My Pear-Shaped Life: The most gripping and heartfelt page-turner of 2020!

by Harrington, Carmel

  ‘She’s the daughter I always wanted to have.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Billie said.

  ‘It’s not your fault I don’t have any children.’

  ‘I think that somehow it is.’

  Ray sighed as he looked at the woman before him. How had they ended up here? If they could go back to their younger selves and whisper in their ears, could they save themselves? ‘Watching Greta go through so much pain left me unsettled. Reflective, I suppose. And I thought to myself, I’m not unhappy, but I’m not happy either. I’m somewhere lost in between.’

  They looked at each other and saw their younger selves reflected in the eyes of the person in front of them.

  ‘Maybe we could try to find our happy together,’ Ray whispered.

  Billie reached up and touched his cheek. It was as glorious as he remembered. She was going to say yes.

  He was wrong.

  ‘It’s too late for us, Ray. My life is here with Mama. Yours is in Ireland. We had our chance, and we lost it. We can’t go back.’

  ‘Why can’t we?’

  Her face changed, the softness disappeared. ‘Look, it’s great to see you again, Ray. But I’m not the same person you knew back then.’

  ‘Do you ever think that – if we had stuck together – maybe it could have turned out differently for us?’

  ‘Sometimes. But then I realize what-ifs are for fools.’

  ‘You said earlier that you didn’t know what you should do next, now the competition is over. I’ve been feeling like I’m at some kind of crossroads in my life too right now. I suppose that’s why I’m standing here in front of you, asking for a second chance. That day at Schiphol Airport all those years ago, I chose the wrong road. My gut told me back then that I should go with you to the States. But instead, I went home to Ireland, back to my boring life. And I’ve let years pass me by. How stupid is that?’

  ‘Sometimes we just have to do the best we can with the cards that life deals us,’ Billie said.

  ‘Do you remember this?’ Ray pulled something from his pocket that he’d had with him since he left Ireland.

  Billie looked at the piece of twine that lay in the palm of his hand. ‘Oh Ray, that can’t be the same piece of twine?’

  He nodded. ‘I kept it all these years. Do you remember what I said to you that night at the jamboree?’

  ‘You said that you can fix anything with a piece of twine, that even a civil servant can become MacGyver. I’ve never forgotten that.’

  ‘It was one of my better lines.’

  ‘Can it fix me?’

  ‘I think especially you,’ Ray said.

  Billie blinked back tears and said, ‘I’m not sure I can be fixed.’

  ‘Just tell me what part of you is broken and I’ll do everything in my power to help make it better,’ Ray said.

  ‘All of me,’ she whispered.

  As he had done all those years ago, he wrapped the twine around one of her fingers, then looped it around his own, in a figure of eight. ‘I told you once that this bound us together for ever. I need to make good on that promise.’ He leaned in and kissed her and the years disappeared, and they were both twenty again, kissing for the first time, for the one-hundredth time.

  ‘I never stopped loving you,’ Ray whispered.

  Billie said, ‘I wish you weren’t leaving tomorrow.’

  ‘We can stay for a few more days.’

  ‘You can’t do that. You have a plan to drive to Vegas, to find this Dr Gale. You can’t just change that. It would break Greta’s heart.’

  ‘Then you should come with us! You said yourself that you don’t know what’s next for you! You can figure that out on the road with us two. I’ll book a returning flight for you, or you can keep our hire car and drive it back, if you prefer.’

  She shook her head.

  ‘I’ll take care of all the costs,’ Ray said, worried that a tight budget might be a factor in her decision.

  ‘It’s not about money. I have commitments here.’

  ‘Surely you can take a few days’ holiday from your job?’

  ‘Yes, I can do that. But what about Mama?’

  ‘Lucy can check in on her.’

  ‘I can’t ask her.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because … just because. Plus we can’t just pretend that the past twenty-four years haven’t passed without a word from either of us. For goodness’ sake, Ray, I don’t even know if you ever got married, anything …’

  ‘That’s why you have to come with us. In the car, you get to ask me anything. We’ll have all the time to catch up then on our lost years. Please give me a chance to make you fall in love with me again. Please.’

  He really thought she was going to say yes. She looked at the twine that was still wrapped around their fingers, then she yanked it off and handed it back to him.

  ‘It’s impossible. I’m sorry. We better get back home to Mama.’ They drove back to Billie’s house in silence.

  ‘This one’s a cheat,’ Susan grumbled when they walked back in. ‘She’s managed to rob over twenty dollars from me in this card game. A good job you both came back when you did, or I’d have lost every last cent.’

  ‘She lies,’ Greta said, pointing to Billie and whispering, ‘She’s the cheat.’

  Billie kissed her mama on the forehead, ‘I’m glad you had fun. You know, I’m so tired, I think the excitement of the competition has caught up with me. I think I’ll bring you back to your room now, if that’s OK, Mama, and we can say goodbye to Ray and Greta.’

  Greta tried to catch Ray’s eye, but he kept his head lowered. She walked over to Susan and leaned in to give her a hug.

  ‘Thanks for the lovely chat. Don’t forget about the cupboard,’ Greta said.

  ‘I told you earlier, you’re a special one. I know one when I see one. Beautiful inside and out. Hey, don’t make that face when you get a compliment. Take it and say thank you,’ Susan ordered.

  ‘Thank you,’ Greta pretended to salute her. ‘It takes one to know one.’

  ‘And I’ll leave this little gem with you. If you hear something said about you that’s untrue and you know that with one hundred per cent certainty, then let it go over your head. But if you know there is merit to the comment, then let it sit on your shoulders for a while. My mama gave me that advice, and it’s never steered me wrong.’

  ‘I’ll remember.’

  Greta gave Billie a hug next and whispered to her, ‘He loves you. Just in case you wondered and he was too shy to tell you.’

  ‘He told me. I hope you find what you’re looking for in Vegas, Greta,’ Billie said.

  ‘Goodbye Ray,’ Billie said.

  Ray took the twine from his pocket and placed it in Billie’s hand, ‘I’ve held on to this for twenty-four years. It’s your turn to take it now. And, for what it’s worth, you’re wrong. It’s never too late. If you change your mind and decide to come with us to Vegas, we’ll be at the ball of twine in the morning at ten a.m. waiting for you.’

  Chapter 26

  Ray and Greta arrived at the largest ball of twine ten minutes early. He parked their SUV, and they both walked over to wait for Billie.

  ‘Jesus, it doesn’t half smell here,’ Greta said. She was tired and feeling a little irritable. The hooded man had been back last night for the first time in weeks. She’d only managed to sleep for a few hours. It scared her, his return, so she’d texted Noreen, who answered her within a few minutes.

  Find a Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Go every day if you need to. You have my number, use it. I mean it. Call.

  She thought about telling Uncle Ray about it, but he had enough on his plate, worrying about Billie.

  Ray began to pace around the ball. Greta stretched her two arms out to see if she could get them around the bale. Not a hope. She took out her phone and snapped a selfie for Instagram. #ThingsBiggerThanMe.

  There was a new Dr Gale post too. She had arrived in Las Vegas and had posted a photograph in fr
ont of the famous ‘Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas’ sign.

  Drgretagale Only a few more sleeps! I’ve arrived in fabulous Las Vegas ready for my talk on 11 April! Do you know what? If you believe in yourself, anything is possible. I dreamed that one day I would come to Las Vegas and here I am. I found my purpose and if you find yours, I know your dreams can come true too. Last few tickets remaining. Link in bio. Can I get a hell yeah?

  #wellness #drgretagale #whatsinyourcupboard #mindfulness #inspire #drgretagale #positivethoughts

  ‘Dr Gale says we need to find our purpose,’ Greta said. ‘What does that mean, do you think?’

  Ray gave her a look, then rechecked his watch. ‘Billie isn’t coming, is she?’

  ‘Maybe using the backdrop of a ball of twine to ask her that life-changing question wasn’t your best move, Uncle Ray.’

  ‘It was significant to us,’ Ray insisted.

  ‘You said. Intertwining and bonds that tie them together. I think she’s going to come. She cares about you. I just know it.’ When she told Dylan about her uncle’s question to Billie, he said it was very Sleepless in Seattle. Greta was not sure that a ball of twine had quite the same romantic appeal as the Empire State Building had in that movie. But different strokes for different folks and all that, and it was obvious that the twine meant something to them both.

  Her phone beeped and, as if she conjured him up, there was a new message from him.

  Dylan: Any sign?

  Greta: Not yet. What will I do if she bails?

  Dylan: Don’t you mean bales?

  Greta: That’s so lame, it’s funny.

  Dylan: I keep telling you, I’m a funny guy. Keep me posted.

  They waited, until both of their faces were red with the cold wind that whipped across them. ‘I can’t feel my toes,’ Greta eventually admitted. She didn’t want to give up, but it was now half past ten.

  ‘She’s not coming,’ Ray said, and Greta felt her heart break for him. She didn’t say anything because every single thought she had felt contrite. So she put her arm around him and led him back to the car.

  ‘We could drive up to her house,’ Greta said.

  ‘What would be the point? She’s made her decision. At least I tried, right?’

  ‘You did. And you gave it everything. You really did.’

  ‘Sorry I’m late.’

  Billie!

  Ray ran towards Billie, skidding on the icy ground and almost toppling into her. She steadied him, but when he tried to embrace her, she pushed him back.

  ‘You asked me yesterday why I never got married. I couldn’t sleep last night, thinking about that question. And I realized that the reason every guy I dated fell short, was because I was comparing them to you.’

  ‘Billie …’ Ray whispered.

  She held her hand up to silence him. ‘I closed my heart to this. It’s just Mama and me. And that’s how I like it. It’s better that way.’

  ‘It doesn’t have to be the only way,’ Ray said.

  ‘Now that you’re back, I can’t stop thinking about you. But I don’t know if it’s real. I’m so confused. I have no clue as to what I’m doing. So much has happened, Ray, I keep telling you that I’m not the same person I was back then.’

  ‘Neither am I. We’ve both changed. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t still find that love again.’

  She reached into her jeans pocket and pulled out the twine. ‘I can’t take this.’

  Greta watched Ray’s face crumple up as she placed it back into his hands and she snapped. This woman might be scared. She got that. She knew how the other woman felt. But she was messing with her Uncle Ray’s feelings. And it was cruel.

  With adrenalin pumping, Greta ran over to Billie. ‘When we saw you up on the stage in your bikini – looking fierce, I might add – I told Ray that he was punching above his weight with you. Well, how wrong was I? Because it’s you who is punching, Billie. This man is worth ten of you. And you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it if you don’t give him a chance.’

  ‘I like her. She’s feisty,’ Billie said to Ray.

  ‘Me too,’ Ray said.

  ‘As I was saying before Greta’s impassioned plea on your behalf, I can’t take your twine. Not yet anyhow. But I will go with you to Las Vegas. If only to make sure you don’t crash into a Colorado mountain on the way. I’m not sure you have any clue what kind of a drive you have coming up.’

  Greta screamed with joy then ran around the ball of twine, punching her arm in the air. Then something struck her about Billie and her rock hard abs and guns made of steel, that made her laugh out loud. ‘I’ve just worked it out. Billie is the Tin Man!’

  Ray shushed her, as Billie continued: ‘I’m not promising anything, Ray, you’ve got to understand that. I don’t know if I want to be bound to you – or anyone, for that matter. If you’re OK with that, then I’d love to come along. If nothing else, I’ve got a Dr Gale book for Mama that I want to get signed.’

  ‘I’ll take it,’ Ray said.

  ‘Right, that’s that then. Greta, I call shotgun,’ Billie said, walking over to their car where she’d left a bag a few minutes earlier.

  ‘Hey! That’s not fair,’ Greta grumbled. But her grumbles fell away when she saw Ray’s face as he got into the driver’s seat. He looked younger. He looked happy. He looked like the best version of himself. The one he perhaps always should have been.

  Greta took a pic of the two of them sitting side by side in the car and sent it to Dylan.

  Greta: Our double act is now a trio!

  Dylan: Another score for the URG! Have I convinced you of their powers yet?

  Greta: If she’s still with us in Vegas, maybe.

  Dylan: Where to next?

  Greta: Denver, Colorado.

  Greta thought about Susan lying in bed, hiding from whatever pain she had encountered in her life. And she knew that she didn’t want to hide any more. It was time to get honest with her best friend. He deserved that much.

  Greta: Can we talk? I want to tell you something important. About why I was sick. I don’t want to do it in a message.

  Dylan: OK.

  Greta: Will I call you later? When we check into a hotel.

  Dylan: Just remember I’m not very good on the telephone. When we talk here, I’m as smooth as silk. If we speak on the phone, I’ll be juddering left, right and centre.

  Greta: Just for the record, I never really notice any juddering when we speak.

  Dylan: That helps. Are you OK? Is anything else wrong?

  Greta: I had a nightmare last night. I get them sometimes. Last night was a doozy. Hearing a friendly voice might help.

  Dylan: I promise to answer if you call. Because Silver Lady, I really would love to speak to you in person. It’s been too long since we did that properly.

  Greta put her headphones on and closed her eyes, to give the lovebirds up front some privacy. And she thought about Dylan and that night in Grayson Castle. That wasn’t a phone-call conversation. She needed to ask him face to face what had happened. When she got home to Ireland, there could be no more avoiding it. And then she drifted off to sleep thinking about Ultimate Romantic Gestures and lions and tigers and bears, oh my.

  A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.

  The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum

  Part Four

  Chapter 27

  They decided to spend most of the day driving through Kansas State, with Ray and Billie sharing the six-hour drive between them. They planned to cross into Colorado by that evening. They stopped for fuel in Colby, and while Ray pumped gas, Billie got out of the car and moved towards the side of the building. Greta watched open-mouthed when Billie began to do jumping jacks. The woman was a machine. Once she’d done a dozen or so of those, she then started to make lunges, then finished up by dropping to the ground and doing a dozen or so push-ups. By the time Ray came back to the car, she’d also jogged on the spot and done a co
uple of dozen sit-ups. Billie strutted back to the car without even a sweat broken.

  ‘Do you always exercise in petrol stations?’ Greta asked.

  ‘Normally I go to the gym. But I can’t do that because I’m with you guys. So I’m improvising.’

  ‘Don’t you care that people were looking?’

  ‘I gave up caring what people thought about me a long time ago,’ Billie said, turning around in her seat to look at Greta, who was making a face. ‘Oh. I get it.’

  ‘You get what?’

  ‘You care about what people think.’

  ‘No I don’t!’ The free spirit in Greta was horrified by this implication, even though it was completely true. She’d given up her gym membership after one session, because she’d felt traumatized at being the fat one on the treadmill.

  ‘Glad to hear that. You can join me the next time I do it,’ Billie said.

  The conversation had taken a turn into Scaryville for Greta. ‘If I were to get up and exercise like that, it would be giving people a free freak show.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘People stare at you for all the right reasons. Except when you were orange. That wasn’t a good look for you.’

  ‘Funny lady. Listen, you might enjoy it if you gave it a go. And so what if someone stares. You’ll be long gone and won’t have to look at their judgemental faces soon enough.’

  ‘Maybe. But I’m not fit. I’d find it easier to walk the plank than do an actual plank.’

  Ray sniggered at this.

  Billie continued, ‘You don’t have to be fit to exercise. It should be fun. If it’s not, then you should look to find something that is fun to get your heart racing.’

  ‘If I do it – and that’s a big if, – then Uncle Ray has to as well.’ Payback for his snigger felt good.

  ‘Thanks a lot, Greta. Way to pull me under the bus with you,’ Ray said. ‘Right, let’s keep going. And remember, keep your eyes peeled for roadside curiosities.’

  ‘And gas stations. ’Cos the next one we stop at, you two are officially in Billie’s Gas Station Boot Camp.’