She got a pained email from Amanda’s father an hour later, bemoaning Anthony’s breaking the engagement and canceling the wedding. He said that he was sending Amanda and her mother to Paris for a few weeks. This was going to be very hard for Amanda, and he didn’t mention what it was costing him to cancel the wedding. But Kate knew that if it was not meant to be, it was better for both of them that it was over.
Her secretary stuck her head in the door then, to remind Kate that she had a meeting with opposing counsel and his associate on the big lawsuit that was brewing. They would be meeting in the conference room. Kate had forgotten it completely.
“Thanks for telling me. I may need more Advil before that’s over.” She returned some calls and answered emails, ate half a sandwich, and at two o’clock she was ready for the attorneys’ meeting, and took Ed Buckman, one of her associates, with her. The meeting lasted for two hours of ranting and raving and threats from plaintiff’s counsel, and by the time it was over, she wanted to kill someone. She wasn’t sure who she disliked more, the opposing counsel, or his partner. From what she could see they were both arrogant, angling for a big settlement, and had a losing case and they knew it. They were from one of the most powerful law firms in the city and thought they walked on water. She wanted to snarl at them when they left the room, but she waited until they were well out of earshot before telling Ed what she thought of them, and he agreed.
“I’ve known Jack Hirsch for twenty years. He’s a complete asshole in the courtroom, but the new guy, his partner, Scott White, is tough as nails. He’s going to give us a run for our money on this one, even though they don’t have squat to work with, and their client is a bigger jerk than they are and is lying through his teeth.”
“We’re tougher than they are,” Kate said staunchly. “They have a crap case and they know it. I’m not offering them a penny.”
“I love working with you, Kate,” Ed said, and smiled as he went back to his office. He loved a good fight, and Kate was one of the best. She was a killer in the courtroom and at the negotiating table. Her depositions were famous for making people squirm.
Kate’s headache was even more intense by the end of the day, when Tammy called her.
“Want to have lunch tomorrow?” Tammy asked her. Kate checked her calendar, and saw that she was free.
“Sure, I’d love to.”
“That was some birthday party last night.”
“Your brother broke up with Amanda today, and canceled the wedding.”
“I thought something was going to happen when they left.” She didn’t tell Tammy about the other woman. It might never happen anyway. Kate wasn’t even upset about it yet. There were too many other things on her plate, at work and at home. She couldn’t let herself think about it or she’d get depressed, and she needed her wits about her for work, and to deal with Claire.
She set a time and place for lunch with Tammy the next day, and left the office at seven-thirty, after reading the discovery files again for the new case. It was shaping up nicely in spite of the hostile meeting with the two opposing lawyers that day. She was willing to go to the mat on this one, and wouldn’t agree to a settlement easily. She thought they’d win if they went to trial, which wouldn’t be for another year or two. But litigation would be expensive for her client to win the case. This was just the beginning. She was thinking about it on the way home, when her mother called her on her cell in the cab.
“Are you holding up all right?”
“I think so. Anthony broke up with Amanda today,” she said in a tired voice.
“I know. He called me. He mentioned another woman to me a couple of months ago. I thought it was a bad sign.”
“You were right about Amanda. She bored him to death.”
“Do you know anything about the other woman?” Margaret asked her.
“Only that she grew up in Spanish Harlem, is a lingerie model, and gave him a black eye. She’s not speaking to him, which is the best news I’ve had all day. I’m not even upset. My family is falling apart, Mom. You were right about that too. Suddenly they’re acting out all over the place. Tammy is the only one left standing. I’m having lunch with her tomorrow.”
“Well, there are no surprises there. You can rely on that,” she said confidently. “She’s the most solid of your children. She always has been. Oldest child syndrome. She takes care of everyone else.”
“She’s the only sane one left. Anthony and Claire seem to be losing their minds,” although Anthony seemed sensible and sure of his decision.
“Try not to let it upset you. They’ll come around and straighten up again.”
“I hope so. I feel like everything’s upside down right now.”
“They’re the same people they always were. They’re just making different choices than you would have wanted them to make.”
“There’s a major understatement. A baby out of wedlock and an underwear model? What’s next? I’m afraid to answer my phone.”
“Try to get some rest. You sound exhausted.”
“I am. I’ll call you tomorrow,” Kate promised and they hung up.
* * *
—
By the time Kate got home, Anthony had been trying to reach Alicia all day. She had blocked both her phone and her email to him. He couldn’t think of any other way to reach her to tell her that he had broken his engagement and it was over with Amanda. He had sent Amanda a text earlier that day to see how she was. She said she was going to Paris with her mother, and he was relieved. He didn’t want her to be destroyed by this, he just didn’t want to marry her. It would have destroyed him. He was certain of that now.
He tried Alicia’s Skype account and she didn’t answer. She didn’t respond to FaceTime or WhatsApp. He was dead as far as she was concerned. He had no way to reach her, and after work, he went to her apartment building, checked that her name was still on the bell, and sat on the stoop waiting for her. By eight o’clock, there was still no sign of her, and he could see that there was no light in her windows. He wondered if she was out with another man, and then he saw her, coming down the street in jeans and flat shoes with her bag of schoolbooks in her hand. She stopped ten feet away when she saw him.
“What, are you stalking me now? Get off my front steps or I’m calling the police.” Her voice was harsh and she looked angry. She sounded like the street fighter she had been as a teenager. He remembered her promise to kick his ass if he ever came near her again, and he believed she would.
“I just wanted to tell you that it’s over. I ended it. I broke the engagement, if it makes any difference to you.”
“It doesn’t. I don’t care. You’re a piece of shit, and you lied to me.”
“I know I did. It was stupid and wrong and cowardly. I was too afraid of losing you.”
“Well, you did, now go away and leave me alone, or I’ll get a court order against you.”
“Or give me another black eye?” he said, wanting to put his arms around her but there was no way he could. She would have killed him.
“You can have another one of those too, if you want.”
“Can we just talk for a few minutes? I only wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I really mean it.”
“Now you’ve told me, so get lost.” She was wearing her street fighter face and looked at him with disgust.
“Alicia, please…”
“No! You think I’d let you do that to me again? I don’t trust you. Why should I?”
“Because I’m an honest man who made a really stupid mistake and I love you.”
“That is the worst bullshit excuse I’ve ever heard. You’re pathetic and a liar.”
“I’m not lying to you now.”
“Congratulations. What do you want from me?”
“Another chance,” he said, realizing how pathetic he sounded, but he meant it.
“Maybe because you loved me too.”
“I did. Past tense. I don’t give second chances. You blew it.”
“And what does that get you? The Toughest Girl of the Year Award? You can kick everyone’s ass? Can’t you be human about this?”
“You weren’t. What you did was disgusting.”
“Yes, it was. It was a shit beginning, but I’m free now. We could do it better this time, if you give me a chance.”
“If you lied to me again, I’d have to kill you. And you’re not worth it.”
“Are you seeing someone else?” He felt sick as he asked her.
“That’s none of your business.” She had been crying over him for over a month, but she would have died rather than tell him, and she liked seeing him standing there next to her front stairs, begging her for forgiveness and another chance. She wasn’t going to give it to him. She had too much self-respect for that, and she was too scared he’d hurt her again. No one had ever hurt her as he had. She had never loved any man as she had him. She had let her guard down, and he had burned her. The last thing she wanted was to give him the opportunity to do it again.
“Can we go for coffee somewhere?”
“No, we can’t. Now get out of my way, I have homework to do.” He couldn’t stand arguing with her anymore and she was winning. He took three long strides toward her, and pulled her into his arms and just held her there. She tried to take a swing at him, but he wouldn’t let her this time. He was ready for her. He didn’t hurt her or even try to kiss her, he just held her as gently but firmly as he could, and he was stronger than she was.
“I’m in love with you. I’ve thought of you every waking moment since you walked away,” he said holding her tightly.
“I was in love with you too. You broke my heart. I’m not giving you another chance to do it again,” she said, struggling to get out of his grip.
“I won’t. I swear.”
“I don’t believe you, and I hate you,” she said, but the fight had gone out of her. He could feel it, and he kissed her, gently at first and then passionately when she responded. They clung to each other like two drowning people, their bodies pressed together. He could feel her heart pounding against him like a bird in a cage, and he moaned just holding her. He had thought of her a million times since they had left each other. Her books were all over the sidewalk, and he picked them up, and handed them back to her, as she stood looking at him with tears in her eyes. She walked up the front steps then, and he followed her, and she didn’t stop him.
They walked to her front door, and she unlocked it with shaking hands, and the moment they were inside, he slammed the door closed with his foot and she was in his arms, and they were pulling each other’s clothes off. She stopped for an instant to look long and hard at him. “If you ever lie to me again, I’ll be gone so fast you won’t know what hit you.” He nodded, and by the time they got to her bed, they were both naked and their lovemaking was even more white hot than he remembered or maybe it was even better than it had been, because they had missed each other so much. It went on for hours, loving her was exquisite agony and being with her was the culmination of all his dreams. When they finally lay together, spent, in a tangle of sheets, she smiled at him, and he felt as though he had died and gone to Heaven.
“I love you, Alicia, thank you…thank you…”
“I love you too,” she said softly. “You wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t.”
They lay there talking for a long time, until he was aroused again, and then they made love until the sun came up. It was the longest and happiest night of his life, and hers.
Chapter 10
Kate met Tammy at one of the restaurants in easy walking distance from her office. Claire preferred the fancy French one, and Tammy preferred the simpler Italian restaurant with pasta and good salads. Tammy was already seated when Kate got there, out of breath, and ten minutes late.
“I’m sorry I’m late. Work is out of control right now. Everyone comes back from their vacation happy and relaxed, and they all want to sue each other.”
“Well, I’m not suing anyone.” Tammy smiled at her. She looked healthy and tan after her vacation in Maine with Stacey. They’d done some sailing, kayaking, and canoeing, and a lot of hiking. It was the perfect counterpoint to their busy lives. Tammy had to leave for Paris soon, for fashion week, and the Chanel show of ready-to-wear. “Thank you for making time to have lunch. That was certainly an interesting dinner the other night. I’m sorry it all happened on your birthday.”
“I should have known it would. The opportunity was too tempting for Claire to resist. What do you think of her news?”
Tammy thought about it before she answered. “I think it’s too bad she’s being so stubborn about it. I think she’s going about it all the wrong way. Everyone would be happy for her if she were getting married. As it is, everyone will be shocked. What’s the point of that? I don’t know why she’s so adamant about not getting married.”
“Neither do I. I think Reed would rather get married too. Girls her age seem to have babies all the time now without getting married. I don’t see what it proves.”
“How’s Anthony doing after the big breakup?”
“I haven’t talked to him today, but he was very sure about his decision yesterday when he came to my office to tell me. I’m disappointed for him, but he can’t marry her if he doesn’t love her.”
“He’s been looking nervous and unhappy for a while. I don’t think Amanda even noticed it. She was so busy planning the wedding.”
“I think that may have been what scared him off, and apparently he met someone else a while ago, which threw him for a loop. What about you?” Kate looked seriously at her oldest daughter. “Are you okay after all the revelations the other night?”
Tammy nodded. “In a way it’s very freeing, to realize that things weren’t perfect for you and Dad either. Maybe your telling us that gave Anthony the courage to break up with Amanda and cancel the wedding. It was liberating for me too,” she started down the slippery slope, and was praying that she’d say the right things. “Actually, that’s why I wanted to have lunch with you today.”
“Liberating in what sense?” Kate looked puzzled as their pasta came. Tammy didn’t touch hers. She was too nervous to eat.
“There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time. I should have years ago,” as she said it, her mother looked at her, mystified. “Mom, I’m gay,” she said without lowering her voice. She didn’t want it to be a secret anymore.
“You mean as in happy?” Kate said, and Tammy almost laughed. “I don’t think people say that these days.”
“No, gay as in homosexual. I’m a lesbian, Mom.” If she had taken a gun out of her purse and shot her mother, she wouldn’t have looked more shocked.
“Are you serious? Is this a joke?” Tammy was beginning to think she had made a terrible mistake telling her, but it was too late to turn back. She had to keep paddling now. They were going over the waterfall, and there was no way to stop.
“Yes, I’m serious, and no, it’s not a joke. I never wanted to upset you by telling you, so I’ve been lying to all of you. I’ve been living with a woman for seven years.”
“As lovers?” Kate looked as though she were about to faint into her plate. The idea that Tammy was gay was so preposterous that she looked as though she didn’t understand what she was saying.
“Yes, if you want to put it that way.”
“Were you always gay?”
“I figured it out when I was about fifteen, maybe sixteen. I didn’t act on it till I got to college. In high school, I was afraid someone would tell, and I knew you’d be upset. How are you now?” Tammy felt as though she should take her mother’s blood pressure, and added to everything else that was happening, s
he was suddenly afraid it would be too much, and she’d have a heart attack. Kate didn’t look angry, she looked stunned.
“I think I’m all right. Why didn’t you ever tell me?” She seemed hurt.
“I didn’t want to disappoint you. I wanted to tell you when I was in college, but I never had the guts. And then once I was working, it was easier not to say anything. When I had to, I lied. I don’t want to lie about it anymore. When you told us about you, and Dad, the other night, I thought it was time to be honest with you about myself. I live with a wonderful woman. She deserves to know you, and be included when I am. It’s been very hurtful for her that I’ve been hiding her for all these years.” Kate nodded, trying to be gracious about it, as she tried to rewind the mental film of Tammy’s life and look for the clues she had missed.
“Did you ever date men?” Kate couldn’t remember any, but there was always some explanation for it. She just thought that Tammy had never fallen in love yet and was a late bloomer.
“No, I didn’t. I never wanted to. Some women figure it out later than I did. A lot of them marry and have kids. I’m not attracted to men.” She said it so simply that there was nothing Kate could say. She looked sad for her more than angry or disappointed. And she felt as though she was seeing her daughter for the first time, or had just been told she had a terrible illness. Tammy hated the pity in her eyes.
“Do you want children?”
“Maybe. I’ve never been sure. Stacey, my partner, wants them, but she’s used to them. She’s a pediatrician. I’ve never been around kids so they scare me a little. And it is a huge responsibility. I’m not ready for that yet.”
“Is she the roommate you had several years ago?” Tammy nodded.
“I told you she moved out, but she never did. I’m so tired of lying to you, Mom. I know this is a big piece of news to drop on you now, especially with Claire and everything going on with her, and Anthony, but I want to be honest with you. I’ve wanted that for a long time.”
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