Nice try, Av, your bad things are actually bad things.” He winks and that headless chicken-octopus has the hide to poke its head around the corner and give a little cluck and shimmy; its tentacles flopping, splattering secretions wherever they fall. I’m a lamb adrift in a flood.

  He pulls me down with a chuckle and tucks me next to him, with much more ease than ever before. I can feel him smiling as he hikes my leg back over his. His lips find my hair and he murmurs something I can’t make out before his breathing slows and evens out to sleep.

  HAve you even seen your family?

  Avalon

  “Did you find a rich pirate spinster buried with all her limitless treasure? Are we filthy rich?” Dell’s voice is quite chirpy this morning.

  “All her limitless treasure? Unless she had a black credit card that might be hard to bury her with. And nope, just a chicken octopus,” I reply blandly. It’s too ingrained in me to get up early, I left Noah asleep without annoying him awake no matter how insanely tempting it was. Well, I did leave one small memento. He was in a deep slumber that was evident he desperately needed, so it had to be small. I made everyone breakfast and left it warming in the oven. Chops, Nat and Sam are still out to it. Must have been a helluva big night. Old lady moaning in a sewer? Explanation needed ASAP.

  “What?” she croaks. “I’m… I’m like…so disappointed in you. You’re there with Nat of all people! I really thought your text meant you guys were going to dig up human bodies,” she sighs, and I hear her flop onto the bed. Angus must have already left for the morning because he would have been going off at me about putting felonious ideas in Dell’s head. “I did a lot of research on that, I even sent Cold Case and CSI lines that might work and Australian versions of uniform pictures. I feel bummed now, you’ve popped my dream lawbreaking bubble.”

  “I am going to exhume human bodies, don’t worry, poor delinquent maiden growing an internal watermelon, I will video every second of it for your viewing pleasure, except we won’t be opening the coffins. They are Harry’s family; I’d never do that.” I breathe out my nose, “But you asked what I found. I was only granting your request.”

  “Hmpf. A chicken octopus?” She repeats trying to hide her interest by sounding bored. “Was this in a science cemetery? Your dad is going to freak if you went anywhere near a lab. He might even be lured out to rescue you, superchild of his loins.”

  “What? You don’t reckon he’ll be happy if I come home with a special ‘vitamin’ injection for our little munchkin?” I can imagine the horror on Dad’s face, he’d probably tackle me to the ground and burn the syringe in some purification ritual.

  Dell groans, “You should do that, though, it would be so funny! He’s been envisioning what this little queasy tummy turner is going to be, all the amazing, angelic things inherited from his side, of course.”

  “I bet as criminal activity wouldn’t dare be thought of by those of his lineage! How have you been? Sick?” I enquire, moving around Outlaw’s feed to make it easier for him. The minis come up to their bin with less fear each and every day. I’ve decided since they move in and out of the round yard now with no drama, I’ll start working on them in a few days. I’ve let them settle and recover from their ordeal for long enough.

  “Not too bad. Angus is a bit much on me doing stuff, so is Jordie, so is your dad. And the food Daryl prepares for me… do not get pregnant under any circumstances! Ugh! It’s kind of a blessing with your Pop and Nathan out of here, I can hide a bit easier and do what I want with a few men out of the ‘look out for Dell’ ranks. I’m doing so much office work no one will have to go in there again for the next decade!”

  “Pregnancy doesn’t mean bed!” I repeat what I had read that on a wall of the prenatal ward. I don’t say the where I picked that up that bit of wisdom from because I don’t want to explain and cause Dad to lose the plot.

  Dell chuckles, “Okkkay.”

  “Since the office stuff getting done is the best news I’ve ever heard, I might just send a repayment of some yummy food your way,” I grin thinking of how fun it will be hiding the goodies amongst feminine products. I hate the office paraphernalia that much and Angus, for some reason, has an equal aversion to feminine hygiene products. Thank the rains Nathan didn’t when my time came.

  “Yes, please, oh my God, pleeeeease. Although, I don’t know why you’re so over the moon about the office stuff, no one would let you in there even if you begged!” she laughs. “We do like having money in the account. And don’t change the subject, was this chicken octopus thingy in a science lab bin or what?”

  “Nope again,” I sigh, running the soft brush down Outlaw’s side as he munches. “I found that particular mutant existing quite happily in my body.”

  “Explain.”

  “Okay, so I have this… this…. Argh… sex” I try to whisper the word really quickly, “octopus inhabiting me. I have no idea where I contracted it from. The damn thing controls my eyes, my brain, my thoughts and bits of my body that are quite… suddenly disgracefully reactive,” I began in confusion, but the whole thing ends in quite a dangerous tone.

  Dell laughs… and laughs… and laughs.

  Rolling my eyes, I pop her on speaker and go about getting some fencing gear ready for today. I hope that much laughter doesn’t bring on contractions or something.

  “Oh lordie, I’m back,” she tries hard to contain her mirth even after the three minutes of hilarity.

  “Well,” I prompt. “How the hell do I get rid of it?”

  “Why is it a chicken octopus?” she demands, ignoring my question.

  “Because, like last night, it got my body all ready to do something jiggy jiggy like. I’m not exactly sure what but it certainly felt like it was putting me on the ladder to slide down the slippery slope to the thing I’ve never considered doing before and then soon as that looked even the remotest bit possible, it took off and left me stranded on the ladder not knowing what the hell to do or even if I wanted to go down even a tiny slippery dip in the first place. I hate it. I’m wondering as I talk about it, that I may have diagnosed it all wrong, could it be some type of worm? I should worm myself.” I add with conviction, nodding my head.

  “Hold your bloody horses! You’ve definitely misdiagnosed. You don’t have a sex octopus or a parasite,”
I can tell she’s smiling and loving this conversation.

  “I refute that claim,” I interject. “I must. It’s not me, I’m really leaning towards being overrun with vermin now. God, Daryl is right! I’m a filthy pot of animal worms. Remember old Tucker? He had a worm that made him blind and he didn’t even let bull’s lick his face. Imagine what I’ve got!”

  “He got that from Africa,” she states dryly. “You are still in Australia and I’m sure some of the women, and I use the term lightly, have been with way more festery than Frank.”

  “Ew. So, there’s a chance I might have touched someone that’s been where he went.” The hospital for sure, I groan. Why didn’t I believe Dad? “I am in the bloody cesspool of a city.”

  “It’s not a worm.” She repeats confidently. “There is only one thing you’ve even been close to being right in, and that is there isn’t anything about you that’s chicken. You’re dealing with something out of your control… are you ready for it?”

  She pauses dramatically, my heart beats faster.

  “Avalon Smith, you are dealing with the most horrid of nasty creations… Teenage hormones,” she replies like David Attenborough cross Freddy Kruger. I’m sure she can picture my droll and quite evil looking face. “Av, all this is normal. You don’t have to slide down the water slide, splash in the park first! Just play around.”

  “My body didn’t feel like playing around was an option, that thing made me think ‘get ready to rumble’. I’m turning into Foxie!” I moan forlornly. I do not want that at all. And either would Noah.

  Dell chuckles again.

  “You aren’t. All bodies do that, it doesn’t mean that it what is going to happen, it’s nature making sure we procreate. It took me and Angus ages to ‘rumble’,” she admits.

  As much as I don’t want to know, “Really? But you guys are so…” I stumble on the word ‘gross’.

  “All over each other? Lovey-Dovey,” Now she’s overflowing with that sweetness that permeates every cell in her body and every note in her voice whenever she’s on about Angus.

  “Yeah,” I agree non-committedly. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want to be sucked in the direction this conversation is heading. During the ‘chat’ my mind and body are finally working toward deciding to work in harmony and be all… all not into that rumble business.

  “But that’s the fun of it, the buildup, the flirting... the looks and exchanges,” Dell is revving up now. She loves girl talk.

  “Oh, dog’s balls,” a growl slips through my teeth. “Not this flirting stuff again. Are you talking about sexy looks?” I ask, getting lost in what it all means.

  “Oh yeah, sexy looks, playful looks, mischievous looks, the list goes on…” she trails off delightedly.

  “I could possibly handle the mischievous looks,” I mutter. Done, that’s what I’ll stick with. A mischievous look that lasts for all of one second. Challenge won.

  “I think you probably had that one down pat since you were a toddler,” Dell agrees wryly.

  “Nat’s bet Sam that I can pull off a sexy look, will the mischievous one cut if I hold it for a second?” I throw a roll of wire into the tractor bucket.

  “A second?”

  “It’s probably all I’ve got if I’m not actually going to be doing something bad, I’ll be living off the memory of something I’ve already done,” I throw my hands up causing Outlaw to huff into the remainder of his feed.

  “Ahh, I get it,” Dell says smugly. “You’re wondering how to look sexy, aren’t you?” She almost sings it.

  “No.” I snap. And as always, I shrink back from anything that could even sound remotely harsh towards Dell. “Well, I don’t bloody know about any of this,” I wish I never bought this up.

  “Have you even seen your family?” Dell cackles.

  “Nope, never seen them,” I reply losing the battle and letting the sarcasm and frustration drip into my words.

  “You are surrounded by sexy, girl! Even your Pop is bloody sexy. Maybe that’s the whole problem,” she muses.

  “What? Is that baby buggering up your eyes or something?” I play with the strainers for a second, as my mind tallies up another scratch to my nope, not having a baby list.

  “I do feel funny and hormonal.” She confesses. “Back to the good stuff though. You know, I’ve never considered it before, the effect of your family on you, the only girl, in this way. You, my friend, are surrounded by sexiness therefore to you… it’s normal, everyday… not sexy. It so is, though. Believe me.”

  “Okay,” I hedge.

  “It’s not like you’re supposed to see it, of course, but you would think that it’s all normal,” she starts. “I’ll explain just so you get a gist of it.”

  “Why do I need to know this, if I’m not supposed to know this?” I shake my head.

  She doesn’t listen. “Maybe I should start with Jordie since you guys look angelically similar, the way he looks up at you from under his lashes from whatever he’s working on and … no… no… huh… let’s start with Nat. Your personalities are pretty much spliced. Man, when he finally gets a girl and his features soften like when you guys are together… she will melt.”

  I don’t say anything; nothing will stop her when she gets like this. I search around for something to occupy myself with while she’s talking.

  “He’s got two major ways of being sexy that will definitely work for you. Watch his eyes for another tip, not when he’s all cold or whatever like you get but when he’s feeling playful. Although, he’s also pretty hot when he’s in savage mode. Are you doing that thing with Frank today or digging up bodies?”

  “Frank,” I reply, thinking that I better bring him in and wash him. Yes, change of focus!

  “I know this stuff is not your cuppa tea—”

  “—It’s not,” I interrupt with conviction, damn back to it, she was probably just checking if I was listening or had left the phone somewhere letting her ramble on. “And I’ve decided I’m not doing it. Any of it.”

  “Surprise, surprise. Your, umm, sex octopus will have other ideas,” Dell sniggers. “But I’m not talking about that, I’m going to put it to you in another way.”

  “Still not interested,” I open the door to the cupboard in the shed and pull out some shampoo for Frank. I better have him looking a pinnacle of beauty today.

  “You can use it as a weapon, it’s just as sharp as your knife in the right context,” she says softly.

  “What?” I drop the bottle I’m holding. “That sounds underhanded.”

  “Since when do you play nice?” she scoffs.

  “I can play very nice, thank you very much,” I pick up the bottle. I study it, it’s not the one I normally use, but it states it’s good for cattle. Sometimes certain shampoos cause not only Frank to itch but my hands. “I don’t want to even think about using it at all. It’s not me.”

  “Let me put it to you this way,” she begins. “What are you doing this for today?”

  “To prove that if I had to do something like this, I would do it for a purpose that I believe in, you know that,” I shake my head and yank out the vacuum as well, fiddling with the end of it.

  “What if you… interested more people than you intended to and you raised way more money today, how would you feel?” she asks, but before I can answer she forges on. “What if you were able to reach more people and enlighten them about the plight of farmers?

  “It would be great,” Of course, it would. It would help feed more farmer’s families and their livestock.

  “What if one element that you had never thought of did that?” she prods me more, and I feel like I’m approaching a section of terrain known to be full of landmines.

  “It would be… good,” I sound exactly like I’m about to be trapped… or blown to pieces. I rarely sound nervous, it’s not a nice sensation hearing it in my own ears. I can never sound forceful to Dell though, and she knows it.

  “My advice is; look up that Victoria’s Secret thin
g that girl talked about and see if there’s something there you can use, upgrade your skills,” her voice is very we’re being tricky here and I’m totally on your side with this.

  “You think my pop is sexy?” I repeat dumbly, still not getting over that. I’m also trying to change the subject. I mean, yeah, I know she finds Angus hot or whatever but… Pop?

  “I’d have to be dead and buried not to find your brothers sexy, Av, but Angus is definitely the Vegemite to my toast and butter. He can smear himself on me any day, anytime,” she uses a voice I’ve never heard before. A wicked voice. I’m not sure how to answer.

  “What did you just say?” a deep voice says in the background. God, I don’t even get ten minutes.

  “I’m telling your sister how utterly sexy you are,” I’m almost certain Dell is demonstrating the different feminine wiles she has in her arsenal. Ew.

  Angus coughs, “Morning, baby sister, excuse us for a second.”

  “No, I had her first,” I complain wanting to know how to control my octopus. We went right off the rails before we got to that bit. The important bit!

  I can only listen for a few of those torturous moments before I perform my normal fake gags sounds.

  “What’s happening?” Nathan stalks around the corner, concern darkening his eyes as he rubs them.

  “Dell and Angus,” I hold up my phone in explanation. He pauses for a second.

  “Do they realise you’re still on the phone?” he looks repulsed as well.

  I nod, listening for a second and realise whatever’s going on is not going to stop soon. “You’re already pregnant, stop it!”

  They don’t, if anything they get louder. Angus actually laughs in a manner that’s quite disturbing to my ears. Nathan blows out a breath, reminding me of the time we were about to do something to Angus. Nat checked if the coast was clear only to shut the door quietly and make that exact sound.

  “You guys suck! I’m going to worm myself!” I yell crankily before hanging up. Bloody asking a pregnant woman about controlling a sex octopus is the most stupid idea I’ve ever had! I’m sticking with the worm angle.