Sunset Over Misty Lake

by Margaret Standafer

  “Uh-huh, sure, Dad.” Shauna rolled her eyes.

  Joe put Julia down next to Evan and moved to get a closer look at the pup. The fur was mostly brown with hints of black, especially on the tips of his ears and around his paws, and it wanted to curl, making him truly look like a bundle of fur. Huge black eyes followed Joe’s every move as he reached to scratch the dog’s head, and if Joe wasn’t mistaken, there was a bit of mischief in those eyes.

  “What kind of dog is he?” Joe asked.

  “Doc says a cockapoo. Not too big, not too small, and friendly. The perfect dog. For somebody.”

  “I don’t know,” Joe said, “did you get a look at his paws? I think he’s going to be a big one.”

  “Well, that’s neither here nor there. We’re just helping out, giving him a home for a while.”

  “Dad…”

  Sean ignored Shauna’s warning while the pup wiggled in his arms. “Where’s that grandson of mine?” he said as he headed for the backyard and left Joe and Shauna staring after him.

  Dylan wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t even sit at the table, until they’d put the puppy in his crate and told Dylan the puppy needed a nap. Unconvinced, Dylan insisted on sitting on the floor next to the crate. Joe decided he needed to choose his battles. If Dylan would eat something, Joe’d let him sit on the floor. It may be a losing battle regardless, as Joe didn’t think Dylan did much but stick his fingers between the holes in the crate and repeat, “peppy, peppy,” over and over. Joe had tried, at first, slowly enunciating ‘puppy’ every time Dylan said ‘peppy,’ but to no avail. He’d catch on sooner or later, Joe figured.

  Once dinner was over, the dishes washed, and the kitchen put to rights, Joe found himself in the living room with his sister and his sisters-in-law. Shauna had reluctantly handed Julia and Evan off to Susan and Cassie, but she hadn’t moved far, staying crouched over them and firing questions at Joe.

  “They’re bigger, Joe, they’re so much bigger than they were last week. How much weight have they gained? Is their doctor happy with their progress? And how’s Karen? I was hoping to see her, but I understand she’s exhausted. I’m glad she’s getting a little rest. I can come over one day this week if she’d like a break. What’s her schedule, do you know? Do the babies have appointments this week?”

  “Um, yeah, they’ve each gained a few ounces. You can tell?” When Shauna spared him a glance to roll her eyes at him, he mumbled, “I guess when I see them every day I don’t notice.” Joe scratched at his head. “What else did you ask?”

  “Their doctor. She’s satisfied with how they’re growing?” When Joe nodded, Shauna sat back on her heels. “And what about Karen? Is she doing okay?”

  “She’s fine. A little tired, a little overwhelmed, but she’s incredible the way she’s handling all of them.”

  Joe knew from Shauna’s look she wasn’t completely buying his answer, but she didn’t press. Joe was grateful. He was even more grateful when Cort chose that moment to join the group, thereby distracting Shauna in a way no one else had ever come close to doing. When he leaned over and kissed Shauna’s cheek, Joe watched his sister’s focus shift to her fiancé, her eyes fill with love, and her hand reach for Cort’s. Joe was slowly getting used to seeing Shauna captivated by Cort Mackenzie. Very, very slowly.

  “Sean just left to take the dog back. Anna distracted Dylan with an ice cream cone, or I think your son would have crawled right in the crate with the dog.”

  “He probably needs a dog, Joe,” Shauna said. “A boy should have a dog.”

  “No. No, no, no. No dog. I can’t keep track of the kids. What in the world would I do with a dog? No way.”

  “Maybe not now, but one day, when the twins are a little bigger. They’ll need a dog. We always had one. You wouldn’t deprive your kids of that, would you?”

  “Sure, Shauna, one day.” One day when the kids are teenagers, he thought to himself.

  Cort pulled Shauna to her feet and slipped an arm around her waist. “Dylan can visit Jagger whenever he needs a dog fix,” Cort said to Joe. Then, turning to Shauna, said, “Did you ask them?”

  “Ask us what?” Susan said. “Do you need more help at the studio?”

  Joe flinched. They’d all pitched in over the past few weeks, helping with everything from cleaning to unpacking boxes to hanging pictures to mailing flyers. He hadn’t been much help, and while he knew Shauna understood, he couldn’t help but feel guilty. If she needed more help, he was afraid he’d have to bow out yet again.

  “Yes, but not like the help you’ve already given us. As you know, we’re set to open on Saturday. That’s only six days away.” Shauna peeked up at Cort and bounced on her toes. “What we need are guinea pigs. And that makes it sound bad. It’s not going to be bad, I promise. I want all of you to come Thursday evening and you’ll have your choice of a couple different yoga classes and whatever spa services you want to try. The staff will all be there. A sort of trial run to make sure we’re ready for Saturday.”

  “Like we did at the inn,” Cassie said, “when Sam and Jake got married and everyone stayed there. It was really helpful, remember Suze? We found a few things that didn’t work quite right, a few things we were missing, and we got lots of suggestions from everyone on what we could add, do differently, that sort of thing.”

  Susan nodded, but her eyes were wide. “Whatever spa services we want?”

  “Whatever you want.” Shauna grinned. “Then you’ll come?”

  “Guys too?” Susan asked.

  Shauna nodded.

  “As long as Molly’s free to keep an eye on things at the inn, Riley and I will be there. I’m going to tell him the deal is he has to take a yoga class before he can go to the spa,” Susan said. “He’s been slacking off lately.”

  Shauna waved a hand. “Tell him what you want, just get him there. Cassie?”

  “Like Susan said, if Molly’s available, Frank and I will be there. Or,” she said, looking at Susan, “we’ve been talking about giving the girls a chance to handle things on their own, for short periods. Maybe it’s time? Jennica asked again the other day. If both she and Jordyn are there…”

  Susan nodded. “Maybe. We’ll figure it out.”

  “Great!” Shauna said. “Sam? You and Jake will be there, right?”

  Sam fidgeted. “I guess I could come, or Jake could, but if everyone is going to be there, I’m not quite sure what we’d do with Claire. We still haven’t found a sitter outside of family, I know we should, but…”

  “Bring her along,” Cort said. “She’ll be fine. Does she do this all the time?” He gestured toward Claire, happily sitting in her stroller, babbling to herself while she flipped the pages of a soft, puffy book back and forth.

  “Not always. Definitely not always. She could cry or fuss and be a nuisance. I don’t want her to disrupt everyone and everything.”

  “She’ll be fine,” Cort repeated. “And if she fusses a little? So much the better. We’ll see how the staff respond to a little commotion.”

  “I don’t know…”

  “Cort’s right. Bring her, Sam,” Shauna said with finality before turning her attention to Joe. Her voice was much less forceful, much more hopeful, when she spoke this time.

  “Joe? How about you and Karen? Will you come?”

  “I’m sorry, Shauna, I don’t see how it will be possible. I’ll try to talk Karen into going. She could use an evening out, an evening of pampering.” And it took every ounce of strength he had not to crumble at the thought of an entire evening alone with the kids.

  Shauna had a gleam in her eye as if she’d anticipated his answer. “It just so happens I ran into Rita earlier today. She asked how things were coming with the studio, I mentioned our plans for Thursday, and she told me if I could talk Karen into it, she and Kelly would stay with the kids so both you and Karen could go.”

  While she didn’t say, So, la-di-da, that didn’t mean Joe couldn’t hear it, loud and clear. He’d like nothing more than to talk Ka
ren into it, but he figured his chances were slim to none, even if her mother and sister agreed to watch the kids. And since he didn’t want his family to know, he countered with the only thing he could come up with.

  “Karen told me Kelly’s been feeling really lousy. So far, it seems, pregnancy hasn’t agreed with her. I can’t imagine she’s up to dealing with three kids for an evening.”

  “Rita said Kelly’s much better. She passed the four-month mark and things turned around for her. She’s got more energy than she knows what to do with.”

  Shauna shot a look at Joe almost daring him to come up with another excuse. Joe knew, even on a good day, he wouldn’t win an argument with his sister. In his present sleep-deprived, barely-able-to-think state, he’d be lucky to get through the first round. He gave up before he started.

  “I’ll see what I can do,” he said.

  “Perfect. I’ll talk to Karen too. It’s going to be a busy week, but like I said, I’ll find some time to come by and see if I can lend a hand.” Shauna’s eyes drifted to the ceiling and her forehead creased. “Maybe Wednesday morning,” she said, nodding to herself. “I don’t have any appointments Wednesday morning.” She looked back at Joe. “I’ll call Karen tomorrow.”

  Joe shrugged. “Okay, sure.”

  There were questions on the tip of Shauna’s tongue, Joe could tell, but Claire started to squirm, Sam picked her up and headed off for a diaper change, so Joe, after ensuring the twins would be okay for a bit longer, used the excuse of checking on Dylan to make his escape. Instead of heading to the yard, he followed Sam down the hall.

  He tapped on the door as he walked into the bedroom he used to share with Jake and that hadn’t changed much in the years since.

  “Sometimes it seems like yesterday that Jake and I hid from Shauna in here,” Joe said as he sat down on the twin bed across from the one Sam used to change Claire. “Didn’t work then, either.”

  Sam’s eyes were kind when they locked on his. “She’ll understand if you can’t make it on Thursday. She’s excited about the grand opening, she’d love to have everyone there for their trial run, and, more than that, she’s worried about you and Karen and wants to give you a break, but she’ll understand.”

  Joe nodded. “I know, but she can be relentless. I’m not sure how Karen’s going to handle it.”

  Those kind eyes turned curious. “You know Shauna won’t push Karen. She’ll suggest, she might beg a little, but she’ll know when to stop. Are you really worried about how Karen will handle it? Is there something you’re not telling us, Joe?”

  Sam put Claire down on the floor and the bundle of energy in hot pink ruffles promptly set off on all fours to explore the room. Keeping one eye on her daughter, Sam tried again.

  “Is there something you want to talk about?”

  Now that he was there, ready to do what he’d been promising himself all day he was going to do, he was on the verge of chickening out. He didn’t want to betray his wife, he didn’t want to upset his sister-in-law, and he desperately wished he could avoid the whole thing, but he knew he couldn’t. He let his eyes follow Claire around the room, focused on her babbling, and didn’t meet Sam’s eyes when he spoke.

  “After Claire was born, a little while after, Jake talked to me. He told me you were, you had…you saw a doctor. Um, Jake said—”

  “I didn’t know Jake talked to you.”

  Joe’s heart thudded, and his stomach dropped, but when he dared look at Sam, a sort of contemplative smile tugged at her mouth.

  “I’m sorry, Sam, it was private. He shouldn’t have…I shouldn’t have…”

  “No, I’m glad Jake talked to you, glad he had someone to turn to since, for a while, he didn’t have me. It’s not private, though I guess at the time that’s exactly what I wanted it to be, but it’s not, it shouldn’t be.” She reached across the beds and took his hand. “Talk to me, Joe. I’ll answer any questions you have, if I can.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “I’m sure.”

  Claire crawled between the beds, between their legs, and pulled herself up to standing while holding on to Joe’s jeans.

  “Hey! When did she learn to do that?”

  “Just a few days ago.” Sam beamed at her daughter. “Another one of those things that’s thrilling at first, until you realize it’s just another way for her to hurt herself. She fell against the coffee table yesterday. Banged her mouth pretty hard, but after the tears subsided, we determined she was more or less intact.” Sam sighed. “It’s just the beginning, isn’t it?”

  Joe bent and scooped up his niece. “It’s just the beginning.”

  While Claire bounced happily on his lap, Joe turned his attention back to Sam. He didn’t think he knew where to start, but once he started talking, he seemed unable to stop.

  “Karen’s not herself. She hasn’t been for some time, but it’s gotten worse. So much worse. She’s such an incredible mother, but she doubts herself, criticizes herself, finds fault with everything she does. She doesn’t want to talk to me, to her mother or her sister, or to any of her friends who try to call or text. She turns off her phone for days at a time. Sometimes I think things are okay, she’ll smile, she’ll laugh something off, but then, in an instant, she’s back to crying, to calling herself a failure. I can hardly get her to eat anything. She’s exhausted, but she hardly sleeps. I’ve almost given up trying to ask her what’s wrong, what I can do, because it seems nothing I say makes things any better and most makes things worse. Sometimes I’m afraid to even breathe around her. There’s never been a time when we haven’t been in sync and I’m scared.”

  “Oh, Joe, I’m so sorry. I had no idea it was that bad. When I’ve visited, she’s seemed tired, stressed, but not beyond what I’d consider normal.”

  Joe’s head and shoulders drooped. “At times, when other people are around, she hides it well. But she’s avoiding people more and more, even turning down help, help she really needs. I’m wondering if you, if that’s what…I don’t know, if…”

  “You want to know if that’s how I felt? If that’s what finally got me to see a doctor?”

  Joe nodded. “I guess, if you’re sure you’re okay talking about it.”

  “A few days after Claire was born, I woke from a nap and everything felt different. I felt this unbearable sadness. I didn’t know where it was coming from; I didn’t know what to do with it. And if I had gained any confidence that I knew what I was doing with a baby, it was gone, just like that.” Sam snapped her fingers. “I heard Claire fussing, knew I needed to feed her, but didn’t want to get up off the bed. That day led to another and another. Jake finally insisted I see my doctor. He came along to the appointment and we talked to the doctor together. I was embarrassed, I felt like I was failing as a mother, that I should be enjoying this precious gift I’d been given, and I wasn’t. My doctor talked to us about the baby blues, about postpartum depression, about the differences, gave us some things to read, and suggested I see a different doctor. A therapist.”

  “A therapist? That I didn’t know.”

  Sam shrugged. “I didn’t talk about it, but it’s not something I’m ashamed of. On the contrary. I’m proud of myself for being able to see the need and to do something about it. But it may have been easier for me to seek help because I’d watched my cousin Brad’s wife, Mia, struggle with postpartum depression. If you think that’s what’s going on with Karen, I really think you should try to convince her—”

  “I know, I know. I’ve mentioned seeing her doctor, but she’s especially self-conscious seeing as she knows all the doctors in town.”

  “The therapist I saw was out of town. I could give you his name, his contact information.”

  “Maybe, but this postpartum depression. That’s what came up when I tried doing some online searches for Karen’s symptoms. I guess I was hoping you’d tell me that’s not what’s going on with Karen, that it’s not that bad.”

  “I can’t diagnose her, Joe.”

/>   “I know, I guess I hoped…” His head and shoulders drooped even lower.

  “In the end, my therapist didn’t diagnose me with postpartum depression. It didn’t take long in talking with him that all these feelings started coming out, feelings I didn’t even know I had, and I—we—realized it had more to do with my family than anything. Once Claire was here it hit me that, aside from Susan and her family, I don’t have anyone. Anyone at all. For me, it was a matter of coming to terms with all that’s happened in my family. It’s likely something I could have, maybe should have, dealt with years ago, but since I didn’t, didn’t think I needed to, those feelings came roaring to the surface after Claire was born.”

  “Sam, I’m sorry. You have us, you know that, right?”

  “Of course, I know that. I’ve always known that, but I think, in a way, that was part of the problem. Your family is so close, it made me realize how much I’d lost, and how much would be missing from Claire’s life. She’ll never know my parents, my brother, my grandfather or grandmother. It was hard, it still is hard, when I think of that. She’s so lucky to have all of you, but still, there’s always going to be this hole, this missing part.”

  Sam gave herself a shake and blinked hard. “While my symptoms were a lot like those that come with postpartum depression, like I said, my therapist didn’t call it that. I can’t claim to understand how it all works, but I think I had an easier time working through things than a woman suffering from postpartum depression. I know it was a much longer, much more difficult road for Mia.”

  “How do I know if that’s what’s going on with Karen?”

  “I wish I could give you an answer. I can’t. All I can tell you is it sounds likely. I did a lot of reading, a lot of talking with doctors, a lot of talking with Brad about Mia, and from what I learned, postpartum depression can start before the baby is born and then continue, maybe get worse. Much of what Karen’s going through sounds typical: the sadness, the feelings of inadequacy, the intense concern and anxiety over every move she’s making, the withdrawing from you and from everyone that loves her. Try to get her to a doctor, Joe. Support groups, I read, can be very helpful. Talking with women experiencing the same thing is much more beneficial than people telling her she’s not doing anything wrong and that she’s a great mother, because even though those people mean every word, Karen’s not going to believe them. She’s not likely to believe it when it comes from you, either.”