The Pirates of Ersatz

by Murray Leinster

  X

  It is the custom of all men, everywhere, to be obtuse where women areconcerned. Hoddan went skyward in the spaceboat with feelings of warmgratitude toward the Lady Fani. He had not the slightest inkling thatshe, who had twice spoiled her father's skulduggery so far as itaffected him, felt any but the friendliest of feelings toward him. Heremembered that he had kept her from the necessity of adjusting tomatrimony with the Lord Ghek. It did not occur to him that most girlsintend to adjust to marriage with somebody, anyhow, and he did not evensuspect that it is a feminine instinct to make a highly dramatic andromantic production of their marriage so they'll have something to besentimental about in later years.

  As Hoddan drove on up and up, the sky became deep purple and then blackvelvet set with flecks of fire. He was relieved by the welcome he'dreceived earlier today from the emigrants, but he remained slightlypuzzled by a very faint impression of desperation remaining. He feltvery virtuous on the whole, however, and his plans for the future werespecific. He'd already composed a letter to his grandfather, which he'dask the emigrant fleet to deliver. He had another letter in his mind--aform letter, practically a public-relations circular--which he hoped towhip into shape before the emigrants got too anxious to be on their way.He considered that he needed to earn a little more of their gratitude sohe could make everything come out even; self-liquidated; everybodysatisfied and happy but himself.

  For himself he anticipated only the deep satisfaction of accomplishment.He'd wanted to do great things since he was a small boy, and inelectronics since his adolescence, when he'd found textbooks in thelibraries of looted spaceships. He'd gone to Walden in the hope ofachievement. There, of course, he failed because in a free economyindustrialists consider that freedom is the privilege to be stupidwithout penalty. In other than free economies, of course, stupidity isheld to be the duty of administrators. But Hoddan now believed himselfin the fascinating situation of having knowledge and abilities whichwere needed by people who knew their need.

  It was only when he'd made contact with the fleet, and was in the act ofmaneuvering toward a boat-blister on the liner he'd brought back, thatdoubts again assailed him. He had done a few things--accomplished alittle. He'd devised a broadcast-power receptor and a microwaveprojector and he'd turned a Lawlor drive into a ball lightning projectorand worked out a few little things like that. But the first had beeninvented before by somebody in the Cetis cluster, and the second couldhave been made by anybody and the third was standard practice on Zan. Hestill had to do something significant.

  When he made fast to the liner and crawled through the boat-tube to itshull, he was in a state of doubt which passed very well for modesty.

  * * * * *

  The bearded old man received him in the skipper's quarters, which Hoddanhimself had occupied for a few days. He looked very weary. He seemed tohave aged, in hours.

  "We grow more astounded by the minute," he told Hoddan heavily, "by whatyou have brought us. Ten shiploads like this and we would be betterequipped than we believed ourselves in the beginning. It looks as ifsome thousands of us will now be able to survive our colonization of theplanet Thetis."

  Hoddan gaped at him. The old man put his hand on Hoddan's shoulder.

  "We are grateful," he said with a pathetic attempt at warmth. "Please donot doubt that! It is only that ... that-- You had to accept what wasgiven for our use. But I cannot help wishing very desperately that ...that instead of unfamiliar tools for metal-working and machines withtapes which show pictures.... I wish that even one more jungle-plow hadbeen included!"

  Hoddan's jaw dropped. The people of Colin wanted planet-subduingmachinery. They wanted it so badly that they did not want anything else.They could not even see that anything else had any value at all. Most ofthem could only look forward to starvation when the ship supplies wereexhausted, because not enough ground could be broken and cultivatedearly enough to grow food enough in time.

  "Would it," asked the old man desperately, "be possible to exchangethese useless machines for others that will be useful?"

  "L--let me talk to your mechanics, sir," said Hoddan unhappily. "Maybesomething can be done."

  * * * * *

  He restrained himself from tearing his hair as he went to wheremechanics of the fleet looked over their treasure-trove. He'd come up tothe fleet again to gloat and do great things for people who needed himand knew it. But he faced the hopelessness of people to whom his utmosteffort seemed mockery because it was so far from being enough.

  He gathered together the men who'd tried to keep the fleet's ships inworking order during their flight. They were competent men, of course.They were resolute. But now they had given up hope. Hoddan began tolecture them. They needed machines. He hadn't brought the machines theywanted, perhaps, but he'd brought the machines to make them with. Herewere automatic shapers, turret lathes, dicers. Here were cutting-pointsfor machines these machines could make, to make the machines the colonyon Thetis would require. He'd brought these because they had the rawmaterial. They had their ships themselves! Even some of the junk theycarried in crates was good metal, merely worn out in its present form.They could make anything they needed with what he'd brought them. Forexample, he'd show them how to make ... say ... a lumber saw.

  He showed them how to make a lumber saw--slender, rapierlike revolvingtool with which a man stabbed a tree and cut outward with the speed of aknife cutting hot butter. And one could mount it so--and cut out planksand beams for temporary bridges and such constructions.

  They watched, baffled. They gave no sign of hope. They did not wantlumber saws. They wanted jungle-breaking machinery.

  "I've brought you everything!" he insisted. "You've got a civilization,compact, on this ship! You've got life instead of starvation! Look atthis. I make a water pump to irrigate your fields!"

  * * * * *

  Before their eyes he turned out an irrigation pump on an automaticshaper. He showed them that the shaper went on, by itself, making otherpumps without further instructions than the by-hand control of the toolsthat formed the first.

  The mechanics stirred uneasily. They had watched without comprehension.Now they listened without enthusiasm. Their eyes were like those ofchildren who watch marvels without comprehension.

  He made a sledge whose runners slid on air between themselves andwhatever object would otherwise have touched them. It was practicallyfrictionless. He made a machine to make nails--utterly simple. He made apower hammer which hummed and pushed nails into any object that neededto be nailed. He made--

  He stopped abruptly, and sat down with his head in his hands. The peopleof the fleet faced so overwhelming a catastrophe that they could not seeinto it. They could only experience it. As their leader would have beenunable to answer questions about the fleet's predicament before he'dpoured out the tale in the form it had taken in his mind, now thesemechanics were unable to see ahead. They were paralyzed by thecompleteness of the disaster before them. They could live until thesupplies of the fleet gave out. They could not grow fresh supplieswithout jungle-breaking machinery. They had to have jungle-breakingmachinery. They could not imagine wanting anything less thanjungle-breaking machinery--

  Hoddan raised his head. The mechanics looked dully at him.

  "You men do maintenance?" he asked. "You repair things when they wearout on the ships? Have you run out of some materials you need forrepairs?"

  After a long time a tired-looking man said slowly:

  "On the ship I come from, we're having trouble. Our hydroponic gardenkeeps the air fresh, o'course. But the water-circulation pipes are gone.Rusted through. We haven't got any pipe to fix them with. We have tokeep the water moving with buckets."

  Hoddan got up. He looked about him. He hadn't brought hydroponic-gardenpipe supplies! And there was no raw material. He took a pair of powersnips and cut away a section of cargo space wall-lining. He cut it intostrips. He asked the diameter
of the pipe. Before their eyes he madepipe--spirally wound around a mandril and line-welded to solidity.

  "I need some of that on my ship," said another man.

  The bearded man said heavily:

  "We'll make some and send it to the ships that need it."

  "No," said Hoddan. "We'll send the tools to make it. We can make thetools here. There must be other kinds of repairs that can't be made.With the machines I've brought, we'll make the tools to make therepairs. Picture-tape machines have reels that show exactly how to doit."

  It was a new idea. The mechanics had other and immediate problems besidethe overall disaster of the fleet. Pumps that did not work. Motors thatheated up. They could envision the meeting of those problems, and theycould envision the obtaining of jungle-plows. But they could not imagineanything in between. They were capable of learning how to make tools forrepairs.

  * * * * *

  Hoddan taught them. In one day there were five ships being brought intobetter operating condition--for ultimate futility--because of what he'dbrought. Two days. Three. Mechanics began to come to the liner. Thosewho'd learned first pompously passed on what they knew. On the fourthday somebody began to use a vision-tape machine to get information on afine point in welding. On the fifth day there were lines of men waitingto use them.

  On the sixth day a mechanic on what had been a luxury passenger liner onthe other side of the galaxy--but it was scores of years ago--asked totalk to Hoddan by spacephone. He'd been working feverishly at the minorrepairs he'd been unable to make for so long. To get material he pulleda crate off one of the junk machines supplied the fleet. He looked itover. He believed that if this piece were made new, and that replacedwith sound metal, the machine might be usable!

  Hoddan had him come to the liner which was now the flagship of thefleet. Discussion began. Shaping such large pieces of metal which couldbe taken from here or there--shaping such large pieces of metal....Hoddan began to draw diagrams. They were not clear. He drew more.Abruptly, he stared at what he'd outlined. Electronics.... He sawsomething remarkable. If one applied a perfectly well-known bit ofpure-science information that nobody bothered with-- He finished thediagram and a vast, soothing satisfaction came over him.

  "We've got to get out of here!" he said. "Not enough room!"

  He looked about him. Insensibly, as he talked to the first man on thefleet to show imagination, other men had gathered around. They were nowabsorbed.

  "I think," said Hoddan, "that we can make an electronic field that'llsoften the cementite between the crystals of steel, without heating upanything else. If it works, we can make die-forgings and die-stampingswith plastic dies! And then that useless junk you've got can berebuilt--"

  They listened gravely, nodding as he talked. They did not quiteunderstand everything, but they had the habit of believing him now. Heneeded this and that in the huge cargo spaces of the ship the leader hadformerly used.

  "Hm-m-m," said Hoddan. "How about duplicating these machines and sendingthem over?"

  They looked estimatingly at the tool-shop equipment. It could be made toduplicate itself--

  The new machine shop, in the ancient ark of space, made another machineshop for another ship. In the other ship that tool shop would makeanother for another ship, which in turn....

  By then Hoddan had a cold-metal die-stamper in operation. It was verylarge. It drew on the big ship's drive unit for power. One put a roughmass of steel in place between plastic dies. One turned on the power.For the tenth of a second--no longer--the steel was soft as putty. Thenit stiffened and was warm. But in that tenth of a second it had beenshaped with precision.

  It took two days to duplicate the jungle-plow Hoddan had first beenshown, in new sound metal. But after the first one worked triumphantly,they made forty of each part at a time and turned out jungle-plowequipment enough for the subjugation of all Thetis' forests.

  There were other enterprises on hand, of course. A mechanic whostuttered horribly had an idea. He could not explain it or diagram it.So he made it. It was an electric motor very far ahead of those in themachines of Colin. Hoddan waked from a cat nap with a diagram in hishead. He drew it, half-asleep, and later looked and found that hisunconscious mind had designed a power-supply system which made Walden'slook rather primitive--

  * * * * *

  During the first six days Hoddan did not sleep to speak of, and afterthat he merely cat-napped when he could. But he finally agreed with theemigrants' leader--now no longer fierce, but fiercely triumphant--thathe thought they could go on. And he would ask a favor. He propped hiseyelids open with his fingers and wrote the letter to his grandfatherthat he'd composed in his mind in the liner on Krim. He managed to makeone copy, unaddressed, of the public-relations letter that he'd workedout at the same time. He put it through a facsimile machine and managedto address each of fifty copies. Then he yawned uncontrollably.

  He still yawned when he went to take leave of the leader of the peopleof Colin. That person regarded him with warm eyes.

  "I think everything's all right," said Hoddan exhaustedly. "You've got adozen machine shops and they are multiplying themselves, and you havegot some enthusiastic mechanics, now, who're drinking in the vision-tapestuff and finding out more than they guessed there was. And they'rethinking, now and then, for themselves. I think you'll make out."

  The bearded man said humbly:

  "I have waited until you said all was well. Will you come with us?"

  "No-o-o," said Hoddan. He yawned again. "I've got my work here. There'san ... obligation I have to meet."

  "It must be very admirable work," said the old man wistfully. "I wish wehad some young men like you among us."

  "You have," said Hoddan. "They will be giving you trouble presently."

  The old man shook his head, looking at Hoddan very affectionatelyindeed.

  "We will deliver your letters," he said warmly. "First to Krim, and thento Walden. Then we will go on and let down your letter and gift to yourgrandfather on Zan. Then we will go on toward Thetis. Our mechanics willwork at building machines while we are in overdrive. But also they willbuild new tool shops and train new mechanics, so that every so often wewill need to come out of overdrive to transfer the tools and the men tonew ships."

  Hoddan nodded exhaustedly. This was right.

  "So," said the old man contentedly, "we will simply make those transfersin orbit about the planets for which we have your letters. But you willpardon us if we only let down your letters, and do not visit thoseplanets? We have prejudices--"

  "Perfectly satisfactory," said Hoddan. "So I'll--"

  "The mechanics you have trained," said the old man proudly, "have made alittle ship ready for you. It is not much larger than your spaceboat,but it is fit for travel between suns, which will be convenient for yourwork. I hope you will accept it. There is even a tiny tool shop on it!"

  Hoddan would have been more touched if he hadn't known about it. But oneof the men entrusted with the job had harassedly asked him for advice.He knew what he was getting. It was the space yacht he'd used before,refurbished and fitted with everything the emigrants could provide.

  He affected great surprise and expressed unfeigned appreciation. Barelyan hour later he transferred to it with the spaceboat in tow. He watchedthe emigrant fleet swing out to emptiness and resume its valiantjourney. But it was not a hopeless journey, now. In fact, the colony onThetis ought to start out better-equipped than most settled planets.

  And he went to sleep. He'd nothing urgent to do, except allow a certainamount of time to pass before he did anything. He was exhausted. Heslept the clock around, and waked and ate sluggishly, and went back tosleep again. On the whole, the cosmos did not notice the difference.Stars flamed in emptiness, and planets rotated sedately on their axes.Comets flung out gossamer veils or retracted them, and space liners wentabout upon their lawful occasions. And lovers swore by stars andmoons--often quite different stars and moons--and va
rious thingshappened which had nothing to do with Hoddan.

  But when he waked again he was rested, and he reviewed all his actionsand his situation. It appeared that matters promised fairly well on theemigrant fleet now gone forever. They would remember Hoddan withaffection for a year or so, and dimly after that. But settling a newworld would be enthralling and important work. Nobody'd think of him atall, after a certain length of time. But he had to think of anobligation he'd assumed on their account.

  He considered his own affairs. He'd told Fani he was going to marryNedda. The way things looked, that was no longer so probable. Of course,in a year or two, or a few years, he might be out from under theobligations he now considered due. In time even the Waldenian governmentwould realize that deathrays don't exist, and a lawyer might be able toclear things for his return to Walden. But--Nedda was a nice girl.

  He frowned. That was it. She was a remarkably nice girl. But Hoddansuddenly doubted if she were a delightful one. He found himselfquestioning that she was exactly and perfectly what his long-cherishedambitions described. He tried to imagine spending his declining yearswith Nedda. He couldn't quite picture it as exciting. She did tend to bea little insipid--

  * * * * *

  Presently, gloomy and a trifle dogged about it, he brought the spaceboataround to the modernized boatport of the yacht. He got into it, leavingthe yacht in orbit. He headed down toward Darth. Now that he'd rested,he had work to do which could not be neglected. To carry out that work,he needed a crew able and willing to pass for pirates for a pirate'spay. And there were innumerable castles on Darth, with quite as manyshiftly noblemen, and certainly no fewer plunder-hungry Darthiangentlemen hanging around them. But Don Loris' castle had one realadvantage and one which existed only in Hoddan's mind.

  Don Loris' retainers did know that Hoddan had led their companions toloot. Large loot. He'd have less trouble and more enthusiastic supportfrom Don Loris' retainers than any other. This was true.

  The illusion was that the Lady Fani was his firm personal friend with nononsense about her. This was a very great mistake.

  He landed for the fourth time outside Don Loris' castle. This time hehad no booty-laden men to march to the castle and act as heralds of hispresence. The spaceboat's visionscreens showed Don Loris' stronghold asimmense, dark and menacing. Banners flew from its turrets, their colorsbright in the ruddy light of near-sunset. The gate remained closed. Fora long time there was no sign that his landing had been noted. Thenthere was movement on the battlements, and a figure began to descendoutside the wall. It was lowered to the ground by a long rope.

  It reached the ground and shook itself. It marched, toward the spaceboatthrough the red and nearly level rays of the dying sun. Hoddan watchedwith a frown on his face. This wasn't a retainer of Don Loris'. Itassuredly wasn't Fani. He couldn't even make out its gender until thefigure was very near.

  Then he looked astonished. It was his old friend Derec, arrived on Dartha long while since in the spaceboat Hoddan had been using ever since.Derec had been his boon companion in the days when he expected to becomerich by splendid exploits in electronics. Derec was also the characterwho'd conscientiously told the cops on Hoddan, when they found hispower-receptor sneaked into a Mid-Continent station and a stray corpsecoincidentally outside.

  He opened the boatport and stood in the opening. Derec had been aguest--anyhow an inhabitant--of Don Loris' castle for a good long while,now. Hoddan wondered if he considered his quarters cozy.

  "Evening, Derec," said Hoddan cordially. "You're looking well!"

  "I don't feel it," said Derec dismally. "I feel like a fool in thecastle yonder. And the high police official I came here with has gottengrumpy and snaps when I try to speak to him."

  Hoddan said gravely:

  "I'm sure the Lady Fani--"

  "A tigress!" said Derec bitterly. "We don't get along."

  Looking at Derec, Hoddan found himself able to understand why. Derec wasthe sort of friend one might make on Walden for lack of somethingbetter. He was well-meaning. He might be capable of splendidthings--even heroism. But he was horribly, terribly, appallinglycivilized!

  "Well! Well!" said Hoddan kindly. "And what's on your mind, Derec?"

  "I came," said Derec dismally, "to plead with you again, Bron. You mustsurrender! There's nothing else to do! People can't have deathrays,Bron! Above all, you mustn't tell the pirates how to make them!"

  Hoddan was puzzled for a moment. Then he realized that Derec'sinformation about the fleet came from the spearmen he'd brought back,loaded down with cash. Derec hadn't noticed the absence of the flashinglights at sunset--or hadn't realized that they meant the fleet was goneaway.

  "Hm-m-m," said Hoddan. "Why don't you think I've already done it?"

  "Because they'd have killed you," said Derec. "Don Loris pointed thatout. He doesn't believe you know how to make deathrays. He says it'snot a secret anybody would be willing for anybody else to know. But ...you know the truth, Bron! You killed that poor man back on Walden.You've got to sacrifice yourself for humanity! You'll be treatedkindly!"

  Hoddan shook his head. It seemed somehow very startling for Derec to beharping on that same idea, after so many things had happened to Hoddan.But he didn't think Derec would actually expect him to yield topersuasion. There must be something else. Derec might even have nervedhimself up to something quite desperate.

  "What did you really come here for, Derec?"

  "To beg you to--"

  Then, in one instant, Derec made an hysterical gesture and Hoddan'sstun-pistol hummed. A small object left Derec's hand as his musclesconvulsed from the stun-pistol bolt. It did not fly quite true. It fella foot or so to one side of the boatport instead of inside.

  * * * * *

  It exploded luridly as Derec crumpled from the pistol bolt. There wasthick, strangling smoke. Hoddan disappeared. When the thickest smokedrifted away there was nothing to be seen but Derec, lying on theground, and thinner smoke drifting out of the still-open boatport.

  Nearly half an hour later, figures came very cautiously toward thespaceboat. Thal was their leader. His expression was mournful anddepressed. Other brawny retainers came uncertainly behind him. At a nodfrom Thal, two of them picked up Derec and carted him off toward thecastle.

  "I guess he got it," said Thal dismally.

  He peered in. He shook his head.

  "Wounded, maybe, and crawled off to die."

  He peered in again and shook his head once more.

  "No sign of 'im."

  A spearman just behind Thal said:

  "Dirty trick! I was with him to Walden, and he paid off good! A goodman! Shoulda been a chieftain! Good man!"

  Thal entered the spaceboat. Gingerly. He wrinkled his nose at the faintsmell of explosive still inside. Another man came in. Another.

  "Say!" said one of them in a conspiratorial voice. "We got our share ofthat loot from Walden. But he hadda share, too! What'd he do with it? Hecould've kept it in this boat here. We could take a quick look! What DonLoris don't know don't hurt him!"

  "I'm going to find Hoddan first," said Thal, with dignity. "We don'thave to carry him outside so's Don Loris knows we're looking for loot,but I'm going to find him first."

  There were other men in the spaceboat now. A full dozen of them. Theirspears were very much in the way.

  The boat door closed quietly. Don Loris' retainers stared at each other.The locking-dogs grumbled for half a second, sealing the door tightly.Don Loris' retainers began to babble protestingly.

  There was a roaring outside. The spaceboat stirred. The roaring rose tothunder. The boat lurched. It flung the spearmen into a sprawling,swearing, terrified heap at the rear end of the boat's interior.

  The boat went on out to space again. In the control room Hoddan saiddourly to himself:

  "I'm in a rut! I've got to figure out some way to ship a pirate crewwithout having to kidnap them. This is getting monotonous!"