Then, Now, Always

by Mona Shroff

  “It’s about—” he shrugged his shoulders as heat rose to his face “—being nice.” He cleared his throat and almost mumbled, “And sometimes the passenger-side door sticks.”

  Maya smiled, but did not laugh. “Ah.”

  “But mostly the being nice stuff.”

  They sat at the top of a deep amphitheater, with broad grass steps that looked down on a central stage. Behind the stage was the lake, black glass in the moonlight. There were no events at the amphitheater tonight, just a few families and couples having a late picnic as they were. Electronic beeps and bongs from a Nintendo mixed with the sounds of crickets and soft laughter. A few feet away, a streetlamp shed a mild glow of light around them. The night was humid, but a light breeze from the lake cooled them as they ate their spicy meal.

  “You’re right.” Maya paused between bites. “This is incredible.”

  Sam was trying—unsuccessfully—not to make a mess of his taco as Maya fell silent for a moment. She had finished eating and sat with her knees bent and legs shifted over to one side. She opened her mouth as if to speak but then closed it, as if keeping the words from escaping.

  “What?” Sam grimaced at her. “Am I grossing you out?”

  “No, not at all.” Her smile was automatic.

  “What? Just ask away.” He tried to hold his hands out to indicate that he was an open book, but failed to complete the action because he needed both hands on the taco. “That’s what first dates are about, aren’t they?” He looked her in the eye and softly stated, “And we are on a first date.”

  Sam continued to navigate his dinner, as Maya appeared to contemplate her question. Finally, she inhaled deeply and let the words out. “Your uncle. You call him ‘Mama,’ like I call my uncle. He’s Indian.”

  “Yeah, he’s my mother’s brother, like yours.” Sam ate the last bite and wiped his hands on napkins, resisting the urge to lick his fingers.

  Maya shifted her position. “Well, your last name is Hutcherson, which isn’t Indian. So I was just wondering...” She trailed off.

  Sam glanced over at her, a smirk playing at his lips. “Wondering what?” He leaned into her and whispered, “Half-Indian wouldn’t be enough?”

  Her eyes widened in horror and she started to protest, but stopped. Instead she pursed her lips at him. “Or maybe too much.”

  This girl was too much. He lifted his cup to her, laughter on his lips. “Touché.”

  She lifted her cup to his and focused those honey eyes on him. “Well...?”

  He put his cup down and sat back, legs outstretched, and leaned back on his arms. He loved telling this story. “My mom is Indian, from Gujarat. My dad is not Indian,” he explained. “My mom had come to the States for college, which is where they met.” Sam paused as he imagined his father as a young man, smitten. The image always made him happy. “My dad insists it was love at first sight. So he learned a few lines of Gujarati before he even attempted to speak to her.” He turned to face Maya, pride in his voice. “The first words he ever said to her were in Gujarati.”

  “Well?” Maya nearly squeaked with suspense. “What did he say?”

  “He asked if he could walk her to class. She was so taken aback, she said yes.” Sam chuckled. His parents had their moments, like any other couple, but no one could deny they loved each other. Sam only wished to be so lucky. “They fell in love and she never looked back. Sudhir-mama joined her in America a few years later, also to go to college. He met my aunt, Monica-mami there. The rest is history.” Sam looked at Maya, who seemed charmed by this true-life love story. Maybe his wish was coming true.

  Sam checked his watch. “Speaking of mamas, we’re getting close to your curfew,” he said. “And as you have already promised me a next time, let’s not mess that up.”

  When they arrived at her uncle’s house, Maya invited Sam to sit with her on the porch steps. “I’m early,” she said.

  Sam glanced toward the door, half expecting her uncle to be standing there, a sentry guarding his niece’s virtue. The door was shut.

  Maya showed him her watch. “Ten ’til midnight. Plus, technically, I’m home.”

  He didn’t even bother to try to hide his pleasure, eager to be in her presence, excited to prolong their evening.

  Maya turned her head up to the night sky and sighed. “What a perfect summer night.” Sam loved how her neck and jaw were exposed when she tilted her head and her hair fell away. She had no idea how beautiful she was. He had to hold himself back from reaching over to trace her jawline. Unwillingly, he tore his eyes away from her to follow her gaze.

  It was the perfect summer night, but it had less to do with the warmth of the night and the clear sky displaying the stars than with the fact that he was sitting beside a girl whose company he knew he would crave when he didn’t have it. After a moment, he felt her eyes on him, and he turned to face her. She did not look away. “Ben and Niki look like you. Except Ben’s eyes. He has his mom’s eyes.” She bit her bottom lip. “You’re really good with them.”

  Sam puffed his chest out. “Ah, well. It comes naturally.” He laughed at himself. “They’re amazing kids. It’s easy to love them.” His voice softened as he leaned toward her, resting his elbows on his knees. “They’re as close to siblings as I have now.”

  Maya nodded. “They did tell me that you were their only big brother—now.”

  Sam tensed and flicked his gaze to her. “Did they?”

  Maya’s words tumbled out quickly, as if trying to erase what she had just said. “They did, but I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s really none of my business. It’s just you pulled out that coin, and I got the feeling it was...”

  Sam remained silent. Maya was watching him, waiting patiently for his answer. What was it about her that made him want to tell her about something he hadn’t spoken of in years? He nodded, then gazed back up at the stars. “You’re right. It’s from my older brother. He was killed in a DUI, ten years ago. I was thirteen.”

  Sam continued looking at the heavens, lost for a moment in the memory of his brother, when he felt Maya’s hand on his. Her skin was soft and smooth, her hand strong. She gently squeezed his hand but stayed silent.

  “My parents took it pretty hard.” He almost whispered his words. “To this day, my mother doesn’t even say his name.” Maya’s body was nearly touching his. It was...comforting. “I think it’s easier for her that way.”

  Sam felt Maya study his face for a moment, and when he didn’t offer anything more on the topic, she turned back to the stars. They listened to the crickets in comfortable silence.

  “Well, okay then.” Sam broke the silence. “Your turn. What’s your story? Any siblings? I mean, besides the cousin you have here, who is probably the giggliest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  Maya laughed. “Oh, Sejal. And you’re right, cousins are like siblings. She does that in front of—” Maya paused “—in front of really handsome boys.” She left her gaze on the stars, but Sam once again enjoyed the flush on her cheeks.

  “I don’t have any ‘real’ siblings.” She turned to face him, chagrin on her face. “My parents,” she said the words with some sarcasm, “met in India. My mum was working in the cafeteria of the college my father attended. They met—” she tilted her head and Sam was distracted, again, this time by the curve of her face “—and fell in love. However, their parents did not approve. Not having an arranged marriage was unheard of, not to mention they were from different parts of India. So, having seen one too many Bollywood movies, they decided to run away. They married in secret and left India for London.”

  Maya gazed off into the distance at something Sam couldn’t see. “Things were fine for a bit, but when my father heard his parents had become ill, he went back to care for them. He never returned.” She paused. “I was eight.” Maya sat back and shrugged her shoulders, as if she didn’t care. But the rest of her body
language screamed that she did. “My mum was alone with a child, so she came to the States to stay with her brother until she got on her feet.”

  “Your Deepak-mama?” Sam had never seen her this vulnerable, and for a brief instant, the Maya before him was an eight-year-old girl. The hurt her father had caused when he’d abandoned her seemed to flicker behind her shrug. Something vile boiled up inside Sam. What kind of man abandoned his family like that?

  “Yes.” Maya smiled. “We stayed with him for a bit, but my mother became fiercely independent and refused to stay with him indefinitely. Baking and cooking came naturally to her, so she taught herself how to run a business. She ended up opening a bakery in Queens. And that’s where we live now.” She leaned back onto her hands on the step. “I’ve been busy with school, so I haven’t had a chance to visit my cousin in a while, so I came for the summer.” The pain left her eyes, replaced with their natural warmth.

  “Excellent for me.” Sam leaned back so he was level with Maya. “How come your mom didn’t just go back to her parents?”

  Maya sat up and turned her gaze away from him. “She was from a small village. You know how it can be.” She turned back to him, a small fire in her eyes. “Marrying outside what was considered acceptable was not tolerated.” She paused and the fire cooled. “My uncle doesn’t believe in those old notions. He supported my mother when she was at her lowest. He helped her become the force of nature she is today.” She chuckled. “And now he’s afraid of her!”

  “So how does she feel about you dating?”

  Maya pressed her lips together before responding. “She is not a fan. She’s convinced that she will arrange my marriage when the ‘time comes.’”

  Sam’s heart dropped. “What did you tell her about us?”

  Maya grinned at him, her half smirk that he loved so much, as she leaned toward him. “Well, until now, there wasn’t really much of an ‘us.’”

  “Is there now?”

  Maya shrugged and her smirk slipped a bit. “If I tell her, she’ll make me come home.”

  Sam sat up and placed a tentative hand on top of hers. She did not pull away. He took her hand and fixed his eyes on hers, which seemed to glow with a light from within. He was just bringing her hand to his lips when the door opened.

  “Maya?” Her uncle leaned out, his deep voice thick with sleep resounding in the still air.

  Maya pulled her hand free of Sam’s with such speed, he thought he might have a friction burn.

  “Yes, Deepak-mama.” She bolted up onto her feet, and spoke hastily. “I’ve been home. Just enjoying the summer evening.”

  “Enough enjoying. Come in.” He shut the door and went back in.

  “Yes, Deepak-mama.” Maya turned apologetic eyes on Sam. He was already on his feet. He drank her in for a moment and fought the urge to reach out and touch her.

  “You’re different than I thought you’d be.” Her smile was suddenly shy.

  “Is that good?”

  “It’s really good.” She bit her bottom lip and the flush on her cheeks made him weak.

  “Until next time, then.” There was no suppressing the stupid grin on his face.

  She nodded. “Next time.” She took a step toward the door.

  It looked to Sam that she was stalling. Excellent. “Good night, Maya.” Sam turned and walked back to his car, lest he dawdle as well and get her in trouble. He had one hand in his pocket, clutching the coin. He smiled to himself. “Hasn’t failed me yet.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  MAYA

  Maryland, 1996

  “HE HASN’T GOT a prayer, Maya-didi,” Sejal said, using the term for older sister, as she admired her older cousin’s reflection. Since neither girl had siblings, sisters they were. “That boy is going to fall for you.” She crossed her hands over her heart and pretended to swoon.

  Sam had called that morning and invited Maya to an outdoor concert that night at Merriweather Post Pavilion. The invitation had both surprised and thrilled her, so she’d accepted without hesitation. If her best friend, Ami, were here, she would probably lecture her on the hazards of seeming too available. Whatever. She couldn’t explain it, but she had tossed and turned all night after their date the previous evening, her belly spinning with anticipation of seeing him at work today. But he’d been busy picking up more tile and supplies, so Maya’s belly continued its churning.

  Sejal had been horrified when Maya had simply put on jeans and a T-shirt to go to the concert. “Are you kidding, Maya-didi? This is a date. A second date.” She spoke slowly, as if Maya were a child. “You have to dress nicely, but not look like you’re trying to dress nicely.”

  Maya had rolled her eyes. “That’s ridiculous.”

  “No, it’s not,” Sejal had said, handing Maya black capri pants and a lime-green blouse. “How can you have graduated from college and not know that?” She leaned closer to Maya and whispered, “Just because my parents don’t let me date, doesn’t mean I don’t.” She put her hands on her hips. “Put that on.”

  Maya pursed her lips at her younger cousin. Of course Sejal was dating behind her parents’ back. Deepak-mama was almost as strict as her mother. He might have supported his sister when she was in dire straits, but he certainly didn’t want his daughter to end up pregnant and alone—which is what both brother and sister assumed dating would lead to. Maya did an internal eye roll at the thought. “Who’s the guy?”

  “Not important.” Sejal blushed, and Maya made a note to pursue this later.

  The fact that Maya was a college graduate was what allowed her even to go on a date. That and the fact that Maya let her uncle believe that her mother allowed it.

  In any case, Deepak-mama made her keep that midnight curfew. It made no difference that she was twenty-two years old. Maya had simply shaken her head at her cousin and obediently put on the outfit, much to Sejal’s approval.

  At precisely seven, the doorbell rang. Sejal squealed. “He’s here!”

  Maya’s stomach lurched, and she reprimanded herself. This was Sam, whom she had spent three weeks avoiding and turning down. Why, all of a sudden, did her heart quicken, and palms get sweaty when she was about to see him? She leaped to her feet to answer the door.

  “What are you doing?” Sejal squealed at her like she had suddenly gone mad. “My dad has to do round two of his interrogation.”

  “What?”

  “C’mon.” She grabbed Maya’s hand and put one finger to her lips. She quietly led Maya to the top of the stairs, just out of view from the front door.

  They heard Deepak-mama grunt and open the door. Maya peeked her head around the corner and caught a glimpse of Sam standing just inside the doorway, clean-shaven and beaming. He flicked his eyes around, looking for her, and she flushed, grateful that he couldn’t see her. He was simply dressed in khaki shorts and quite a nice-fitting T-shirt the slate blue color of the ocean just before dusk. The color did amazing things for his skin and eyes. Maya peeked around the corner again to see just how well the T-shirt molded around the muscles of his shoulders, grazed his chest and hung loose just past the waistband of his shorts.

  Sam exuded energy as he extended his hand to Deepak-mama. “Uncle!” Maya noted that Sam used “uncle” to address Deepak-mama, rather than “Mr. Shah.” It was what Indian kids did: it showed respect, but maintained familiarity. It was different than the titles like mama and mami, which indicated a blood relation. She grinned to herself. Half-Indian indeed. “How are you?”

  The confidence in his voice reverberated all the way up the stairs.

  The older man hesitated as he took Sam’s hand and shook it, a bewildered look on his face. “Great,” he said. “And you?”

  “You know, it turns out that my dad does know you,” Sam said.

  “Oh?”

  “Yes.” Sam made eye contact, and his smile was genuine. “He remembers meet
ing you at a medical gathering a few months ago. Apparently, internal medicine and cardiology shared a conference...”

  Deepak-mama tilted his head. “Yes, I do remember that. Your father is too modest. He spoke at that meeting. Very impressive. Dr. Hutcherson has a wonderful memory.” Deepak-mama’s mood turned amiable, as if Sam’s father’s ability to remember him made them all old friends.

  So much for round two.

  Sejal finally nudged Maya. “Are you going on this date, or is my dad?”

  Maya smoothed out invisible wrinkles in her clothes and went down the stairs. She caught Sam’s eye over her uncle’s shoulder before she hit the last step and he paused midsentence, breaking into a wide grin. Deepak-mama turned to follow his gaze, and Sam took advantage of the moment to wink at her, as though they shared an intimate secret. Between the grin and the wink and how he looked in that T-shirt, it was all Maya could do to simply smile back in response.

  She took the last step down. “Hi.” She forced her voice to sound as casual as possible. “I’m ready when you are.”

  She watched as Sam turned his eyes to Deepak-mama. Her uncle leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “Okay, beta, have fun.”

  He turned back to Sam, his voice once again stern, though this time Maya heard a hint of amusement escape his lips. “Midnight.”

  Sam nodded, his demeanor relaxed and comfortable. “Absolutely. Yes, sir.” Maya was unable to tear her eyes away from him.

  The door had barely shut behind them before he leaned toward her, eyes ablaze, and whispered, “Hey, you look amazing.” His breath tickled her ear, sending shivers down her spine. He took the two porch steps down in one stride, and turned to Maya. She was eye to eye with him, and he reached out and took her hand as if they had been holding hands for years. His hand was warm and firm, and the way their fingers intertwined made her feel safe.