Then, Now, Always

by Mona Shroff

  Something flickered in her eyes and the spell was broken. “I should go. Our daughter is passed out in your bed and it’s late.” She stood. “I’ll just catch a cab back to Ami’s.”

  Sam hurriedly stood. “Look, it’s too late to be running around. You don’t have to go.” Without thinking, he took a step closer to her. “Stay.” He was close enough to glimpse the hesitation in her eyes.

  Her voice was strained, but she was looking right at him. “Oh, no. I don’t want to put you out.”

  That rebellious piece of hair fell to her face. On instinct, Sam reached out to tuck it back behind her ear. This time she let him. Her hair was soft, silken, just like he remembered. He had the sudden urge to run his fingers along her jawbone, pull her close...

  Without removing his hand, he stepped closer. Her breath came faster, but she didn’t move. He rested his hand on her cheek, so lightly, it was almost as if he was touching her with only the heat from his skin. He leaned into her. Heat from her body warmed him and he shifted his gaze from her eyes to her lips. She wasn’t pulling away, but then—bang, bang, bang—on the door.

  Maya jumped away from him at the sound, and he was forced to release her. He scrunched his eyes shut and made a fist with the fingers that had just been touching Maya’s hair. That could only be one person. He opened his eyes. “Don’t go anywhere.”

  He jogged to the door and opened it just a crack. Sure enough, there was Ben, his motorcycle helmet tucked beneath his arm. Sam spoke in a harsh whisper. “Go to a hotel.” He started to shut the door. Ben put a foot in and stopped it.

  “What’s going on, Sammy? I thought you said you had Samantha this weekend. I want to hang out with her.”

  Sam tried to shut the door again. “Really, Ben. I’ll pay for it.”

  “Sam? Who’s there?” Maya called out.

  Ben’s eyes widened, his grin full of glee. “Is that—is that Maya?”

  Sam tried to make his nod as meaningful as possible and pleaded, “Now can you go?” Wasn’t there supposed to be some kind of guy code that required Ben to leave right now?

  Guy code or no guy code, Ben laughed out loud and called out to Maya anyway. He pushed the door open just as she approached. He tossed Sam his helmet and smirked as he brushed past him to greet Maya.

  Maya assessed Ben for minute, her eyes cautious. Ben waited while she studied him. She raised a tentative hand to brush hair from his face and her face lit up. Sam thought he would melt from her beauty. “I know those eyes—Ben!”

  Ben reached down and enveloped her in a bear hug that lifted her off her feet. He kissed her cheek and winked at Sam over her head. “Maya! I heard you were back.”

  “Yes, I suppose so.” Maya’s laughter matched Ben’s. “Look at you! All grown up!”

  As the two of them got caught up, Sam waited, his arms folded across his chest. He glowered at Ben behind Maya’s back. Ben shrugged innocence.

  “It’s great seeing you, Ben.” Maya picked up her bag. “But I better get going.” She caught Sam’s eye and he was rewarded with a small smile. She averted her eyes to Ben. “I have an early class.”

  “No, no, no! You can’t go! I just got here.” Ben put his arm around Maya’s shoulders and guided her back to the sofa. “I’ll bet Sammy here hasn’t even offered you a glass of wine yet.”

  Sam jumped in. “Well, our teenage daughter just came home drunk and is currently passed out, so wine was not a priority.”

  Ben spread his arms wide and laughed. “Oh, well why didn’t you say so?” He turned to Maya. “In that case, you have to stay over.”

  Sam glared at him.

  “Don’t you remember, Sammy? My first hangover?” Ben turned back to Maya and cleared his throat. “I may have been a bit underage.”

  Sam grinned at the memory. Ben had been just fourteen.

  “Anyway, Sammy took me in, but the next morning...”

  “Fed him greasy bacon, eggs, hash browns...”

  “Prepared with the noisiest pots and pans you’ve ever heard.” Both Sam and Ben laughed at the memory.

  Sam turned to Maya, still laughing. “That’s what I was getting to when Ben arrived.” As he focused on those honey eyes, she held his gaze for a moment.

  “Is it?”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  Maya turned to Ben. “That actually sounds really great. God knows Samantha could use that lesson. I’m just not prepared to stay over. All my stuff is at Ami’s.”

  “Not a problem.” Ben jut his chin to Sam. “As I’m sure you know, Sammy’s dad is a doctor. I’m sure our Boy Scout here is prepared with an extra set of scrubs. Right, Sammy?”

  “Uh, yeah. As a matter of fact, I am.”

  “It’s settled!” Ben clapped his hands together. “Awesome! Let me get changed.” Ben rummaged through Sam’s boxes until he found a change of clothes and headed for the bathroom.

  Left alone again, Maya turned to Sam. “It’s okay. I don’t want to be in the way.”

  “Nonsense. You won’t be.” He cleared his throat. “You can sleep in my bed.” He closed his eyes, grimacing, and ducked his head. “What I mean is, you can sleep with Samantha in my bed.” He held his hands in an I-mean-no-harm manner, as the heat rose to his face. “I’ll take the bed in her room.”

  “What about Ben?”

  “Ben sleeps on the floors of mud huts in Africa. He slept out here when Dad stayed over.” Sam dismissed that whole thing with a shrug. “And you really don’t want to miss the show in the morning.”

  “How are your mom and dad?”

  Sam shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. “Fine. Dad went home after that day in the coffee shop, and they’re working things out.”

  “What about you and your mom?” She regarded him with genuine concern. Even after everything.

  “What can I say, Maya? She loves Samantha and Samantha loves her. Mom will spend her life regretting what she sacrificed in terms of her granddaughter. It seems cruel to add to that.” Sam grinned at her. “You’re avoiding the question. Staying or not?” Every part of him wanted to step closer to her, touch her. But he held himself back, lest he scare her away.

  Maya bit her bottom lip and Sam sensed victory. She finally grinned back at him, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “I do like the way you think. I certainly wouldn’t want to miss the intoxicating aroma of greasy eggs and bacon and potatoes at the crack of dawn.” She laughed, and Sam wanted to listen to that sound all day. “I assume your pots and pans are just as noisy as they were for Ben?”

  She was staying over! Sam couldn’t help the huge smile that took over his face. “Oh, yeah they are.”

  * * *

  SAM THREW OFF the covers and stretched out on his back. His feet hung over the edge of the bed. What had he been thinking when he bought this bed? He thought he’d never be the one sleeping in it. He tried to distract himself with thoughts of work—getting new clients and deciding where to open up the new office—but every thought evaporated into smoke and the only thought that remained was of Maya sleeping in the next room, in his bed.

  He got out of bed and was in front of his bedroom door, his heart thumping against his chest, before he had a chance to think too much about it. He knocked softly, but no answer. The thumping slowed. Just as well. What was he thinking would happen anyway? He turned to go back to the spare room, when the door opened. Maya stood there in his olive green scrubs, her hair pleasantly tousled, looking wide-eyed and awake, and Sam went weak from how beautiful she was.

  “Hey.” She leaned on the door. “Can’t sleep, or do you need a shirt?” How was it that she could be so sassy in the middle of the night?

  He missed a beat before speaking, since his words were caught in his throat. “Can’t sleep.”

  “Me, either.” The door did not budge.

  “How about a drink?” Sam tilted his head towar
d the kitchen.

  “What about Ben?”

  “He sleeps like the dead.”

  “Okay, but you’re going to have to put this on.” She rolled her eyes as she grabbed a T-shirt from his room and tossed it to him.

  Sam poured them each two fingers of bourbon. Maya held hers and leaned against the kitchen counter.

  * * *

  “HERE’S TO TEENAGERS.” Sam raised his glass and Maya raised hers as well, a smile playing at her lips. They both drank. Maya swallowed hers easily. “I don’t think I knew you were a bourbon drinker.”

  “Lots of things you don’t know about me.” The smile made a full show of it, even lighting her eyes.

  “I’d like to know all those things.” Sam gripped her gaze in his. The smile faded, replaced by caution. “Anyway—” He changed the subject so she didn’t run off. “I found a place in Queens that I really like for the practice.” He spoke in hushed tones, a sliver of moonlight their only light.

  “In Queens?” Every part of her, her face, her voice, her gaping mouth, looked like she was overflowing with excitement at this news. It was everything Sam could do to not kiss her. “Samantha will be thrilled.”

  “Well.” Sam found his voice after a moment. “Let’s not say anything until I can make it official. I’m signing papers this week.” He took another sip of the warming liquid. Actually, he had still been deciding between that place and a place in Manhattan, but when her eyes lit up like that, he’d made his decision. It was the best thing to do. For Samantha, of course. They sipped in silence for a moment; the moonlight silhouetted Maya’s profile and Sam was taken back to the first time he saw her like that. It had been the night of their first movie together. The night he fell in love with her.

  Maya continued to sip her bourbon slowly, looking a bit more relaxed. “You know, I’m very proud of you. It isn’t easy to make a huge career change. Here you are, going after what you always wanted.”

  “Well, it’s time I did things for the right reasons. And if we’re handing out compliments, then bravo to you for forgiving my mother.” Another solid sip. “You make it look easy.”

  “It’s actually not that hard when you see her with Samantha. She’s a different person.”

  “My dad would say she’s the woman he fell in love with.” Sam surprised himself at his own lack of skepticism.

  “He may be right.” It was clear she still believed in true love.

  The bourbon was warm and relaxing. A sense of peace fell over him, and for the first time since that summer, Sam was calm, in the moment. There was, in fact, nowhere he’d rather be, than right here, right now, with Maya. “Although that practice isn’t necessarily the only thing I’m going after.” He dropped his voice to a whisper and held Maya’s gaze.

  Her eyes widened, and her body grew tense. “About what happened earlier tonight...”

  “What about it?” He moved slightly closer to her.

  “It’s a good thing nothing happened.” She drank again, avoided his eyes.

  “Is it?” he whispered, but didn’t move. His entire focus right now was on her lips. He tried to remember what it felt like to kiss her, but the memory of it failed him while she stood in front of him.

  “Well, yes.” She fidgeted with her glass, trying not to look at him, but no matter where she looked, her eyes ended up on his. “I’m seeing someone.”

  Sam nodded. “True, but a few dates hardly—” He spoke slowly, studying her. If he was not mistaken, her gaze kept falling to his mouth, even while she held her glass between them.

  She licked her lips. “It’s more than a few dates.”

  The moonlight shifted to her face. He was close enough to see her eyes darken, but not close enough to feel her breath. Sam’s gaze shifted from her eyes to her lips. Right then, he didn’t care that she was seeing someone, or that Ben slept mere feet away. Right then, he realized that he had been missing her for sixteen years.

  “Samantha doesn’t know everything that I do.” She was still talking. “And anyway, he asked me to go away with him next weekend.” She took a large swallow of bourbon. “And I said yes.”

  He snapped his gaze back to her eyes. The bourbon did nothing to keep his insides from quaking. Somehow, he was able to keep his voice calm. “You’ve been dating him for hardly a month.”

  Maya downed the remainder of her drink. “What I do is really none of your concern.” She put down her glass and brushed past him. He gently grabbed her arm.

  “I never should have let you leave.” Frustration added desperation to his voice. He didn’t care. “I should have come back for you again and again, until we were back together. I wish that I had come back for you.” If he could hold her, she would know. She would know that he belonged to her—always had and always would. She would know that she belonged with him.

  Something in her softened, her breath quickened. She looked at his hand on her arm, and gently pulled free of him. “Don’t beat yourself up about it, Sam. I had my mind made up.” Without looking at him, she started back to his bedroom.

  “Did you really?” He turned so he could see her.

  She hesitated midstep before continuing to bed.

  Sam poured himself another finger of bourbon, but this time, the drink failed to calm him.

  Ben’s sleepy voice interrupted his thoughts. “Looks like you actually might have to fight for her.”

  * * *

  SAM FOUND SLEEP only in the wee hours of the morning. The thought of Maya with another man had gnawed at his insides, making sleep all but impossible. He woke to hushed voices and the inviting scent of coffee from the kitchen. Ben and Maya were laughing over their morning brew. Ben’s feet dangled from where he was seated on the counter, and Maya leaned against the granite next to him. They looked like they’d known each other their whole lives. Maya laughed as she squeezed Ben’s hand, and Sam was visited by the warm feeling that he was watching his family. He walked over to the coffeepot.

  Maya studied Ben’s face. “You look just like Sam, except his hair has curls. And the eyes. You have your mom’s green eyes. Other than that, you could be brothers.”

  Sam poured himself a cup of coffee. “We are.”

  His warm feeling was cooled by Maya’s tight smile, and he absently gulped the hot coffee.

  “Morning.” She stifled a yawn.

  Sam’s mouth was slightly scalded and he tried to be subtle while sucking in some cool air. “Didn’t—didn’t you sleep well?” More cool air.

  “No, I slept fine. Bourbon is great for sleep.” She stifled another yawn.

  Sam carefully sipped his coffee and shrugged, amused that she was lying. Her hair was in a ponytail, and she was wearing her clothes from last night. She was stunning.

  Ben had silently watched this exchange, and now rolled his eyes as he mumbled something inaudible. He clapped his hands together, and then spoke loud enough for all to hear. “Ahh, Sammy! What d’ya say we get this show on the road?” Ben cackled with glee.

  The three of them spent the next thirty minutes making as much noise as possible while they cooked the greasiest breakfast they could. Halfway through, Samantha finally emerged, her hair tousled, and alternately holding her head and her belly. “What is happening?” She groaned. “Dad? Mom?”

  Maya hugged her daughter. “Not feeling so great, huh?”

  Sam folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the counter. “Must’ve been some study session last night.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “Get your project done, did you?”

  “What?” Samantha appeared to be supremely confused as she plopped down at the island and rested her head on it.

  Maya kissed her daughter on the head. “I have to get to class. You’ll be in good hands here.”

  Maya waved goodbye to Ben and rushed out the door. Sam quickly followed, barefoot, in his haste.

&nbs
p; “I’ll come get her after class.” Maya pushed the elevator call button.

  “Actually, I need to go into Queens to speak to my real estate agent.”

  “On a Saturday?”

  “The sooner the better.”

  Silence. Sam moved closer to Maya, rested his hand on her cheek. “Maya, don’t go.”

  She tensed and removed his hand. “I have to go to class, Sam.”

  “Don’t go away. With him.”

  The elevator door opened, and she stepped in. “It’s what I want.” She pressed the button for the lobby.

  Something in the defiant way she threw those words at him spurred Sam into action. He stepped into the elevator just as the doors closed. “Are you sure?” His voice was low, almost a growl. They were alone. He had thirty-one floors to find out how sure she was. He reached behind her and released her hair from the ponytail. Thirty floors. Her breath caught as her hair cascaded in waves of dark silk over his hand. He threaded his fingers into the soft strands, cupping the back of her head. Twenty-nine.

  “Sam...” It was a whisper.

  He leaned down. “Don’t. Say. Anything.” He said the words softly onto her lips as he pressed his mouth against hers. His kiss was gentle, not pressing. She opened her mouth and he pulled back slightly in case she was going to protest, but then she pressed her mouth to his and kissed him back. This kiss was different than kisses on the porch, making out in the car, or even the early passion of the bed-and-breakfast. This kiss was about forgiveness and new beginnings. This kiss was about falling in love again.

  When she did not push him away, his kiss became more insistent. Maya responded by pressing closer to him. He deepened their kiss, drinking in the honeysuckle fragrance of her, mixed with coffee on her lips, intoxicated by the essence that was Maya. She clung to him, her arms around him, pulling him even closer. He lifted her up and she automatically wrapped her legs around his waist. He brushed his mouth along the soft skin on her neck, and a low moan in her throat vibrated against his lips. He grinned against her lips as he pressed her against the elevator wall, his hands on her bottom, their bodies melting into each other. She loved him. It was right there in her kiss.