The Wild Heart

by Emrys Apollo

  That stung. “I’m not saying that! I just want to be friends. You can’t force me into anything!”

  Clint went very still. “Forcing you?” he whispered, his expression stricken. “Fine. I won’t… force you into anything. I will leave you the fuck alone.”

  “That’s not what I meant!”

  Clint raised his hands. “Sorry. I’ll be your roommate, teammate, best friend, and nothing more. That’s good, right?” Clint’s expression was calm, but Sean swallowed. Clint was so upset Sean could feel it from here and he felt terrible.

  Why did he suddenly feel as if he was making a big mistake?

  “Yes. Just like before,” Sean said quietly.

  Clint nodded. He rubbed his face with one hand, looking exhausted. He stood abruptly. “I’m going to take a shower.” And without another word, he grabbed a towel from the hotel closet and disappeared into the bathroom.

  Sean fell back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. He felt numb inside. He wondered suddenly if his impulsive decision had been a foolish one. He cried then, tears rolling into his hair.

  By the time Clint came out again, Sean had rolled onto his side, facing the opposite direction. He could hear Clint padding in. There was still more than an hour left before they had to go to breakfast and Sean wondered how he could handle much more of this tense silence.

  “I’m starving.”

  Sean looked over his shoulder, surprised. Clint was smiling at him ruefully. He was shirtless, skin damp and pale. Sean rolled onto his back, but looked away. “Me too,” he said. If Clint was going to try, he would too.

  “I always feel hungry these days.”

  Sean nodded. He felt miserable. He didn’t know how Clint was talking, but maybe Clint was secretly relieved? Maybe this had been what he’d wanted all along.

  The thought made Sean feel even more depressed. He closed his eyes and wished he was anywhere else, far away. Away from this mess.

  He could feel his bed dipping and his eyes snapped open. Clint was sitting on his bed, wearing only a towel, hair wet. His expression was very tender.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t think you’re selfish. If you want us to be friends, then-I’ll do that for you.”

  Hearing it from Clint somehow made it worse. Sean felt hollow and horrified. Did that mean no more kisses from Clint? No more touches? He wished suddenly that they could have had sex. Just one night.

  But he was so afraid. Of losing Clint. The fear was perhaps irrational, but it was so strong in Sean, it seemed to eclipse everything else he wanted.

  Sean said nothing, just looked at him, his eyes pleading, but he didn't know for what. Clint leaned forward. “Tell me what you’re afraid of.”

  “You,” Sean said softly.

  “Why me?”

  “I’m afraid we’ll break up.”

  Clint sighed a little. “Even if we do, why is that scary? I won’t walk out of your life.”

  Sean took a deep shuddering sigh. “I don’t know how I could survive it if you broke up with me and stopped talking to me.”

  Clint smiled a little. “I would never stop talking to you. Never. You’ll be old and tottering around with your cane and I’ll still be chasing you with my walker.”

  Something was loosening in Sean’s chest. Something hard and scary. “But what if I make you mad?”

  Clint’s eyes were very warm. “You make me mad a hundred times a day, and you’ve been doing that for years and years. I haven’t left yet, have I?”

  “But it’s different when we’re in a relationship.”

  “I know. But I love you so much, Sean. How could I ever leave you?”

  The words were akin to ice on a burn. It was so soothing Sean felt himself swallowing hard. He was still panicking, but at least he could breathe now. “And what about the long distance?”

  “We can fly to see each other. We can Skype. We can text. We can call.”

  “But it won’t be the same.”

  Clint laughed softly. “I feel like you’ve got an answer to everything.” He sobered. “I’m not saying it’d be a walk in the park. But I want you, Sean.”

  Sean’s breath caught in his chest. He closed his eyes. “Again,” he whispered.

  “I want you, Sean.”

  Sean opened his eyes and looked at Clint. Clint was looking at him seriously, eyes dark and intense. Sean reached out and touched Clint’s arm, pulling him gently. “Again.”

  Clint came willingly, one hand on his towel while the other maintained his balance. He scooted up right next to Sean, his hip against Sean’s, his hand bracing himself on Sean’s other side. “I want you, baby. I want you so much.”

  “Again.” Sean was still pulling on Clint’s arms, wanting to feel his touch.

  Clint leaned forward, resting most of his body on Sean’s, their lips almost touching. “I want you. I want you. I want you.”

  “Again.”

  This time, Clint spoke the words directly into Sean’s mouth, lips brushing softly, gently. “I want you.”

  Sean shivered and wrapped his arms around Clint’s neck. Clint buried his face in Sean’s neck, hugging him back hard. They were quiet for a long time, just embracing. Then Clint pulled back, his hand going back to his towel. It was coming a little loose and he reddened.

  Sean plucked at Clint, trying to make him lie down again. He felt scared when Clint wasn’t touching him.

  “Let me just put on some shorts.”

  Sean shook his head, but Clint laughed. “It’ll just take one second. I’ll be back.” He kissed Sean’s palm quickly and scrambled off the bed.

  Sean propped himself up on his elbows, staring unashamedly. Clint flushed, took his shorts and went into the bathroom. Sean sighed, but leaned back. Clint came back, wearing a t-shirt and shorts and climbed back into bed, sitting next to Sean.

  Sean picked at Clint’s shirt. “You said you were only going to wear shorts.”

  “Well. We’ll talk first, then I’ll take it off,” Clint said wickedly, leaning forward to kiss Sean gently. He tugged on Sean’s hands after breaking the kiss. “Sit up.”

  Sean sat, propping a pillow behind him. Clint sat cross-legged in front of him, both of them close. Clint took his hand, rubbing it slowly between his fingers.

  “Tell me why you’re so afraid that I’ll leave you. Don’t you trust me?”

  Sean nodded. “I do. I just-I can’t believe that you could stay with someone like me.”

  Clint shook his head. “Well, next time, come and talk to me, okay? Don’t make rash decisions. Just wake me up and we’ll talk, and I’ll convince you.” There was a mischievous glint in Clint’s eyes that made Sean smile for the first time that day.

  Sean felt a little foolish now. “I’m sorry. I just lost it. I had a panic attack.”

  “I know, and that’s okay. But next time, you have to talk to me. You can’t shut me out like that.”

  Sean nodded. Clint crept a little closer. “And what do you mean someone like you?”

  Sean looked at Clint, so close that Sean could see every beautiful eyelash. Sean’s heart began to beat a little faster. “I don’t know.”

  “Sean, you are so incredible. Do you have any idea what a wonderful person you are? You’re warm and funny and affectionate. Everyone loves you. You’re always the life of the party. Look at me. All I can do is football. But you’re amazing in every way, even football.”

  Clint was leaning very close now. “And do you know how sexy you are?”

  Sean’s mouth went very dry. “I think about your body and it makes me ache. You make me so hard.” Clint’s hand was on Sean’s stomach now, flat and pressing. “You don’t know how much I want to fuck you.”

  Involuntarily, a moan escaped Sean, but he was saved from the embarrassment by Clint kissing him hard. Sean pressed his body against Clint’s, aching for him. Clint broke the kiss, gasping, and leaned against the headboard, stretching his legs out.

  “Come here.”

&nb
sp; Sean immediately straddled him, kissing him fiercely. Clint’s hands were on Sean’s ass now, squeezing, pulling him against his crotch. Their cocks rubbed together through the material and Sean moaned, grinding against Clint.

  Clint slipped his hands under Sean’s shirt, rubbing against Sean’s burning skin. His fingers were splayed widely like he couldn’t get enough. Sean leaned back, breaking the kiss, and removed his shirt quickly.

  He reached for Clint’s. They quickly discarded Clint’s shirt too and their mouths were back on each other, desperate, hot. Sean kept rocking on Clint’s lap, rubbing their crotches together. It felt so good and Clint was so hard.

  He wanted to have Clint’s cock in his mouth now and he reached for Clint’s shorts. But Clint grabbed his hands, pulling it behind his back. Sean whined in his mouth, biting Clint’s lip in punishment. Clint chuckled against Sean’s lips, slowing their kisses a little.

  Sean wondered where Clint had gotten all this patience from. Didn’t the man want some release? How could he control himself like this?

  He tried to deepen the kiss, but Clint kept the kisses frustratingly light, purposely teasing Sean. Sean rocked hard against Clint, trying desperately to make Clint lose his cool.

  But Clint was calm as ever, one hand coming up to play with Sean’s nipples. Sean arched a little, still maintaining the kiss. “Mm,” he keened into Clint’s mouth, harder than ever.

  The pleasure was pumping through Sean’s veins, but he was determined not to come in his shorts again like a horny teenager. He forced himself to slow down a little, but his skin was burning and he was so desperate for Clint that he couldn’t help himself from bucking hard.

  Clint broke the kiss, breathing hard. He kissed the side of Sean’s neck and Sean leaned his head back to give him access. Clint sucked hard there and then blew on it softly, making Sean moan his name. Clint’s fingers slid down Sean’s abs, even as his mouth was making its way down Sean’s chest.

  He licked Sean’s nipples slowly, teasingly, distracting Sean from the hand that was moving even lower towards Sean’s crotch. Sean whimpered, his hands still held behind his back by Clint’s left hand. He struggled a little and Clint let him go.

  Immediately, Sean slid his hands into Clint’s hair, arching against Clint’s mouth. He felt like he was burning everywhere, his skin hot and his cock aching, leaking.

  Clint’s hand-the sneaky one-was somehow slipping into Sean’s shorts. Sean moaned, pulling Clint’s head up, desperate to kiss him. He must have pulled a little hard because Clint flinched a little, but didn’t complain as Sean kissed him hungrily, sliding his tongue in Clint’s mouth.

  Clint sucked his lower lip, taking it between his teeth and biting gently. His hand had found Sean’s cock and he wrapped his hand around it. It was hot and hard under his palm. Sean was gasping against his lips now. Clint very slowly stroked it, dragging the skin.

  Sean writhed, feeling like he was going mad. “Again,” he said on a shuddering breath.

  “I want you, Sean,” Clint said in a low voice, against Sean’s mouth.

  It made Sean harder and he kissed Clint sloppily, all tongues and teeth. Clint’s hand was maddeningly slow and Sean was moaning and arching up in Clint’s hands. “Please, please.”

  Clint broke the kiss and took out Sean’s cock. Sean could feel Clint’s own bulge pulsing hard on his thigh as Clint looked down at Sean’s cock. The sight of Clint looking at him, red, leaking, hard was so erotic Sean moaned in pleasure.

  Clint looked up at the sound, kissing Sean hard. He was grinding against Sean now, his hand firm and stroking Sean. Sean was gasping and sighing. “Fuck, Clint, fuck.”

  He couldn’t breathe and he pushed Clint’s head away. He closed his eyes and bit his lip. Clint’s hand was so good, dragging Sean’s skin back and forth. “Fuck, Clint, I love you, fuck.”

  He blabbed on and on, on the verge of coming as Clint, instead of speeding up, slowed down. Sean whimpered at this, his eyes opening. “Please.”

  Clint stopped his hand and pulled Sean down to kiss him again. Clint was panting too now. He was grinding his crotch firmly against Sean’s thigh and he was flushed. Sean sobbed against his mouth. “You bastard. Please, please.”

  Then Clint started again, but this time, his hand moved like lightning, stroking hard and fast. Sean cried out loud at the sudden pleasure, Clint’s tongue in his mouth.

  Clint pulled back a little and whispered, “I want you.”

  And Sean came. It felt like he wouldn’t stop coming, his cock pulsing and throbbing. He shot over Clint’s chest and hand. Clint’s hand was still moving, slowing now as he reached up to kiss Sean again.

  Sean moaned and kissed Clint, feeling the aftershocks everywhere. Finally, he reached down and held Clint’s wrist. “Stop. It’s too much.”

  Clint pulled him close, kissing him, calming him down. Sean was shaking, almost weak. “Shh,” Clint whispered.

  Sean could feel Clint throbbing against his thigh and this time, he pushed back, determined to take care of him. He reached for Clint’s crotch, but Clint caught his hand. “No, Sean. Not yet.”

  Sean frowned. “Why?”

  “I’m not ready. I need some time.”

  Sean clambered off, feeling cold. He realized his cock was still out and he flushed, pulling a tissue quickly from the nightstand. He handed one to Clint before grabbing one for himself, wiping himself quickly and tucking his cock back in his shorts.

  “Why aren’t you ready?”

  Clint smiled. “It doesn’t mean I don’t trust you. But I’ve never had sex with a guy. It’s hard to wrap my brain around. I just need a little time.”

  Sean nodded, still feeling a little odd. Clint leaned across and kissed Sean quickly. “Stop over thinking.”

  That made Sean laugh. “Okay,” he said, grinning, kissing Clint back.

  Clint pulled back after a little while. “We have to get ready.”

  Sean groaned, pressing into Clint. “No, please. We’ll skip it.”

  Clint laughed, knowing Sean wasn’t serious. “I’ll go take a shower, okay? Then we’ll go to breakfast.”

  Then with Sean grumbling and pouting, Clint kissed Sean lightly and went into the shower.

  Sean fell back on the bed and felt a lightness spread through his body and realized it was joy. He hadn’t been this happy in a long long time.

  Smiling, he went to put on his training clothes and knew it was going to be a good day.

  A very good one.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Training was probably the most fun Sean had had in a long time. He was fully aware it was because he was giddy about Clint and it was making him find everything and anything hilarious. He spent half the training laughing in joy and the other playing football with the kind of enthusiasm he usually reserved for matches.

  Emerson was pleased at both his hard work and that his playful mood was rubbing off on everyone else, relaxing everyone’s stretched nerves and generally promoting a feeling of well-being. Clint was quiet as always, though he smiled often and winked at Sean whenever their eyes met.

  Sean found that both highly distracting and disorienting so he avoided Clint, preferring to warm up next to Paxton and generally keep him company. Paxton seemed pleased with this arrangement and when Sean scored a goal, they danced, celebrating just a little more than usual just to annoy everyone else.

  Maurice, hands on hips, shook his head at them, smiling.

  But Sean’s mood couldn’t be deflated. He knew Clint was often watching him, his eyes warm, but Sean didn’t care. Well, he did, but he forced himself not to look too much at Clint. That seemed futile, though, because they always seemed to end up next to each other, fingers brushing, thighs touching as Clint passed him.

  Once, Sean was frowning and listening to Emerson’s tactics, and when he backed up, still deep in thought, he bumped right into Clint. Surprised-hadn’t Clint been on the other side of the huddle?-he flushed deeply and hurried off, ignoring Clint’s
chuckle.

  He figured out only later that Clint was doing it on purpose, whether to tease Sean or because he was flirting with him. It only made Sean giddier and his mood kept climbing, and even when Maurice tackled him so hard that he sprawled on the ground, he only laughed, half-groaning in pain.

  It was Clint who came over to pull him up, leaning over him. The position was so reminiscent of last night that Sean blushed like a beet and smacked Clint’s calf, knowing he was doing it on purpose. Clint’s eyes were wicked and he grinned, hands tugging Sean’s, deftly hoisting him to his feet.

  Clint didn’t retreat as Sean bounced up so that Sean ended up standing very close to Clint. Clint smirked, his eyes lingering on Sean’s mouth.

  Sean froze for only a second before quickly jogging away, head whirling. He had to physically wipe a silly smile from his face with his hand, afraid everyone would see and realize that he was just a little too happy today.

  He glanced at Clint and saw that he was impassive, but that his eyes were dancing with mischief. Sean huffed and looked away, but his stomach flipped and he had to again stop himself from smiling.

  When they went back to the lockers, Sean skipped ahead, determined not to have to deal with Clint’s shirtless chest. He rushed quickly to the showers before any of his teammates had even entered the locker room.

  He didn’t linger in the shower like he usually did, thinking to change before Clint finished showering so that he wouldn’t have to deal with those stupid knowing eyes. But he was astonished to find Clint sitting on the bench, showered and dressed, smiling triumphantly at Sean.

  “How?”

  Clint laughed. “Serves you right. I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t gone running into the showers.” His voice was low.

  Everyone had disappeared into the showers and although they could come out any time, Sean and Clint were temporarily alone. Sean felt his cheeks reddening and he raised his chin, shaking his head at Clint.

  “I didn’t run. I was lightly jogging to cool down,” Sean grumbled, walking to his locker, heart beating a little faster.