The Housewife Assassin's Horrorscope

by Josie Brown

  Lee stops moving. From his gasp, he has stopped breathing too. Finally, he exclaims, “We have to get back to the house—now! Ryan and Branham are meeting us there—with Jack.”

  “What? But, why?”

  “I’ll tell you when we get there.”

  He’s practically running.

  I do what I can to keep up.

  Only Harrison finds this funny. He squeals happily all the way to the house.

  I recognize Ryan’s car in the driveway. The rental car must belong to Marcus Branham.

  An au pair waits patiently in the foyer. Lee kisses Harrison’s cheek before handing him off to her.

  I follow him into the elevator that will take us to the mansion’s top floor, where Lee’s office is located.

  Eve sits behind her desk. Jack, Ryan, and Marcus are there too, making small talk.

  Seeing them, Lee, relaxes a bit. He actually smiles when he sees that his office door is shut.

  The men nod their greetings to us.

  Lee quickly shakes their hands, but then adds, “Bear with me a moment while I do something very important!”

  He trots to his office door, opens it, and goes inside, leaving the door slightly ajar.

  The next thing we hear is a large CRACK.

  Then another, and another.

  Alarmed, Jack rises from his chair. “Should I…”

  At that point, Lee opens his door. He’s carrying the antique golf club—the gift from Elle. Its wooden shaft is now broken in half. From the look of it, about three inches of the shaft had been hollowed out. A tiny metal square is buried in the hole.

  Lee pulls it out and drops it in the water pitcher sitting on the corner of Eve’s desk.

  “A gift from Lilith,” he explains.

  I imagine Lee is searching his memory as to what he’s said since he put it on his shelf.

  I suspect we’ll soon find out.

  As we take our seats in Lee’s office, Ryan faces our host. “I’m wracking my brain as to what we might have said since Elle gave that damn thing to you.”

  Lee rolls his eyes. “When I don’t have important guests, I hang out in the library on the first floor. I can still work there, and it’s closer to the nursery.”

  Marcus sighs with mock relief. “I guess we’re lucky that you’re such an involved father.”

  Lee shrugs off the compliment. “I’ll always be playing catch-up with my children. The same can be said about intelligence issues since I left office”—he scowls—“after agreeing to be replaced by an embedded Russian operative.”

  It’s better that Branham, Ryan, and Jack hear it from Lee than from me.

  “What are you saying?” Jack asks.

  “Tell him, Donna,” Lee commands.

  Oh, great. Okay, here goes everything: “Jack, Edmonton is Scorpio.”

  Jack says nothing for too long. Finally, he asks, “How do you know?”

  “He told me himself. It’s how he coerced me into accepting the position as his security advisor. He knows you killed Vera Gantry…and Elle Grisham.”

  He stares at me. “You told him about Elle?”

  No more lies. “Edmonton suspected it. He tricked me into confirming it. He then told me he’d have you investigated and tried for treason. It’s the only reason why I agreed to—to work for him.”

  “You came here to tell this to Lee.” It’s a statement, not a question. Involuntarily, Jack glances my way. His steely gaze speaks volumes: You told him because you trusted him. But you didn’t tell me.

  “Yesterday, after I accepted Edmonton’s offer, I asked Donna to confide in Lee,” Ryan explains. Noting Jack’s wariness at this new bit of information, he adds, “If you remember, Marcus was called into the Oval Office just before I was also asked to meet with POTUS. We rode together to the White House. I didn’t know for sure he’d gotten sacked until after I accepted POTUS’s offer to be his replacement. On the way to meet with you, we again rode over together. I immediately told Marcus I’d be taking the job. I then called Lee and told him.”

  “You did this before knowing Edmonton is Scorpio?” Jack asks.

  Ryan grins. “Not exactly.” He turns to Lee. “Why don’t you explain?”

  As with most of the awful things in my life, this also starts with my now deceased ex-husband: Carl Stone.

  “I remember how shocked you were, Donna, when you learned I’d made Carl my Director of Intelligence. Knowing his triple-agent status with the Quorum, you—and Jack and Ryan—had good reason to be upset.” Lee shrugs. “What you didn’t know is that I’d asked then CIA Director Branham to install a surveillance system in Carl’s office, the Oval Office, and”—he pauses before adding—“Babette’s office too.”

  Jack’s eye catches mine. We must be thinking the same thing: Lee wasn’t so blind after all.

  And yet, he was still willing to take the fall for her. Go figure.

  Noting our shock and awe, Lee admits, “Yes, Donna, your warnings these past few years did sink in about my not so dear departed wife... Still, I needed proof, I finally got it.” He frowns. “Well, at least, enough of it to do the right thing for our country.” He rises. “That’s still my agenda. But I’ll need your help—especially now that you’ll be working from inside the viper’s nest.”

  “The surveillance system is still active?” I ask.

  “No. In fact, I had it deactivated after Carl’s death.”

  “At least, the project was formally shut down,” Marcus explains. “But what no one realized at the time was that the kill switch on the secure cloud had never been immobilized.”

  “So, everything seen and heard in those offices has been archived?”

  Branham nods. “Imagine my surprise when I learned this! It happened a few weeks after the Quorum set up the investigation against Lee so that Edmonton could take his place.” Marcus shudders at the thought.

  “How did you learn about it?” Jack asks.

  “For reasons which weren’t revealed to us, one of our closest allies hacked the cloud and came across the cache. After reviewing it, they backchanneled their findings to Ryan. In turn, he gave it to me.”

  “What was it, exactly?” I ask.

  “An Oval Office meeting between Scorpio and Taurus.”

  “So, that’s how you knew Edmonton was setting up Jack,” I exclaim.

  “Yes. But we had to let it play it out to have the evidence to present to the Attorney General and Congress.”

  “And Acme provided the evidence,” Jack reasons, “But now we can’t give it to you because you’ve been fired.”

  “That’s not entirely true. Now that Acme’s new director—you—has been briefed by its former director—Ryan—you’ll soon be able to meet with the new DI on the issue—again, Ryan,” Marcus explains.

  “You’ll just have to wait until I’ve been vetted by Congress and sworn in by the President,” Ryan cautions. “In the meantime, Jack, Edmonton thinks he has you over a barrel. He’s knows you killed an innocent woman and a congresswoman.”

  “And with Donna at his side, he thinks I’m under his control too,” Jack reasons.

  “Which is why Donna must accept Edmonton’s offer,” Ryan explains. “It’s the only way we can get what we need to take him down.”

  Jack nods. “This is a lot to take in.” He looks over at me. “We should talk.”

  No argument there.

  “It’s been a hell of a week, Craigs,” Ryan agrees. “Take the day off. You’ve earned it.”

  Before I walk out, I give each of our three friends a hug.

  I know they have our backs. And we’ve got theirs.

  “I’m sorry.” Jack takes my hand and lays it across his cheek.

  We didn’t discuss where we’d end up. Apparently, like me, he hadn’t wanted to go back to Hilldale. Our home is our sanctuary. It would have been a blasphemy to sully it with talk of the foul deeds that inevitably lay ahead.

  Instead, we’re sitting out on the ocean-view deck of our favor
ite restaurant, the Sand Dollar. Jack took me here on our very first date.

  Back then, our relationship had serious issues. We’d been thrown together on a mission that was important to us, but in different ways. I wanted to avenge what I thought was Carl’s murder. Unbeknownst to me, Jack wanted to catch my very much alive husband in the act of treason. We each had our own reasons for fighting the attraction we felt for each other. I knew that Jack’s role as my children’s father was temporary one. I hated the thought that they’d be losing their dad a second time. As for Jack, if he were right and Carl was now a Quorum operative, he’d be the one to put him behind bars.

  Not the best way to sustain a relationship.

  Now, five years later, we’ve survived, emotionally as well as physically.

  Jack waited until the waitress had taken our order before breathing a word of his thoughts on all he’d just heard. Now he watches me closely for my reaction to his apology.

  “I can’t say I forgive you—” I begin.

  His face falls.

  “—Because there is nothing to forgive, Jack. Your reaction was natural in light of what you didn’t know—and, as it turns out, what I hadn’t been told either.” I take his hand in mine. “I never congratulated you on your promotion.”

  “It’s a hollow victory if I can’t share it with you.”

  I chuckle. “If Ryan’s scheme goes as planned, I’ll have resigned long before I can be swept out with some new president’s administration.”

  “In the meantime, we’ll be a bi-coastal couple,” Jack points out.

  That puts a sly grin on my lips. “You know what they say: absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

  My comment has the opposite effect on Jack. His smile disappears. “Donna, what is Edmonton expecting from you?”

  The truth. Always. Even when it hurts.

  I sigh. “Besides reporting back to him on anything of interest to Russia? Maybe a black op? An extermination or two? Jack, I think we both know the answer to that. It could be…anything.”

  Jack nods. He knows what I’m not saying:

  Sex.

  In silence, we listen to the waves lapping the pier below us. Off in the distance, surfers in wetsuits slick as seals, calmly wait for the wave worth riding to shore.

  If only life were that simple for us.

  “Donna, darling, promise me one thing.”

  “Anything.”

  “When this is over, we’re out.”

  “I promise.” I say it without hesitation.

  His eyes widen at the realization that very soon he may get what he wants.

  If all goes as planned.

  As his smile fades, I know it just hit him:

  Nothing ever does.

  * * *

  —The End—

  Thank You!

  Dear Reader,

  I want to thank you in advance for your appreciation of my novels. If you enjoy them, I welcome you to leave a review online—no matter how short—specifically on the bookstore’s website.

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  —Josie Brown

  Next Up for Donna!

  The Housewife Assassin’s Anti-Social Media Tips

  (Book 19)

  *Releases in 2019*

  Housewife Assassin Donna Stone must infiltrate a social media company that is being used to disseminate propaganda and push fake news that may affect the upcoming US election.

  How to Reach Josie

  I read my first book at the age of three. It was an insightful classic: Go, Dog! Go! A thriller if there ever was one. I’m being serious. I didn’t know that dogs came in so many colors! And could drive so fast!

  It taught me three lessons about writing enjoyable novels:

  First, bring the thrills.

  Next, a fast car or two doesn’t hurt.

  And finally, I always put smart dogs in my series.

  Speaking of which—I’m the author of The Housewife Assassin's Handbook series (17 novels; dogs are Rin Tin Tin and Lassie); the Totlandia series (8 novels; the dog is Vsevolod Ivanovich) and the True Hollywood Lies series (2 novels, Hollywood Hunk and Hollywood Whore. No dogs, but a couple of mean bitches).

  My other novels include: The Candidate (political thriller); The Baby Planner (contemporary women's fiction); and Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives (contemporary women's fiction) which was optioned by producer Jerry Bruckheimer for television.

  Currently, over a million copies of my novels are in readers' hands. My readers love my books enough that I've been ranked #1 on both Amazon and iBooks on numerous occasions. To thank them, I give them a free book when they sign up for my eLetter. It only goes out when I launch a new book, run a contest, or whenever a novel goes free for a limited time.

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  The Housewife Assassin Series

  DOWNLOAD THE FIRST BOOK FOR FREE

  The Housewife Assassin’s Handbook (Book 1)

  Every desperate housewife wants an alias. Donna Stone has one, and it happens to be government-sanctioned. But when terrorism hits close to home, espionage makes for strange bedfellows--and brings new meaning to the old adage, "Honey, I'm home..."

  The Housewife Assassin’s Guide to Gracious Killing (Book 2)

  On Donna's to-do list: First, exterminate a rogue operative out to assassinate the newly elected Russian President. Next: file for divorce!

  The Housewife Assassin’s Killer Christmas Tips (Book 3)

  'Tis the season for mistletoe...and murder! There will be no peace on Earth if Donna doesn't find a shipping container filled with heat-seeking missiles!

  The Housewife Assassin’s Relationship Survival Guide (Book 4)

  London. Paris. Guantánamo Bay. Donna Stone is looking for love--and terrorists--in all the wrong places. Worse yet, an old flame gets in the way of Donna's chance for true love. But she doesn't cry. She gets even.

  The Housewife Assassin’s Vacation to Die For (Book 5)

  An NSA scientist has disappeared with a deadly plague virus. Donna and Jack must find him before it is unleashed on Fantasy island. But first they'll have to deal with a nude sunbathing serial killer, a Lord of the Flies 'tween takeover, poison dart-throwing pygmies. And you call this a vacation?

  The Housewife Assassin’s Recipes for Disaster (Book 6)

  Donna must stop the assassinations of both US political parties' presidential candidates. But when she discovers she has a long-term vendetta with one of the targets, can she put aside her animosity long enough to save the candidate's life?

  The Housewife Assassin’s Hollywood Scream Play (Book 7)

  Lights, cameras and non-stop action! When Donna and Jack are placed on Interpol's Most Wanted list, they go on the lam by accepting an offer to act as espionage experts on a movie set.

  The Housewife Assassin’s Killer App (Book 8)

  In order to flush out an internationally renowned hacker who is wreaking havoc with top secret documents inside the United States' Intelligence Community's secured database, housewife assassin Donna Stone infiltrates three very successful high tech corporations, including an interactive game start-up with an avatar on the deadliest mission of all: kill Donna.

  The Housewife Assassin’s Hostage Hosting Tips (Book 9)

  It's up to Donna Stone to save a hotel filled with international dignitaries from terrorists whose usual demands are million-dollar ransoms. But this time, the price is much higher, and much more personal, for the housewife assassin.

  The Housewife Assassin’s Gar
den of Deadly Delights (Book 10)

  Housewife assassin Donna Stone's green thumb--and for that matter, her trigger finger--is put to the test when she must stop the release of genetically enhanced corn containing a deadly brain-eating virus.

  The Housewife Assassin’s Tips for Weddings, Weapons, and Warfare (Book 11)

  It's time for Donna Stone and Jack Craig to tie the knot--hopefully, not around each other's necks as they juggle the planning of their wedding with tracking a terrorist in the White House.

  The Housewife Assassin’s Husband Hunting Hints (Book 12)

  There is only one way for housewife assassin Donna Stone to save her husband and mission leader, Jack Craig, from torture and termination: become a traitor and act as a double agent for the terrorist organization known as the Quorum.

  The Housewife Assassin’s Ghost Protocol (Book 13)

  Housewife assassin Donna Stone's mission: go under deep cover in order to investigate the resurrection of known terrorists where were thought to be long dead and buried.

  The Housewife Assassin’s Terrorist TV Guide (Book 14)