Alive

by Victoria Johns

“Cara is convinced that Rebecca is wrong about her brother. She and Matteo aren’t the only ones in hiding. Guiseppe, the oldest who took over the family hot seat, worked hard to destabilize the business so it could be sold to other players with little comeback on him or his siblings.” I was wondering if Cara was right. Maybe people could change. All you needed to do was remove the rot, and usually the fish rotted from the head. Ross continued while I pondered that likelihood. “Rebecca is understandably shaken. She was in a fucking bad situation before I found her. I get the impression that family were operating in survival mode, just waiting for the old man to go toes up.”

  “Impression from who?”

  “Jonas. He helped them all make the jump. His terms were that he only assisted with the first jump and was never to know where they ended up after that. He scrubbed everything, files, records, identity numbers, the lot. So why Matteo surfaced is very curious.”

  I didn’t know whether to be pissed or impressed. My brother had the skills to make wanted Mafia criminals disappear and start over. I had to believe in the good like he did. Jonas was a good guy and he wouldn’t help those who didn’t deserve it or genuinely need it. “What’s he suggesting?”

  “You go back to the club and see what Acerbi is after. We’ll make sure you’re covered, but it’s going to be difficult to protect Rebecca when we don’t know what he’s after. I can’t go. If they pick me up, they could follow me back to Cara and I won’t risk exposing my family. God willing, one day you’ll understand that.”

  What he was suggesting was insane but I didn’t have to think for long. If it meant keeping her safe, I’d walk back into the lion’s den and face him. I’d find out what the fucking asshole really wanted and this was the quickest way to make that happen. “When do I leave?”

  “The longer you hide out here, the more he doubles his efforts to find you. We’ll have someone at the club tomorrow night to step in and support you if things get out of hand. You fly out today.”

  “I can’t do that.” The thought of walking away from her hurt my insides like I was burning. “I promised her I’d wouldn’t leave her until she was safe and she’d never let me go back alone.”

  “Wake the fuck up, Jake. She isn’t safe now and this here is what we call a sacrifice. I know you want her safe, which is why you’re going to hand her care over to me. I will wait until she wakes up and then tell her where you’ve gone. You head down the mountain. My dad is waiting to take you to the airport.”

  On nervous legs, I stood and reached for the t-shirt he’d intentionally dropped neared my chair. After putting it on, I leaned inside the open door, disappointed that she was still out for the count and I was really going to do this. I knew she’d go ballistic when she woke up and realized I’d gone, but ultimately, I agreed with him. She wouldn’t let me do this alone and I had to do it to keep her safe.

  “We’ll take Rebecca to Hawkstown and meet you back there. Then we decide what to do.” I’d grabbed my sneakers from inside and got busy lacing them up as I felt my chest constrict painfully. This felt so wrong, but I knew it was right. My protective nature was fighting against my newfound emotional heart. If she did this to me, left without an explanation, I’d be broken. I had to shove that aside, though, and work towards making it possible for her to have a future.

  “Good luck. See you in a few days and don’t clue Acerbi in that you know who he is unless it’s necessary. Jonas trusts you, but this is serious shit, Jake. Wait for him to reveal himself and what he wants. And remember, Cara does not fucking exist.”

  The urgency to get down before she could sense I was leaving was strong. I was worried that if she caught me and begged enough, I’d cave and protect her by agreeing to pack up and run again. Common sense told me that was a short-sighted option. You can only fight your enemy when you know what you’re up against, and right now, we only had Rebecca’s half of the story.

  Rebecca

  Sore would have been one way to describe my body, but my muscles were used to much more pain. Exercised was a more fitting word. In all the hook ups with Harvey, never once did I wake up feeling this satisfied. The promise of what those kisses and his fingers held when we were at the lake didn’t cover it. Last night, everything was so much more.

  I knew he wasn’t beside me in the bed. My body had spent the last few hours of dreamless sleep balanced around him so one of us didn’t end up on the floor. I didn’t need to do that now. I could stretch out fully to the four corners of the bed. “Jake?” I shouted.

  “Rebecca, honey, throw some clothes on and I’ll make us a coffee,” I heard from outside. Surprised, I sat up quickly. Ross was the last person I’d expected to hear and the fact that he was outside and Jake was missing made my heart flutter in a scary way.

  After I shouted Ross to tell him I was dressed, he wandered inside to me. “Morning. Go grab a seat outside and check out the view. How do you take your brew?”

  “Black.” Like the void that was opening inside me right now. I didn’t feel inclined to move an inch until he told me what was going on.

  “I saw that same look earlier when your man left.” He looked at me with pity in his eyes.

  “When he left without telling me,” I griped.

  “Yep.” Ross handed me a cup of coffee and then wandered outside. “You come out here and I’ll explain.”

  I began to fear that I was disappearing again, being whisked away with a new identity and that he’d gone because he’d been reassigned. If that was the reason, I knew I’d never get over Jake and it would show me that I meant nothing to him. It would mean everything I thought we’d shared last night was bullshit. I knew I was struggling to hide my emotions and disappointment from Ross.

  “I knew when I saw how he was with you, over protective as shit, that he was gone for you. This is more than just a job for that boy, but for it to be a reality for him, he needs to know you’re safe. No point contemplating a future when you’re not sure you’re going to actually get one.”

  I hated that his logic sounded both reasonable and responsible. I wanted to be angry that Jake had left me when he’d said he wouldn’t.

  “I’ve been where you are now. When Cara and Jonas took matters into their own hands, well… let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. But one of us needed to do something to give both of us a future to look forward to.”

  “Is that what he’s doing?” I was almost afraid to ask. I was starting to feel hopeful and not just in a typical girlie romantic way. “What happens to me now then?”

  “We’re back on the road, heading to Hawkstown. You can wait for him there.” That was a nervous and exciting prospect. I’d get to see where he came from, but I didn’t want to end up stuck there if he didn’t want me. If he wasn’t thinking long-term about us, like I was, seeing his home life was going to kill me. “Finish your coffee and freshen up, then we’ll head down the mountain.”

  I did as he asked and took a refreshing cold shower in an old cabin siding that had open views of the mountain. After a few minutes, though, it was just plain old freezing. When I came to pick up my backpack, I realized just how heavy it was but there was no way I could leave it behind. It was my safety blanket and I had to keep it with me, just in case this didn’t work out and I needed to disappear. “Ready,” I shouted from inside but Ross didn’t answer me. When I went to see where he’d got to, he was stood on the edge of the path kissing Cara. Watching them felt like an intrusion on their private moment. I was about to turn and head back inside when they stopped.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” Cara shouted. “You and I are going to walk down. Get to know each other.”

  “See you at the bottom girls,” Ross said, and jogged off.

  “Can I help with that pack?”

  “No!” I answered quickly, not wanting to let my life’s supply of ready cash out of my sight.

  “It looks a lot like the one I lugged up here when I arrived.” She smiled. “I figured we should probably try to talk before you leave.�
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  “Look, I know what you’re trying to do, but every time I look at you I only see him and what I went through.”

  Cara began winding her way down the mountain and it hit me that she looked nothing like the missing pictures of the woman used to the finer things in life. This person was into trail running and putting her family first. “I understand how you feel. I used to look at him and see my father. Now he was one cruel bastard. He ordered the death of my mother.”

  When she said those words, I stumbled. Cara stopped and came back to help me steady myself.

  “When I was running from my family, I feared I’d end up dead. I spent so many nights in that cabin, living day to day, thinking, ‘just one more day’. Then I met Ross and I knew one more day would never cut it. I had to do whatever it took to get a lifetime.”

  “Our lives might have ended up the same way, but they didn’t start the same way,” I protested.

  “What you perceive as riches and wealth, I saw as a prison and chains. I was heading for an arranged marriage and I wanted to make the decision about my future and my body myself. When I gave myself to a family friend, my dad had him killed. I’d dishonored them all and from then on, I was never trusted. I lost my mom when I was so young and I looked so much like her that I was a constant reminder for my dad. He hated me more as I grew older because of that. Now, I think that I was more a constant reminder of his decision to kill her. I imagine at some point in your life you felt love in your family home. I just remember secret business deals, death and being guarded by security.”

  We walked a bit further while I tried my best to hate her, but I couldn’t do it. I hated how I took the blame for Bob’s mistakes, yet here I was foisting her family’s mistakes on her shoulders in the same way.

  “How did you know Ross was the one?”

  “There was this electricity and the atmosphere around us was alive. When he was nowhere near, I missed it so much I ached for it. He met the person I always wanted to be, not the family princess just plain old me, and that was enough for him.”

  “I hate that Jack left me here.” I’d finally said it. “And what if my troubles get him hurt?”

  “Been there, felt that, too.” She chuckled. “I’ve met his big brother and he is one thorough, protective guy. I wasn’t even family and he looked after me. He did that for Ross. I’m sure he’s got Jake covered.”

  “God, I hope you’re right,” I mumbled, worried to death.

  “Me too, Rebecca. I don’t think I’d be able to forgive myself if anything happened to him because of my family. I remember the first time I met Jake. He was a charmer—he and his brother. He’s different with you, though, more intense.”

  I was starting to feel hopeful again. At first I thought it was just that the air was getting warmer on our descent, but I knew it was really this morning’s black void in my body thawing. I loved hearing that both she and Ross thought we were good together. The noise of life was slowly pushing into my senses and the mountain was no longer a silent haven. The odd car zoomed past below us and I hated the thought of joining real life again, so much so that I was contemplating turning around and going back to my little hiding place.

  “Can I tell you about him? Matteo, my brother?”

  “I have a feeling you’re going to anyway.”

  “After my mother died, my father removed all her things. Everything. Only I discovered them and used to sneak little trinkets and ornaments back into the house. It drove him wild with rage and Matteo always took my punishment. One time, my father made Guiseppe beat him instead, hoping to teach us all a lesson. Neither of them were the same after that, but Matteo never complained. I was beyond upset with guilt while I nursed him better. I was the real culprit but he never once blamed me.” Cara went quiet. I could see the junkyard getting closer and I was able to make out the old cars and the gates that we’d driven through yesterday. “He and I were close and my biggest worry was that when I ran away, they’d punish him for it. I saw Guiseppe just before I faked my death and he refused to tell me about Matteo. I just needed some hint of closure that he hadn’t suffered because of me and I never got it. Not until you turned up anyway, and I can’t thank you enough for that. You’ve put my mind at rest.”

  “You may be hoping for too much. A snake sheds its skin, but it’s still a snake underneath. He may have been good then, but he might not be now. People can go from good to evil because of the dark things they’ve been forced to do to survive. They forced me to strip and do things against my will,” I told her, unable to truly voice the hurt I was aiming for. “If Jake doesn’t make it back to me because of your brother, you’ll have your answer about him and I will dedicate my life to making you all pay.”

  She looked at me, finally taking me seriously.

  “My gut tells me that Jake is my soul mate, the one person I can’t be without, and if you’re brother takes him away from me—”

  “I understand, but I have faith. You’ll see.”

  We were at the junkyard now and the kids could be heard screaming from the back of the house. They were being chased by their grandpa and it made her smile. It was a world away from where her life had begun, and I knew with every breath in my body that she’d fight to make sure this was where her life ended, on her terms.

  The only thing constantly revolving around my head now was worry for Jake and worry for myself, that I might never get to see him again. With a stark realization, I knew that this was how it felt to have something worth losing.

  Finally, I’d found that kind of love and the one thing that made life truly worth living.

  Jake

  It was a constant mantra, spinning on repeat like a vinyl record.

  Keep your head in the game.

  Keep your head in the fucking game, Jake.

  Don’t think about her.

  Okay, dickhead… that only makes you think about her more.

  I didn’t remember physically saying the words, ‘I will never, ever leave you,’ but the ramming of my cock inside her, repeatedly, kind of implied that was how I felt.

  Well, for me anyway.

  My apprehension grew as I approached Mansion’s club. I found myself remembering the first time I saw her, the ultimate shock and awe of how she dominated the place with her energy. I knew it was impossible, but still I couldn’t help but wonder how he’d replaced Rebecca or covered up her absence. If he was still advertising her in some way, at least I knew he was continuing with his efforts to find her.

  Ross had told me I was covered, or rather Jonas had, yet I saw no one who seemed to be watching my back when I walked into the lion’s den.

  I was only just grasping that most of what happened in Jonas’s line of work was all about trust and faith. Faith in the plans you were sent to execute and trust in your colleagues that they’d keep you alive, even if they were unseen and in the shadows somewhere.

  I shook my head as I paid the cover charge, still amazed at the steep price, and headed to the first bar. I was desperate for something to drink; a little bit of alcohol would help settle my nerves. My plan was to hang around until I spotted Mansion or he spotted me, have a chat with the motherfucker and then get the fuck out of dodge, preferably under my own steam and not via an unscheduled hospital stay.

  It didn’t take long for the approach to happen. I knew planting myself under a security camera and glaring up at it would speed things up. “Mr. Griggs, can you follow me please?” Lesson one learned—they monitored their cameras closely. Lesson two—it seemed they were as capable of doing homework and research as Jonas.

  “Of course,” I complied, bringing my whisky glass with me. I figured if shit went down, the glass would serve as a make shift weapon to buy me some time. I followed the guy and a second goon fell in line behind me as we walked in a procession to a cleverly hidden door slotted in between the VIP rooms. Beyond that door was a small service corridor, which I tried scope out as much as possible. In reality, the only thing that caught my attention
was the security room we’d passed. It was impressive and loaded with enough monitors to make NASA look amateur. We finally stopped in front of a door, where the cock leading our chain gang knocked twice before opening it. “Your guest, Sir.”

  “Guest?” I laughed sarcastically.

  “You can leave us,” I heard a voice command. I wandered in, hearing the door close behind me and leaving me facing the guy who had been terrorizing my woman.

  He didn’t bother to turn and look at me, starting with the mind games straight away. Mansion was wearing smart slacks with his hands buried deep in the pockets. He looked broad across the shoulders and the minute he spun round to face me the family resemblance was clear now that I’d met Cara. If she looked like Guiseppe as well, I could only imagine that the others looked similar, too. This guy, though, he possessed something admirable yet dangerous. He had steadfast determination about him. Mansion didn’t care how he got what he wanted. He was going to get it, use it and live to do the same again another day.

  “Mr. Griggs, I’m wondering where my favorite dancer is.”

  “Last I heard, she’d tendered her notice by leaving you in a parking lot. Rebecca is no one’s but her own.” Mansion bristled at the reminder that she’d been within his reach and he’d lost her.

  “Can I get you a refill?” he said, finally approaching me and taking the glass from my hand before I had chance to turn him down.

  “Sure, why not?” I watched as Mansion walked over to a shelf unit and handled a ridiculous looking decanter. I found myself wondering why all rich fuckers used them. Surely they only impressed people who had a hankering to watch an old episode of Dallas. He poured himself one, too, and then handed me back my glass as I waited for him to begin.

  “Takings are down. She was special.”

  “So, raise the price of your already over-priced, watered down shit behind the bar. Your patrons won’t notice.”

  “True, but they do notice that she is missing. Was my proposed deal that unappealing?” Mansion took a seat and settled in to wait for his answer.