The Moth and the Flame

by Reid, B. B.

  “Hey, kids. We brought cheese.”

  “With pineapples?” Eliza said hopefully.

  “With pineapples,” her father confirmed and ruffled her hair. He reached to do the same to me and failed to hide his hurt when I stood up from the table, subtly dodging his hand.

  “I thought we could all eat together,” Cathleen suggested as I headed for the door.

  I could hear the hope in her tone and hated myself when I said, “I’ve got homework but save me a slice, will ya?” I didn’t stick around to hear her answer and ran up the stairs.

  I burst through my bedroom door, fighting the clog in my throat and didn’t bother with the light as I peeled my jacket from my body and toed off my ratty boots.

  “Took you long enough,” a deep voice taunted. I was in the middle of pulling my shirt over my head when light flooded the room. “I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.”

  I didn’t scream or bother to turn and confront the intruder until I had my boot in my hand. I flung it across the room and smiled when it bounced off his forehead and fell to the floor. Wren didn’t get a chance to recover before I pulled a razor out of my hair and swiped at his stomach.

  “Jesus, Lou,” he whispered. “Fucking stop!”

  I liked hearing the desperation in his voice and took another swipe, but this time, he anticipated my move and grabbed my wrist, squeezing until I cried out into the hand he’d clapped over my mouth, and I dropped the blade.

  “What the hell is your problem?” he demanded once I was defenseless.

  “Hey, I’ve got a better question. What the hell are you doing here, and why are you stalking me?”

  He dropped my wrist and glared as he rubbed my dusty boot print from his forehead. He’d probably have a bruise by morning thanks to my wicked arm. “I was making sure you stayed put.”

  “That’s not your business,” I sassed as I made my way to the old stereo the Hendersons loaned me and turned the volume up high. Cathleen and Dan were patient people, but I had a feeling finding a boy in my room was crossing a line.

  “Yeah, well, I made it my business,” he retorted arrogantly. “What are you going to do about it?”

  “Nothing.” His expression became an adorable mixture of astonishment and suspicion, and I smiled. “You’ll be dead or in prison soon,” I explained. “Why waste a perfectly good manicure?”

  “Are you willing to risk it?” he questioned, sounding confident once more.

  “You’re Exiled. What other outcomes could there be?” I searched his eyes for the answer, but he gave none. The confidence in his voice, the playfulness of his smile, the amusement in eyes…it was all gone in a flash.

  “I could walk away,” he suggested.

  “Would you?” I shot back. I shouldn’t have been surprised that he was one of them. Exiled recruited lost boys who grew into broken men. The younger the male, the less they understood the world and even less about themselves. They were often hormonal teenagers simply looking to rebel against their parents and themselves, and so Exiled promised them freedom only to give them a prison instead. There was no walking away. He had to know that. Which meant…

  “You’re toying with me,” I announced without emotion because he deserved none.

  “No more than you toy with me.” I didn’t miss the anger brewing in his gaze.

  “When have I­—”

  “Fates change every day,” he spoke sharply. “You give one power over the other when you speak on it.”

  “I didn’t peg you for superstitious.”

  He looked away while swallowing hard. “I’m not, Lou. Not really.”

  “Then how can you believe that I would or could will you to be dead?”

  Leaning his head against the wall, he closed his eyes. He didn’t speak for a while, but when he did, he tore my heart in two. “The last time I can remember dreaming was six years ago. I woke up in the middle of the night, crying and sweating from a nightmare. My mom had a knack for convincing me that I was not only brave but so full of goodness that the monsters in my closet should be afraid of me. So I got out of bed, and I ran to her room, but I didn’t go in.”

  “Why not?”

  “I heard her whispering. She never liked being interrupted while she was on the phone, so I thought about going back to bed, but I couldn’t. I had to tell her about my dream. The door was cracked open, so I peeked inside, and I saw her pacing back and forth. She was holding the phone to her ear, and she was crying, saying how she didn’t have a lot of time left. At least that’s what she told her best friend. She said she was going to die, and she spent the next three days believing it. She didn’t sleep, didn’t eat…she wasn’t my mother.”

  “What happened on the third day?”

  His face contorted into a grimace, and I wished at that moment that I could take his agony away. “She was killed. A hit and run.”

  My legs suddenly felt too weak to stand, so I crossed the room and sank onto the bed. “You’re an orphan, too?”

  His eyes popped open, and his eyes were blue as he stared back at me. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

  “Is that why you joined Exiled? Because you wanted a family?”

  His gaze searched mine for a long, long time. “How much do you know about Exiled?”

  I looked away and busied myself picking at the bedding. “Only what everyone else knows. That you’re bad news.” Exiled sold anything they could get their hands on—drugs, guns, and women. And when they weren’t peddling their illegal wares, they were extorting the innocent people who ran legitimate businesses. My parents had lived in constant fear of one day falling on the mercy of Exiled. The detectives investigating their disappearance, however, had ruled out any foul play when they discovered their bank accounts depleted and the purchase of two one-way tickets to Paris. Mom had always dreamt of living there.

  A picture of them safe and sound with a new life, arguing over frivolous things as they stocked the shelves of their new bodega entered my mind. Despite my hurt over them leaving me behind, I couldn’t help smiling.

  “You’re wrong, kid, and that’s nothing to smile about,” Wren said interrupting my daydream. “I’m the worst kind of news.”

  “Will you stop with the ‘kid’ bullshit? You’re not old enough to vote, get married, or even play the lottery. You’re just a kid yourself.”

  He shook his head. “I lost my childhood a long time ago.”

  “That makes two of us.” We’d both grown up prematurely, and there was nothing we could do about it now. We couldn’t turn back time or forget the things we’d learned. The other kids our age didn’t know how good they had it or that all the emotions they were currently juggling were only a portion of what was to come.

  “Except no one took it from me, Lou. I torched that motherfucker myself. That’s the difference between you and me.”

  I shot up from the bed and balled my fists. “You don’t know shit about me.”

  “Besides the fact that I can still smell the baby milk on your breath, I’ve got a whole fucking file on you, and I’ve read it from cover to cover. What it doesn’t say, I’ll find out eventually because I’m not going anywhere,” he warned.

  I crossed my arms to appear stern and also hide the evidence of what his threats had done to me. I cursed myself for not wearing a bra today. “You told me not to trust you.”

  “And I meant it.”

  I stared back at him incredulously. “And they say women are confusing creatures,” I muttered. I threw my hands up and said, “Well, as you can see, I’m safe and sound. Let me show you the exit.” I crossed the small room to the open window where he had, no doubt, gained entry. I really need to learn to lock this thing.

  “Not so fast.” I stopped but didn’t turn around. “You’re fifteen,” he announced as if I weren’t aware. It almost sounded like an accusation. As if I were the betrayer and not the betrayed.

  I turned to face him, and I wore a smug smile. “And?”

  “When I said
I’d fuck you, you didn’t think to tell me your goddamn age?” he roared.

  I winced even as my ire rose.

  “Will you keep it down? Besides, you knew I was young.”

  “And that’s where I fucked up,” he agreed and closed the distance between us. “I was hoping I was wrong. When you made that deal, I assumed I was.”

  “Boo fucking hoo.”

  His hands seized my waist without warning, and then he lifted me in the air before angrily tossing me on my bed. I’m pretty sure if he had a table, he would have flipped it over instead. Chest heaving, he stalked after me ready to pounce, but the moment I scrambled away, he stopped, closed his eyes, and swore. I then watched wide-eyed as he stormed to the window and, without a word, jumped over the sill in one swift motion.

  I was still panting when I heard him grunt followed by a string of curses after he landed on the cold, hard ground. I could only imagine the shock the impact had sent to his knees.

  Good.

  In fact, I hoped he broke something.

  A knock on my door mere seconds later, however, had my heart thundering for a different reason.

  “Lou?” Eliza called out, and I released a sigh of relief that it wasn’t Cathleen or Dan at my door.

  “Yeah?” I answered as I hopped up from my bed and tiptoed to the window. One quick peek confirmed that Wren was gone. I was searching the street for signs of his car when I realized Eliza hadn’t responded. Crossing the room, I ripped open the door. If only I’d considered my tousled and flushed appearance before I did so. Judging by Eliza’s wide eyes and blush as she repeatedly glanced over my shoulder, I knew what she was thinking.

  “My parents sent me to check on you. We heard an awful racket.”

  “I was working out.”

  She frowned as if she’d never heard of such a thing. “Working out?”

  “I heard it relieves stress,” I offered lamely. “What’s up?”

  “Um, right.” She then held up my backpack and a plate with two slices of pizza. “You left your homework.” Remembering my excuse to get out of having dinner with the Hendersons, I accepted both with a guilty twist of my gut. When I offered no excuse or apology, she huffed and said, “You know my parents really like you. I really like you. We all want you to feel like part of this family.” Her cheeks turned pink when she added, “Maybe you could try with us?”

  I had trouble swallowing as I looked away.

  “Lou?”

  Inwardly, I cringed. Every time I heard that name, I felt crushed under the person’s heel. My parents had given me that nickname, and each time I heard it, I was reminded of the fact that they were gone.

  “Thanks for the pizza.” Stepping back, I shut the door in her face, and I didn’t move until the sound of her footsteps and her crying faded.

  I told myself I had no reason to feel bad. They brought this on themselves. My parents had the sense to get out while they could. It was only a matter of time before the Hendersons did, too.

  As I was leaving for school the next morning, I found Wren’s Impala boldly parked in front of the Hendersons’ home. And this time, I knew it wasn’t just wishful thinking. He was in plain view, leaning against the passenger door, looking bored and a little agitated. He also seemed oblivious to the curious but wary stares he was drawing from the neighbors. As my stomach fluttered and my center warmed, I silently prayed I wasn’t one of those girls who found stalking attractive.

  “Back for more?” I taunted as I sidled down the short walkway.

  “You’re late,” he retorted with his usual nonchalance.

  Feeling as bold as he did, I was now standing toe-to-toe with him. “You’re stalking me.”

  “In my defense, you did say I was stuck with you.”

  “Yes, but not at the hip.”

  “You don’t have hips.”

  Before I could offer a comeback, the front door opened and Eliza, who had been avoiding me, rushed down the steps, probably thinking I was already gone. She was still zipping her brand-new coat closed and hadn’t noticed us, but when she finally did, she came to a dead halt at the sight of Wren. I groaned knowing that she’d have questions about Wren I couldn’t and wouldn’t answer.

  Ignoring my obvious irritation, they both spoke at the same time.

  “Who is that?” Eliza questioned as her eyes flitted curiously between Wren and me.

  “Is she wearing the coat I bought for you?” Wren said as he snapped to his full height.

  “He’s nobody,” I said to Eliza while ignoring Wren completely. “The bus will be here any minute. Let’s go.” I grabbed her hand, pulling her after me. Thankfully, Eliza didn’t protest and, surprisingly, neither did Wren. We made it to the stop just in time and had to wait at the back of the line while everyone loaded onto the bus.

  “So is he who I heard in your room last night?” Eliza whispered.

  I made sure to keep my gaze straight ahead even though I wanted to look back and see if Wren had stuck around. He was hunting for something, and I had a feeling I was the prey. “There was no one in my room last night.”

  It was finally our turn to hop on, but as I started forward, the doors suddenly snapped close. Confused, I knocked on the door, and when my gaze met the bus driver’s, he shook his head and drove off.

  “Um…what just happened?” Eliza asked, sounding as dumbfounded as I felt.

  Before I could answer, the Impala suddenly appeared where the bus had been just a moment ago. I watched through narrowed eyes as he leaned over and rolled down the window. “Let’s go.”

  I had a strange sense of déjà vu, and I quickly remembered what occurred the last time I got in the car with him.

  “What did you say to our bus driver?”

  The corner of his mouth lifted. “I told him you’d be riding with me today.”

  “No, I won’t, you fucking lunatic!” I turned to grab Eliza again intending to haul ass, but she was already pushing past me and climbing into his backseat. What the hell? “Eliza, what are you doing?”

  “It’s like thirty degrees,” she whined as she buckled her seat belt. “Do you really expect us to walk all the way to school?”

  Wren smiled and said nothing as he sat back in his seat and shifted the car into drive. He already knew he’d won because I wasn’t about to let my fri… um… Eliza ride alone with him. I sighed and slid into the passenger seat. Wren took off before I could even get my seat belt fastened. I threw a dirty look over my shoulder at Eliza who smiled apologetically.

  I started to scold her but then Wren beat me to it by scolding me instead. “Leave her alone. You’re just upset because she has more common sense than pride.”

  “Wouldn’t it be better to have both in equal measure?”

  “Not always.” He took his eyes from the road and met my gaze. “Not when it counts. For instance,” he continued, focusing back on the road, “common sense tells me to stay away from you”—his hand tightened around the steering wheel as if the thought enraged him—“but my pride won’t let me.”

  “What does your pride have to do with it?”

  “You think you don’t want me around, and I’m determined to prove you wrong.”

  “I’m still not seeing how that’s supposed to be a good thing.”

  His eyes were mesmerizingly blue when he glanced my way again. “You will.”

  I had no ready response. There were only the butterflies awakened by the heat blooming in my stomach.

  “Besides,” Eliza cut in, reminding us both that she was in the car, “we all know you weren’t going to walk. You’d freeze your tits off.”

  Wren laughed at her comment, but I had a feeling it was because he knew it would piss me off. I ignored them both and stared out the window.

  When he pulled up to our schools, which were right across from each other,, he ordered me to hang back before letting Eliza out on his side. I obeyed solely so I could give him a piece of my mind and pretended not to notice how deeply Eliza blushed when Wr
en wished her a good day. I snorted and crossed my arms while pretending interest in my schoolmates hanging out on the lawn. The moment he climbed back inside and shut the door, I let him have it.

  “This little ‘agreement’ that you’re taking way too seriously is off. Stay away from me, Wren.”

  “You need a friend, and I need a distraction. What’s the problem?” he asked with more patience than the situation allowed. How could he be so casual when his actions were far from sane? More importantly, why was I tempted to get closer and find out?

  “You’re dangerous and not just because of what you do for them,” I said, referring to Exiled, “but because of what you do to me. I’m not sure I like who I am when you’re around.”

  “I’d never ask you to be someone you’re not, and I’d never hurt you. As tough as you think you are, the world is tougher. It’s a tenacious bitch, and you need someone watching your back.”

  “But why do you care?” I pressed. “It can’t be because you’re so benevolent.”

  “Did you not hear me say I get something out of the deal?”

  “What exactly do you need distracting from?”

  His nostrils flared, and he sighed. “Does it matter? It won’t ever cost you a damn thing.” When I didn’t respond, he added, “Do we have a deal?”

  I stared into those perplexing eyes of his, drawn to the flame I glimpsed within them. Against my will, my lips said “Sure” even as my mind screamed no.

  Wren nodded and looked away.

  I could tell he wasn’t as confident about the seal we’d just placed on our fate as he’d like me to think, but like me, he was too far gone. Something invisible, unbreakable, and incurable had a hold on us, drawing us in like moths to a single flame. Could we one day break free of it, or would it choose to break us instead?

  Clearing his throat, he said, “So be it.”

  I slowly reached for the handle unable to understand why I was reluctant to go when he spoke again.

  “Wait.”

  I sat back and forced myself to relax while he reached into the back seat. A second later, a silver gift bag appeared in my lap with blue stuffing paper, and whatever was hidden inside felt pretty heavy.