The Devil in the Saddle

by Julia London

  Hallie dropped her hand. Her mother had a box on her lap. Hallie recognized it as the box Dad had left her mother. None of them knew what was in it, but whatever it was, it had made her mother cry from time to time. “What are you doing?” Hallie asked.

  “Just looking at a few things.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Oh, I’m fine,” her mother said. “This box used to tear me to pieces, but it gives me strange comfort now. Funny how grief works—at first it’s like a knife, and you can’t breathe, and you think you’ll die. But with time, the pain dulls, doesn’t it? I can actually laugh now about things Charlie and I did.”

  Hallie walked over and sat in the chair next to her mother.

  Her mother smiled at her. “Tell me something, Hallie. Are you in love with Rafe Fontana?”

  Hallie’s mouth dropped. “No!” She didn’t know why she denied it. Maybe because she didn’t want to hear her mother tell her why she disapproved.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” her mother said lightly. “It’s just an intuition I have. That, and you were sitting in his truck outside for a while.”

  She was looking at Hallie so thoughtfully that it made Hallie nervous. “What if I am?” she asked flippantly. “Are you going to lecture me on it being too soon after Chris, or say he’s not the right guy for a Prince princess?”

  “A few months ago I definitely would have done that, wouldn’t I?” she mused. “But now? I don’t know. I guess I’d tell you to make sure he was the right one for you.”

  Hallie peered at her mother. She didn’t say things like that. She said things like, Who are his people?

  “You know, your dad and I had some pretty big ups and some pretty spectacular downs. If I have one regret, it’s that I wish we’d been a little less volatile around you kids. And yet, in spite of everything, and all that he did, I never wanted anyone but him. He was the right one, and I don’t regret the heartache he caused me for a moment.”

  “Are you serious? He cheated on you,” Hallie reminded her.

  “Hmm,” her mother said, as if she hadn’t thought of that. “Well, let’s just say I am serious right now having had a couple of glasses of wine. I guess if you were standing on the outside of our marriage, you wouldn’t believe that cheating Charlie was the right man for me. But he was the perfect man for me, and I want you to have the perfect man for you. If it’s Chris, if it’s Rafe, if it’s Prince Harry, I don’t care. I just want him to be the right one for you.”

  “This is pretty astounding, coming from you, Mom,” Hallie said.

  Her mother laughed and picked up her wineglass. “Tell me about it,” she said, and drank.

  Hallie never did answer her mother whether or not she was in love with Rafe. But in hindsight, she didn’t have to. Her mother knew.

  Rafe was the right one, the perfect man for Hallie. She knew that now. She knew it based on how badly she missed him.

  The only problem was getting Rafe to believe it.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Rafe didn’t know if coming home was the best thing he could have done for himself, or maybe the worst.

  He couldn’t seem to get away from Hallie, no matter how much he needed to for the sake of his own sanity. One minute he was installing ballet barres, and the next minute, he was in a big-box home store helping her pick out wall art. That turned into dinner in San Antonio, which included a healthy debate on whether or not ballet was as hard as martial arts.

  “Martial arts are combat, Hallie. Ballet is art.”

  “Oh yeah, your ‘combat training’ is going to come in really handy when planks of wood attack and need to be judoed.”

  God, he loved that woman.

  It had made a mess of his brain. He’d been so hurt by her rejection, but his mind was willing to let him forget it. He could feel himself growing less and less interested in Chicago, too. It was beginning to feel like a chore he had to tackle. His lack of enthusiasm astounded him after he had put his heart and soul into that project. But it had always been a plan B. He had always needed to be someplace Hallie was not after she married. And when she started a family.

  Jason texted him with regular updates—the electricity had to be rewired again. The plumbing for which they’d just paid an outrageous amount sprang a leak in one of the lines. Nevertheless, Jason said they ought to be able to launch in March. Three months behind schedule and thousands of dollars later. When are you coming back?

  Rafe let that one go. He didn’t know quite yet. Rico’s court appearance was at the end of the week, and depending on what happened with that, it could be as soon as the weekend.

  That seemed too soon. He’d taken his mother to the doctor, and the test results wouldn’t be in until next week. She’d assured him she was fine, it was just a precaution, but Rafe wasn’t so sure. She didn’t look great. She had that look of fatigue in her eyes, the pasty skin that came with not eating right or enough.

  One night, he’d mentioned to his dad that he was worried about insurance if he should get laid off. “If Mom’s sick, how are we going to manage it if you don’t have a job?”

  “Oh, that,” his dad had said with a dismissive flick of his wrist. “Mrs. Prince and I have had a meeting of the minds. I’m not worried about losing my job.”

  “What? When?”

  “A month or so ago,” his father said. “She admitted she can’t run this ranch without me and isn’t planning to anytime soon.”

  That news was a relief, and it only heightened his obsession with Hallie, always present in his thoughts.

  Not that he’d changed his mind about the viability of the two of them. There were still so many things to consider. Mostly, his ability to trust her with his heart. But a lot of it had to do with his own fear of not being able to live up to what Hallie needed or wanted. She had lived a life that he’d viewed from afar, had been to places he couldn’t imagine, had every privilege a person could have in this world. How could he compete? And the one time he’d tried to be the man she wanted, she had sent him packing.

  But Hallie was different now. Something had changed with her, and he didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was just as she said—she didn’t need to be in Austin. She had set her goals, was accomplishing them by herself. But why had she come back to Three Rivers?

  Ella had said something that night when he was helping her with the dishes. Rafe really liked Ella—she was quiet, and she seemed very perceptive. He’d mentioned how much Hallie and Luca seemed to like her little house.

  Ella had laughed. She said, “Have you ever noticed that they’re both kind of desperate for a normal life? They had a lot of things growing up, but there was a lot of strife, too, and I have this feeling that they both want what the whole world wants.” She looked at him, and her gaze pierced his in a way that he hadn’t expected. “You know, someone who loves them completely. That’s what matters to them, I think. Not the things.”

  It was what mattered to him, too.

  On the day of Rico’s plea agreement, the entire family went to court, prepared to tell the judge how hard he was working to correct his mistake. Rico’s court-appointed attorney drew Rico aside, and when Rico returned, he was grinning. He said the state was offering a plea of guilty in exchange for probation, but that his attorney was going to request that the deal include approval for him to work in Chicago. As long as Rico had monthly drug tests and didn’t drink and returned for status hearings, his lawyer didn’t think it would be a problem.

  Rafe’s father’s chin began to tremble.

  “What?” Rico said, and put his arm around his father’s shoulders. “Come on, Dad. I love what we’re doing up there. It’s a good thing. I’ve been working, like you want. I haven’t been drinking.”

  “I know, Rico,” his father said. “I feel like I’m losing both my sons.”

  The judge granted Rico’s request. But
any deviation from the plan, he warned, would result in the revocation of his probation.

  That night, Rafe wandered into Rico’s room. He was already packing, even though they didn’t leave until the day after tomorrow.

  “Dude, you’ve got time,” Rafe said.

  “I want to be ready,” Rico responded.

  Rafe stretched out on Rico’s bed. “Why do you want to be there so bad?”

  “I don’t know. It’s just . . . Jason and Chaco, they aren’t judging me, man. Here, it feels like everyone is waiting for me to fail, you know? And I like it. I like the work, I like the vibe.” He smiled at Rafe. “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have figured it out.”

  Rafe wished he could figure it out for himself.

  “I wish I’d started way back, when you first tried to get me into a program, remember? But I get it now, bro. I can give back. I know that doesn’t sound like me, but I’m different now. I’m twenty-nine years old, and I don’t have squat. I want to change that. I want to change who I am. I’m sick of being a coward about life.”

  It was an interesting admission from Rico. He and Rico had more in common than Rafe had really understood. He wanted to change, too. He was sick of being a coward, too.

  Rafe got up and walked to the window. He looked out at the night sky, darkly blue, a thousand stars shining down on them. You couldn’t see the stars as well as this in Chicago, not with all the lights. “Here’s the thing, Rico. Our program won’t be able to support much more than Jason in the beginning. That’s why Chaco has a job and I was looking for one.”

  “I can get a job,” Rico said quickly. “I’ll wash dishes—”

  “So what if you took my place?” Rafe said. The words slipped out of his mouth before he could catch them back. He hadn’t really thought through the idea clearly—it had just come out. As if his heart was doing the thinking now.

  “Huh?”

  “I mean, you’d have to get back here for your court appointments without me doing it for you.” He turned from the window and looked at his brother.

  Rico’s eyes narrowed. “What the hell? You’ve been working on this gym for a long time. And you’re just going to let me take it?”

  “I don’t know,” Rafe said with a wince. “I belong on the ranch, Rico. This is who I am. I’m not feeling Chicago.”

  That was it. That was the crux of his discontent. He wasn’t feeling it. What he was feeling was a need to be here. With his parents, his mother especially. As much as he’d resented their need of him, he guessed he’d given them every reason to expect it. He would never feel right about himself if he wasn’t there for them.

  And then, of course, there was this irresistible need to be near Hallie. It was happening all over again, his infatuation swelling and absorbing all his common sense.

  Yesterday, she’d talked him into changing fluorescent bulbs in the warehouse—she insisted he call it a studio—and while he was up on the ladder, she took pictures of him. “Cut that out,” he’d said.

  “Make me.” She’d taken another picture.

  So Rafe surprised her by leaping off the ladder and grabbing her up, kissing the shout of surprise from her mouth.

  That kiss, a playful one, quickly turned molten. His hand was in her hair, and she clutched his jacket. He could feel himself hardening, could feel the desire billowing, ready to set sail. He wanted her as bad as he’d ever wanted sleep or food. She felt that essential to him. But with a grimace, he’d made himself stop. What was different? What could he possibly expect from that?

  “Don’t stop,” she said, and pressed against him. “We can go to my car—”

  “We’re not teenagers.”

  “Do you have a better option?”

  He put his hands on her arms. That was just it. There were better options, but they were sneaking around like teenagers, stealing kisses here and there, because he couldn’t bring himself to take that leap. “Not at the moment.”

  Hallie groaned. She pressed her head to his chest. “You’re killing me, Rafe, you know that? You act like you want to be with me, and then you don’t.” She suddenly straightened up and stepped back. “You know what? I don’t want to play this game anymore. I love you. I really, really love you, in case you haven’t figured that out. I know I hurt you, and I know you think I’ll do it again—”

  “I never said—”

  “You don’t have to! I just know it. I don’t know what else to say except that I love you so much, and if that’s not enough, I don’t know what is. I made a mistake, Rafe. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I have learned so much about myself, and the right thing for me is you.” She turned around and walked into the offices and sat down on a box and dropped her face into her hands.

  He followed her inside. “Hallie, I—”

  “No,” she said, and looked up. Her face was full of an anguish he didn’t really understand. “Leave me alone, Rafe. Please.”

  He did as she asked.

  But Hallie was right. This was ridiculous. He was ridiculous. He had to decide once and for all what he was doing. They could not go back to the way it was.

  Maybe what pushed him over the edge was Nick.

  On the day they found out that Rafe’s mother’s cancer was back—this time in the bladder—Rafe’s dad lost his cool. “I can’t do this,” he’d said. “I can’t run a ranch with half the people I need and take care of your mother at the same time. I need you, son.”

  But Rafe needed work. Paying work. “If I stay, Dad, I’ll help you where I can,” he said, because of course he would. That was what he did. “But I need a paying job. And not at the ranch.” He wouldn’t go on the Prince payroll. He was adamant about that. He still hadn’t figured out how to navigate his way with Hallie, but he would not be on her family’s payroll.

  “Where are you going to get a job?” his dad had asked.

  “I don’t know. In social work. I just need to get serious about it.”

  But then Nick had asked him to come into the office to talk about a few things.

  “About what?” Rafe said into the phone when Nick called.

  “Life, man. Just come.”

  So Rafe went. “Martin and I need your help,” Nick said flatly.

  Rafe was already shaking his head. “I’m not working for you, Nick. I’m not going to put myself in that position.”

  Nick looked offended. “What are you talking about?”

  Rafe hadn’t wanted to say it to Nick, but he wasn’t going to lie about it either. “Look, Nick. I have some pretty strong feelings for your sister.”

  Nick nodded but otherwise had no response.

  “Serious feelings,” Rafe said again.

  “Rafe, come on. We all know that. You two are constantly together.”

  Okay, so much for his attempts at discretion. “I’m not talking about a casual dating thing.”

  “Well, that’s great,” Nick said.

  Rafe sighed with irritation.

  “What do you want me to say?” Nick asked. “I’d be thrilled—thrilled,” he said, tapping his chest, “if you were with Hallie.”

  It was Rafe’s turn to be confused. “Why?”

  “Why?” he said, as if that was a dumb question. “Can you think of a better man for her? Because I sure can’t. So, okay, you don’t want to be on the Prince payroll,” Nick said, dispatching with that misunderstanding for more pressing business. “But what if you were on George Lowe’s payroll?”

  “The lawyer?”

  “Hear me out,” Nick said, and laid out his idea. George, a gentleman rancher, would hire Rafe, not only to run his small cattle ranch, but also to contract him out to Three Rivers. Rafe would work with Three Rivers Ranch, and for George’s ranch as well. Not for Three Rivers Ranch. Not for the Princes.

  “Ranch management,” Rafe said.

&n
bsp; Nick laughed. “Did you think we needed you to brand cattle? We need help running a cattle ranch, and you know as much as I do. Your dad’s a great majordomo, but he’s not a cattleman.”

  “But I just got my degree in social work.”

  “You’ll still use it on ranchers, trust me. But I’m not saying you have to do this forever. Just help us over the hump. Surely there is a way to combine ranching and social work for real,” Nick said.

  Rafe didn’t know how in the hell that could be done. Nevertheless, he couldn’t quite grasp the opportunity that had just fallen into his lap. He didn’t know how to reconcile all the effort he’d put into another career entirely with this one.

  “Don’t say no. Just think about it. George will get in touch in a week or so.”

  Rafe didn’t need to think about it. A door had just opened, one he’d been standing outside of since he was twelve. He would figure it out. He would make it work, come hell or high water.

  Chapter Thirty

  Hallie’s studio was just about finished. The big picture window had not yet been installed, and there were some things she wanted to do to the offices—specifically, turn one into a nursery—but she was ready to start building the actual program. She and Genevieve had been trading ideas over email all week.

  Hallie hoped to have her first classes by late summer, as soon as she finished school.

  Once the program was up and running, she was going to get back on that charity circuit and hit up all the organizations who had ever asked for a dime of Prince money to support her cause.

  Her mother wanted to help. “You leave the fundraising to me,” she said to Hallie. “Those society bitches will be donating before they even know what hit them.”

  “Mom!” Hallie said with a laugh. “Those are your friends!”

  “Hallie Jane, you are so naive sometimes.”

  “I hope you get plenty of Janet Tobin’s money,” Hallie’s grandmother said. “She’s got too much, obviously, judging by all those Cadillacs she keeps buying. She can’t even drive.”