Kilo : being the love story of Eliph' Hewlitt, book agent

by Ellis Parker Butler

  CHAPTER XV. Difficulties

  Eliph' had said nothing to Doc Weaver about the affair of thefire-extinguishers, he had known nothing of the graft matter, and yetit could not be supposed that Doc Weaver could be a confidant of theattorney's. The editor was puzzled, but he was sure he was right inthe main, and he was nearer learning the truth than he supposed, as hehurried down the street to the mayor's car-cobbler shop.

  He opened the door and stepped inside, but the mayor did not look upwith his usual smile; he was sulking, and from time to time he rubbedhis head where the butcher had struck him.

  "How do, Stitz," said the editor. "How's the mayor?"

  The cobbler pulled his waxed threads angrily through a tough bit ofleather, and did not look up.

  "I am no more a mayor," he said crossly. "I am out of that mayor job. Igive him up. I haf been insulted."

  "I saw it," the editor assured him. "He gave you a good whack.Sounded like a wet plank falling on a marble slab. Mad about thefire-extinguishers business, wasn't he?"

  "And why?" asked the mayor, looking up for the first time, "he has aright to obey those ordinances and not get mad."

  "Oh, but he don't like the way folks will laugh at him when they learnthe joke you have played on him. That was a good one."

  "Joke?" queried the mayor, growing brighter. "Did I play him one joke?"

  "You know," said T. J. "Making him buy those lung-testers of MissBriggs' when he thought they were fire-extinguishers. I should say itWAS a joke!"

  "Sit down," said the mayor; "don't hang on those straps when seats isenough and plenty. Sit down. So I joked him, yes?"

  "Rather," said the editor, "and Guthrie, too, making him pay thatgraft."

  "Sure!" grinned the cobbler. "I got goot grafts. Apples, and potatoes,and celery, and peas, and chickens! Five grafts for one such littleordinances. Grafts is a good business, but now is all over. I quit methat boss-grafter job. I like me not such kloppings on the head. Nextcomes such riots, and revolutionings. I quit first." He sewed steadilyfor a while then prepared another thread, waxing it, and twisting thebristle on either end.

  "That fire-extinguishers joke," he said, as he ran the ball of wax upand down the thread; "that was a good one, yes? On Skinner. That makesme a revenge on Skinner for such a klop on the head, yes?"

  He adjusted the shoe on his knee, and began to sew again.

  "Yes," he said, "I am glad I make that joke on Skinner. What was it?"

  "Come now!" said T. J. "Don't pretend such innocence, Stitz. Don't tryto fool ME. You knew all the time that those fire-extinguishers werenothing but lung-testers." The mayor looked puzzled, and properly,for he had never heard of lung-testers. "To test lungs," explained theeditor. "To show how many pounds a man can blow; how much wind his lungswill hold; a sort of game, like pitching horseshoes. They are not worthanything to Skinner. He paid his money for them for nothing. He willhave to buy four genuine fire-extinguishers now. That was what made himmad at you."

  When the editor left Stitz's car he had learned all the mayor couldtell him, including the undoubted fact that the mayor considered grafta quite legitimate operation, and this particular case a good joke onSkinner and Colonel Guthrie, and that the mayor himself, thinking thejoke too good to keep, had told Doc Weaver. The editor easily guessedthat Doc had investigated the rest of the affair, and had seen thefire-extinguishers and known them to be not what they seemed. He hurriedback to his office to set in type what he had learned.

  But others were abroad, too. Attorney Toole, watching the editor, hadseen him enter the cobbler-car and leave it again, and he easily guessedthe object of the editor's visit. He, too, went to see Stitz, and had along and confidential talk with him, first frightening him until he wasin a collapse, and then offering him immunity and safety, and at lengthleaving him in a perspiration of gratitude. He held up to him a visionof the penitentiary as the reward of grafting, and when the mayor wassufficiently wilted, rebraced him by promising to defend him, whateverhappened, and finally restored him to complacency by showing him thatthe transaction was not graft at all. When he parted from the mayor,that official was, as opposition papers put it, "a creature of theattorney's."

  The attorney found Skinner in his butcher-shop surrounded by a group offriends, to whom he was relating a story of how he had been attacked bythe Colonel, and what would have happened to the Colonel if interventionhad not come just when it did. Toole entered briskly and pushed his waythrough the group to where the butcher stood.

  "Skinner," he said, "I want half a dozen words with you, at once," andhis manner was enough to silence the butcher. Skinner led the way to theback room where the sausage machine made its home, and Toole carefullyclosed the door.

  "Now," he said, taking the butcher by the shirtsleeve," you have had ataste of what comes of taking the political lead away from the partyto which it rightly belongs. You have had an experience of what happenswhen people who know nothing about politics meddle with thing thatthe natural political leaders should be left to handle. You have beenchoked, and you have been cheated, and you deserve to be kicked. You paymoney to this editor here in town, for an advertisement that you knowdoes you no good, and in return he prints an article to make you laughedat. You form a combination with Guthrie to put in outsiders instead ofgood party men, and Guthrie uses his pull to have an ordinance passed tomake you spend money for fire-extinguishers. You elect a mayor, by yourinfluence as a leading citizen, and he takes a bribe from Guthrie, andpasses an ordinance to rob you. And you, like a fool, let him do it. Andyou let Guthrie, that he may stand in solidly with the very woman youhave your eye on, sell you--what? Fire-extinguishers? Not much! Notfire-extinguishers at all, but useless, no-account lung-testers!Lung-testers, that he makes you pay one hundred dollars for, and thatyou will have to throw away. That is what they are, lung-testers,and you can pocket a loss of one hundred dollars, and buy four realfire-extinguishers now, as the ordinance tells you, and makes you!"

  The butcher's mouth opened and his eyes stared. He felt weakly behindhim for the edge of the table, pawing uncertainly in the air.

  "That's all I have to say to YOU," said the attorney. "If you like thatkind of thing, you are welcome. If you are willing to be cheated it isnothing to me. I don't say T. J. Jones set them up to doing all this,just to throw down your Citizen's Party, but you can see in the TIMESwho printed the whole thing. If you like to have that kind of man runyour only public journal it is no business of mine, but look out for thenext TIMES!"

  The butcher had found the edge of the table and was leaning back againstit. The attorney paused with his hand on the door.

  "You ought to be able to make the Colonel pay you back that hundreddollars," he said. "It looks as if he had obtained money under falsepretenses and given a bribe. But if you don't care, I don't," and hewent out.

  Outside of the butcher shop the attorney stopped and looked up and downthe street, smiling. He felt that he had done well, so far, setting boththe mayor and Skinner against the editor, making a tool of the mayor,and inflaming the butcher against the Colonel. He would have liked togo to the Colonel and set him against the editor and Skinner, but heneither dared nor felt it really necessary. If Skinner attempted to makethe Colonel take back the lung-testers the ill feeling between thetwo would be sufficiently emphasized, and no doubt the Colonel hadsufficient reason, in the publication of the article, to hate theeditor.

  Horsewhipped! His face reddened as he thought of it, but he was toopolite to consider a revenge of fists, which would not lessen theinsult of the whipping he had received, but would only add the stigmaof attacking an older man. That he had led the Colonel into the affair,putting him up to it, did not strike him as being any excuse for theColonel. He felt that he had done only what he was entitled to do in thepursuit of political leadership. He would revenge himself on theColonel later. A suit for damages for assault, timed to precede the nextelection, would be both revenge and politics. He could, at the moment,think of nothing else to do to undermine
his opponents, and he hadturned toward his office when a fresh idea occurred to him. ShouldMiss Sally take back the lung-testers, where then would his case stand?Guthrie would return the hundred dollars to Skinner. Skinner was foolenough to be satisfied with that, and Kilo, like many other towns, notwishing to besmirch herself, would hush up the whole affair. Miss Sallymust not take back the lung-testers.

  The attorney swung around and walked briskly toward Miss Sally's home,tossing tumultuously in his mind the events of the day, his plans andwhat he would say to Miss Sally. As he turned in at the gate he sawMrs. Smith and Susan sitting on the porch, and he took off his hat, andwalked smilingly up to them.

  "Miss Sally in?" he asked, after the customary greetings. "I would liketo speak to her if she is."

  "She's in" said Mrs. Smith, "but she is engaged at present. Won't youhave a seat and wait?"

  Toole passed rapidly through his mind all those who might have businesswith Miss Sally this morning--the Colonel, Skinner, the editor. It couldnot be Skinner, for he had just left him, nor the editor, for he knew hewas still in his office where he had seen him last. Probably it was theColonel. He took the proffered seat.

  "I suppose you saw the TIMES," he said, "and that tremendous article.It amused me considerably. Splendid specimen of local journalism. Ourfriend T. J. is to be congratulated, isn't he? He has made quite astir."

  "The Colonel was here with a paper," said Mrs. Smith. "He was furiouslyangry. I couldn't understand what it was all about, except that it wasconnected with those fire-extinguishers Miss Sally had."

  "It was about the meanest piece of business I have ever run across,"said the attorney, speaking more to Susan than to Mrs. Smith. "It wasthe most vindictive thing I ever heard of. Do you know any reason whythat editor should want to annoy Miss Briggs?"

  "Mr. Jones annoy Miss Sally?" said Susan, with surprise. "I can'timagine why he should."

  "That's what puzzles me," said Toole. "There doesn't seem to be anyreason whatever, except that he is showing his ill-will. It looks like aconspiracy to throw those fire-extinguishers back on Miss Sally's hands.Probably he has taken an agency for fire-extinguishers, or had made adeal to take some in payment for advertising space in his paper, andwants to sell them to Skinner. I understand there is some cock-and-bullstory he has got up about these fire-extinguishers being out-of-date, oruseless, or something of that kind, and that he means to make a big stirabout the council having been bribed to force them on Skinner. I supposeJones will get something out of it, someway. I understand he means tokeep the thing alive in his paper, and throw ridicule on all concerned,until he forces things his way. Probably he has some political object,too. But I think it is bad that he should drag Miss Sally into it.I don't mind his trying to throw mud on me. I can see his reason forthat."

  He looked at Susan and smiled.

  "I don't understand," said Mrs. Smith, "I couldn't see that he saidanything about you this morning."

  "Not this morning," said the attorney. "There will be more to follow.Wait until you see the next issue of the representative of a free anduntrammeled press. He will serve up all his friends there. I saw himdarting around like a hawk-eyed reporter this morning. I went up toplead with him to drop the whole thing, this morning, but he as much astold me to mind my own business. The poor old Colonel was so angryhe came at me with a whip--I don't know why--but I did not take theadvantage my strength gave me. I can forgive a man who is anger blinded.All I want to do now is to prevent that editor fellow making any moretrouble for my friends, if I can. I don't want Miss Sally to TAKE backthose fire-extinguishers, and I don't want her to be blackmailed intoBUYING them back. I want to put her on her guard against T. J. Jones."

  "This is very kind of you," said Mrs. Smith.

  "She is a friend of yours, and of Miss Susan's," said the attorney."That would be reason enough for my doing it."

  The door opened and Eliph' Hewlitt came out of the house, and Toole, whohad jumped up, in order to be on the defensive had it been the Colonel,assumed an air of indifference. The book agent hesitated uncertainly,glanced toward Mrs. Smith, felt under his left arm where his sample copyusually reposed, and, not finding it, put on his hat and walked towardthe gate. Mrs. Smith sprang from her chair and ran after him. She caughthim at the gate and laid her hand on his arm. He turned to face her, andshe saw that there were tears in his usually clear eyes. He had put thequestion to Miss Sally, and the answer had been unfavorable.

  The interview had been short and conducted with the utmost propriety,as advised by "Courtship--How to Win the Affections," and Miss Sally hadbeen kind but firm. The article in the TIMES had, far from turning heragainst the Colonel, shown her what the Colonel has risked for her sake,and she had decided in his favor, although he had not yet appeared toclaim an answer to the question he had never asked, but had been hintingfor years.