by M. Katherton
The bowling alley smelled like greasy food and cigarettes and looked like it hadn’t been updated in forty years. I quickly spotted the Strike After Strike team on lane seventeen in their fluorescent green shirts. My dad was here. He looked just like his picture on his company website, had a beer belly, and laughed and smiled as he mingled with his teammates. For the first time since probably before I was born, we were in the same room.
Ryan offered to grab seats near Strike After Strike but I thought it might look suspicious since no one on the team knew us so we sat by Bowling For Vegetable Soup on lane eleven. Ryan explained how the team name was a rip off of the band Bowling For Soup but that the team captain, a lanky guy named Sully had changed it to vegetable soup because he was a vegetarian. I grew up going to bowling birthday parties and bowled a few times with my family when I was younger but everybody here took it so seriously. Though I tried not to stare, James Owenby seemed to be having the time of his life in lane seventeen, cheering on his teammates, guzzling beer, and jumping up and down whenever he got a strike. He had no idea the child he had fathered seventeen years ago was on the premises.
“So are you gonna talk to him after?” Ryan eventually asked, noticing my fascination with lane seventeen.
“I don’t know.” My stomach knotted up just at the thought of it. I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know how he would react to the surprise visit. He seemed like a jolly guy amongst his teammates but I feared his angry side would come out if he saw me.
“I mean, you’re already here. You’ve never met him. What do you have to lose? If it goes badly, you never have to come back here.”
James’ ears must have been burning because at that exact moment, he turned around and made eye contact with me. I figured he would just think I was some weird girl staring, possibly drawn in by the bright green color of their shirts or the team's enthusiasm, but his neutral expression turned to shock. He recognized me. I immediately broke eye contact as if that could make him unsee me.
“You okay?” Ryan asked, noticing my panic.
“No. I have to go. I’m sorry. I need to go.”
“Okay.” He accepted and pulled his car keys from his pocket. “Let’s go.”
Had I been alone, I would have sprinted to the parking lot, but I had to keep my cool a little. I walked alongside Ryan, willing myself not to cry. If I hadn’t already blown it with my father last weekend, I had blown it now. He probably thought I was some creepy stalker trying to sue him for child support or make his life miserable. I thought I would never see him again but as we trailed through the gravel parking lot to Ryan’s truck, someone came out of the building behind us.
“Jessica!” A voice interrupted the background noise of cars passing in the street. I turned around to see James Owenby, panting as he ran after us. I froze, unsure whether I should run towards him or away from him. Ryan put his hand on my shoulder and guided me towards the man who had impregnated my mom nearly eighteen years ago. I silently willed Ryan not to leave, just in case James suddenly got violent or angry but he patted my shoulder and told me he would wait for me in the car.
“How did you know it was me?” I whimpered, using all the self-control in my body not to cry.
He chuckled but smiled genuinely as he had done with his teammates all night. “You’re the spitting image of Vanessa. Of course I recognized you.”
Though that wasn’t anything to provoke emotion, I burst into tears, all the guilt, anxiety, and relief flowing out at once. He seemed surprised at my emotional outburst and didn’t know what to say so I blurted out, “I’m sorry about Saturday! My grandpa was in the hospital and I had to take my sister to a dance competition and I meant to text you but I was overwhelmed and forgot! I’m sorry!”
“It’s okay.” He spoke gently. “I’m sorry I was short with you. I thought maybe it was a prank. People were so relentless to me and Vanessa in high school. I thought somebody was trying to get the last laugh.”
“It wasn’t a prank. I’ve just had so much going on.” I sobbed.
“It’s okay, it’s okay.” He assured. “How did you know I would be here?”
“Your work page. I was just gonna watch. I didn’t think you would recognize me. I didn’t mean to be creepy. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not creepy. It’s okay. I have to go back in there and bowl but let’s make plans to get together sometime soon. If you still want to.”
“I still want to.”
“Great.” He smiled. “It was great to finally meet you, Jessica.”
“It was great to meet you too.” I didn’t know if I should call him Dad or James so instead I blurted out, “can I hug you?”
“Of course.”
For the first time ever, I got to hug my dad. And even though he was sweaty and smelled like the musty bowling alley, it was a moment I would cherish forever.
Monday, February 11th, 2019
I didn’t know if Ryan would ever talk to me again after I freaked out in front of him at the bowling alley. We rode wordlessly back to my house as Red Hot Chili Peppers played on the radio and I sniffled in the background, trying to recover from the most emotionally exhausting moment of my life. I wasn’t even sure Kendra had ever seen me cry so sharing such an intimate moment with someone I had just met was out of character for me. However, during first period when I got a text from Ryan asking if I had plans for lunch, I figured he was willing to look past my meltdown the other night.
Since Kendra walked off on me last week, I found other ways to fill my lunch period just to avoid her and the cafeteria. She had not reached out to me at all so I didn’t know if she was waiting for me to apologize or if she was done being friends for good but I had too much else going on to worry about her cattiness.
Ryan invited me to eat lunch with him outside at the picnic tables. I didn’t know if he ate with other people or if it would just be the two of us but anything was better than eating granola bars in my car or wasting time on social media on the library computers.
“Hey!” He greeted as I slid onto the bench across from him at the slightly weathered wooden picnic table. Once again he wore his signature black t-shirt and jeans as if he was a cartoon character. I wondered if he had a whole closet full of the exact same shirt and jeans or if he outfit-repeated every day, washing as needed.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“Not much.” He answered, pulling a peanut butter and jelly sandwich out of a brown paper sack. “You gonna eat?”
I pulled a granola bar out of my backpack as if that was a sufficient lunch on its own. School lunch was overpriced and often overcooked and I didn’t want to risk running into Kendra in the lunch line. Granola bars usually held me through the school day and then I would make a sandwich or a smoothie for an after-school snack.
“You can have half my sandwich if you want. It’s chunky peanut butter, but it’s not so bad.” He offered, holding out the other half, which had been cut horizontally.
“I’m good. Thanks though.”
“You doing okay after Friday?”
I nodded. As weird as it was confiding in a guy I had just met about my dad saga, it was nice to have a confidant. I couldn’t talk to Kendra, my mom, or Kathleen. With Ryan being a near-stranger, he was the most unbiased person I could talk to.
“That was crazy…how he recognized you.”
“I look just like my mom. Plus, his wife’s on Facebook so she could’ve looked me up. I don’t know. I don't know if she knows about me.”
“So are you gonna keep talking to him?”
“Yeah hopefully. I haven’t texted him yet but I guess I should. I’m just happy he’s not still mad at me.”
“Well, I go to the bowling alley almost every Friday so if you want to spy on him again, just let me know.”
I chuckled, cringing a little at the word ‘spy’. “Thanks for putting up with me. I just got so nervous and panicked.”
“You’re fine.” He shrugged. “I don’t know how you did it.
I would’ve shit myself.”
Ryan and I talked a little more about my dad situation then moved on to more school stuff. I expected more people to eventually show up to the table because surely someone as nice and laid-back as Ryan had friends. However, by the time lunch was almost over, we were still alone. I wondered if he had ditched his friends to eat with me or if he was an awkward lunch transient like I was, finding ways to waste time at the library or wander around the school.
“Do you always eat here?” I questioned after he finished his sandwich and moved on to a bag of potato chips.
“Depends. Sometimes I sneak off campus and go to the convenience store. Sometimes I do homework in the library. Sometimes I hang out here or sit on the stairs. I don’t have a clique or anything. Plenty of surface level friends in my classes but nobody close. Guess that’s what happens when you move to a new school during your junior year.”
I related to the clique comment. However, unlike Ryan, I had gone to school with some of these people since kindergarten yet I still didn’t fit in or have a group. I had plenty of acquaintances and people I talked to in my classes but no group to go to the lake with on the weekend or invite over for parties when my family wasn’t home. Most of the time being groupless didn’t bother me, but sometimes when I saw hoards of cheerleaders or choir kids hanging out, I wished I could have the same.
Now I had Ryan though. When we parted ways for our afternoon classes, we agreed to meet up for lunch again tomorrow. Though he was graduating in four months and this probably wouldn’t result in a long-term friendship, I was glad I met him. It was great to finally not have to keep my dad a secret anymore.
As I fixed avocado toast for an after school snack, my phone buzzed on the counter. Mom sat at the kitchen table helping Macy with her homework just a few feet away so I quickly picked up my phone, not wanting her to risk seeing a text that could be from my dad. Instead, to my disappointment, the message was from Kendra.
who’s the guy?
What? I responded as if I hadn't publicly eaten lunch with Ryan today.
don’t play dumb. Who were you with at lunch today? I saw you outside with some grungy long-haired dude.
Kendra, who dated Chase Collinsworth who constantly reeked of marijuana and wore the same beat up pair of shoes every day, had no right to call anyone else grungy. She hadn’t spoken to me in a week yet had the audacity to interrogate me about who I ate lunch with.
Why does it matter to you? I asked, not willing to explain myself to her.
I just wanna know if he’s why you’ve withdrawn from me. Like yeah, he’s a little grungy but you could’ve told me you were interested in somebody.
We’re just friends.
whatever.
I didn’t know why Kendra thought it was her business to know about my love life. She voluntarily talked about whoever her crush of the week was, not because I demanded it. Ryan and I were just friends and I doubted it would escalate to anything more. Kendra needed to stay out of it.
Tuesday, February 12th, 2019
Paige McClary tapped my shoulder as I settled into my third row assigned seat in first period English. Paige was a perky blonde girl who was book smart but fit the ditsy blonde stereotype when it came to common sense. She was in theatre with Kendra so we occasionally crossed paths in that way but I had known her since seventh grade when we had a science class together. Due to most teachers assigning seating alphabetically, she was always near me so we had developed an acquaintanceship throughout the years.
“I hear you have a boyfriend!” She chirped.
My face scrunched up as if I had opened a six-month-old food container that had been left to rot in the fridge. “What? Where did you hear that?”
Paige’s exuberance faded to uncertainty due to my reaction. “Well, Kendra said that…”
“Don’t listen to Kendra! She doesn’t know what she’s talking about!” I cut her off, assertive enough to make Ricardo Juarez in front of me turn around to see what the commotion was.
“Okay. Sorry.” Paige physically sat back in her seat like a puppy being scolded for peeing on the floor. I immediately felt guilty for snapping at her as she was just an innocent middleman in the mess between Kendra and me.
“Sorry.” I took a deep breath. “Kendra and I have been on weird terms lately. I don’t have a boyfriend but she seems to think so. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
“It’s okay.” She replied though still frazzled from my outburst.
I turned around to face forward in my seat, wishing I could put my head down on my desk in shame. I should have known Kendra would spread rumors about me having a thing with Ryan around school. She wasn’t going to let me disregard our friendship without paying a price. Though the first bell had not even rung yet, I already wanted today to be over.
Ryan and I met in the library for lunch. I didn’t know if he had heard any of the rumors about us being a thing but I didn’t want to give people anything to speculate about by going outside or to the cafeteria for lunch. It wasn’t that I was ashamed for people to think Ryan was my boyfriend. He was cute, regardless of Kendra thinking he was grungy, but I didn’t want to give anyone false impressions. First it would be that he was my boyfriend and then rumors would escalate to me being pregnant or us running away to get married. Kendra was relentless. She would destroy my reputation in any way she could.
“So whoever this Kendra chick is must be powerful. A random dude in my history class told me we were dating and that he heard it from her.” He admitted as we hung out at a table by the periodicals.
Yesterday at lunch I told him about my falling out with Kendra and how that resulted in me bouncing from place to place during lunch every afternoon. Though Ryan seemed to be his usual happy-go-lucky self and taking the rumors in stride, I wished I could melt into the carpet in humiliation.
“Sorry about her. She’s just…ugh.”
“It’s fine.” He assured, pulling yet another peanut butter and jelly sandwich out of my lunch sack. “I’m flattered that people think I’m dating a girl as pretty as you.”
My face must have turned the color of the fire alarm above the library door. I froze up as my face burned up, terrible at flirting and not knowing what to do or say. Ryan chuckled at my dubiousness.
“Too forward?”
“No. Thank you.” I clarified. “I just wasn’t expecting that.”
He tossed his wavy brown hair casually over his shoulder and smiled. “Feel free to say no, but I have some movie passes that expire this weekend. Do you want to go? Go on a real date to somewhere that’s not a sketchy bowling alley.”
“Yeah, I’d love to.” I agreed, my heart still pounding at what felt like three hundred beats per minute.
“Great. We’ll give the people something to talk about.” He smiled.
I shrugged, not caring about what others thought but more bothered by Kendra’s backstabbing. The rumors would absolutely amplify if she caught wind of us going to the movies but I wasn’t going to let her big mouth dictate my life. I didn’t know if Ryan and I would become a couple or if this was a one time thing, but I would give him a chance if he wanted to date. He was cute and nice and down to earth. It couldn’t hurt.
Thursday, February 14th, 2019
Mom and Ross asked me to babysit my siblings for Valentine’s Day so they could go on a double date with Ross’ best friend Gabe and his wife Shannon. I agreed under the condition that I could have Friday night to myself, the night Ryan and I planned to go to the movies. Usually when I babysat Macy and Spencer, they played quietly in their rooms or I turned on a movie for them but tonight Spencer was all hopped up on sugar from his school Valentine’s Day party. Macy didn’t have dance tonight but I heard her solo music playing up in her room and figured she was practicing. Spencer wanted to play Twister but not being as flexible as I used to be, I talked him into Monopoly Jr. instead. Just as I drew a chance card for a free ticket booth on orange, my phone buzzed on the coffee ta
ble.
“Who’s that?” Spencer asked before I could even check. I quickly snatched it up. Ever since he had learned to read last school year, he loved reading text messages. Mom left her phone unlocked once and he ended up reading a whole text conversation where she had vented to Kathleen about an annoying real estate client. This prompted the curious seven-year-old to ask Mom what asshole and dipshit meant that night at the dinner table while Ross and I tried our hardest not to laugh. She gave Spencer a lecture on how it wasn’t polite to read other people’s text messages and she had been more careful about locking her phone ever since.
To my surprise, the text was my dad wishing me a happy Valentine’s Day. I wondered if today reminded him of February 2001 when he took my mom to the Valentine’s dance, almost exactly nine months before I was born. I wondered if it was something he had thought about every year since then or just particularly this year since I was back in the picture. I replied to his text returning the Valentine’s Day wishes and asked if he wanted to meet up for coffee soon.
“Who is it? Is it Mommy?” Spencer questioned impatiently after I ignored him the first time.
“Someone you don’t know.”
“Is it your boyfriend?”
“I don’t have a boyfriend.” I answered quickly, slightly afraid the rumors of Ryan and me dating had made it to Spencer’s elementary school.
“When are you gonna get a boyfriend so you can get married like Mommy and Daddy?”
The question made me laugh out loud. In Spencer’s eyes, I was a grown up since I could drive and stay home alone. I didn’t want to burst his bubble, but even if my date with Ryan went well, it would be a long time before marriage plans were on the horizon.
“I don’t know, Spence. Whenever the right guy comes along.”
“Well, he needs to hurry up. You're not getting any younger.” He complained as my phone buzzed once again with a follow-up text from my dad asking if I was free Sunday afternoon. I told him I was and that I promised I would let him know if anything changed this time. He replied back a minute later telling me he appreciated that and that he would see me on Sunday.
