Alive

by Victoria Johns

  That was why I was here and not Jonas. Leaving Dolly was something he avoided at all costs. Dolly was exactly the same. They’d spent so much of their pasts apart that only an earthquake or some dire situation could separate them now.

  Rebecca went and retrieved her backpack from the car. “You can leave that,” Ross told her. “It’s uphill, so only take what’s necessary.”

  “If she wants to take it, it’s necessary,” I affirmed, taking it off her shoulders and putting it on my own.

  “Just like your fucking brother. Let’s get started.”

  We left the junkyard by the back gate and Rebecca stayed by my side, automatically linking hands with me. I loved that I was her safety net. She was deep in thought and happy to follow my lead until the path narrowed and we had to continue in single file. “Cara used this place before we met, when my dad thought he was helping a wounded bird.” I could see he was reminiscing about the past. “I used to come here when I thought she was gone. Took me a while to get my shit together. I’d get rid of the place, but she still won’t let me, sentimental value. Anyway, we’ve renovated the place a bit so you’ll be comfortable.”

  As we progressed along the path, it started to climb and I noticed the sounds of civilization slowing drifting off with each inclining step. Every time I looked up, I failed to see any signs of a cabin and began to wonder whether the motel would have been a better choice.

  Continuing up the trail, we pushed through trees and wild shrubs until the path finally opened and we were presented with two storybook cabins, like something from Hansel and Gretel.

  “The one next door is still a work in progress. I’m trying to convince Cara to let me tear them both down and build a bigger one, but she’s having none of it. If you need to come down, just stay on the path until you hit my dad’s place. Although, when it’s dark, without a flashlight it would be a stupid idea. You’ve got everything you need. We keep it stocked.”

  And then Ross jogged off, back down the path before either of us had the chance to change our minds.

  Rebecca

  It was so peaceful; there was zero to hear apart from the sounds of birds darting between branches, and leaves rustling in the odd gust of wind. There was nothing but views all around us. It was the perfect place to get my head around everything I’d learned.

  The problem was, no matter how much I tried to think of my new-found knowledge, my brain could only focus on the beauty of where we were. The little cabins and this location was the most romantic place I’d ever seen in my life.

  There were two Adirondack chairs out front, looking out over the vista and I felt weary of it all just seeing how comfy they looked. I’d been operating on some energy source I didn’t know I had, and the closer I was getting to answers, the more uncertain my future became.

  “I’ll check things out. Sit there and stay put,” I heard Jake rumble and then the creak of a wooden door, followed by his footsteps as he moved around the floor. “It’s quaint, clean and completely off the grid. I can see why she stayed here. Good news or bad?”

  “Not bothered. I don’t know if I even care.”

  “Good news, there’s beer and it’s cold. Bad news is there’s only one bed and the cabin isn’t heated, so we have to share or this time I may actually freeze to death.”

  Jake handed me a beer and took the chair next to me. We were silent for ages, the only sounds the birds, trees and beer sloshing in the bottles as we drank it. After a while, he finally interrupted my thoughts. “Wanna tell me what you’re thinking?”

  “How I always seem to end up back in the same desperate situations through no fault of my own. How can one person be so unlucky?”

  “You made it to the other side before and you will again.”

  “I can’t fucking believe Mansion is her brother.” It had rocked me to my core that I’d been working for him. I was flying low under the radar until I started dancing again. “Do you think she’s right, that he’s not so bad?”

  “Hard for me to answer. I automatically hate anyone who upsets you and gets in your space without approval.”

  Jake’s words were endearing. I was over the vagueness of everything about our situation. “Can we be honest about things while we’re here?” I asked. “If I don’t know where I stand with you then I need to make decisions about my life on my own.”

  Jake looked at me, immediately understanding that I was referring to the synergy and connection that were becoming undeniable. “Sure.”

  “Do you feel something between us or am I being ridiculous?”

  “You’re not being ridiculous.”

  “Answer me, dammit! I’m done with your half assed answers,” I shouted, finally letting my frustration run free and wild.

  “You scare the fucking shit out of me, Rebecca.” The leash on Jake’s emotions snapped. “I was supposed to come here, help you and give my family some space. Not find a woman who turns me inside out and upside down. I want you in ways I’ve never wanted a woman before.”

  Looking at him, I could see how his admittance was affecting him. “Why do you stop or turn me away then?”

  “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. What if I fuck things up and compromise your safety?”

  “What if you don’t try at all? What if this is all we get and we miss the time we’re supposed to have together?” Jake didn’t answer my heartfelt questions. He was weighing everything up and it was annoying me. I didn’t want him to calculate the probability of things going wrong. I wanted him to take a chance and live a little. “If you really can’t move past whatever’s going through your head right now, just tell me. I promise I’ll never mention it again.”

  Jake pushed his hands up his face, rubbing his stubble before clenching his hair in frustration. “I’m so goddamn terrified that what I feel for you is real.”

  I was done with his brain overruling his heart, so I decided to take matters into my own hands for both our sakes. I put my beer down, and in a move only possible for someone of my dance caliber, I straddled him and the arms of the wooden chair. “Kiss me. Show me what you’re scared of.”

  Jake wasted no time in locking his lips onto mine. The taste of him mixed with the beer was intoxicating. As soon as my tongue touched his it was like a firework going off as he grabbed a fistful of my hair to keep me from moving away. His mouth moved between my lips and neck, sucking and devouring me. The sensation of his tongue and stubble on my skin, while being restricted, made my insides burn.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful. It blinds me to look at you,” he said between kisses. “I’ve been aching to sink inside you and really feel you.”

  “I need you.” I pulled at his t-shirt roughly so I could run my hands across the six pack and muscles I’d seen in the motels. Following my lead, he undressed my top half and I felt his fingers snap open my bra fastening before pulling it away from my body. My breasts fell free and the outside air caught my nipples, turning them into hard points desperate for his attention.

  “I didn’t get to see you before, but now I can. Fuck, Rebecca, you’re perfect.”

  I wasn’t sure I could cope with foreplay right now. My growing need was urgent. I’d been thinking about him so often that I’d had this constant ache I couldn’t settle or dismiss.

  I climbed off him and stood in front of him. The sun behind me cast a shadow and I saw just how into this he was. “Show me, Jake. I want to see you. No teasing me anymore.”

  Jake chuckled. “I usually call the shots, but hearing you tell me to get my dick out is just about the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “And yet I still don’t see it,” I challenged, cupping my breasts just to ease the full-on desire that was threatening to engulf me.

  I watched as he popped the button on his pants and then drew the zipper down slowly. The strain of his dick filling the gap in the opening of his pants had me gulping in anticipation. “I saw that. You think you can handle all this?”

  “Oh yeah. Enough c
hitchat. Get him out.”

  Jake raised his butt off the seat pad and slid his pants down slowly to tease me. When his dick finally sprang free, I had to blink to check what I was seeing. He was huge and pierced. So huge that for a brief second I thought he had a belly button piercing before I realized where the silver work actually was. The full thickness of him, coupled with that jewelry, had me reaching for him. I couldn’t hold back any longer.

  “Not yet,” he said, taking himself in hand. “Look at me, Rebecca. Let’s be clear. I’ve fucked a lot of women, but never have I wanted someone as much as I want you. When I put myself inside you, it’s going to ruin me. That’s why I’m so scared.”

  I got down on my knees in front of him and watched as his hand moved slowly up and down. Up and down. The protruding ball at his swollen head became hypnotizing. “This isn’t about you or me. It’s about us, Jake. Together, we take care of us,” I replied, placing my hand over his.

  I opened my mouth and leaned in, feeling the tension in his body right through to the tip of his dick. “Hands on my thighs, baby,” he demanded, and I complied immediately. Jake was still pleasuring himself as he pushed his shaft towards my mouth, eager to feed me. When my tongue connected with the head of his dick and piercing, I saw the tension take shape in his thighs. “You don’t need your hands to feel what you do to me. Watching you try to swallow me, fuck, I could cum right now.”

  “All of you won’t fit in my mouth.”

  “Have a go, baby.” Like the sex starved woman I was, I attacked him, bobbing my head over him, around him and up and down, until I knew the game was nearly up for him. “You need to stop,” he groaned, and on my way to releasing him from my mouth, I clasped his piercing between my teeth and tugged, feeling every part of him tighten with pleasure.

  “You play dirty.” His eyes smiled bright. “I can get on board with that.” He pulled me off him and stood up. With his pants suspended on his thighs, he picked me up off the ground and walked us both inside the cabin. He dropped my feet to the floor and undressed my lower half in a hurry. I felt his hands grab my ass cheeks and then before I could blink, he lay me on the bed spreading my legs wide. “Watch me,” he commanded, and I saw as he teased me with a finger before sliding it inside me.

  “You like that?” he asked.

  “Oh yeah.” I shivered.

  “Good. Open wider for me.” And because I’m limber enough to do the splits, I opened really wide. “Fucking incredible,” he mumbled in approval. Jake’s tongue and fingers then worked me through two orgasms, and just like he knew I would, I begged for more.

  “Please fuck me.”

  “I’m fighting my control every time I touch you. This will be quick and hard, but I promise next time I’ll devour you and savor every moment.

  The only thing my body heard and registered was hard, but my brain was rejoicing that he was already thinking about next time.

  “I don’t have any protection.” The devastation in his face was apparent.

  “I’m covered.” I was suddenly scared that he might not see this through.

  “I’ve never been with a girl without one. You’ll be my first.” I watched as he nervously understood the gravity of what he was about to do. When he was ready, I felt the girth of him stretching my opening and establishing what I already knew—he was a big a boy.

  Him working in and out with care to get me used to his size was the most delicious torture. When he finally got fully seated inside me, I felt impaled. “Tell me if I hurt you.”

  I nodded and then felt the tickle of his jewelry as he retreated again. “Oh wow,” I groaned, swallowing hard.

  The smile of satisfaction on his face told me there was more to come.

  Jake fucked me with so much effort the old bed swayed on its wooden legs. It was hard, just like he’d promised. As he grunted through his own enjoyment, I knew his words from earlier weren’t exclusive to him.

  We’d ruined each other.

  And just like he promised, there was a next time and another after that before we both fell asleep in a sweaty pile on the bed of an old, romantic mountain cabin.

  Jake

  In the space of a few hours and a mammoth session of sex, I’d turned into a big fucking pussy. With feelings. Rebecca was sound asleep next to me, covered in simple cotton bed sheets and a granny-style patchwork quilt, and I couldn’t stop staring at her. My eyes simply refused to close and switch off for a rest of their own.

  There were no blemishes on her face. She had flawless skin apart from where her body showed signs of my feverish attentions. I visualized every place I’d touched and kissed her. I remembered in detail every time I’d sucked and nipped at her with my teeth and made her look even more fucking amazing. Her beauty took my breath away enough to make my knees wobble like I was on shaky ground.

  Rebecca was fucking perfect.

  Sliding between her thighs, unprotected, was fucking magical.

  See… I was a big fucking pussy.

  I was trying to convince myself that what I was feeling was down to the millimeter of latex that was usually between me and the women I fucked. I knew I was kidding myself. What I was experiencing, that satisfying morning after haze, was nothing to do with equipment, including my own. It was all about what had happened when we were together, when we became us.

  It was all so crystal clear now.

  I got what Jonas had felt about Dolly all along.

  I got why Ross had been so distraught when he’d thought he’d never see Cara again. I completely understood why he’d flipped his lid when she suggested meeting her brother and putting herself in danger.

  I got why Lacey was so devastated at losing her baby with Tommy. To think she had found these feelings and let it create a life, out of love and emotion, was a special gift. To lose it was simply unthinkable.

  My brother didn’t feel this way for Meesha. He couldn’t have done simply because they weren’t inseparable. I didn’t sense my twin panicking when they were apart or get the impression that losing her would be the end of him. It was now crystal clear that all our issues were about my betrayal and not Meesha’s.

  This little break from my mundane life had shown me I’d been directionless and blundering along without a purpose. I was disappointed that it had taken me sinking to an all time low to see it, but it showed me some of the journey Jonas had been through. I understood him better now.

  Dolly had once told me that he was skating jail time. I remembered him being unpredictable and on the fringe of trouble before he finally left to get his shit together in the navy. Jonas had helped contain my meltdown to just my relationship with my brother. That was bad enough, but he saw what this could do to our whole family from personal experience and I felt this urge to repay him by making something of myself and learning this life lesson.

  I needed answers about the emotions that I was feeling and Lacey would have been my first port of call. My cell was well and truly dead, though. I’d have asked her if I was crazy and was it really possible to have this depth of feeling after such a short space of time. Understanding that was vitally important to me.

  Rebecca stirred and shifted beside me, leaving me with enough room to climb off the bed without waking her. I found my pants and grabbed a bottle of water before going to sit outside. It was a real escape from reality up here. The air was chilly on my chest but it made me feel alive, like I was really living. I looked at the marvel of the goose bumps on my chest and noticed that I was covered in enormous claw marks that she’d left on my skin. Beautiful.

  Knowing we’d marked each other on both the inside and outside of our bodies was an exhilarating feeling. All the sex and women that had gone before her were just the build-up, the practice sessions that life had thrown at me so I would recognize this when I found it. The universe knew that guys had shit for brains when it came to feelings, so it engineered an event of impact that would be enough to drag your head into gear when it finally happened. All so you could recognize
it and respond.

  When the sun was finally peeking through the clouds, I felt reborn.

  Confirmed—I was a pussy.

  My quiet contemplation didn’t last long, though, as Ross appeared out of nowhere, jogging up through the trees, looking hot and sweaty. I figured that powering up that massive hill was how he stayed in shape.

  “Morning,” he breathed.

  “Keep it down, dude. She’s still sleeping.”

  He bent down to pick up my discarded shirt. We’d left them outside once things got started last night. “From the looks of you, I’d say she’s only just started sleeping.” The grin on his face was irritating, but it didn’t take long for it to tease out my own. I just couldn’t fucking help it. I was ecstatic that someone could see how happy I was.

  “You’re here early.”

  “Me and Cara jog before I go to work. Dad has a food war with the monsters, also known as breakfast, and then Cara cleans up. That woman loves the simplicity of her life.” It wasn’t lost on me that he was here on his own and this morning was a change in routine for them. “J called, said your cell was dead. He also seemed pissed you were alone in a secluded cabin with Raven.”

  “Rebecca,” I corrected, and he looked at me with a silent question. “To me, she’s Rebecca. Whoever she was before, that’s someone else.”

  “I understand that. Cara will always be Cara. Whoever she happened to be before was someone from another life, a stranger.”

  I continued to sit and stare at the open space as he drank from an old, battered army canteen he’d carried on his waist. “You going to tell me what he said? I assume my brother rang for a reason.”