Not Just a Number: A Young Adult Contemporary Novel
Page 20
“Abby, are you ready?” Mom’s voice came from outside my door. I had left them waiting downstairs, promising to call them up once I was ready, but clearly, they could not wait.
I took another deep breath. “Yes, you can come in.” The door cracked open and what followed was an overwhelming wave of squeals, gasps, and multiple cries of, “Abby, you look amazing.”
Well, that is one way to build a girl’s confidence, I thought.
“You’ve done such an awesome job,” Jen said as she sat on my bed. It was a bit odd that the ‘job’ I had done was simply eating properly, but I would take the compliment regardless.
Mom stood behind me and pinched the straps and bodice slightly, judging where she needed to take them in. She passed her dressmaker’s pins to Jen.
“Pass me one when I ask, please.” Gathering in each strap individually, she asked for a pin for each and carefully threaded it into the silky material. “You will need to be careful when you take it off.” I had stabbed myself enough times growing up when Mom had done alterations that I knew the drill. Finally, she pinched in each side of the bodice slightly, and pinned that. “Happy?” she asked.
I looked at myself in the mirror. The dress fit me like a glove. I nodded at my mom with a small smile. I was happy with more than just the dress. It was a culmination of a whole journey that had included many twists and turns, but I could definitely lay claim to this happiness.
“Okay, let’s get this off you.” Between Jen and Mom, they helped me to lift the dress over my head without me getting impaled by any pins, and I put my pajamas back on. Mom hung the dress over her arm and went off to her room to stitch it up.
The rest of the morning and early afternoon passed by quickly with Jen helping me to do my finger and toenails. Jasmine, a trained beauty therapist, had taught Jen how to do her own French manicure, and that was exactly what I wanted. While she did my nails, we chatted about the bridesmaid dresses we had finally managed to find and how ironic it was that we had spent so much time trying to find dresses that suited everyone when, in the end, each unique dress worked so perfectly together.
Jasmine and Taylor were as happy about their dresses as I was, and now that everything seemed to be coming together, we were all getting seriously excited about the wedding.
After my nails had dried, I jumped in the shower, letting the warm water run through my hair and down my back, washing away the rest of the anxiety I felt and replacing it with excitement. I toweled myself off, wrapped myself in a robe, and then started on my makeup. I had never been a huge makeup fan, but I could do my own, and Jen helped with some advice too, as prom makeup was slightly different from everyday makeup.
As my face started to take shape, my excitement grew. This was a pretty big day, one I would remember for a long time. I had gone back and forth about how to wear my hair, and eventually decided I would wear it down. The volume and shine had started to return to my hair just in time. It still was not exactly where it had been, but it was much better, a bit like me.
Mom had finished up the stitching on my dress and brought it into my room, hooking it over the top of the closet door so that it didn’t crumple and crease at the bottom. She checked the time on her wristwatch. “You’ll want to start getting dressed, hun.” She smiled at me with a relief that I had not seen for a long time.
For the last while, I had seen her carrying the tension of my disorder, the guilt she felt, and the pressure we had both felt to work on my rehabilitation. Today, she seemed lighter somehow. Perhaps it was the general excitement of the day, or maybe it was the fact that she could see measurable progress in my recovery. When I had tried on the dress earlier it seemed confirmation to her that I was back on the right track, although she had watched the numbers on the scale climb with me over the last few weeks.
It seemed so strange that she had known that dress would have fallen off me before I started my recovery journey, when I had thought I would not have been able to get it over my head. I got up and put my arms around her, holding her for a moment and then pulling away.
“I will. Thank you, Mom.” The fact that my gratitude was not just for her having altered the dress did not need to be said.
She leaned over and kissed me on my head. “Always, my darling.”
She clicked the door closed behind her, and I turned to look at the dress. Ryan would be arriving within half an hour, and it was time to get dressed. As the material passed over my skin, I took a moment to revel in the silky glide. Mom’s alterations were perfect, and the straps rested on my shoulders with the bodice perfectly shaped around my trunk. The waistband sat exactly where it should, and the skirt flowed down in cascades of maroon. I looked up at the image in the mirror, amazed that the person looking back was me. I could proudly walk into that prom with my head held high.
I heard the doorbell chime downstairs, and that snapped me out of my daze. I slipped into the silver diamante-dotted shoes I had bought to wear with the dress. I was not too used to wearing heels, so I had opted for shorter heels which felt comfortable as I stood up in them.
I took one last look at my reflection, so much happier with what I saw that I would have been months before. I felt like that non-rational part of me would always be there knocking on my emotional door, asking to be let in, but the harder I worked to keep it out, the easier it was to keep it at bay.
I heard Ryan’s voice downstairs and butterflies took off in my stomach. The moment had arrived. I grabbed a lipstick and popped it into my clutch with my phone, hooking it around my wrist. With a spritz of perfume, I was off, heading toward the stairs.
From my vantage point I could see Ryan, Jen, and my mom gathered at the bottom of the stairs. I took a deep breath and headed down.
Ryan didn’t need to say anything. When he saw me, his face lit up and his mouth gaped slightly. “Holy…” He cast an eye at my mom, not wanting to use the wrong word in front of her. “You look amazing, Abby,” he eventually said, his cheeks turning pink.
I smiled at him and kissed him on the pink spot on his cheek, making it turn even darker.
“You look pretty darn good yourself!” I exclaimed, and he did. It was the first time I had seen him wearing anything other than casual clothes, and he had clearly made an effort. His hair was neatly combed back and as I took him in, my stomach tightened. It felt like the first time I was really seeing him.
“Okay, you two.” Mom smiled. “Let’s get some photos, and then you should be off.” We posed happily for Jen and Mom, letting them snap photo after photo with their cell phones. Then Jen switched her cell phone over to video mode and opened the front door for us.
“Have fun, guys!” They both waved at us as we walked out the front door and down the driveway. We paused and turned to wave at them one last time for the camera.
Ryan was quiet for a few steps and then spoke. “I’m sorry I don’t have a car and we have to walk. You should be driving in style to your prom, not walking on the sidewalk.” He sounded a little sad, and I was amazed that even he had moments of self-doubt. I looked at him and smiled. I was glad to have this moment to support him the way he deserved to be supported, and the same way he had done for me.
“It’s seriously fine, Ryan. This actually feels right.” We slowly made our way past the houses. “We have been walking this route together our whole high school career. It feels right to walk to prom too.”
Ryan smiled at me gratefully. “I wonder if we will have any classes that cross over at college.” It was something I had wondered about too. “Then we can walk to those together too.” It sounded wonderful. I had seen pictures of the University of Chicago’s campus, and I could picture Ryan and I walking along the cobbled pathways hand in hand. For the first few weeks we might be running because we would be lost, but at least we would be lost together.
“I hope so.” I smiled at him. “You know, I was really worried that everything was going to be so different, but I’m starting to think that not as much is going to chan
ge as I may have thought.” He nodded, and I looked up at him. “And I am really glad that I am going on this journey with you, Ryan.”
His wide smile and bright eyes said that he felt the same way. We were just a few hundred yards from the school when Ryan stopped and turned to me. I wondered if he had something else he wanted to say, and he took my hands. Looking deep into my eyes as though he may get lost there, he started to speak.
“I want to have this moment with you before we get to school and there’s all the pressure of everyone else around.”
I immediately knew what he meant, and my heart started pounding. There was no doubt that we were about to cross a line in our friendship, and I was excited and terrified all at once. As he pulled me closer to him, I placed my hand on his chest and could feel his heart pounding under my hand. I closed my eyes and leaned in, my lips brushing his gently, and then with slightly more pressure.
As our lips touched and he laced his fingers in mine, I had no idea what I had been worrying about. The kiss felt like it was always meant to be. Although I had been just friends with Ryan for so long, it seemed as though this moment was destined.
I pulled away slightly and smiled gently at Ryan, my face still just inches from his. “Not just friends anymore, are we?” He smiled, his eyes warm, and kissed me once on the lips—his way of saying that we definitely were not just friends anymore.
I was really glad that Ryan had thought to initiate our first kiss before we got to the prom. I would have felt like I was waiting for it to happen the entire night, and it would have just been weird in front of everyone.
Keeping his fingers laced in mine, we headed to cover the last steps to the school hall. A few couples stood outside the hall as we neared it, among them Grace and Brandon. The buzz in the group seemed to still as we passed, but I realized with interest that I didn’t care at all. I was super proud to be walking with Ryan and knew without a doubt that he was the perfect fit for me.
For the first time, my stomach didn’t do a pained flip-flop at the knowledge that Brandon and Grace were there. I caught a glimpse of Grace’s dress as I walked past and she really did look lovely, but I was able to acknowledge it without feeling less than her in any way. I briefly wondered if Brandon, seeing me with Ryan, would wonder if we’d had a thing going on for longer than he knew. That was not true, of course, but I didn’t mind letting him wonder.
Kya was standing at the door. She looked amazing in a red floor-length dress. She had chosen to wear her hair up, and ringlets of hair escaped the pins, naturally making her look like a princess. As she took in both Ryan and I, and her eye fell on the telling fact that we were holding hands, she beamed as though her cheeks would burst.
Yes, Kya, you were right after all, I thought. I wondered if I should tell Ryan at some stage about Kya getting the feeling that there was more between us than just friendship. If I did, it would not be tonight. We had three years of college ahead and plenty of time to share secrets.
I looked up at Ryan, and I had never felt so lucky to be with anyone in my life. He was hands-down the most handsome guy there, not to mention the smartest and kindest—the latter being the most important quality, to me at least.
Kya and I squealed at each other in excitement, each telling the other how beautiful she looked. It was so strange to see everyone that we knew from school that we were so used to seeing in casual school clothes dressed to the nines in formal wear. I did not even recognize some of the kids. Some people went all out with their arrivals, with Paige Elderson even arriving in a horse-drawn carriage.
Then we all looked at each other, ready to step into this event that marked the next chapter of our lives.
Ryan looked at us. “Ready?” We both nodded and walked in unison into the hall.
No longer did the things that were changing seem beyond my control. Things were going to change, and that wasn’t a bad thing. I didn’t have to worry about that, though, because I had amazing people to help me through all of it, and that was all that mattered.
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About the Author
Sara lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and two dogs. A lover of the writer word from an early age, Sara reads everything from middle grade, to young adult and adult novels. She loves genres ranging from science fiction and fantasy to contemporary and historical fiction, which is why she writes and plans to publish across several genres, including contemporary, romance, NSFW, young adult fantasy, and science fiction.
When she’s not writing, you can find her playing video games, reading way too many books at the same time, singing to music, or riding her motorcycle around a beautiful Washington backdrop. She also writes for several online blogs and newspapers.
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