Sunset Over Misty Lake

by Margaret Standafer

  She looked at him for a long time, a mixture of curiosity and sadness on her face. Just when she appeared ready to speak, there was a crash, followed by a howl.

  “What in the…?”

  Joe headed toward the sound. The fact that it came from the twins’ room had him jogging. Karen was on his heels. By the time they got there, one howl had turned to three.

  Dylan was in a heap on the floor in front of the crib the twins shared, an overturned wastebasket next to him. He held one hand over an eye as he wailed.

  Joe crouched to assess the damage. He coaxed Dylan’s hand away from his eye to find a bump forming on the toddler’s forehead. The eye itself appeared uninjured.

  “Buddy, you can’t climb on the crib. We told you that,” Joe said as he cradled his son.

  “Is he okay?” Karen asked as she tried to comfort Evan, who seemed more upset about the commotion than his sister.

  “Just a bump. He’ll be fine.” Joe kissed the bump and Dylan settled some.

  “Coo-bear,” Dylan hiccupped over his tears.

  “Can you manage these two while we go get Coolie Bear?”

  Karen nodded. “Come here, baby, and let me kiss your owie.”

  Joe stood with Dylan in his arms and walked to Karen. She pushed aside Dylan’s curls and kissed his forehead.

  “There. All better. Go find Coolie Bear.”

  Karen picked up Evan, held him close against her shoulder, then used her other hand to work her magic trick and pick up Julia, somehow spinning the wiggling infant into her chest until she had both babies snuggled close. Joe had watched her do it numerous times, but still hadn’t worked up the nerve to try it himself. He’d drop one of the kids, for sure.

  Knowing any thoughts of a serious conversation were tabled for the moment, Joe carried Dylan to the kitchen where the teddy bear-shaped ice pack, affectionately known as Coolie Bear and with the power to make any injury better, was waiting in the freezer.

  This, at least, Joe could handle.

  CHAPTER THREE

  KAREN HAD LOOKED forward to the weekend. Now that it was upon her, she wasn’t sure why. The first week with Joe back at work had been tough, she was exhausted, and over the course of the past five delirious days, with scarcely time to breathe, she’d forgotten how difficult it was to pretend. How hard it was when they were together all day.

  “Karen, wasn’t there another pack of diapers in the hall closet?”

  Karen rocked an overtired Dylan and didn’t answer.

  “Karen? Did you put the diapers someplace else?”

  Joe walked into the living room. “Karen? The diapers?”

  “What?”

  She saw Joe fight his frustration. “I asked if you put a pack of diapers somewhere. I can’t find any more in the closet and the stack in the twins’ room is down to five. That’s not going to last long.”

  “Oh. No, I didn’t do anything with the diapers. If there aren’t any in the closet, then I guess we’re out.”

  Karen felt Joe’s eyes on her, sensed the questions he wanted to ask, but knew he wouldn’t ask them. Because there wasn’t time for a conversation, but also because he’d stopped trying so hard. It was a relief, the respite from the constant questions, but it broke her heart at the same time.

  “Do you want me to run to the store after I get Julia down?”

  Karen looked up at him. Dylan had fallen asleep in her arms. She could get him into bed for a nap and she could sneak away for a few minutes. Joe would panic, but she needed to get out.

  “How about if I put Dylan in bed then I run to the store? We need milk too.”

  She watched Joe try to hide it, but sheer terror flashed in his eyes. “Um, sure, okay.”

  “You can handle it, Joe. Have confidence in yourself. Remember, babies cry and letting one cry for a while if you’re busy with the other isn’t going to do any long-term damage.”

  He nodded, but still looked unsure. Karen stood, shifting Dylan to her shoulder. She paused and rested her hand on Joe’s arm as she passed him, wanting to say something but not knowing what.

  She made it as far as the park; a trip to the grocery store, for the moment, out of the question. She sat in the car and stared. The park was a flurry of activity with parents and children taking advantage of the warm, sunny day. The swings whizzed back and forth with whooping riders, balls pounded on the basketball court, and kids lined up for their turn on the twisty slide. Karen saw none of it.

  Instead, she saw darkness. The darkness that was her future. The darkness filled with so many questions and so few answers. The darkness that was close to overtaking her.

  Dropping her head onto the steering wheel, she cried. Cried like she hadn’t let herself cry since it all began. Cried for what she’d done, cried for what she’d become, cried for what she’d lost. Sobs overtook her and rattled her body. She didn’t know how much time had passed when a tap on the window got her attention.

  A young boy, no more than eight, stood outside her car. He squinted at her from under shaggy, sweaty bangs. “Are you okay, lady?”

  She swiped at her eyes and tried to focus through her tears. She didn’t recognize him. That was a relief. Having lived her entire life in Misty Lake, the chances of someone she didn’t know being the one to tap on her window were slim.

  She turned the key a click in the ignition so she could crack her window.

  “Hi. I’m fine. Thanks for checking on me.”

  “You sure? I can get my dad, he’s right over there.” The boy pointed.

  “That’s okay. I’m better now.”

  “Maybe you should get out of your car and play. My dad said I was having a bad day, so we should go to the park.”

  Karen smiled weakly at the boy. “Thanks, maybe I will.”

  The boy nodded and walked away, looking over his shoulder as he did so.

  Karen reached into the console and pulled out a pack of tissues. Doing her best to mop up the mess on her face, she took a few deep breaths and tried to compose herself. She’d go to the store, she’d buy the diapers, she’d go home, and she’d carry on, same as she had been, but she knew there’d be no answers.

  On Sunday Joe tried again.

  “Everyone’s getting together at Mom and Dad’s this afternoon. Do you think we could join them? For a short time? They all want to see the twins.”

  “Oh, Joe, I’m so tired. Maybe instead of going out, we could stay in and I can find time to take a nap? Rest up a little before you head back to work tomorrow.”

  “Of course, you can take a nap. I handled things yesterday all by myself, I can handle a nap.”

  He grinned at her, but she couldn’t return the smile.

  “If you want, you could go with the kids.”

  Watching Joe’s reaction reminded her of playing freeze tag as a child and that almost brought a smile. He stopped mid stride, one foot suspended in the air and hand above his head as he’d been ready to reach for the knob on the kitchen cabinet door. He didn’t blink; Karen didn’t think he even took a breath. In slow motion, he lowered his foot and his arm and turned to look at her.

  “By myself? With all of them?”

  “You won’t be by yourself once you get there. You’ll have plenty of hands ready and willing to help out. Shauna’s home, she’ll probably hold Julia and Evan at the same time if you let her.”

  “But...but what if they need to eat? They eat a lot. All the time, it seems.”

  “Trust me, I know they eat all the time. There are bottles in the fridge. You’ve given them both a bottle before.”

  “They didn’t particularly like it. I remember a lot of screaming.” He shuddered.

  “They need to get used to it. That will happen sooner if someone other than me gives them the bottle. Actually, it’s best if I’m not even around, so taking them today will help on several fronts. I’ll get a nap, your family will get to see the kids, the babies can try a bottle or two, and everyone will be more prepared for me to…well, for whatev
er happens next.”

  “Whatever happens next? What does that mean?”

  “Nothing, Joe, nothing. All I’m saying is that there will be times when I’ll have to be away from them. You need to be ready and able to handle it.”

  Joe looked unsure. No, he looked more than unsure, he looked sad and resigned. She went to him and hugged him.

  “It’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.” For a moment, she let herself believe her words.

  Once she’d changed the twins, packed two diaper bags and a backpack, put four bottles in the cooler, hugged Dylan goodbye a half-dozen times, and helped Joe load the kids in the minivan, Karen dropped into the recliner and let her head fall back. She needed sleep, she’d been honest with Joe about that, but as her mind raced, she doubted she’d get any.

  She pushed herself upright. All around her were signs of her life—what should be her happy, perfect life—the life she’d wanted since her first date with Joe. Dylan’s train cars were scattered from one corner of the living room to the other, his latest mission being to drive one car all over the carpet and pick up the other cars along the way. Once the train was complete, he’d reverse the process, dropping off cars. Joe liked to say it showed how advanced Dylan was, understanding the concept of train stations and Karen went along with it, though she guessed the more likely explanation was that he was already hiding his toys from his younger siblings as she and Joe had been sneaking in hints about sharing as often as possible.

  Baby gear filled nearly every available space. From diapers to blankets to bouncy seats, Karen already found it hard to remember what their house had looked like before bringing the twins home.

  Twins. There were still times she hardly believed she had twins. She let herself think back to the feeling she’d had when they’d first found out. Shock, disbelief, fleetingly unimaginable joy. Then overwhelming fear and crippling anguish. Thank God Joe had been numb with shock himself and hadn’t noticed her reaction. It had given her some time.

  She remembered the drive home. Joe hadn’t stopped talking, choosing to focus mostly on the practical: Where would they put three kids, especially if the twins were a boy and a girl? How long could they share a room? They’d need a bigger vehicle, for sure. Dear Lord, college for three kids? For two years, they’d have three in college at the same time. He’d worked himself into a frenzy before they’d made the ten-minute drive from the clinic back to their home on the lake.

  She’d barely spoken, only murmuring vaguely reassuring nothings that Joe hadn’t even noticed. She’d been ill by the time they’d arrived home and had bolted for the bathroom, losing in a violently unpleasant few minutes everything she’d eaten that day… possibly that week.

  That had only been the beginning of a worry-filled pregnancy. So different than when she’d been pregnant with Dylan. Sure, there’d been difficult days then, but she’d enjoyed every minute and had eagerly looked forward to her due date. With the twins, she’d dreaded that due date, wishing she could just stay pregnant.

  Her eyes filled, and she was flooded with the guilt that always overtook her when she thought of how unfair she’d been to her twins. Her fear that she’d never bond with them the way she’d bonded with Dylan was crippling. They didn’t deserve a distracted, half-crazy mother. What was wrong with her? She loved them just as she loved Dylan, she hadn’t a doubt about that, but she knew it was a different kind of love, a fiercely protective but somewhat detached kind of love, a love that warned her not to let herself give everything because of the fear, the fear that it would all disappear.

  She pushed to her feet and wandered the room, picking up the things that littered its surfaces, but not ordering, just moving them from one place to another. She needed to keep her hands busy, to try to keep her mind busy. When she got to the framed photos she’d so precisely arranged on the wall right inside the front door, she paused and studied them. Picture after picture captured smiling, carefree faces, happy days, and more than anything, love. She focused on her wedding photo and wondered where that bright-eyed, ready-to-take-on-the-world girl had disappeared to. Lifting a finger, she moved her eyes to Joe and traced gently over his face. In the wedding photo she’d chosen for the wall, her favorite of the dozens she loved from the day, they were looking at each other, their foreheads bent toward one another, and the sun setting behind them. She still didn’t understand what sort of magic Frank had used to capture such a perfect shot, all she knew was that she was grateful he had.

  She treasured the photo. Joe looked so happy, so confident. She could still hear the words he’d whispered when they’d forgotten they were being photographed, forgotten all the madness around them, and had simply focused on each other, on their day. ‘Thank you, Karen, thank you for marrying me. I’ve loved you since we were kids; I’ll love you until we’re old. I promise I’ll let you know that every day and I promise I’ll make you smile every day.’

  His eyes, always dark blue, had turned almost black as he’d spoken, the way they did when emotions overtook him. In the photo, the evening sun played on his chestnut hair, bringing to life the reddish tones he’d inherited from his father. Of all the McCabe boys, those highlights were most pronounced in Joe, something that had always delighted Karen and had always sort of embarrassed him.

  She ran a finger over his jawline, so strong, so sure, then along his shoulder and down his arm as it twined around her waist. She closed her eyes and remembered how she’d felt at that moment, as if nothing could ever hurt her, as if nothing would ever come between them. She turned away from the photos and didn’t bother to knuckle away the tear that trickled down her cheek. Her life was spiraling out of control and she didn’t know how to stop it. Wanting nothing more than to lie down and attempt to sleep away her problems, she forced herself to keep moving. She had to find an answer, and she had to find one soon.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  JOE LOOKED AROUND at his family and had to swallow the lump in his throat. The kitchen was filled to bursting with those trying to lend a hand getting enough food ready to feed the crew. Outside the sliding glass door that led to the deck, the rest of the family congregated around the grill currently manned by Jake or stood circled around Dylan, who was holding court displaying his newfound skills with the mini basketball hoop Sean and Anna had added to their arsenal of toys. Karen had been right. The minute he’d pulled up at his parents’ house, the front door burst open and Shauna had flown toward the van, throwing the door open and lavishing attention on her nephews and niece. And as Karen had also predicted, Shauna was now cozy on the sofa and snuggling both the twins.

  He looked more closely. They’d been the last to arrive and he’d been occupied getting the twins settled, getting their bottles in the refrigerator, and stowing their piles of gear in his old bedroom, so he hadn’t noticed until right then that someone was missing.

  “Mom, where’s Dad?”

  The fact that Jake was manning the grill should have been his first clue. It wasn’t often Sean turned over control of his grill to anyone.

  “Oh, he’ll be right along,” Anna answered mysteriously.

  “We’ve all asked the same thing,” Cassie said as she tossed a giant bowl of salad. “We haven’t gotten any more info than you just did.”

  “He’s okay, isn’t he?” Joe told himself he was worrying for nothing but found it hard not to.

  “He’s just fine. He should be here—”

  There was a shriek from the living room. Shauna. Joe bolted. While it didn’t sound like a help, something’s wrong with one of the babies, shriek, lately he seemed unable to keep himself from worrying.

  Before he could form much of a thought, even one of the horrific ones that seemed to come so easily, he pulled up short at the entrance to the living room.

  His brain had to catch up with his tongue, and that seemed to be causing some trouble.

  “You…what…why…a puppy?”

  Sean, holding a wriggling ball of black and brown fur, threw his head back and lau
ghed. “You weren’t the one I expected to surprise first, but that reaction was worth it.”

  “But a puppy? Seriously? You got a puppy?”

  On the sofa, Shauna shifted the twins, turned to put them down, then turned back and held them close. She made a move as if to shift them both to the same arm, but that proved too difficult. Finally, she looked at Joe with pleading eyes.

  “I don’t know how to get them out of my arms when I’m holding both of them, and I have to pet that puppy.”

  Joe took Julia from her arms and Shauna settled Evan in the corner of the sofa next to Joe, then lunged at the puppy.

  “Dad, he’s adorable! Why didn’t you tell us you were getting a puppy?”

  “Now, before you get too excited, he’s not ours.”

  “What do you mean, he’s not yours? Whose is he? Why do you have him?”

  “I told Doc Fisher we’d foster one of these guys until he can find homes for them. They’re too young yet, but I talked Doc into letting me bring this one home for a while today, let him socialize, get used to a crowd, before I take him back to his momma.”

  “You’re going to foster a puppy? You and Mom? Why?” Joe asked.

  “Why not?” Sean answered.

  “Because it seems like a lot of work, because it will keep you tied down, and because you might have trouble saying goodbye once the time comes,” Shauna said. Then she peeked toward the kitchen before narrowing her eyes at her dad. “That’s your plan, isn’t it? You talked Mom into fostering, but you think you’ll wear her down and you’ll get the puppy you’ve wanted since Grover died.”

  Sean was shushing her before Shauna finished her sentence. His free hand waved wildly as he jumped between Shauna and the doorway to the kitchen. He whispered, “Now, now, you know I’d never be able to trick your mother. She’s far too clever. We’re helping out Doc Fisher, that’s all. He has seven of these little guys and, well, someone has to help out. We don’t have any travel plans this spring, we have time.”