by Zavi James
"Luc!" I gripped the door.
He fixed his eyes back on the road. "You're pregnant?"
"I don't know," I said. "I might be."
Luc glanced over to me again and nodded before he took the opposite turn that would lead us away from the house and drove into town instead. I picked up two pregnancy tests and gripped them in my hands the whole way home as Luc put his foot to the floor. His phone wouldn't stop ringing and when we arrived home, he finally picked up the call.
"What?!" Luc yelled down the phone. "Can't you deal with it? Fine. FINE!" He put the phone down. "I need to go and deal with something," Luc told me. "Please don't do this without me."
"I won't," I told him. I didn't think I’d have the courage to do it alone.
Luc gave me a kiss and left. I walked into the kitchen to see Dom working on the sink.
"Leaky tap?" I asked.
"I think Lydia loosens it on purpose," Dom grumbled.
Laughing weakly, I took a seat and Dom joined me when he finished the repair. "So, what aren't you doing without the boss?" Dom asked.
My face flushed and I nodded to the bag that I’d dropped on the counter. Dom peeked inside and raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"I don't know," I said.
"That would be amazing though," Dom said and then seeing the look on my face he added, "Right?"
I didn’t give him a response as I nibbled on the corner of my bottom lip.
"Mia?"
"I guess," I said.
"You don't sound sure."
I wanted children. I had always wanted a large family but with everything that had gone on over the past few weeks, I felt like it would be too much to add a pregnancy on top. It would be too rushed and unplanned.
"There's so much going on, Dom," I said to him.
"I get that, sweetheart," Dom said, taking one of my hands in his. "But maybe you both need to focus on yourselves. I know things haven't been smooth lately, but you love him and he loves you. If you're pregnant I don't think it's a bad thing."
I smiled at him and Dom leaned it to kiss my cheek. "I need to go and finish up some stuff on Luc's bike. Let me know what the outcome is."
"Sure," I said. "Love you, Dom."
"Love you too, Mia."
∞∞∞
When Luc arrived home, later that evening, I laid in bed reading a book but not taking in a single word. It was hard to focus on anything when my mind was thinking about Xavier and whether or not I might be pregnant, which would only complicate matters further. By the sounds of it, he didn't exactly want me to be a part of Luc's life. I knew too much and that meant I was a liability and not an asset.
"Shall we?" Luc asked me.
Putting the book down, I got off the bed and pulled the tests out of the bag. Luc followed on my heels as I walked towards the bathroom.
"Babe," I said. "I'm not peeing in front of you."
"Why not?"
"Out," I ordered, pointing at the door.
"But I want to know," Luc said to me.
"It'll take time. We'll look together," I assured him.
Luc frowned but left me to pee on the stick alone. When I was done, I placed it on the counter and opened the door. Luc came in and pulled me into his arms, resting his chin on my head. We didn't say a word while we waited for the test, but I could hear the way Luc's heart hammered in his chest in a similar fashion to mine.
We spoke vaguely about having children, but I couldn’t help but think being pregnant now would be a mistake. I needed to figure out what to do with the information about Xavier. I didn’t want to marry Luc, let alone start a family with him, if there was a lie sitting between us. He’d never forgive me if he found out that I knew and kept it from him.
"I think we can look now," I told him after a few minutes.
Luc let go of me and I grabbed the stick to see it announced that I was not pregnant. I showed it to Luc, and he nodded slowly.
"Is it sure?" he asked me.
"I can do the other test," I told him.
Luc left me and we repeated the process but once again the test was negative, and I felt guilty at the small swell of relief I felt. There was one less thing to worry about.
When we got into bed, Luc pulled me close to him. "Don't be disappointed, love," he murmured. "We have plenty of time. Maybe it's for the best right now."
I ran my fingers through Luc's hair, and he closed his eyes and let out a quiet hum. I wanted to tell him what I had heard but Xavier made my blood run cold. Not only that, but I had respect for Maria and wanted to speak to her first.
"I'm going to pop in and see your Mom tomorrow," I told him.
Luc tensed under my touch. "Don't you think you should rest? I'd feel much better if you stayed at home."
"I didn't get the chance to see her today," I said to him. "I’m not sure why Xavier was with her."
Luc opened his eyes. "I asked him to speak to Mom for me."
"Oh?"
"They've known each other for years," Luc said with a shrug. "I figured he could try to get her to see if from my side. Try to show her Dad would have done the same for her." Luc braced himself on an arm and leaned over me, free hand stroking my hair.
My stomach twisted at the mention of his Dad. "Let me go and see her tomorrow. Maybe I can help talk her around," I said.
"Break the date to her," Luc told me.
"You still want to get married?" I asked him, surprised. Some part of me, deep inside had wondered if Luc would decide I was a mistake after tearing his family apart.
"Mia," Luc said sternly.
"I meant as soon as we had planned."
"Unless you've changed your mind then I don't see why we can't."
I looked up at Luc. This was his world. Things happened and it was another messy blot on the ledger, but the world kept moving. No matter what I felt about what had happened lately, I realized this was my life as well. No pretending, no skirting around the edges. This was what I had chosen, and I would do it again.
"I haven't changed my mind," I told him.
Luc dipped down and brushed his lips against mine and I felt some tension drain away with the tender gesture.
"Are you sure we can't elope?" he asked me.
Chapter Sixty Three
Mia
"Is anyone here today?" I asked Kelly as a precaution once I reached the desk.
"Just you today, sugar," Kelly told me.
Relief flooded me instantly. I had been terrified that I would have a run in with Xavier again and my plan was as detailed as avoid him for as long as possible. Taking a few deep breaths, I walked into Maria’s room. When she looked up, I watched the color drain from her face.
"Are you on your own?" Maria asked me.
I nodded and stood at the foot of her bed.
"Mia," Maria started.
"He deserves to know, Maria."
She closed her eyes and let out a small sigh. "Please sit."
Usually, I sat with her on the bed but this time I pulled a chair and sat beside her.
"There's a part of me that wants to tell him," Maria admitted.
"Then why not just do it?" I asked.
Maria's eyes filled with tears. "How am I meant to tell him that Charlie isn't his Dad? He adored that man. Charlie did everything for him."
"What happened?"
No longer able to contain it, a tear dripped down Maria's face. "A stupid, stupid decision," she said. "Xavier had been arguing with Emilia and he came by to see Charlie. Charlie was out of town on business. Even now I don't know how it happened..." Maria dropped her face into her hands and I waited for her to speak again. "I fell pregnant and Xavier... he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy, but I just couldn't do it. I told him I'd say it was Charlie's baby and Charlie was so thrilled when he found out I was pregnant."
She looked at the scar on the back of her hand. Maria had said that she couldn't even remember why Xavier had done that to her.
"He stabbed you because he thought you w
ere going to say something," I said, putting the pieces together.
"He wasn't willing to lose Emilia. Despite what happened, he loves her dearly just like I loved Charlie."
That had been Xavier's warning shot at Maria. A way to show her that he could and would do worse if he didn’t keep their secret. His words rang in my ears again and Dad’s face flitted across my mind.
"Luc looked so much like me when he started growing up that there was never a question that he might not be Charlie's."
"You made Xavier his godfather," I said. "That's twisted."
"He and Charlie were best friends," Maria explained. "He wouldn't let it go, Mia. It's like he wanted to be a part of Luc's life without telling him. Then the twins came along and everyone got busy. I left Charlie and Xavier only saw him sparingly."
My heart ached with all the information and Luc was in the dark about integral parts of his life.
"And then Charlie," Maria said, choking on a sob. "Charlie died because of Xavier. He always knew what loyalty was."
The bile rose in my throat and I rushed out of the room so that I could be sick. When I returned, Maria's tears had dried.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, taking a seat again. “You can appreciate this is a lot to handle.”
"I do, and you should never have found out this way,” she sighed. “When Luc took over everything, Xavier tried to steer him and guide him, but Luc pulled away from him," Maria continued. "I think he was reminded too much of Charlie. Xav didn't make the effort. Why would he?"
I leaned back against the chair trying to wrap my head around what she was telling me.
"And then you came into Luc's life and things have been changing." Maria smiled. "I see it in him. I see how he's back to himself again. Less withdrawn and happier." Maria took me in. "I think he needs to know because sometimes I worry that without a hand he might spiral when things go askew. If he had Xavier to guide him then I would lessen the risk of losing another son, but he doesn’t need that when you’re in his life.”
From everything that had happened lately I didn’t think I was the safest bet for Luc to keep his life. I seemed to be bringing more trouble than I was worth.
“But Mia if he finds out, we ruin two families. Emilia would never forgive Xavier. Gabriel and Vittoria. Charlie's memory."
There were a lot more people involved in this than I had originally given thought to, but it didn't sit right with me. Despite what Maria had said and regardless of Xavier's threat, Luc deserved to know the truth about the people in his life. He’d requested honesty from me even before feelings were involved. He valued the truth and I couldn’t keep it from him any longer.
"You're leaving?" Maria asked as I stood from my seat.
"I can't lie to him," I told her.
"Mia."
"I'm sorry. I can't do it.” This was not a white lie about how many Christmas decorations we would have. This was life changing and I refused to be caught up in the web Maria and Xavier had weaved.
"Mia!" Maria called after me.
I kept walking until I was out of the hospital, but I didn’t drive home. Instead, I found myself driving towards Dad’s house. I wanted to see my Dad and put things right. I was lucky to have him, and it was stupid to let Luc come between us. And once I got him to see sense, I could go home and break the news to Luc.
It was going to be a long day.
Chapter Sixty Four
Lucas
A lot had happened over the past few weeks, so when Mia told me she wanted to visit Mom I had bristled. It would be better for her to rest and recoup. I knew she hadn’t been sleeping well, often awake in the early hours of the morning. She had dealt with death and guilt and sickness, and although I learned Mia wasn’t as fragile as she looked, I was also unsure how well she was truly coping with everything. What I did know is that she hated me hovering nearby and I trusted her to tell me if something was wrong.
Work had run a little later than expected and I hoped Mia would be understanding tonight. I had tried to call her, but she didn’t answer, most likely up to her eyeballs in wedding magazines, which would be my task tonight. Something brighter to focus on after all of the stress and bleakness we’d been dealing with.
"Mia?" I called, walking through the house.
"Evening, Luc," Lydia greeted me as I walked into the kitchen.
"Hey. Is she upstairs?" I asked.
"No," Lydia said to me. "I thought she was with you."
Something inside me sank. Mia had gone to see Mom in the morning, and she was meant to come straight home after that. If she had passed out again…
Pulling out my phone, I called her again, but it went to voicemail. A quick call to Kelly confirmed that Mia had left the hospital hours ago. Dante and the twins also hadn’t seen her, so I relented to tracking her phone. Mia was never going to have electronics returned to her without something that allowed me to ensure I knew where she was for circumstances such as this.
As I received her location, I was surprised to find she was at her home. Leaving the house, I got into my car again and drove to Hector’s. When I parked, I waited a few moments before deciding to join them. Good or bad, I needed to show my face. And given how late it was getting and how long she had been here, if she arrived after leaving the hospital then it wasn’t just bad but catastrophic.
I didn’t intend to play referee tonight, but I’d back Mia until Hector saw sense. She deserved to have her father walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. It wouldn’t be her perfect day if he didn’t, so I could put my own reservations aside as long as he didn’t upset her any further.
Knocking on the door, I was met with silence. I knocked again but nothing. When I pushed at it, it opened with ease and I walked in quietly. What I’d expected was to hear them talking, maybe even arguing but instead, I was met with an eerie quiet.
When I walked further into the house, I caught sight of Mia on the floor, Hector's head cradled in her lap and her hands covered in blood. It coated the rug in a deep shade of red and I could see several bullet wounds in Hector's body.
"Mia," I said, looking back to her.
Slowly, she looked up at me and it sent a chill down my spine. Mia's body was there but her eyes were completely lost, overtaken by shock and grief.
Who the fuck had done this?
Chapter Sixty Five
Mia
I hadn't cried. I hadn't screamed. Both of those would require me to feel something and all I felt was numb.
Luc had taken over all other emotions. His anger laid across hallways and the kitchen in the form of shattered glassware, but it washed over me entirely. When his anger subsided, he tried to comfort me. Luc was insistent that he would find who was responsible for Dad’s death, as if that would right the wrong. Vengeance was not what I was interested in. Vengeance would not bring my Dad back to me.
My Dad was dead. He was no longer with me. I couldn't even remember the last words I had said to him, but I knew they were not about how much I loved him or how lucky I was to have been raised by him. He would not be there to see me get married or to see any grandchildren he might have. Dad was gone. One day he walked this Earth and in mere seconds he had been wiped from existence.
"Mia."
We were at home and I was sitting on a chair in the kitchen. Luc was crouched down in between my legs, looking up at me. Everything sounded like it was muffled and underwater and I had to focus on his lips to fully comprehend what he was saying. A mixture of grief and exhaustion made simple tasks so much more difficult than they needed to be. Sleep had evaded me and considering whenever I closed my eyes, I saw Dad’s lifeless body in my arms, I wanted nothing to do with sleep.
"You need to try and decide some things for your Dad's funeral. I... I'm not sure what he would want," Luc said to me.
Luc would have no idea what my Dad wanted. They hadn’t spoken enough on civil terms for them to know anything about each other.
"
Mia, please," Luc implored. He put a hand on my cheek, and I leaned into the touch. It was warm and brought miniscule comfort to the hole that had been ripped into my soul. "You can't keep going like this, sweetheart."
I felt like I couldn't keep going at all. Every movement, every breath suddenly felt like a colossal effort.
"Mia."
I closed my eyes and I could see him again, covered and surrounded by his blood. I’d knocked on the door, but Dad had not answered, so I had let myself in. It had been so quiet, and I knew something wasn't right. My Dad wasn’t the silent type. He pottered around the place. He hummed and whistled. Dad couldn't stand the silence so why would the house be so quiet?
It was as if I was stuck in quicksand and I had no desire to help myself out. I was pulled out of my thoughts when Luc stood and slammed a fist into the table, causing me to jump. A not so subtle reminder that my heart was still in my chest even though it felt like it no longer beat.
"Dammit, Mia! Please! You need to talk about this!"
I was up on my feet and moved past him out of the room. He wanted answers for the funeral.
"Whatever you think is best," I told him.
It was a funeral. What would be the point in picking out things my Dad would have wanted? He wasn’t here to appreciate them. He’d never be here again. Grief had enveloped me in its arms, and it had no intention of letting go. It had weaved its way through my mind and body until I was so consumed by it that nothing else mattered.
Nothing else mattered.
As I walked up the stairs, I could hear Luc yell, "Fuck!"
∞∞∞
"I don't have to go, Mia," Luc told me. "I can stay here, and D can sort it."
"It's okay," I replied.
"I can call Lydia or Dom if you want. Or do you want Dante?"
I shook my head at him.
"Vittoria? Gabriel?"
I shook my head again. I wanted to be left alone. The house had been full of people coming and going. Everyone wanted to know if I was okay. Everyone wanted me to speak, but I had nothing to say and having people hovering so close set my teeth on edge. Why wouldn’t they just leave me alone?
