Desensitizer

by Kaero Davis

  Enter Scenario

  “There’s thing’s about me I’d like to change and yet there’re things about me I believe are perfectly fine and would leave well alone. And then there are things about me that could possibly do with some working on or fixing up. Thing is, I’m real – genuine, and there’s really not too much of me fake. I’d rather not follow so much but carve my own path, excluded of similarities to others. Everybody’s different. What might work for one man isn’t necessarily going to work for another. I don’t have all the answers to everything but somehow, I’ve always been pretty cluey at finding solutions. It’s been difficult to get others to listen to me from a young age – I don’t know why but not too many people thought that I could’ve been wise. Maybe I’m not but how do you get people to listen to you when you think they should? That’s almost always stumped me – and sadly a good lot of ’em think they know better, just never show it. Either they do know or they’re full of shit – or, just too selfish to show they know any different and stubborn to see passed their differences. Pisses me right off but fuck, what do you do? Arseholes are always going to invite a nasty karma into their lives without realizing it, and it’ll bite them in the arse dozens of times before they begin to see it. A lot of them wouldn’t see what they’re doing wrong. Some idiots just won’t learn and there’s no telling them. They’ll all get what’s coming to them the hard way – but when there’s a crucial point in time comes around – steer clear because they’ll take it out on everybody else but themselves. And they’ll never claim responsibility for it. It’s childish in a way – but they genuinely don’t have the slightest clue some of them. If you’re around someone and can foresee a maelstrom drawing in from the distance – steer clear if you know the course well and you know it’s not worth the trouble. But me, I like to keep an open mind, I observe and learn – not just from my own but the mistakes of others as well, I’m always on the look-out for a moment where I might show I can know better but attempt to have it work second nature, but never rub it in, never gloat – if someone wants to say something about it then, I’d attempt to emphasize why I did it that way whatever it was and why and that it’ll most definitely go in my favour.” – Zicque.

  My Life And I

  It seems the divine have further plans for me,

  I couldn’t fathom why and I just don’t see,

  Could I be destined for something great?

  Is it fate that have all these barriers to break?

  Even through my illness, shines my intellect,

  Met many envious that never shared respect,

  But such character like mine is rarely matched,

  If anybody really knew me they’d soon grow attached,

  My persona is deceiving,

  And few know how to take me,

  I’m easy going and grounded to earth,

  Though I look about ready to hurt,

  It takes a lot to piss me off,

  No matter that I implore others to stop,

  There’s a lot of folk that crack me up,

  And I can’t help but laugh,

  But I know of pain and misery well,

  And pray none feel as low as I’ve felt,

  I rush to the aid of those upset,

  And do my best to help those forget,

  I know I’m intense and pretty extreme,

  And there are no limits to what I dream,

  And in that aspect I’m a real air-head,

  But I know I want to live and never feel dead,

  And like many I have up’s and down’s,

  And occasionally can’t have many around,

  Sometimes I’m a little unpredictable,

  And feel sometimes, invincible,

  Oh yes, I’ve had fights,

  Not necessarily been in the right,

  Had many a matter of misconceptions,

  That sadly led to unwanted tensions,

  I’ve always only ever wanted peace,

  And thought I’d only receive it deceased,

  But I’ve gone out on my own and finally found it,

  Grown a little and matured and been astounded,

  Got no regrets and I’ll never forget,

  Happy and glad and quite content,

  Nothing nasty to say or wish on anyone,

  And my journey ain’t quite yet done,

  I have a fair lot more to work toward,

  An ultimate of a prize to score to finally applaud,

  Millions more lives to touch and embrace,

  And elevation to a more glorious place…

  Exit Scenario

  “One of the most selfless acts is putting others before yourself. And since I never felt very high priority as a child to my folks – I guess it made it easy for me to assume this train of thought, and make it almost lifestyle-ish. It kind of sucks to feel less of importance to somebody else but, it does make it easier when they’re the centre of attention – sure, misery should never go unnoticed but hey, if it doesn’t bring someone else down so long as they don’t know about it – the less fuss the better, especially if you can’t escape being around others that only make your misery worse. Yeah – I know – I’ve been there countless times and have always favoured keeping to the shadows and being unnoticed as possible shit, I’ve never wanted to be absorbed into the attention of others that my drama becomes theirs. We all need a hand-up sometimes, mine just seemed to always come last – if there was a chance that I’d get a hand-up. I was always first to offer assistance to someone if I saw them struggling with something, even if it weren’t my place. I just don’t want to see any of my fellow race fail or fall behind – and I meant the entire human race – I will never segregate any one race between countries, no, I’ve always been this way and am pretty well set in it now. I genuinely care and can see past differences – I accept others as they are so long as I’ve been and am being treated acceptably. I don’t expect anything from anyone at all but rather just be surprised. Just let things be the way that they’ll go.” – Zicque.

  Enter Scenario

  “You know, it might be possible there’s a good reason for going backwards. Perhaps it’s to see whether we learn anything different – anything more than what we’re previously taught. Perhaps each of us has the sole purpose to experience such wastes of time at times to live to learn a lesson we couldn’t be taught by those who’d raised us. Maybe some of us learn just that little bit more to teach just as they’re undergoing martyrial procedures – teach those around them – before them – what wasn’t thoroughly explained enough prior. Lessons parents end missing teaching their children. Things that’d range from the like of courtesy to empathy and sympathy, compassion to consideration etc. why must we shun the poorly educated and unfortunate? When did we ever become so impatient, so intolerant – that we can’t see any opportunity to educate, whoever may have and ‘unintentionally’ offended someone? Punish those who know what they’re doing accordingly. Don’t laugh at someone who genuinely doesn’t know – nor fight nor argue back. Pull whoever it is up on it and communicate to them better that there is a better, more sensible way of dealing/ coming to terms with something. At times, we aren’t aware that we don’t know as much as we probably should by our age. You can never count on too many people knowing as you know. There are things that happen, that go wrong and sometimes there are things – even people who weren’t right to begin with. Too many people assume, too many people never think – never know, never become aware.” – Gjuuck.

  Names’ Sake

  Well it’s nice to know you have yourself opinions,

  Your arrogant remarks reflect your ignorance,

  And you’re no different to your cronies and minions,

  Trouble is you wouldn’t be anywhere if not with them,

  You anger worse when you see me grinning,

  I see you scowl and
loathe whenever I’m singing,

  Never a moment that I don’t see you whinging,

  And you probably never realise the difference,

  If you were to realise another path and wing it,

  You’ve never been one for any persistence,

  Nor even quite ever saw the contingence –

  The effects I’d witness, the importance of consistence,

  You always did shit your way, and couldn’t accept I was the same,

  Piled shit on my name, birthed disgrace and shame,

  I suppose to an extent I maintained innocence,

  Courtesy of intelligence via proper relevance,

  Just wish I had better vigilance for crash course imminence,

  Head-on’s where guilts built a six-foot brick fence,

  Setbacks after setbacks do a number on your head,

  Haunted by disappointments and disrespects shed,

  Cataclysmic conflict of differentiating visions,

  Your will beaten half to death setting a resistance,

  You wish for fucking once the cunts would listen,

  Failing to see any rationale behind their wisdom,

  The heat of your fury blisters your inner gizzards,

  And you go down screaming for a fist to the kisser,

  Oh, woe to the day you do shit your way,

  They’re just going to have to accept I’m the same,

  And I’m left to shovel the shit from my name,

  And rise from the ashes of disgrace and shame…

  Exit Scenario

  “It’s funny the amount of misinformation is shown whenever it slips through the cracks and is exposed. Things you can only guess at, wonder how someone doesn’t know; in regard to safety, responsibility, etiquette, eloquence – sensibility, rationale, and whatever else it takes to be humane, conscientious, and a credibly decent human being – and at the age they may be. You don’t have to be an arsehole or some mongrel bastard when illuminating on a subject, just gently and respectfully point out whatever it appears to be that there is some fault in their attitude or whatever. It might be something else. Making somebody feel terrible for something they may already feel terrible about is bullying. Not one person is any better than another – not where circumstance is concerned. You never know what or where they came from, or finally broke free of. Don’t get so pissed off at someone or something that doesn’t or can’t understand – perhaps the fault, that flaw – was in the way the subject was or wasn’t explained. It’s adding insult to injury. It’s bullying.” – Gjuuck.

  Enter Scenario

  “Where the fuck’s he gone now?”

  “How should I know – you last spoke to him,”

  “Oi – can one of you kids go out and check if your brothers’ car is still in the yard?”

  “Yeah, it’s there,”

  “Did any o’ you lot see if he’s fucked of somewhere?”

  “Nah – if he’s not in his room, he’s usually gone out,”

  “Yeah, but where is what I want to know.”

  “Well, he’s said he’s been to the beach a lot lately, seen him take his boardies and a towel.”

  “Did he say when he’ll be back?”

  “Nah…”

  “Well, if you see him before I do – tell him we wanna talk to him – got a bone to pick with your brother…”

  “Okay,”

  Oceans’ Solace

  Your darks depths of mystery,

  Fades away my misery,

  Soon to become history,

  No more embering, blistering,

  You secrete tonnes of pressure,

  Beneath your gentle, calming pleasure,

  I relax and forget my aggressor’s,

  Soon relieved, released of my tremours,

  Even as you’re thrashing maelstrom harms,

  You are as equally soothing and calm,

  I could be numb and still fall to your charms,

  My rage dissolves, and I’m soon disarmed,

  You do hold a mystical power over me,

  Never tamed and forever free,

  Still I can see your beauty,

  Midst all the mutiny

  I love to walk the shore line,

  If only for a short time,

  Regain my lost piece of mind,

  Watching your rippling, random design.

  Exit Scenario

  “If only their moods were as easily as adjustable as they expect mine to be. Told to leave and not come back in the same mood I was before I left. Yet come back home and nothing’s changed anywhere else. Nothing’s any the better than the shambles I left. At least I could gain a little peace from the ocean waves’ sounds as they crash and wash onto the beach sands. The sun glistening off the top of the surface of the water and the ripples of water as wave after wave flows in then recedes back to the sea. The cool salts in the air – the fresh breeze and cool of the water felt on your feet. Come here upset or raging and you are soon soothed to a calm by the water’s edge. It’s peaceful, and it’s just what I need.” – Ccessetti.

  Enter Scenario

  “I might have almost titled this piece ‘betrayal’ for all I had described of a friend I once thought a high regard of. Turned out he was another leech in on the ride, and the good unholy god almighty below would know I’ve met my fair share. It was hard for me to want to be around him on occasions just because of the things he’d say or laugh and carry on about. I’d always thought he’d be the kind to lead to his undoing. I haven’t spoken with him for years now, but every now and then when I am reminded by simple little things – I tend to fire up inside a little. I can’t stand for it any longer and had so written this piece. I’d gotten so fuckin’ pissed off that I miss the odd chance (back when I had the chance) to bear witness to his short-comings – or anybody else I’ve wished ill of. I’ve always missed out on the opportunity to see him as miserable as he’d made others. (funny thing is I’ve always missed every other opportunity to witness the undoing of the shit that tore me apart – all that time ago.) I’ve felt the same for others righteously deserved so of it. To be there to finally see the karma whiplash back round on them and enjoy the scramble and mess, soak in the entanglement the shit-bags had gotten themselves into. I have often fantasized about being that very karma – having the power within my own two hands. And one with the wind by which its delivered by. Too long I’ve had to fall prey unbeknownst, to others conceited, deceiving facades for their own sadistic self-gratifying pleasures. It riles me. And it makes me just want to fucking snap. It pains me deeply also seeing others fallen – succumbed to another’s treacherous ways. I call it a crime against another’s nature, a crime against another lesser experienced in these fields. It is disgrace.” – Soag.

  One Day

  One day a day is gonna come,

  That when you see me you’d better run,

  Old friend I’m gonna hit you hard,

  Disfigure your face – your skull to shards,

  You’ve threatened me once before you piece of shit,

  And I can’t let that go ignored despite your inebriation,

  I’ll have dug you out a pit out in the sticks,

  A cult cremation burning under a conflagration,

  Those past daggers in the back are obsolete material,

  It was the dagger through the heart that was the kill,

  Stone can shatter but now try pierce this heart of steel,

  If my fist to your face don’t break your neck –

  Suffocation will be the last you feel,

  One day a day is gonna come,

  That when you see me you’re gonna run,

  Old friend I’m gonna hit you fuckin’ hard,

  Disfigure your face – your skull to fuckin’ shards,

  I should’ve known
I couldn’t trust you enough,

  Its only by the expense and misery of other’s you’d laugh,

  But the time will one day come when you’ve finally had your last,

  Disintegrated to vapour under the heat of the blast,

  You’re gonna die but slow enough I know it hurts,

  And have myself a laugh seeing you receive as you deserve,

  Chips were down times a plenty – no one knew where you were,

  But I guess you can always count on cowards to dessert,

  But that one day one day will come,

  And I hope you’ve considered all you’ve done,

  Are you gonna stand and face or just fucking run?

  Cause I fucking swear I’m gonna be the one,

  Exit Scenario

  “I get to a point where I have to laugh because I hear people that betray another’s best interests and then whinge and bitch about what poor luck they have. When it comes to getting things their way at times. I laugh when I’ve seen they still haven’t quite worked out that all that does befall them wrongly – they can’t come to terms with why they are deserved so, of what comes back around. They cannot accept what consequences come swinging back around. They never like it, even though they know what they do is wrong. This feller – this fuckwit I once called a friend – would’ve often even begun a fight with someone – anyone, and barely ever win. He’d get his arse kicked every time. Or so I have heard – I was never really there just as my luck would have it. I’d miss out on all the action. Was probably for the purpose that I couldn’t assault for further injury as he was down. I would’ve but I suppose it wouldn’t’ve been worth the effort nor time behind bars. As pissed off as I can get and often do – I’m best swallowing it down until I can release whatever build-up safely – sensibly – without any true damage actually done. But one day…perhaps one day…” – Soag.