Desensitizer

by Kaero Davis

  Enter Scenario

  “I’m glad I got out of doing this when I did. I quit long before I’d had so much that I was as hooked as a junkie. Who knows what would’ve happened to me as it would’ve progressed. Jail? Perhaps worse like death – and if I kept going it would’ve gotten far worse and I would’ve been looking at being buried. God knows how my parents would’ve reacted – or rather over-reacted. I’m seriously glad I’d stopped before any real addiction settled in. My mother – being a nurse – would warn me what would happen if I took speed – how my brain would shrink, and I’d become far worse set in my ways than I am now. And I know I can be difficult to handle on occasion. I could never say it enough – fuck I’m glad I never died. Fuck I’m glad I’d avoided jail – and thank fuck I haven’t had anything to do with the shit, speed, ice, ecstasy /MDMA – since I quit the shit. Going over 5 years ago now. And I haven’t missed it one bit – actually, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it from time to time, but never touched it again since. I’ve missed the feeling occasionally, the ups of it and yes, even the scattering down. I enjoyed the scatter almost as much as the vibrant boost I had on it and always tried to utilize it to the best of my advantage. I didn’t take it for granted, but I wasn’t compelled to it either. It was a social thing and a lot of the time my habit, really was just rewarded with it for things I’d do to help mates out from time to time. More often than not I’d head over to me mates – just to get out of the house to have a change of scenery, for some kind of freedom. And I still don’t regret it. Some of my friends meant more to me than some of my actual family. Hell, I considered a good few of my friends my family.” – Bula-Vel.

  Meth Amphetamine (Ice)

  The most pure form of speed,

  Is the narcotic, Meth Amphetamine,

  Shaping needs to the worst of deeds,

  Such terror should never be seen,

  A havoc reaping nightmare,

  To send loved ones scared,

  No victim is left spared,

  You’re never too prepared,

  There’s no such thing as nice,

  Once you play with the drug called ice,

  More just won’t suffice,

  You get hooked, you’re enticed,

  Sure, you’ll be up all night,

  Soon, you’ll be pickin’ fights,

  Looking for your next big high,

  Because the ride back down will make you cry,

  You’ll lie, you’ll steal,

  You might even kill,

  Just to get your fill,

  On that next big thrill,

  This substance shrinks your brain,

  Before long you’re deranged,

  And you can’t reverse the change,

  Once it’s driven you insane,

  You push your family and friends away,

  Your body slowly starts to decay,

  You lose weight and track of days,

  Organization is soon led astray,

  It’s too late ’til you’re aware,

  You’ve lost everyone who cared,

  This drug will surely take its’ fare,

  Too far gone for prayer,

  You’re just gambling your life dice,

  Every time you take ice,

  The day will come you’ll pay the price,

  For never giving up this vice,

  There’s a reason why you’ll go to prison,

  When you’ve got ice inside your system,

  You become quick tempered and struggle to listen,

  Driven to see crimson with such little suspicion,

  You’ll begin to feel,

  These delusions are real,

  And you’d fight your way through steel,

  To reveal falsities concealed,

  You’ll soon waste your mind,

  As much as your time,

  And you’ll fall blind to the bind,

  That kept you confined…

  Exit Scenario

  “Drugs of this calibre will eventually destroy everything beloved to us; friends, family, work, business, pleasure – our minds, physical appearance as well as interior bodily damage – physical damage to our brains and of course emotional and mental health. It does more damage than good, and you’d be a fool to not recognise it, even bigger a fool to deny it and fight over it. What’s worse is that people don’t even realize when it is indeed affecting them big-time. It can become a real battle separating the person from the addiction. It can actually get extremely violent, dangerous. You’ve got to know where your limits lie – knowing yourself, what you can or can’t handle, and the self-control one should have to show they are accepting the narcotic well and being responsible about it. Like not leaving sharp dangerous equipment just lying around for infants to pick up and harm themselves with. With either the drug or the implement or both. And circumstances can get very gradually out of hand for whichever person uses. Circumstances get graver for the children – if there are any around – relationships between family members, and connections with friends. People all around soon notice the danger you’d become either to yourself or to others. They’ll notice when something’s not right. And the longer and more frequent the use, means a building tolerance in which case you’ll soon be doubling or tripling your intake, and with this shit – there IS such a thing as TOO MUCH. Pull yourself out of it if you do smoke the shit and do still have the control while you can because you’re on the road to ruin my friend. Really look and really see what’s happening around you.” – Bula-Vel.

  Enter Scenario

  “Never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Expect the lowest and dirtiest tactics a desperate combatant will resort to in their losing cause. Get dirty with ’em kickin’ up dirt. Be as swift in your smite as your foe and you just might arise from the fight a little better off. It surprises the assailant enough when using tools, weapons, and tactics against them. And not be suckered in by the sweetness of lies yourself. Keep the best distances and defences you can whilst engaged with the enemy. Know there is nothing they wouldn’t do to trick you and deceive you. Don’t fall for the simplest of baits. Be ahead of your opponent and expect any wicked, sly, and sinister moves. Expect any form of play and be vigilant the best you can, develop a sixth sense in the back of your head and feel where your enemy might be watching. Feel your opponent and rush them, pace them.” – Moushaireguis.

  Michael Incarnate

  Pretender to the betrayer,

  Defender of the Saviour,

  Clever chameleon two-faced tactics,

  Truths bent stretched like elastic,

  Lies cheating lies,

  A demise well despised,

  The prize, jeopardized,

  Capsized, compromised,

  Ally to the alpha,

  Eye out for the sulphur,

  Catapaulting into battle the apocalyptic,

  All out assaulting to rattle the cataclysmic,

  The devil raging in hopeless flail,

  His fate resting further beyond the pale,

  Purgatory, the place he’ll truly hail,

  Weakened, seasoned, helpless, frail,

  Lies cheating lies,

  A demise well despised,

  Hopes for the prize, all jeopardized,

  Capsized, compromised,

  He’ll lose far, far more,

  Than he ever bargained for,

  For I, slayer of the betrayer,

  Shall forever protect the Saviour,

  Exit Scenario

  “I’ll fight ’til my last dying breath. I’ll never forget what I’m fighting for nor why but I’ll do it with all the strength, love, faith and grace within me to protect and defend my father, his son and the spirit. Dishonour is no option and I’ll die before I betray my orders. I’ll be dam
ned if I join my brother and his twisted ideals. And that is completely out of the question. My name is Michael and I have a duty, a post to hold and I’ll defend it with every ounce of my being. Failure is out of the question. I will be wary of my opponent and be ever cautious. He won’t make a move without me there to pick up on it within my senses and he’ll fail his attempts. I won’t rest ’til I know all is safe and well. I’ll fight my best and give it my all – and I won’t fail.” – Moushaireguis.

  Enter Scenario

  “I have contemplated many scenarios, consequences, I have schemed and strategized and attempted many times to account for flaws, hiccoughs, and potentially upsetting failures at unexpected and surprising intervals throughout the course of whichever endeavour I fancy to embark. I try to account for any ill fortune and methodically formulate a counter strategy to disrupt any fall or setback. Stop, think, meticulate and negotiate a new means to ascend. Of course, as I normally advise, I speak in figurative proportion to include a much broader spectrum of subject, a kind of hypothetically manipulated interpretation designed to influence an illumination over previous faults, however, my advice is then interpreted by audience amidst themselves, becoming then the discretion solely kin to whomever seeks to experience themselves. There is motif, the rationale behind the driving force it takes to achieve whatever desires and dreams one aspires. Motif, is a neutral thing, it’s whether it is used by some for self-gratification, justice, satisfaction – and on a level conscious only to one’s self – or – utilized in positive circumstances, where there is intentional gain and benefit for a surplus of people, for selflessness. Here’s the twist; one can still be selfless for selfish reasons. And it took me some time to figure it out on my own, but it is arguably about one of the best motives to question as it does and can in fact, positively impact a wider populous of people. It may be for peace, tranquillity – material gain such as riches and fame, or out of sympathy/ empathy or even for some more intense, insidious purpose. And it is possible that these all can weave and meld to benefit all.” – Korogg.

  Motif

  When you’ve got the drive,

  It’s time to come alive,

  When they try to pry the why,

  It’s then it’s time to hide,

  When in need, it’s necessity,

  It’s fuck, I’ve gotta get that shit for me,

  Take the opportunity – before they see,

  And hide behind credible deniability,

  When you’ve got the drive,

  It’s time to come alive,

  It’s when they try to pry out the why,

  It’s then it’s time to hide,

  When in covet, necessities redundant,

  It’s, fuck I want that shit – I love it,

  Instant desire once discovered,

  And absence means to suffer –

  Yeah, absence means to suffer,

  Impulsive compulsion to acquire,

  That precious, special, something required,

  A trespass in concoction to transpire,

  Timing to conspire is dire,

  Timing to conspire is dire,

  Timing to conspire is dire,

  For the value shalt surely expire,

  It’s when you’ve got the drive,

  It’s time to come alive,

  When they try to pry out why –

  It’s then it’s time to hide,

  Exit Scenario

  “It’s by peoples’ opinions alone that define what characteristics are considered offensive. But does anybody ever have a chance at justifying their actions based on a biased opinion when an ‘apparent’ “alleged” “offense” took place? Who’s to really say it was an offense when society is far too sensitive, too soft, too young, too uneducated, too far behind anyway? By who’s standards are we offending? What if I say it fucking offends me that you want to lock up people who’ve only been pushed to extremes, people involuntarily involved in a sick and twisted plan to fall scapegoat to destruction – for the pride, theft, debasement, and sinister pleasures of another too weak to achieve with his/ her own bare hands? People who’re too weak and sensitive that they just leech off the benefits of the strong, bold, courageous, fit, and sane. People who poison others and thieve from them all reputation, riches, fame, trespassing against each other for want of what they could never get themselves on their own, these people never have the capability to make it on their own without having taken down another. It offends me to lock up people who’ve only committed deeds out of desperation and repulsive repugnance for unjust law, and condemnation. By who’s fucking standards are we to say we’re offended? If you can’t handle it – skip passed it. Let it go, what business is it of yours anyway? If it doesn’t involve you – why fucking worry? Why even give a fuckin’ shit? Theft, can happen to anyone at any time and theft is a fucking broad term that can be interpreted figuratively for anything, theft of time, reputation, riches, happiness, peace, material shit, theft of love, passion, attention, empathy/ sympathy, patience, state of mind, security, trust/ faith, outlook/ perception, energy, effort, and the list continues. And that alone is just one example of motif” – Korogg.

  Enter Scenario

  “Mum – at some point you’re gonna have to let go, just be patient and watch and have faith that I’ll make it out there fine. You’ve always liked to think you know what’s best for me when all the time you’ve only amplified the dissatisfactory inconvenience with more complications. You thought you were helping me, but you only made matters worse for me and the more you press – the more harm you do. I love you and I hate making you upset but I want you to see you upset me. Please leave me to my devices. You’ve been far too over-protective that I am nothing like my friends nor other personalities I’ve met. I’ve been set back behind everyone else – and have had to learn things on my own- things you could never teach me – and I’ve had to face other things you could never shelter me from no matter that you tried with all your might. And did you ever think how that would later affect me after sheltering me all my life and then finally; have to figure it all out on my own at this age? Did you ever think for one second you’d kept me from excelling so that I miss out on all the things my peers were doing at my age – that by the time I got to that point – everyone else would’ve been long gone, and I would have had to be stuck within age groups under me? How was that fair? It’s taken me longer to catch up to people around my age who’ve already made it out on their own before me – and, I have to work harder to achieve similar lifestyle for myself although later than everybody else. Please let me go and let me do what I want to do – allow me to do the things I love to do – what I need to do. If you don’t limit me – I won’t be as painfully limited when I return my association with you. Have faith, let go, I apologize for upsetting you but I love you.” – Cabbaccaba.

  My Life

  There’s a lot about me you’re just not going to like,

  You won’t want to hear it but this is all MY life,

  Yes there’s going to be things you won’t agree with,

  But my life is only for me to live,

  No one can change the way I think,

  And maybe I need to smoke and drink,

  Why don’t you see the beauty of free will?

  In my own way I use my own skill,

  If you can’t love me for who I am,

  You are never going to understand,

  It’s not my fault you can’t see past your differences,

  But you’ll always live how you want without my interference,

  You need to remember I never picked at you,

  For anything that you ever wanted to do,

  But every time you feel you have to interfere,

  I just wish you would fucking disappear,

  I shouldn’t have to apologize for being aggressive,

  When all you want
to do is test me,

  And then you don’t even want to respect me,

  So how or why could you even be expecting?

  It goes both ways to make it work,

  And I don’t see how you’re worth the hurt,

  I’m far more human than you’ve ever treated me,

  And I thank the lord I am finally free,

  Exit Scenario

  “I mean peace mum, you’re the only mother I have, the only mother I wanted to know – and without you I really, really wouldn’t be alive today. Without you I wouldn’t have made it past my infant stage – but you know more about what kind of hell times were back then, you know more about it than you could tell me, but, without you I wouldn’t have survived it through to be the size and strength and entity that I am today. I appreciate everything you’ve ever done for me no matter how difficult it was, clothing me, feeding me and sheltering me – educating me, my brother and my sister – and I love you and thank you with all my heart for doing the best you could regarding the circumstances – and they were shitty at times. I am your oldest son, and I am uncannily as similar to you than you might be capable of seeing but none the less I am proud to call you my mother and am equally as proud to be your son, thank you for doing the best you could all that time, it wasn’t the best but it could’ve been entirely a whole lot worse – but, still, I am thankful nonetheless. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for you. But I’m finding it is time for me to be getting out there to do my own thing, I love you mum, bless you.” – Cabbaccaba.