Then, Now, Always

by Mona Shroff

  They weren’t the kids they used to be all those years ago. So while everything was familiar, it was also new. Sam was so lost in Maya, that when the elevator halted and the familiar ding sounded, it came to him as if from a tunnel. His time was up.

  Suddenly Maya was scrambling to stand, her cheeks pleasantly flushed, her voice agitated. “Damn it, Sam. Let me down.”

  Sam let her down, taking his time to remove his hands from her body. He finally stepped away from her, giving her space. He could still taste her.

  “I—we—cannot do that.” She furrowed her brow as she put her hair back in its ponytail.

  “Apparently, yes, we can.”

  “I don’t know what the hell that was, but I’m still going away with Leo.” She stomped out of the elevator. The doors started to close.

  Sam threw out his arm to stop the doors from closing. “Do you love him?” he called out. She turned around, eyes wide. He held her gaze, daring her to answer. He removed his arm and the doors began to close. “Because—” The doors shut. “I love you,” he said to his reflection in the closed doors.

  Sam bit his lip and paced the empty elevator as it ascended back to his apartment. He smiled to himself. She wasn’t very sure. Not at all.

  Sam burst back into his apartment to find Ben and Samantha exactly where he’d left them. Ben smirked at him. “Had to take her down in the elevator, did you?”

  “She cannot go away with that guy.”

  Samantha lifted her head, and both she and Ben stared at him. “So, what’re you going to do, Sammy?”

  It wasn’t until he actually said the words out loud that he knew them to be true. But now that he knew that he loved her, he couldn’t possibly imagine his life without her. Everything was suddenly very clear. She loved him. He knew it. She was just scared. He was not going to let her run from him twice in a lifetime. He handed Samantha a bottle of Gatorade. “Drink up. We need to get to my jeweler. And then see your grandmother.”

  Samantha looked more puzzled. “Nani? What do you want with her?”

  “I have to ask her something. Something I should have asked her a long time ago.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

  MAYA

  New York, 2013

  THE ELEVATOR DOORS shut and Maya just stood there. Her lips were swollen from that kiss—she could still feel Sam’s lips on hers, as well as the heat from his body. He couldn’t just kiss her and then say...what did he say? Because, what? Did he think he could kiss her like that and she’d go running to him like some lovesick Bollywood heroine? No. Just because her body responded to him that way did not mean that they should be together. That was just biology. Though she didn’t melt like that when Leo kissed her. Not at all.

  Her phone buzzed and she was startled from her thoughts. It was Ami. How was last night? The insinuation was loud and clear, even through text. She ignored it and rushed to catch a cab to Ami’s to change before class.

  Maya hopped into the shower while Ami dealt with her toddler twin boys. Thank goodness for those mischief-makers! She dressed quickly so as to make a getaway, but Ami cornered her while she was doing her makeup. There was no way to lie when Ami turned her “truth serum” stare your way.

  “What do you mean, he kissed you?” Ami almost screeched, her eyes wide.

  Maya slipped on her clogs and grabbed her backpack. “I have to get to class.” She walked past Ami and out into the small living area. Manhattan apartments were tiny, which Maya had always loved, but today, she needed a place to hide. And there was nowhere to go. Not if Ami had a say.

  “Well, did he say anything?”

  “What happened to the little monsters?” Maya looked around as if finding the twins was her life’s ambition.

  “Ajay took them to soccer.” Ami was still in flannel pajamas, wearing her thick-rimmed glasses, with her hair up in a messy bun. There was egg stuck to her shirt and possibly ketchup splatter on her bottoms, but with her arms folded across her chest like that, she was as intimidating as any courtroom lawyer. “Maya! What is happening?”

  Maya dropped her backpack and busied herself pouring coffee into a to-go cup, in an attempt to avoid Ami’s stare down. The warm scent of the coffee was comforting (she had roasted the grounds at her own shop, after all!), but she knew that if she didn’t answer her friend’s questions, she’d never get to class. “He said... I don’t know what he said. He can’t just kiss me and think I’ll come running. I mean what does that mean, anyway?”

  “What does what mean?” An expression of sheer confusion colored Ami’s face.

  “I can’t...” Maya shook her head.

  “You kissed him back!” She pointed a finger at Maya and covered her gaping mouth with her other hand.

  Maya looked away, but a smile poked through her grimace.

  “And you liked it!”

  “No! No, I did not.” A flush warmed her face as her traitorous body revealed her lie.

  “You are such a liar! Well, he sure as hell took his time, didn’t he?” She giggled. “So what’s the problem?”

  “You’re the one who told me to go on with my life and date and blah-blah-blah.”

  “True. But that was when Sam was being an ass.” Ami started to gather breakfast dishes and pile them in her sink. Maya started to wash them.

  “I’m seeing someone, remember?”

  “Leave the dishes, Maya.” Ami waved her hand and butted Maya out of the way. “So you’re in love with Leo?” Ami’s eyebrows shot high into her forehead.

  “Leo is easy.” Maya stepped back and picked up her backpack again.

  “Because you don’t love him. So you have nothing to lose. With Sam, you stand to lose everything.” Ami turned off the water and gave Maya her full attention.

  “I can’t do that again.” Maya shook her head against the prickle of tears behind her eyes.

  “Maya—there are no guarantees—but I do know that every man is not your father. Sam is a good man. That’s why you fell for him in the first place. Trust your heart.” Ami’s voice was soft, yet firm. The way it had been when she’d told Maya that having a baby was a good thing.

  “But what if it doesn’t work? What if we’re not good together? What if he decides I’m too messed up, and he can’t deal?”

  “Do you love him?”

  Maya shook her head no, even as her vision blurred and disloyal tears filled her eyes.

  Ami grabbed Maya by the shoulders as if to shake her. “What if you’re great together, and he’s crazier than you?”

  “I have to go.” Maya attempted to free herself from Ami’s grip.

  Ami let go. “You could lose everything with Sam, it’s true. But think of what you could gain.”

  CHAPTER FIFTY

  MAYA

  New York, 2013

  MAYA HAD TOLD Samantha she’d needed to run an errand in Manhattan and would return in an hour or so. Four hours had passed, and Samantha had texted her no less than fifty times about her ETA. She’d lied and said she’d gone to get her hair done. The truth was, she’d run her errand and then gone to Sam’s apartment and found it empty. Not even Ben was there.

  The thought of going back to her apartment made her so lonely, she had wandered around Manhattan for a bit, then gone back to Sam’s apartment. She really needed to talk to him. He still wasn’t there. It was the bitter chill left in the air after the sun set that sent her back to Queens. It had been three days since that kiss in the elevator, and she hadn’t spoken to Sam since. She wasn’t sure if Sam’s plans about the practice in Queens had worked out, or if he had changed back to the Manhattan location.

  She relived that kiss for the millionth time. It had taken every bit of self-control to walk away from him the night before, but she had then lain awake in his bed, chiding herself for pushing him away. Morning had brought logic, and she was momentarily grateful that s
he had shown restraint. That had lasted until he had entered the kitchen, in his muscle-clinging old Hootie T-shirt and pajama bottoms. His curls were disheveled, possibly from a night of tossing and turning, and his jaw had that glorious morning scruff. Combine all that with the molten way he looked at her, and sexy wasn’t enough to describe it. He was so openly happy to see her, that when he’d burned himself on coffee, Maya was slightly heady from the power she seemed to have over him. Power that she clearly handed right back to him when he kissed her in the elevator. Did she really wrap her legs around him?

  She exited the subway station and hunched over against the cold. It was already dark, and businesses were starting to close, dimming their lights. It was a slower time of year, so her mother would have closed the shop a few hours ago.

  She stopped at the space Sam wanted for his practice. The For Lease sign was gone. She clapped her hands in front of her and did a little jump. He’d done it! She looked around as if he might be right there to share the joy, but the street was empty. She cupped her hands around the window and peeked in. She could imagine a secretary’s desk (she would be an elderly, motherly woman—or, better yet, a man) and a waiting area, with Sam’s office in the back. She could almost see him leaning back in his chair, long legs stretched out on his desk as he talked on the phone, defending the little guy. She was bursting with pride. She tried to call him. Straight to voice mail.

  She continued to amble her way to the coffee shop. She was about half a block away when she noticed a glow coming from near the shop. She quickened her pace and the glow appeared to be fire. Not huge flames, but a glow. The shop was glowing. She ran the remaining half block and tried the door. It was open. She pushed the door open to the sound of the chime and entered to find the source of the glow.

  The shop was blanketed in candlelight. Many of the flames had died or were dying, but a good amount were strong and offered enough light for Maya to make her way to the far side of the shop. The scent of her orange coffee floated out to her from the kitchen. Light flickered and bounced off the glass cases, giving the illusion of movement.

  Three small café tables had been pushed together, and on top of them was a sleeping Sam. He was wearing dark jeans and his shoes were still on. His arms were folded across his chest, muscles straining the fabric of a crisp, white button-down shirt. She had been here before. Sleeping Beauty. If she kissed him right now, would he wake up? Her shoes clicked on the floor and Sam started.

  He carefully sat up, slowly moving his neck to release stiffness, and looked around, gaining his bearings as he registered Maya’s presence. “You’re here.” His voice was sleepy, but his curls had been tamed, and in the candlelight, he looked at her with that same molten look that had always weakened her.

  Maya nodded. “So are you.”

  Pure pleasure radiated from him in the flickering light. “I’ve been here.”

  She grinned at him, her stomach fluttering. “I can see that. What’s going on?”

  He hopped down from the table, his enthusiasm that of a young boy. He spread his arms wide, looked around the shop. “Every time I try this with you—” he dropped his arms and laughed “—you’re late and I end up falling asleep.” He ran a hand through his hair, dislodging just the right amount of curls.

  “I was out.” She bit her bottom lip.

  “Yeah, where?”

  There was clear apprehension in his voice. Yet here he was. Waiting for her. All day. In a candlelit coffee shop. “At your place.”

  He widened his grin and stepped closer to her. “Why?”

  Maya pressed her lips together. If she told him, she would be baring herself open to him. He stepped close enough for her to smell his cologne and feel the heat from his body.

  He studied her intensely for a long moment. Before she could answer, he closed the distance between them and took her face gently in both of his hands and kissed her. Without thought, Maya melted into him, kissing him back. This was not the elevator kiss. This was tender, questioning. She started to deepen their kiss when he pulled away.

  “Tell me where you were.” His voice was like gravel in honey.

  Her heart pounded. “I went to talk to Leo.”

  Sam cocked an eyebrow and whispered, “Tell me you told him no.”

  “I told him no.” She grinned into his hands.

  He smiled all the way out to that dimple, and it made her body flutter. “Maya, I have been an idiot. I was so caught up in what I’d lost that I almost couldn’t see what I had. I never should have let you go all those years ago. I loved you then. I love you now. And I loved you all the time in between. When I’m with you, I’m home.”

  Warm brown eyes glistened at her. And then he was down on one knee. Her heart stopped.

  “I should have done this correctly sixteen years ago.” His voice was husky and he sounded confident, but his fingers trembled as he reached into his pocket. Sam pulled out a dazzling diamond ring. Her heart was pounding so loudly she could swear he heard it.

  He held the ring out to her, swallowed hard. “Maya, I have loved you from the minute I opened the door that summer. All I’ve ever wanted was you. I want us to have breakfast together and argue about what boy our daughter is dating, and whose turn it is to do the dishes. I want to live every day together and grow old with you.” His next words were whispered. “Marry me, Maya. Come home.”

  Tears warmed her eyes as she took in his words and that astounding ring. It was gorgeous: a huge diamond with seemingly infinite little diamonds on the sides and band. She would be a fool to turn it down.

  She didn’t want it.

  She bit her bottom lip and bent down to whisper in his ear, “Where is it, Sam?”

  Sam raised an eyebrow at her. “Where is—?” He inhaled deeply. “Maya, you can’t be serious.” He was clearly trying not to laugh, but his lip twitched, giving him away. “I’m down here on one knee—”

  “I can see that.” Maya pursed her lips as she stepped yet closer to him. She leaned her leg against his and inhaled sharply as his muscles supported her. She bent down, brushing her cheek against his and whispered again, “Where. Is. It?” She pulled back to find the answer in his eyes.

  Sam finally let out a breath as he shook his head at her. His smile was intimate when he reached back into his pocket and pulled out a considerably smaller, yet equally dazzling, diamond ring. This was a single diamond, maybe one karat, on a simple gold band.

  This diamond was smaller, but it shone brighter. True love would do that.

  “That’s the one.” She rested her fingers on his face. “I love you. I don’t know how not to love you.” She leaned her body into him, and he wrapped his arms around her, supporting her on his knee as she pulled him to her to kiss him again. He tasted of peppermint, and she drank in the familiar scent of him.

  The kiss bared her soul to his. He was hers, and she had finally claimed him. His heart beat against hers, and he pulled her closer. She was his, too.

  She pulled back, reached into her pocket, and pulled out the coin. Her heart light, she held it out for Sam to see. “Heads, we get married, tails, we break up.”

  EPILOGUE

  SAM

  New York—Twelve Years Later

  SAM STOOD ON the sideline next to his team, his arms folded across his chest. The slight evening chill was refreshing after a warm spring day and he inhaled the familiar scent of wet grass. The only sign of his nervousness was the fingernail he was chewing. Without turning, he cut his eyes to his assistant coach, who was actively pacing the sidelines and calling out her instruction to the players. She was also eating—again.

  “All right, that’s fine, goalie!” She clapped her hands as she chewed and swallowed. “Just shake it off.” Samantha absently rested a hand on her expanded belly as she paced the sideline, her trademark bushy ponytail bouncing with every step.

  The other team had ju
st scored, tying up the game in overtime. This meant penalty kicks. The goalie looked to his coach. Only Sam could see the panic in the goalie’s honey-colored eyes. Sam unfolded his arms and smiled at the boy.

  Maya was in the front row of the bleachers, just behind the team bench. She was sitting with his parents, her mother and stepfather, and Niki. Sam turned to her and caught her eye. Her eyes widened with apprehension. He nodded. I know, I know. But he’ll be fine.

  “Dad.” A hand on Sam’s shoulder drew his attention away from Maya. Will handed him a slip of paper. “Dad, here’s a list of their best strikers and what foot they use.” He pointed to five that he had grouped together. “These are most likely the ones they’ll use.”

  Sam grinned at Will and patted him on the shoulder. “I knew having a striker in the family would pay off someday.” He glanced at his daughter. “Can’t get her to sit still, huh?”

  Will sighed. “The only way we were going to miss this game is if she was in active labor.” He looked sideways at Sam. “And even then, she’d probably be coaching from the hospital.” He shook his head. “Is the little guy ready?”

  Sam shrugged. “We’ll see.”

  Movement behind the goal turned Sam’s gaze. Ben was pacing back and forth. Sam motioned for him to come over to the bench. No spectators were allowed behind the goal. Ben ended his vigil and jogged back to the bleachers to join the family.

  A groan from Samantha’s direction had Sam and Will turning to her. She was holding her belly. Sam started toward her, but before he could take even a second step, Will was at her side. A movement from the bleachers caught his eye. Maya was standing and looking in Samantha’s direction, as well. Their eyes met and Sam took a second step toward their daughter. Maya widened her eyes and shook her head. No. She jutted her chin in Samantha’s direction.