by Cee, DW
“How was potty-time, Alex?” Marcus asked just to annoy me.
“Good.” My daughter was all smiles going back to her coloring.
“Your daddy doesn’t look all that good after that experience.”
“Damn. I don’t know how Jenna makes this look so easy. It took me forty-five minutes to get out of the house with this little one. Why in the hell couldn’t we meet at my house like I asked?”
“Because I wanted you to have the full daddy-daycare experience.”
“You’re an asshole,” I grumbled.
“Asshole? What’s that word, Daddy?”
“Shit!” I moaned, aloud.
“Shit? Asshole?” My daughter giggled. “I like it.” Then she proceeded to repeat the words into her memory bank.
“You’re in deep shit, Man.”
“Deep shit. Deep shit. Deep shit.” Alex repeated the words and giggled too many times for my liking.
“All right, enough with this. Let’s get down to business,” I demanded.
For the next fifteen minutes, Alex was blessedly occupied. She sang to herself and played with the myriad of toys she insisted we bring to the restaurant. Every time I did her bidding and took out a new toy, Marcus’ grin only got bigger and more vocal. By the time we brought out the “typer,” Marcus almost fell off his chair.
“What the hell, Xander? I wondered what was in that immigration-sized suitcase of yours.”
“Shut up, Marcus.”
“Have you ever thought of saying no to your daughter? We’ve been out to dinner all last week with your family, and I’ve never seen Jenna bring anything but a few books and a stuffed animal.” Marcus proceeded to take a picture of the toys that had dwarfed our four-top.
“Who are you sending that to?”
“Your wife and mine. Maybe even Johnny and Mags.” Great. Now everyone else was in on Marcus’ joke.
“I’d really appreciate it if we can finish this up before the food came out, Marcus. Alex needs her nap.”
“All right, Mr. Daddy Daycare.”
Before we could do much else, the food had arrived and I went about putting my daughter’s crap away.
When the servers laid our food before us, I had another terrifying moment ahead of me.
“I want chicken and fries, Daddy!” My daughter insisted.
“Sweetheart, they don’t have chicken tenders here so I got you a lobster mac and cheese with peas. You need to eat something green.”
“NO! You eat something green.” As if I needed to give more ammunition to my soon-to-be ex friend. He started videotaping my conversation with my daughter. “I want chicken and fries!” My daughter was having an all-out war with me at an upscale restaurant.
“Here, Alex. Try some of this lobster mac and cheese. It’s yummy.” I scooped up a bite and handed it to her. To my great delight and surprise, she actually took the fork from my hand and put it in her mouth.
I was relieved as hell—that was until she burned her tongue on the scalding pasta and hollered in pain. How the fuck was I to know that the mac and cheese would be that hot? She wouldn’t stop crying and the onlookers wouldn’t stop gawking, or chuckling.
“Put the damn phone down and help me!” I pleaded and threatened.
Being a few months’ senior on fatherhood, Marcus stood up, went to the bar and quickly came back with a Shirley Temple.
“Here you go, Alex. Uncle Marcus brought you a treat for your burnt tongue.”
My two-year-old was instantly soothed with the sugary substance gliding down her throat. “Look, Daddy! It’s a cherry. I have three cherries.”
“Damn you, Marcus. Now, she’s going to be high on sugar.”
“Better you than me.” He was back to videotaping our exchange.
In the end, Alex ended up eating my seafood salad and I ended up with a gourmet mac and cheese with peas. My damn friend guffawed all the way through lunch.
One day, when I overcame the trauma of today, I’d get Marcus back.
*******
“Hi Jenna. How’s it going?”
“Lex! You’re a hard one to get a hold of. How’ve you been? Where’ve you been? I never got to thank you for taking care of my daughter while we were on our honeymoon.”
“I hardly call two nights on a remote island a honeymoon. Xander told me he was going to take you to Europe for a month.”
“Well, we just came back from London and after today, I don’t know that he’s going to want to deal with any more time changes for a while.” We both laughed, thinking about the videos and pictures sent to us. “I can’t believe he took that heavy typewriter to lunch with them. He’s going to be in so much trouble if he keeps doing everything she asks.”
“He’s just head-over-heels in love with her like he is with you. Think what will happen when you have more kids. He’ll buy each child to his and her heart’s content. You’ll have to get a bigger house just for the toys.”
“Oh, I don’t think so. I’m going to have a talk with him when I get home.”
“Are you headed home already?”
“Yeah. My eight hours are done.”
“You want to meet for dinner tonight? I have a lot to tell you, and I need your advice on a few things.”
“Come over. Hopefully, we can get Alex down early. Then we can have the entire evening to ourselves. If this is a private matter, we can send your brother into the office and close the door.”
“All right. I’ll bring a banana cream pie from that bakery you both like.”
“Perfect. See you soon.”
Driving home, I thought about how content I was for the first time in a very long time. Even after Alex was born, as happy as I was to have her, I was never this content. Love, marriage, husband, child, a home to share—they were all too wonderful for words. If pregnancy wasn’t such a difficult time for me, I’d consider popping about a dozen kids. Xander was fantastic with our only daughter. I couldn’t imagine how much more fun it would be to live with a gaggle of children.
We’d been married for almost three weeks now and it’d been a little over two weeks since we’d made love the first time. When it happened, I hadn’t thought about the timing of it all, but now that I was a few days late with my period, I realized we might have created another baby our first time again. Xander would be so pleased. This time, I wanted to do the whole pregnancy test together, with my husband. I had bought the kit during my lunch hour and couldn’t wait to share the possible news. Whether or not I was jumping the gun, it was exciting to come home with possible good news.
I pulled into the garage and was surprised not to see Xander’s car. I had thought he’d be home by now. When I had called him, he was leaving the restaurant at about the same time I left work. Maybe they stayed longer than expected.
I walked into our house, eager to set the pregnancy test on our bathroom counter for Xander to find. Maybe I’d take the test and just leave him to find the results positive, but throw everything away if it’s negative? No, the better way would be for him to find the tester and for us to do it together. Xander had missed out on all this excitement the first time. Never again would he or I be separated when I had news to share—good or bad.
Damn. Now, I was nervous and more contemplative than necessary. I thought back to the time when my doctor had me take a pregnancy test while I thought I was being treated for the flu. I still remembered everything about that visit. When she told me I could be pregnant, I truly thought the world had collapsed on me. I was in so much pain thinking I might be carrying Xander’s child when he had moved on already. There was very little time to revel in the life we might have created. I only worried about his reaction to me. I didn’t want his pity, anger or any condescension. That was probably the worst and best day of my life.
What a difference a few years made. Rather than dreading the result of a pregnancy test, I welcomed it.
“Xander? Alex?” I don’t know why I called out to them when I knew they weren’t home. Chuckling to myself, I went s
traight to our bedroom to lay out my surprise. The sight that greeted me from my bed gave me the surprise to end all surprises. Hurt and betrayed, I ran out of our room forgetting why I was there in the first place.
*******
Finally! We were home and my wife was already here.
Damn. If this wasn’t the longest day of my life. Taking care of a two-year-old was harder than anything I’d done in my short adult life. I’d never make it as a stay-at-home dad. I’d keep my day job and profusely thank my wife for doing such a fine job with hers.
“Jenna.” I greeted my wife who ran out of the house with such force, she’d almost knocked me down. “What’s wrong?” Tears were everywhere. Seeing my wife distraught made me believe the worst. “Talk to me, Jenna. What’s happened? Is it your parents?” She tried to push me away and get to our sleeping daughter. “Dammit. Stop fighting me and tell me, is someone hurt?”
“No. No one who matters to you is hurt—just your wife.” The anger in her answer scared the shit out of me. What the fuck was wrong this time? “Let me go. I’m going to take Alex with me. Give me your car keys.” She fought me every step of the way and sat in the driver’s seat.
“You are not driving in this condition. Talk to me and tell me what I’ve done wrong now. Since this appears to be a weekly occurrence, you’re going to have to learn to discuss your concerns rather than run away.”
That, seemingly, wasn’t the right thing to say. She lashed out at me with, “I’ll do whatever the hell I want to do since that’s what you’d done with your life when Alex and I were struggling to exist on our own. I hate that you can do this to me. The pain you put on me is unbearable, Xander. Why’d you ask me to marry you? I told you that I wouldn’t keep Alex from you. I wish you would’ve just let me be. This hurts too much, Xander.”
“What hurts too much? If you’re going to accuse me for all this wrongdoing, then at least let me know what I’ve done wrong.” After the day I’ve had, I was tired. My wife needed to start explaining herself.
“Go see for yourself in our bedroom. She’s waiting for you.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I walked toward the house but warned, “Do not drive in your condition. I don’t want either of you hurt.” When I saw the slow nod, I walked in to face whatever or whomever was waiting for me.
In my damnedest of dreams, I could’ve never conjured up a naked woman in my bed. Who the fuck was sleeping here? This was like a Goldilocks nightmare, and I was about to become Papa Bear and get this woman the hell out of my house.
“Hello?” I tapped the back of this woman’s shoulder. “Hello!” I tapped again.
She turned around, opened her eyes and smiled. When she turned, the sheet fell to expose her breasts—something I had no interest in seeing. “Hello, Xander. It’s been a while.”
What the fuck! “How did you get into my house and why are you sleeping in my bed, naked?” The guilty party was Gemma, not to be confused with my wife, Jenna, whom I’d been set up with by Marcus and Beth, right before Jenna and Alex came back into my life. We’d had three double dates, all with my now ex-friend and his wife, before I called it quits. “What are you doing here?” I asked again.
“I flew straight here from my trip to Fiji and I thought I’d make you some dinner. I ended up spilling wine on myself instead and was so jet-lagged, I didn’t think you’d mind if I took a nap before you came home.”
“How’d you bypass the key lock? Was the door open?”
“No. Marcus gave me the code soon after we first met.” I was seriously going to kick my buddy’s ass.
“Get up. Get dressed. Get the hell out of here.”
“But—”
“No. Get out!” Now that I’d accomplished the first goal, I needed to head back to my wife to clear up this mess.
Of course she wouldn’t be where I’d last left her. She was a damn contrary and ornery woman, just like her daughter.
Seeing as how the car was here but Jenna was not, I knew I’d find her at her rock—at least I hoped I’d find her at her rock.
*******
I didn’t care what Xander told me to do, I was not staying in this house. However, he had the car key and I was a little too emotional and unstable to be driving anywhere. Instead, I picked up my sleeping daughter and decided to go for a walk.
“Hello, Baby.” I whispered and gave her a kiss as I pulled her into my arms.
“Hi, Momma.”
“Let’s go for a walk, Alex. You can sleep while I carry you, OK?”
“OK, Momma,” she whispered back in her drowsy state. “My typer,” she mildly complained when I closed the car door.
“Daddy will bring it to your room. Let’s go.”
Alex must have been exhausted because even after that conversation, she fell right back asleep. I loved it when she slept with her cheek to my chest. It reminded me of all the nights when it was just the two of us; those were simpler times. My daughter was just as much my security blanket as I was hers.
I sat upon my rock and called my mom. I needed TLC, and it surely wasn’t going to come from my husband tonight.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Jenna. How are you? How’s Alex doing from her trip?”
“She’s sleeping right now. I think she and Xander had a full day so far.”
“Poor thing is probably so tired from all the time changes. When can we see her? Your father and I miss her. Richard and Tiffany were also saying today that they miss their granddaughter.”
“Can Alex and I come over today and stay the night?”
“What about Xander?”
“He’s a little busy.”
“All right. Of course. Come now.” I was sure Mom understood I was lying about Xander, but it didn’t matter. I got permission to be somewhere other than here.
“I’ll be there soon.” I hung up and gingerly slid off the rock with my baby in my arms.
“Where are you going?” How had I not noticed Xander approaching me? “Who were you on the phone with just now?”
“Mom.”
“You’re headed to your mother’s?”
“Yes. Is that not allowed?” I sounded more like a bratty child than a pissed-off wife.
“Listen, Jenna. What you saw in the house—”
“Nope. I’m not listening. I don’t want to know. I’m going to Mom’s. I’m having dinner there and spending the night. Alex is coming with me.”
“Jenna.” Xander dragged my name.
“I get it. You had a life before me, after me, and all the days in between. I need some time away to process this, OK? Give me a little time. It’s not every day a wife has to deal with her husband’s naked ex in their marriage bed. By the way, burn the bed. I will not be sleeping in any place where you’ve been with other women. Naïve, stupid me. I should’ve insisted this before we married. That should’ve been one of my stipulations. Get rid of anything that will remind me of all your other women whom you supposedly had never brought to your home but me.” I sounded like a complete moron, but I didn’t give a shit. “See you later.”
“Jenna, please. Hear me out.”
“Nope. Sorry. Don’t want to hear or see anything you have to offer. Already, the image burned in my mind will take a century to erase. Don’t call me. Don’t visit. I’m serious, Xander. Give me some time.”
Praise the Lord! He allowed me to take our daughter to my mother’s without a fight.
*******
“What are you doing?”
“I’m glad you’re here, Lex. Put the box down and give me a hand.”
“What the hell, Xander. I’m not helping you move a king-sized bed. Why are you trying to bring this out?”
“I’ll answer questions later. Just help me.” I got a little impatient with my sister. I knew I’d have to give her some sort of an explanation before she’d give me a hand. “Long story, but this bed has to go.”
“Go?”
“Yes, go into the dumpster kind of go.”
“Brilliant, Lex.”
Lex followed me to my office and watched me order a new king-size bed within minutes. Then, I called the store and told them I needed it delivered today.
“You can’t do that. You can’t just expect a store to deliver a bed to you in the next hour or two. Plus, how’d you know which bed to buy? What if Jenna doesn’t like this bed?”
“Lex, I’m exhausted and the day’s only halfway done.” Before I said another word to shut my sister up, Gemma had come out from the direction of my bedroom.
“Um, I guess I’ll be going.” Gemma stared at the bed that was lodged in the room, somewhat blocking the front door.
“Tell me again who gave you my key code?”
“Marcus.”
“Fine. Like I said, I’m married, I have a daughter, I’m not interested in anything with you or any other woman.” That was all that needed to be said. Gemma left.
“What the fuck?” My sister yelled. “Who?”
“Stop!” I cut her off and told her what had happened. “Hold on,” I also warned and took out my phone.
“What’s up?” Marcus answered on the other line.
“You just ruined my marriage thanks to your meddling. I expect you to call my wife and tell her that it was you who gave that porn star-looking Gemma my key code.”
“Shit, Man. What happened?”
“Jenna found Gemma naked in our bed about ten minutes ago. I believe I told you and Beth that I had no interest in that woman. Why the fuck would you give her access to my house? Now my wife doesn’t believe that I’ve never brought a woman back here but her. She’s at her mother’s refusing to come home. My king-size bed is sitting in the foyer awaiting a dumpster truck. Fix this!”
At some point, Marcus must have put my rant on speaker because I heard Beth apologizing and yelling at her husband for his lack of discernment.
“We’ll fix this, Xander. I’m sorry to you and to Jenna.”
