The Vows We Break

by Briana Cole

  So I had soaked in a warm bubble bath with my baby nestled on my breast and just watched the time tick by. When the warm water had chilled and I felt Jamaal’s wrinkling skin pepper with goose bumps, I’d gotten out, dressed and fed him, and laid him in the bed beside me. I knew I had to get away and, frankly, the W Hotel in downtown Atlanta wasn’t far enough.

  So I had stayed up researching before buying tickets to an all-inclusive island resort in Punta Cana. Impulsive, but it wasn’t like I had anybody to talk me out of it. No strings holding me down. Nothing. If it hadn’t been for my parents, I wouldn’t have even considered purchasing a home in Atlanta. I needed a change of scenery, and I wouldn’t have minded moving across state lines. Maybe Florida or Virginia. But I wouldn’t dare take my baby away from my family. So the seven-day trip to the Dominican Republic would do. I already had a taxi ready to take us to the airport in a few hours. And now, if I could lock in this house I’d also found in my web surfing last night, then I would be set. Not happy. But set. That was probably as good as it would get for now.

  Four hours later, I was sitting in the airport with Jamaal on my lap and a home purchase contract in my luggage. I had eventually sent Adria a text just letting her know the baby and I would be going out of town for a few days and I would call her when I returned. I had then turned my phone off knowing the news would circulate among my family and ease any worry.

  The intercom called for first-class passengers and I rose, Jamaal on my hip and the handle to a roll-on carry bag in my hand. I absolutely planned to make good use of the three-hour flight, and I prayed JayJay would too. As it was his first flight, I really didn’t know what to expect, but I certainly hoped for the best.

  I had just settled in my window seat and shut my eyes when the leather seat next to me creaked from the weight of my companion. I didn’t bother acknowledging the person, and I hoped my closed eyes would deter him or her from trying to strike up a friendly conversation. It seemed to work, but the giggles from my baby indicated that he was obviously entertained by the person.

  “He’s perfect, my love.”

  My eyes snapped open, half expecting Leo’s voice to dispel with the end of what I assumed had to be a dream. But there he was, in the flesh. For a brief moment, I just sat in shock, almost hypnotized by the familiar eyes and charming smile. He was of course calmer than I’d seen him at the hospital, all traces of aggression gone, which I could only attribute to finally seeing his son. The thought made me cringe, but I just held my breath as he continued cooing at Jamaal and Jamaal babbled back like they had some secret language.

  “Leo, what are you doing here?” I finally asked through clenched teeth.

  He sighed and sat back, shifting in the seat to look at me. “I know what happened,” he said, his voice carrying compassion; I couldn’t tell if it was sincere. “Between you and Jahmad. I just wanted to let you know that all hard feelings aside, I’m here for you, my love.”

  “Why, Leo? Why? You’re the one that ripped everything up. You sent the paternity test, remember?”

  “I just wanted you to know the truth. You kept insisting he wasn’t mine. Look at him.”

  I didn’t want to, but my eyes dropped to Jamaal. He was right. When I finally got out of what I wanted to see, the similarities were undeniable.

  “You know, it can be like you wanted in Jamaica,” he said. “Our honeymoon. You wanted it to be just us instead of you, me, Tina, and Lena. We can have that now. Here. With our little one.” He flashed a wide smile. A smile that was making my heart beat entirely too fast.

  I shook my head. “Leo, please just go away,” I said, not hiding the pleading in my tone. “I just want to be alone right now.”

  “I promise I won’t bother you if you don’t want me to,” he said, lifting his two fingers in a mock scout’s honor. “You’ve been avoiding me and I just want to be there for you. And my son. That’s all. I love you. Don’t you know that by now?”

  I turned my face to the window as the plane began its taxi to the runway. I did know that. That’s what I was afraid of.

  * * *

  Leo had insisted he wouldn’t bother us, that he wanted us to enjoy our little getaway and he would stay back until I called him. I noticed how he said until instead of if, like it was some kind of guarantee. I just rolled my eyes and ignored him for the rest of the ride.

  We landed in Punta Cana, and I was quick to leave Leo behind as I made my way first to baggage claim, then to the shuttle that would take us to the resort. I wasn’t surprised when he later boarded the same shuttle with a duffel bag on his arm. But instead of sitting in the empty seat beside me, he made his way to the back and stuck some headphones in his ears. Of course he would book the same hotel as us. I frowned at the circumstances. I wanted to get away from everything and everyone. The last thing I had expected was to spend my vacation with my supposed-tobe-dead ex-husband lurking in the shadows.

  We pulled up to the oceanside resort with its all-white, open-air buildings and beautiful backdrop of sunny skies and palm trees. It was completely gated, and after checking us all in curbside, ensuring that yes, each person was a paid guest at the expensive property, the shuttle wheeled us around the circular pathway and dropped us off right in the lobby.

  Immediately, two Hispanic women in flowing sundresses came out to greet us, murmuring pleasantries in English with their Spanish accent and offering frozen fruit cocktails with paper umbrellas on a tray. I thanked the ladies and passed on the drinks, since I was carting my justification right on my hip. I did promise myself I would order some room service later and indulge in the open bar after JayJay was down for the night, though. Shit, why not? It was included, and Lord knows I needed it.

  I was led outside and shown into another open-air building with two stories. Our room had an ocean view on the bottom level, with a Jacuzzi tub, marble steam shower, and a private mermaid pool right outside of a sliding glass door that instantly opened the interior hotel room to an outdoor living space.

  My first thought as soon as I was alone was to power on my phone and call Adria to let her know I had arrived safely. I immediately dismissed the idea. I didn’t want to lapse into explanations and risk refuting my entire purpose for getting away in the first place. Negativity was not part of this package, and despite having one across the way in building five, which is what the hotel agents informed Leo upon check-in, I was determined not to let him or any of that bullshit back in Atlanta ruin my plans for rest and relaxation. Sure, it would all be waiting for me when I returned, but hopefully a few island days, sun, and alcohol would keep me sane enough to deal with it.

  Chapter 19

  Day one and two, Leo kept his word, and I didn’t so much as see him anywhere. I hated to admit it, but I was specifically looking for him, just so I could avoid him, but apparently it wasn’t necessary.

  I tried the different cuisines, bounced between lounging poolside with Jamaal on my chest or sitting on the pool steps and letting him get his little feet wet, and catching a few of the live resort shows. They had an onsite childcare center, which I didn’t even bother to try. I kept my baby saddled to me like my lifeline. No, Leo wasn’t on any of my paperwork, but I didn’t want to chance anything.

  We didn’t make it out to the beach until day three. Jamaal and I were playing out in the sand, well, mainly I was playing, he was watching in amazement, when a guy walked near with parrots on his shoulders. He gestured toward me with the digital camera in his hands. “Let me take your picture, mami,” he offered in his thick Spanish accent.

  I smiled my apology. “No thanks,” I said.

  “Here, take mine,” Leo said, walking up to us.

  I eyed him from behind my sunglasses; his swim trunks riding low, his bare chest glistening from his obvious dip in the ocean. Damn, the man was still fine as ever.

  The photographer excitedly transferred the birds to Leo’s shoulders and began snapping away. I watched in amusement as Leo struggled not to appear frightene
d by the creatures, even made a few funny faces; I didn’t know if they were for my enjoyment or the camera. Even Jamaal appeared to be giggling at the mini show.

  At one point, one of the parrots obviously flapped his wings too close to Leo’s face, and he let out a startled holler that had me doubling over in laughter. “Oh, man, I’ll give you a hundred bucks to send me that one,” I told the photographer.

  Leo hid his embarrassment with a shy smirk. “I’ll give you five hundred dollars to destroy it.” And just to prove a point, he quickly dipped in his pocket and pulled out several wet bills.

  I shook my head as the photographer, clearly pleased by the sale, accepted the money and headed off farther down the beach for more customers.

  “I needed that laugh,” I murmured, appreciating how much better I felt, just that quickly.

  “I needed that too,” Leo said. I could tell he was debating whether he should sit beside me. He didn’t. His eyes dropped briefly to Jamaal before flicking away as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t. “I didn’t mean to disturb you two,” he murmured. “Just wanted to put a smile on your face, my love.”

  Before I could comment, he left me grinning as he walked off farther down the beach, his black skin shining like onyx crystals in the sunset.

  On day four, Jamaal was a little crankier than usual, and I was trying my best to balance his squirming figure and my breakfast tray at the same time. I didn’t realize Leo was even there until I saw his hands take the tray from mine.

  “I got it,” I said. That was a lie. I clearly didn’t have it, and I probably looked very pitiful with my crying baby in one hand while keeping a firm grasp on my tray of blueberry waffles, eggs, and Canadian bacon in the other.

  Leo ignored me and took the tray anyway, leading me to a nearby table. “Want me to get you something else?” he asked as I sank into the booth.

  I smirked at him. “Since when do you wait on me, Mr. Owusu?”

  “A lot has changed, my love,” he said. He winked, briefly looking at Jamaal once more, before strolling off to prepare his own breakfast.

  By the time he returned, I had gotten Jamaal a lot calmer and managed to get down a fourth of my waffles. I didn’t object when Leo sat at the table right next to me. I couldn’t help but sneak side glances at him as he ate in silence.

  “He looks just like you,” Leo commented, keeping his eyes trained on his plate. I looked down at Jamaal in my arms, searching for any traces of my features in his baby face. I didn’t see any.

  “Thanks.” I should have been cussing this man out with every piece of anger I’d been harboring, but for some reason I was at a loss for words. Wasn’t I supposed to be pissed at this man? This man who had damn near destroyed my life, both while I was married to him and even after? Why was I so comforted by his presence? I sighed, recognizing that Jahmad had left such a big hole in my heart, I was searching for any semblance of normalcy, of familiarity. Damn, I was a pathetic mess.

  Leo polished off his meal and turned in my direction. I could read the conflict of emotions that played on his face, but still, he kept his mouth shut.

  “What is it?” I finally prompted.

  He paused, then said, “May I hold him? Just for a minute?”

  Instinctively, my grip on Jamaal tightened. I remembered the test results, the real ones, that no matter how much I tried to believe it wasn’t so, this was indeed his son. There were 99.6 reasons why I couldn’t deny that much.

  I nodded, watching Leo’s every movement as he rose, slipped his hands underneath Jamaal’s armpits, and lifted him into his arms. He stood still as if he were holding his breath, afraid to move. To my surprise, JayJay didn’t cry. He just watched him as intently as I was, the question, I was sure, playing on all three of our minds. Now what?

  A beat passed, then two, and just as slowly, as if he didn’t want to push his limit, or maybe it was mine, Leo held the baby back out to me. He let out the breath he had been holding as Jamaal settled into my arms once again. “Thank you” was all Leo said, and again, he left before I responded. I snuggled Jamaal closer, smelling Leo’s lingering scent in his hair.

  Later that day, I felt more comfortable using the in-room childcare service for Jamaal just for an hour or two while I took a peek in the spa. I should have been surprised, though I wasn’t, to wander into one of the indoor rooms to find Leo neck deep in the Jacuzzi under the dim glow of the intimate lighting that cast a soft illumination on his downcast face. I wondered what he was thinking about because damned if his expression didn’t match my entire mood for the past few weeks.

  Without a second thought, I entered the room and took a seat at the lip of the Jacuzzi, placing my feet inside. Leo looked at me, and his face warmed a little. Or perhaps that was just the steam from the water. I couldn’t tell. For a moment, we remained silent, neither wanting to address the elephant in the room while a speaker played a soft jazz melody that added to the relaxing aura and lightened the tension between us.

  “We never did get to talk before,” he started. “I tried calling you.”

  The heat from the water on my legs was beginning to warm my entire body. “I guess it doesn’t really matter now,” I murmured. “I thought Tina was stalking me. But I found out it was . . .” Jahmad’s little sneaky bitch, CeeCee. “Someone else,” I finished with a shrug.

  “Why would you think Tina was around you?”

  “I saw her at my dad’s church, Leo,” I reminded him. “That’s hardly a coincidence. I mean what was she doing there?”

  “I don’t know,” he admitted with a sigh. “After what happened with you, I don’t see much of her.”

  The news brought a wave of confusion. I frowned. “But she has Leo Junior. What about him?”

  “Leo Junior is not my biological son,” Leo said, looking up at me with saddened eyes.

  I shook my head. That didn’t make any sense. “But Lena—”

  “Was pregnant, yes.” Leo nodded his affirmation. “But not by me. Not like I thought. Tina told me afterwards she’d arranged for Dr. Lin to get her pregnant with a sperm donor. Apparently, I wasn’t getting her pregnant, at least not fast enough for Tina’s liking. By that time, Lena had just had the baby, I was dealing with her death and then the death of my mother. It was like that on top of everything else.”

  Shock had my mouth wide open as I struggled to process this new information. Never had I expected that. I thought back to Leo’s detachment from Leo Jr. initially. I had often wondered why he wasn’t more involved and had just handed his baby to Tina on a silver platter, but I had just chalked it up to all he was going through. But now it made sense: Leo Jr. was never his baby to begin with.

  And Dr. Lin, Lord, I couldn’t even process how much he had been involved in this whole ordeal. I originally thought he was Leo’s good friend. And now here was Leo revealing that, in fact, there was indeed more to this man’s deception, with Tina being the master ringleader. My mind was completely blown.

  “Wow,” I murmured, for lack of a better reply. “Just wow. So did Tina tell you this or did you find out?”

  “She told me after the fact,” he said. “We were arguing and she just blurted it out. I don’t even know if she meant to tell me. She said she had sworn Lena to secrecy because there was still a chance it could be mine, and really, what did it matter, she said. By then, I had signed the birth certificate, and like I said I was flying out to take care of my mom before she died, so I really didn’t have a chance to get everything cleared up before . . .” He trailed off. But he didn’t have to say the rest. I knew. Before Tina tried to have him killed and he went ahead and faked his death.

  Slowly, the other pieces of the puzzle clicked into place. I could never figure out why it was that big of a deal with my son. I kept wondering why Leo was so hell-bent on being in JayJay’s life considering he already had a child. Because really, biologically, JayJay was his only child. Damn.

  “You sent test results,” I said, remembering the
little envelope he’d left taped to my door.

  “I wanted you to know,” Leo admitted. “It was nothing to have him tested in the hospital. One of the NICU nurses owed me a little favor. But you just wouldn’t listen. You wouldn’t let me be in his life. I need to be in his life.”

  His last comment sent a slight chill up my spine. How was this supposed to work now? We were just supposed to co-parent like everything was normal? Like we were normal? I was so deep in thought that I didn’t notice at first that Leo had moved closer to me, and his arm now brushed against my leg underneath the water. I couldn’t tell whether it was accidental, but I didn’t object.

  “Someone tried to hurt Jamaal, I think,” I revealed, studying Leo’s reaction. “I was asleep and when I woke up, there was a stuffed teddy bear in his room that had been cut up so the stuffing was everywhere. Jamaal was choking and had stopped breathing. We had to rush him to the hospital.”

  He looked genuinely alarmed. “When was this?”

  “Few weeks ago. They didn’t find the stuffed animal. And it looks as if I’m lying. Like maybe it was just neglect. At least that’s what people are saying.” And by people, I meant Jahmad. But honestly, his opinion was the one that mattered. And the shit still hurt.

  “I know you wouldn’t do that, my love,” Leo said, his voice soft. “You’re a perfect mother. A perfect woman. I just didn’t appreciate you as much as I do now.”

  His words sent electric shocks through my body, and I had to blink my surprise. How did we suddenly get off of Jamaal? Leo was being gentle; all the things I had gotten from him before we got married. Before he changed. And he was showing that tender compassion that I had been lacking for so long from Jahmad.