A Shop Girl at Sea

by Rachel Brimble

  His family were draining him of every positive thought, ambition and dream. He would ensure they were fed and warm, the baby, too, but he had to get out before he was brought so far down, he’d never get up again.

  Staring into the murky depths of the River Avon, his guilt and musings of possibility swirled on an eddy inside of him. His love for Amelia was strong and real. The most he’d ever felt for anyone his entire life.

  Yet, was love enough reason to live your life in a place that didn’t quite fit? Especially when a man knew there was a city thousands of miles away that fed his soul and made him feel as though he could conquer the world.

  Amelia’s face on the night she’d returned from RH Macy’s loomed large in Samuel’s mind and he smiled. She’d been so alive. So happy and excited. And she could be again. He hadn’t seen that look in her eyes since and he doubted he ever would if he couldn’t persuade her that they belonged in America.

  She had openly confessed her love for him when they’d been on the train and he’d confirmed his love for her. Yet, neither had said whether they were willing to change their plans – to give up what they believed to be their individual destinies.

  He pushed away from the wall at the water’s edge and headed for Pennington’s. He had to try just one more time to convince her they belonged in America. If he failed, then he would stay here.

  With Amelia. The woman he loved with his whole damn heart.

  Fifty-Two

  It was after hours at Pennington’s and Amelia worked alone behind the closed curtain of Pennington’s wedding window. She had sent Ruby home when Victoria had come asking when she would be finishing. There was a special bond between the two women, and it cheered Amelia to think of Ruby and her brother having a safe haven to go at the end of each day.

  During their trip to London, Ruby had revealed more and more about the terrible relationship she suffered with her mother. The way she was spoken to, disparaged and often struck made Amelia’s heart break for her new assistant.

  It was clear Ruby knew as much as Amelia that family wasn’t always what people had to rely on, but rather friends, lovers and colleagues.

  She and Samuel were living, breathing proof of that as much as Ruby and Victoria.

  Standing back, Amelia critically eyed the entirety of the display. Tomorrow was the big reveal and her heart was filled with hope that Ruby’s very first window would be a success. The design department had outdone themselves with the painting of the country parish scene, the perfect backdrop for the chosen outfits and wedding dress from Pennington’s men’s and ladies’ departments. Each mannequin wore items from Accessories and Jewellery, the children holding toys and a stuffed dog resplendent in matching collar and lead, all of which could be purchased in-store.

  Satisfied, Amelia collected up the last of the discarded material, sequins and tissue paper strewn across the floor and put them in a box. She was just about to head for the door when Elizabeth entered.

  ‘I’m so glad I caught you.’ Elizabeth smiled as she stood beside Amelia and examined the display. ‘It’s fantastic. Really.’

  ‘Ruby will no doubt receive the public accolade she deserves tomorrow. I’m so looking forward to it.’

  ‘Yes, me too.’ Elizabeth faced her, her gaze sombre. ‘Do you have some time to talk?’

  Concern immediately knotted Amelia’s stomach and she slowly lowered the box to the floor. ‘Is everything all right?’

  ‘Come and sit down.’

  They sat on two chairs by the door and Amelia smoothed her skirt, annoyed by the slight tremor in her hands. Hadn’t she come farther than the shy woman she’d been when she first came to Pennington’s? Proven she was so much more than a domestic maid and a target for unscrupulous and violent men? Yet, once again, her insecurity rose despite having a wonderful job, a lovely beau and, more than anything, a second chance at life.

  ‘I’ve been watching you ever since you returned from America,’ Elizabeth said softly.

  ‘Watching me?’

  ‘And, if I’m honest, I’m upset by what I’ve seen.’

  ‘With regards to my work?’ Dread dropped like lead into Amelia’s stomach. ‘Is it my adjustments to the display? I am more than happy to change anything you—’

  Elizabeth put her hand over Amelia’s. ‘Your work is exemplary. This is me, your friend, worrying about you personally. You seem to be at Pennington’s in spirit and deed, but not here as you were before the disaster. I think you need to take some time off. At least, for a while.’

  Tears pricked Amelia’s eyes and she dropped her gaze to her lap. Elizabeth was a canny businesswoman, but she also had a knack of identifying a person suffering. ‘I can’t believe what I’ve been feeling is so clearly written on my face.’ Amelia met Elizabeth’s gaze. ‘You’re right, I haven’t been the same since the sinking. Not at all. Yet, I’m not sure that I’m sorry for what the experience did for me.’

  ‘What it did for you?’ Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. ‘Surely, all that tragedy and death has only made you more fearful. I’m quite sure it would have been that way for me.’

  ‘I don’t think so. A life-changing experience like that either breaks or makes a person, Elizabeth.’

  ‘And it’s made you? Is that what you’re saying?’

  Amelia nodded, renewed strength making her sit straighter in her seat.

  ‘But you seem so unhappy at times.’

  ‘Oh, I am. At times.’ Amelia stared towards the painted church. She owed Elizabeth her honesty. She was the person who had provided a starting point for Amelia to gain confidence and self-belief. However, meeting Samuel, the sinking, and New York had changed her irrevocably. She wanted more, and believed it was her destiny to have it. ‘Maybe it’s time I shared some things with you. Things from my past.’

  ‘Anything you want to tell me, you can. I won’t breathe a word to another soul.’

  Amelia exhaled a shaky breath. ‘I was abandoned by my parents and lived in an orphanage until I was fourteen. I did well enough, and soon went into service where I stayed until I came here.’ She pursed her lips, her stomach knotting with the memory of her rape and the dark abyss she spiralled into afterwards. That, she could not share with Elizabeth. It would remain between her and Samuel. ‘And I thought I’d found my place at Pennington’s, I really did…’

  ‘But?’

  ‘But now everything has changed. The sinking, the things I saw, people dying, drowning… and then my survival, has meant nothing can ever be the same again.’

  ‘Of course not.’ Elizabeth squeezed her hand, tears glistening in her eyes. ‘And neither of us should expect it to be. I’m here for you in whatever way you need me to be. Tell me what you want to do.’

  Amelia swiped at a tear as it slipped over her cheek. ‘I feel so torn. More torn than I ever have in my life. I met the most wonderful man on the Titanic. I told you about him. His name is Samuel and he rowed me and many others to safety. I’ve fallen in love with him, Elizabeth.’

  ‘Well, that’s wonderful.’ Elizabeth smiled. ‘When can I meet him?’

  ‘Soon, I’m sure, but… he’s leaving. For New York, and…’ Amelia’s heart beat a little faster as unexpected certainty gripped her, Samuel’s handsome face filling her mind and heart. ‘I think I need to go with him.’

  Elizabeth’s gaze was sombre and considering, the workings of her brain visible in her eyes. She nodded. ‘Then that is what you must do. If you feel in your heart you belong in America with Samuel, then you must go. My whole life was planned out for me by a father I despised, but I fought back as hundreds of women have, in so many different ways, before and since. We are given one life, Amelia, but I believe you’ve been blessed with two. If New York is where you must lead that second life, then go.’

  Amelia smiled as she slipped her hand into Elizabeth’s. ‘I never thought falling in love would be possible for me, but now…’

  ‘Now, you’ve found it.’ Elizabeth squeezed Amelia’s fingers.
‘You must leave as soon as possible. Ruby is doing so well, we’ll be fine without you, I’m sure. Now she’s… settled, and living with Mrs Lark, Ruby has changed for the better and it will be my job to help her in any way I can to live the life she wants. This is your time, Amelia, and you must take it.’

  The two friends embraced, and Amelia’s heart beat fast, every pulse filled with excitement for a life with Samuel and the future that lay ahead of them. Tonight, she would tell him she wanted to leave, too. For them to be together… hopefully forever.

  She pushed to her feet. ‘Well, I think I’ve done all I can here. I’ll be in bright and early in the morning for the unveiling. Ruby deserves to draw back the curtain on her masterpiece, don’t you think?’

  ‘I most certainly do.’

  Half an hour later Amelia left Pennington’s via the staff exit. The last night of May was unseasonably warm and Amelia breathed deep, her coat over her arm, as she strolled past Pennington’s entrance.

  A figure standing alone at the edge of the store made her slow her steps and then he moved into the glow of the streetlamp.

  She released her held breath. ‘Mr Evans. Whatever are you doing out here?’

  The young salesman from the men’s department came closer, his smile wide and his eyes happy. ‘I’ve just been promoted to head of department. I’m standing here in stunned stupor. It seems Mr Carter has more confidence in me than I thought.’

  A jolt of shock passed through Amelia, but she managed to keep her face impassive. Poor Mr Weir had barely been gone more than a few weeks. Her heart was saddened by the loss of a man she had only really begun to know on the eve of the tragedy that would take his life.

  ‘Well, congratulations,’ she said, before taking a step around him. ‘I’ll hopefully see tomorrow when we reveal the main window.’

  He touched her arm, halting her. ‘Won’t you allow me to walk with you? You live on Gay Street, don’t you? In shared lodgings with Martha, if I remember correctly?’

  ‘I do.’ Amelia studied him, uneasy that he knew where she lived. ‘But I’m quite all right getting back on my own. See you in the morning.’

  ‘It’s no trouble,’ he said, stepping to catch up with her as she walked forward. ‘I’m going that way, anyway.’

  Amelia drew her lips tightly together, annoyed he clearly was not willing to accept her refusal. She crossed her arms tightly and strode ahead, but he remained beside her.

  ‘So…’ He cleared his throat. ‘Do you have a beau, Miss Wakefield? Only I was talking to Martha and she said—’

  ‘Do you often ask Martha questions about me, Mr Evans?’ Amelia demanded, picking up her pace. ‘Only I’m not sure I like my personal life being talked about among my work colleagues.’

  When no answer came, Amelia turned and her heart skipped.

  Mr Evans’ amiable smile and friendly eyes had disappeared. Instead, he glared at her, his jaw tight and his gaze intense on hers.

  She swallowed and stepped back, forcing a tight smile. ‘I think I’ll be all right from here. Good night.’

  His hand clasped her upper arm and he roughly pushed her into a shop porch, pinning her hard against the window. ‘You are always so damn uppity, aren’t you? Swanning around, sidling up to Miss Pennington like your shit don’t stink. Well, you’re no different than me, Martha or any of the other lackeys working at the store.’

  His grip tightened on her arms and Amelia’s pulse beat hard beneath his fingers. Her mind raced and her heart hammered, her throat so tight she couldn’t speak, much less scream. The pain and humiliation, the blood and bruises of her assault and rape flooded her mind, sending her vision white, then red. No! Never again.

  With an almighty scream, she whipped her arms free of his grip and pushed her hands firmly into his chest, hurtling him away from her to smash up against the opposite window. It rattled under the impact. He stared at her, his eyes wide with shock.

  ‘Don’t you ever lay your hands on me or any other woman, Mr Evans, do you hear me? Or, so help me God, I will hunt you down and kill you with my bare hands. Do you understand?’

  He raised his hands in surrender and quickly nodded once, twice, three times.

  ‘Good. Never, ever speak to me again. In fact, don’t you dare to even look at me.’

  Shaking, Amelia picked up her dropped purse and walked from the shop porch. Tears coursed down her cheeks as she prayed Mr Evans wasn’t following her. She couldn’t even summon the courage to turn around, her feet moving forward of their own accord, her nerves jumping.

  What had she been thinking by adding herself to Samuel’s burdens, to his protection? His entire life had been filled with looking after others and now he was willing to add her to his responsibilities. She was a liability. A temptation to evil men and someone who belonged in the background, out of sight and mind.

  Was she a fool to think, even for a moment, that she might have a different life? Might fall in love and be happy? Mr Evans and all the others who’d accosted her over the years clearly saw her as a harlot. Didn’t Samuel deserve to be with someone who was so much more than that?

  Her tears flowed faster as she hurried towards her lodgings.

  Fifty-Three

  Samuel walked up the plush carpeted steps of Pennington’s grand staircase, and into the ladies’ department, hoping to find Amelia. Yesterday, he’d been told by the head of the department that Amelia was off work because she wasn’t well and now he was cursing the fact that he’d never been to her home or even asked her address.

  If she wasn’t back at work today, his worry for her was going to explode. Her work ethic was second to none which meant she had to be suffering badly.

  ‘Excuse me? Mrs Woolden?’ He approached the same woman he’d spoken to the day before.

  ‘Oh, hello again.’ She smiled, lifting her hands from the gloves she was inspecting. ‘Are you looking for Miss Wakefield?’

  ‘I am. Do you know if she is back at work today?’

  ‘I’m afraid not, Mr…?’

  ‘Murphy.’ He touched his hat. ‘Mr Samuel Murphy.’

  ‘And you are a relation of Miss Wakefield’s? A friend?’

  He smiled. ‘A friend.’

  Her eyes narrowed slightly as she appraised him. ‘Hmm, well, I suggest you seek out Miss Pennington if you’d like to know more about Miss Wakefield’s whereabouts.’ She shook her head. ‘No, that won’t do. Why don’t you go to the jewellery department and speak to Miss Kennedy? I believe they share lodgings together and she is more likely to know how Miss Wakefield is feeling.’

  ‘I’ll do that. Thank you.’ He touched his hat again and flashed what he hoped was an amiable smile that didn’t reveal his need to make haste downstairs. ‘You have a wonderful day.’

  He strolled from the department but, once he was out of sight of Mrs Woolden, shouldered his way through the crowds of shoppers and back downstairs. The jewellery department was so brightly lit with brooches, necklaces and earrings glinting and shining, that Samuel found it immediately.

  He smoothed his hand over his jacket and tried to remain calm. Something was wrong with Amelia. Something serious, and he had to see her. Today. But would a friend of hers just tell him where Amelia lived? He very much doubted it.

  He cleared his throat and approached the girl behind the counter. ‘Excuse me. Might you point me in the direction of Miss Kennedy?’

  ‘I’m Miss Kennedy, sir.’ She smiled, her blue eyes friendly. ‘How can I help you?’

  ‘I believe you live with Amelia Wakefield, is that right?’

  The girl’s demeanour immediately changed, her gaze darkening with caution. ‘Can I ask who’s asking, sir?’

  He held out his hand. ‘Samuel Murphy. It’s a pleasure to meet you.’

  Her eyes widened and then she grinned. ‘You’re him? The man who saved Amelia and hundreds of others from drowning. Oh, my goodness, it’s so nice to meet you.’

  Samuel breathed a sigh of relief, a rare heat warmin
g his cheeks. ‘I wouldn’t say I saved hundreds although I wish I had.’

  She gave a dismissive wave. ‘From what Amelia has told me about you, you deserve a medal. Are you wondering why she isn’t at work?’

  ‘Yes, I’m worried about her. I was here looking for her yesterday, too.’

  ‘She isn’t well at all, Mr Murphy. In fact, she hasn’t come out of her bedroom for almost two days. Barely touched the food our landlady left outside her door.’

  Dread squeezed hard at Samuel’s chest. ‘If you give me your address, I’ll see if I can persuade her to see me. Something must have happened. I can’t imagine she’d miss coming to work over a cold or such like.’

  ‘Me neither.’ She frowned. ‘And I told her as much through her door this morning, even if she did make it pretty clear she didn’t want me bothering her. Here.’ She took a pen and paper from beneath the counter and scribbled down the address. ‘Take this. Good luck, Mr Murphy.’

  Once he’d left Pennington’s, Samuel broke into a jog and made his way across town to Amelia’s lodgings.

  Straightening the lapels on his jacket, he removed his hat and knocked on the front door, concern sitting uncomfortably in his gut.

  Footsteps sounded behind the door and then it was pulled open by an older woman wearing an outside coat, her purse beneath her arm. ‘Yes?’

  ‘Good afternoon, madam. I am a good friend of Miss Wakefield and wonder if I might give her these.’ Samuel held up the bunch of roses he’d bought from a stall in town. ‘I understand she isn’t well and I’m hoping these will cheer her up.’

  She stepped back and smiled. ‘I’m guessing you’re Mr Murphy?’

  Pleased that Amelia had clearly spoken openly about their relationship, Samuel smiled and entered the house. ‘I am.’

  ‘Well, why don’t you go upstairs and see if you can rouse her to open the door. You’ll have better luck than me, I can tell you. Her bedroom is the second on the left.’ She looked at him, her eyes flashing with warning. ‘I’m going to trust you enough to leave you alone with her, Mr Murphy. I have some errands to run. I’m only breaking the rules because I know what you did on that ship. Don’t disappoint me.’