by Angel Devlin
He gave me a long, pained look and I felt the colour drain from my face. I sat on the edge of the bed.
"I heard him say he couldn't stand to think of you with me. How your heart would always be his. Saw him kiss you. I was so fucking happy when you told him you'd tell me and George and you rejected him. So fucking happy." His eyes went glassy. "I wanted to slam that door open and rip his head off his shoulders, but I know he's your brother's friend, so I didn't. If he comes near you again though, I won't hesitate to break his fucking film star perfect nose."
I got into bed and curled up into Dale until the tension in his body broke and he wrapped himself around me.
"It's not reciprocated," I lied. "I'm engaged to you. I'm marrying you." He kissed me then and I'd like to say we made love. But we didn't. Dale fucked me, clearly frustrated with another man wanting his woman. It was rough, but I let him take what he needed.
As I turned in his arms and faced my side of the bed towards the window, a tear slipped from my eye. Because when Dale had walked up to that door he'd shown his lack of trust in me, and when I'd pushed Ezra away, it had been the hardest thing I'd ever done.
And I no longer felt so sure about the next eighteen months and my future role as Mrs Hunter.
Dale got worse.
Even though Ezra had returned to the states after the new year, he began to check my phone for messages.
He'd ask me again and again to tell him exactly what the true nature of our relationship had been.
And then one day in March, he sat me down on our sofa and he told me he was sorry, but he couldn't stay with me, couldn't marry me. That the whole Ezra situation was driving him insane and he felt he couldn't trust me.
Even though I'd not done a damn thing.
He got a job in another area and we sold the house. I got my first rental. My brother was devastated for me. I lied and told him that we'd just grown apart and realised we were no longer in love.
But I had been in love. Maybe it hadn't been as strong as my feelings for Ezra, but it had been my first proper love affair and I would have married Dale.
Instead, I nursed another broken heart and wondered when Ezra Waite would ever leave me in peace, because whether he was here in Willowfield, or in the states and on the covers of magazines, the man haunted me day and night.
Dale had written Ezra's mobile number in our telephone book, during the time when he thought it was amazing that an actor was coming to dinner.
I put the number in my own phone and I sent a text.
Lisa: There's no wedding. Are you happy now?
Dots appeared on the screen.
Ezra: Do you want me to lie or tell the truth?
Lisa: I didn't end things. You need to know that. He did. He overheard you in the kitchen.
Ezra: You mean he was spying?
Lisa: All I mean is I would have walked down the aisle.
Ezra: You can tell yourself that, but we both know it isn't true. Or if you had you'd have made the biggest mistake of your life.
I didn't answer him. I’d said all I needed to say, but Ezra wasn't done.
Ezra: Ask yourself why you felt the need to let me know you and he were over. If you didn't care about me anymore, you wouldn't have sent the message. You wanted me to know, Lisa, because we aren't done. Not by a long shot. I'll be back in the summer; know I'll be coming to find you.
I re-read the messages at least six times.
And I hated myself. Because I was already looking forward to the summer, and it wasn't for the warm weather that was forecast.
Ezra Waite was clearly my version of Kryptonite to Superman, silver to a werewolf, or garlic and wooden stakes to a vampire. My total weakness.
And when the summer came, we were back to meeting in hotel rooms in secret.
Chapter Nine
Ezra
It was late and I felt bone weary tired. A combination of jet lag, hospital visits, and the truth from our mother. She was as selfish as we had given her credit for. I mulled things over in my mind for a time, but it was no use. I wanted to see Lisa. Wanted her take on things. My bed in the states was almost always empty, but here, knowing this was the room where she'd slept while she looked after my house, I craved her to be in here, sharing the double bed with me. I thought of the scent she'd always worn, her soft skin, how she sighed and moaned in ecstasy. I reached for my mobile phone and sent her a text.
Ezra: I'm sorry it's late, but can you meet me early tomorrow for a coffee? Can you come here? Alice spoke with Jules and I tonight. Jules might need you too. I could do with your advice. We set off to London tomorrow so it can't really wait...
I hated that I used Juliet as an excuse to get Lisa to see me, but I knew if she had reservations that was the part that would hold most sway with getting her here.
A reply came back.
Lisa: Okay.
That was it. But I felt like I could hear the reservation and reluctance in that one word. I could cope with that though. At least she was coming here. I sent her a message back.
Ezra: Around ten?
This time she didn't respond.
The next morning, I rose early, showered, and had a quick tidy up around the place. Ten am came around and passed and as it reached twenty past the hour, I thought she wasn't coming, but then the doorbell rang.
I rushed to let her in. As always, I had to stand and look at her for a few moments taking her in. I didn't think she had any idea what she did to me. I wanted to kiss every freckle that dotted that cute button nose and smell her hair. She was dressed in an oversized baggy black jumper and some dark-blue skinny jeans. If her motive had been to show me I wasn't worthy of any effort it had backfired, because casual, unplugged Lisa was just another version of the woman I loved. And I loved every part of her.
And one day, she would know this and trust it and be mine.
"Am I staying on the doorstep?" She tapped a foot on the floor. She didn't know it, but her sassiness just made me want her more. In the sea of 'yes people' I swam among, she was a breath of fresh air. In fact, her challenging me by resisting me was a game I was more than happy to play, as long as in the end she knew who she was meant for.
"Maybe we're chatting here then?" I realised I’d yet to move.
"Sorry, jetlag's a bitch. Come in. I'll fix some coffee. In my case, as you can see, it's sorely needed."
I walked on ahead. The woman had lived here, she didn't need directing.
She walked through to the kitchen and sat down at the dining table. I fixed us two drinks, assuming she took her coffee as she always had: milky, no sugar, and placed them on the table and then I sat to one side of her. I didn't want to sit directly opposite, it felt too intense.
The tension in the room was palpable, but whether it was anger, frustration, or chemistry, was not clear. I knew what it was from my point of view. Words of apology and regret overflowed my brain and I wanted to beg at her feet and then ravish every damn molecule of her being.
She'd called me dramatic. That made me smirk.
"What's so funny?"
"I was just thinking about how you're one of the only people who will call me on my behaviour."
"Oh yes. There are so many women who will just do whatever you want. Your complete bidding," she answered.
"There was nothing between me and Carrie Tigra and you know it."
"So, what's happening with Alice and with Jules?"
The swiftest subject change in history.
"Alice is in a hotel and I don't know what to do next with her, and Jules is in a bit of a mess after speaking with her and finding out she wasn't feeling apologetic about having left everyone."
I told her everything then. About how Alice had turned up. How she'd seen the doctors yesterday. What she'd told us. Lisa drank her coffee. Got up and made us new ones as I carried on talking and just let me pour out everything to her, because as I'd said, she was the only person I felt I could be myself with.
"Shit. Jules must be in a
mess. I mean, some part of her will have always hoped that your mother would return with a valid reason of why she'd left and there'd be some kind of happy reunion. But no, she really is just a selfish cow."
"And I don't know what to do as maybe the others still want to talk with her. I don't think she wants to go back to the states. I thought I might get her a home here until she needs hospice care, but then I don't want to be responsible for looking after her." I scrubbed a hand through my hair. "Then I think that's awful, that I should care for her no matter how she is, because she did care for me for years before she walked out. Knowing her she'd probably sell her story to the press, 'abandoned by my movie star son'. Everything is just a mess."
"There's only you who can decide what you want to do, but maybe you need to talk to the rest of your family and sound them out on their thoughts? Give them time to see her if that's what they intend on doing. But if you want to buy her a place to live, that's not up to them. And if you want to walk away from her, that's your call. Yeah, she turned up on your doorstep, but she's not your responsibility."
"What would you do?"
She shook her head. "No, no, no. You have to make the choice, Ezra."
"I know, but I'm still interested in what you'd do."
"I'd make sure she was comfortable. She was your mum up until you were seventeen. Okay, she walked out in the end, but she gave a lot of years to your care. She's months or a few years left? You don't have to be in touch, but you can make sure she's okay until she passes. Make sure she's somewhere your family can go see her at any point, if she's in agreement."
I was quiet for a moment.
"She was honest with you and Jules. It might have been upsetting to hear she put herself first and walked away, but she didn't come back with lies. She told the truth about her reasons, her addictions, and her illness. And maybe she did come to you because you had money. She's told you who she is, deep inside. It's not pretty but it's her truth."
"It's all such a fucking mess."
"Life is messy."
"Are you seeing someone?" It was the question that had been burning my tongue to escape since I’d first seen her.
"That's not your concern."
"I think it is."
"This premiere. Once you've finished with it. What's next? What role is Ezra Waite next stepping into?"
"I'm not. I'm taking a sabbatical for an undetermined amount of time."
My eyes met hers and I hoped they showed my truths. It was hard to get people to believe you when you acted for a living and you'd let them down so many times before. She'd not believed me about Carrie.
"I've come home, and I'm not leaving until I've made you mine. For good this time."
"But after that you'll want to leave and what, I come with you everywhere?"
"We can have a great life."
"No. You disappear for months at a time. I'm not giving up my own life for you. I'm applying for jobs out of Willowfield. I'm going to do my cooking, finally try to achieve something on my own. You can't just show up here because you've decided the time is right and come tell me how we're going to live our lives. The fact you even mention it shows your ego knows no bounds."
"Maybe the logistics need some work, but my ego knows one thing. That if I put my mouth on yours right now, you'd kiss me back."
She actually nodded in agreement.
"I would. Where you're concerned, I'm weak. But not so weak as to completely give in to you once more. Whatever happens this time around, it ends with me leaving this time. I'll be walking away from you."
"You make it sound like I'm the one who always left. That's not the way I remember it."
"It doesn't matter, Ezra. Ultimately we can repeat this same dance over and over but when the music stops one of us always leaves the dance floor."
She stood up and walked over to the sink, putting the tap on and letting the water run until it was hot. There was silence between us with just the noise of the water filling the bowl. She began to wash the mug.
"I can talk to Juliet, but maybe she needs to escape a while? Can you not take her to the premiere with you?"
"I can't take anyone else. There's already Angela, Eli, and Cal."
"I'm sure Cal would give up his place."
I chewed on my lip. "Actually, Juliet and Eli seem to get on well. I think I might just give Cal a call."
Lisa placed her washed mug on the draining board. "I'll leave you to it. Hope it's helped to chat."
"You know it has. It always does. Things between us have always flowed so damn easy."
"You chose your career over me time and time again."
"I had to get away from Willowfield. Anyway, you clearly managed to move on."
"Huh. You broke up my relationship."
"You didn't love him as much as you loved me. It was doomed from the start."
"And then I came to the states and you acted like I didn't exist."
"You walked away because you thought I was cheating, and I wasn't."
"We'll agree to disagree."
"No. It's time you learned the truth about what really happened back then. Us not working out is not always down to me." I knew my voice was rising but I couldn't help it.
"Actually, I need to get going. I've some errands of my own to run."
"I was going to propose, Lisa," I told her. "While you argued with me that final time and then left, the ring was in my inner jacket pocket the whole time."
Tears welled up around her lashes. "You're lying."
I walked over to her, turned her to face me and dipped my mouth to touch hers. A tear ran down her cheek and I chased it away with my tongue.
"Let me love you and then I'll explain," I said. "We keep wasting so much time."
Tears now coursed down her cheeks and I knew she was thinking about America and wondering what would have happened had she made a different choice.
But that had been the story to date of Ezra and Lisa. All the wrong choices, all the wrong moves.
Now I had to see what Lisa's next move would be.
Chapter Ten
Lisa
It would have been so easy to respond to his kiss. To fall into his arms. But he had just dropped a bombshell I had never seen coming.
He'd been going to propose?
I needed to get away, to have time to think. Breaking away from him, I made space between us. His expression went slack.
"You need to sort out the film premiere and then talk to your family about your mum when you're back."
"And what, forget my feelings for you? Because I can't do that."
"I need time to think, Ezra. You've been mentally preparing to come back here and to try to win me back, but I've had no clue. None. I've felt blindsided and now you just told me you were planning to propose. But you didn't. We didn't speak again for years. My head's in a mess."
He took a step closer to me. "Mine too. Alice's declaration of dying has put me in a tailspin too, but I still know what I want. I want you."
"Then you need to wait and let me process everything."
"Just let me tell you what happened in America before you leave. Before I have to go to the premiere."
I sighed. "Can you get me a glass of water and can we go sit in the living room instead?"
He nodded.
We moved locations. Ezra took the chair while I sat on the sofa. He passed me a glass of water.
"Look. I think you need to call Callum and Jules if you're changing the arrangements."
"I need to talk to you."
"I promise I won't leave. But make your calls. I think Juliet would benefit from being with you and Eli, and having another woman, an older one, to talk to. Plus, the change of scenery of course."
He nodded. "Okay. As long as you stay."
While he talked on the phone to his brother and then his sister, my mind returned to the past.
August 2017
Ezra was filming in London. Only an hour's travel separated us. I took annual leave and t
ravelled when he was free. He'd book me a hotel room of my own and then later on he'd turn up. Always a different hotel. He didn't want the press hounding us for his ‘mystery woman’, not when he was only here for a short period of time.
The difference this time was he spoke of a future, our future.
We were in bed together and he held my hand within his. He kept kissing my fingers. One week of his trip here had gone already. I refused to think about him leaving, about any of this visit and what it meant, so when he began talking about making plans, my stomach leapt.
"I want you to come to the states. Whenever your next annual leave is that coincides with me not being in the thick of filming. Come for a couple of weeks and see what you think to it out there. Whether it's somewhere you could see yourself spending more time."
I'd only done short haul flights before. This was epic in all of the possible ways. Visiting the US, being in the company of a top movie star. I’d have said yes even if I wasn't madly in love with the man who was asking me.
So the fact I was…
"Yes, I’d love to."
Ezra kissed me over and over. And for the remainder of his time here we talked about the things he would show me when I was over there.
November 2017
We video-called during all the time we couldn't see each other, and although I missed him like crazy, all I could focus on was the fact I was visiting him in the states and then we would make plans for the future.
My eyes were filled with stars, my dreams glitter and my mind was utterly… deluded. Because the truth was far from what I'd imagined.
For a start, after my long-haul flight that I’d done alone and found crazy nerve-wracking to the point I could have cried, I'd been met by a chauffeur holding a board with my name on it, but no Ezra.
My journey to his home, an apartment in Manhattan, was filled with me making polite conversation about it being my first visit and what sights I might see and that he was sure, 'Mr Waite was going to be so happy to see his cousin'.
