Generation Misfits

by Akemi Dawn Bowman

  Millie smiled. The conversation hadn’t exactly gone the way she’d planned in her head. Part of her still hoped Ashley would agree to apologize to Zuki and everything would be better.

  But at least it was something.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

  Outside, it was pouring rain. Millie felt like she was betraying J-Club’s courtyard table by eating inside, but she didn’t have a choice. Not unless she was okay with a soggy hamburger, which she definitely wasn’t.

  The cafeteria was quieter than she’d remembered. Even the table Millie and Ashley sat at seemed to stretch on forever. Were there always so many empty chairs?

  It felt like a weird memory. Familiar, but still all wrong.

  Or maybe it wasn’t like a memory at all—maybe it was more like a bad dream.

  Millie took a bite of her hamburger. Ashley was eating a bowl of fruit they brought from home. And a few tables away, Luna was sitting with her other friends.

  J-Club felt like a lifetime ago. Millie missed everyone so much that it made her bones ache.

  Rainbow emerged through the double doors. When she spotted Millie, she hurried toward her with her head down. She quickly planted herself in one of the empty chairs, eyes pinned to the table like she was worried someone might spot her.

  “Rainbow!” Millie said, surprised. At first, she was just happy to see her again, but then she noticed the way Rainbow opened her mouth and hesitated, like she had something important to say but didn’t know how.

  Something was wrong.

  Rainbow leaned in. “Have—have you talked to Zuki lately?”

  Millie and Ashley exchanged a glance before shaking their heads. Rainbow looked concerned, so Millie added, “She still won’t talk to us. She said we weren’t friends anymore.”

  Rainbow peered up carefully. “I don’t think she meant it. I think … I think she might need her friends now more than ever.”

  Ashley frowned. “What do you mean? Did you hear something?”

  Rainbow looked like her brain was fighting for the words to explain herself. Or maybe it was fighting for courage. “Not exactly. But I’m sure you must’ve noticed how Zuki never talks about her parents and that she has bruises on her skin underneath all her bracelets.” She hesitated. “And in PE today, Zuki refused to change into her gym clothes. She was in the coach’s office for a long time. They were talking about something, and Zuki was crying. And then she got sent to the counselor and didn’t come back.”

  Ashley frowned. “You think Zuki’s parents…?” They hesitated. “You think they hurt her?”

  “I don’t know,” Rainbow said, breathing out slowly. “But I’m worried she needs us, and we haven’t been there for her because of this silly fight.”

  The memory crushed Millie like a wave. “I saw her dad. On Christmas.” She met Rainbow’s and Ashley’s eyes. “He was really mad. He even grabbed her really roughly, right in the driveway. And at the time I wondered why Zuki didn’t look scared. Because he was scary. But she looked … empty, I guess. Like she knew what to expect. Like…”

  “Like it had happened before,” Ashley finished.

  The three of them fell silent, all thinking over their words.

  Millie spoke first. “If Zuki’s in trouble, we should be there for her. All of us.”

  Ashley nodded. “I agree.”

  Rainbow looked around nervously. “Okay. Well, I should probably go before…” She stood up and turned to leave, but Annabelle’s voice stopped her.

  “There you are, Rainbow!” Annabelle flashed a smile while Ruby stifled a laugh beside her. Luna froze in her chair. “How’s practicing for Pop Showcase going?”

  Rainbow seemed to shrink.

  Ruby snorted. “Is it even possible to practice not vomiting onstage?”

  Rainbow looked queasy. “That was a long time ago…”

  “Oh my God,” Annabelle said, pretending to retch. “What if you puke on someone in the front row? What if they have to cancel the show?”

  Ruby cackled. “Seriously. You should just drop out. There’s no point in ruining Pop Showcase for everyone. Besides, do you really belong there? Do you even listen to pop music?”

  “She’s probably not even singing. She’s probably going to perform a séance or hypnotize the entire school with crystals.” Annabelle snorted. “Wait. Are your parents going to be there?” She looked at Ruby and they burst out laughing.

  Luna tensed beside them.

  Rainbow’s shoulders shook, but she stood her ground. She didn’t run. And even when her voice wobbled, she spoke anyway. “I don’t care what you think.”

  Annabelle and Ruby were too immersed in their laughter to even hear her.

  Rainbow only balled her fists tighter. “I feel sorry for you.”

  Ruby turned, her smile going stiff. “What did you just say?”

  But Rainbow wasn’t finished. “You pick on people because you’re miserable on the inside. You want people to feel sad and small because you’re sad and small. But I don’t care, because someday we’ll graduate, and I won’t have to look at you ever again. But you’ll still be miserable. And there won’t be anyone for you to pick on because you’ll be in the real world, and your popularity won’t matter anymore. You’ll be just as sad and small as you’ve always felt.”

  Annabelle’s face hardened. A few people from nearby tables turned to stare. And Rainbow stood her ground, alone but full of trembling strength. She’d stood up for herself. She’d fought back.

  And Millie knew if they were going to be there for Zuki, they needed to be there for Rainbow, too. Because friends showed up for each other.

  Millie only had to glance at Ashley before the two of them were out of their chairs. They stood beside Rainbow, making it clear she wasn’t alone. Not anymore.

  “Seriously? You think your dorky friends are going to suddenly make everything better?” Annabelle scoffed.

  “We don’t have to make everything better. Rainbow is perfectly capable of doing that herself,” Ashley noted with a smirk.

  Rainbow’s hands shook, and Millie resisted the urge to hold her just to give her strength. Because Rainbow needed this moment. She needed to show Annabelle and Ruby that she could stand up for herself but that she had friends behind her, too.

  “You’re all losers,” Ruby said. “That’s why you’re all in the loser club. What was it for? Japanese cartoons? It’s the perfect place for you, really. It’s the club nobody cares about. The club nobody will ever remember.”

  They started to laugh, and then Luna stood up abruptly.

  “It’s called J-Club,” Luna seethed, “and it’s a way better place to be than this ridiculous lunch table.”

  Annabelle and Ruby looked stunned. Even Rainbow seemed taken aback, but her shoulders seemed to tremble less.

  Luna grabbed her bag and marched toward Rainbow, looping her arm through Rainbow’s. “Come on, Rainbow. These jerks aren’t worth anyone’s time.”

  The nearby crowd began to rumble with surprise, awe, and … laughter? When Millie looked around, she realized nobody was laughing at them—they were laughing at Annabelle and Ruby.

  And as they walked out of the cafeteria, the four of them side by side, Millie was sure she heard some people cheer.

  CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

  After the incident at lunch, Millie sent Zuki a text to say J-Club was having an emergency meeting in the theater. There was a chance she might not turn up and an even bigger chance that she would ignore the text completely.

  But Millie didn’t care. If Zuki didn’t turn up, then she’d organize an emergency meeting every single day until she did.

  When Zuki appeared at the edge of the stage, face stoic and her arms folded in front of her, Millie let out a sigh of relief.

  The brightness that was normally so present in Zuki’s eyes had drained. She looked tired. Maybe even a little out of place, which didn’t make sense. J-Club used to be her entire world.

  But she made her way to the sta
ge and sat down, all five of them in a circle.

  It was silent.

  Millie cleared her throat. She’d have to do this herself. “I guess I’ll start by saying thank you to everyone for coming.”

  “Why am I here?” Zuki cut in. “I’m not even in J-Club anymore.”

  Millie tried not to let her hurt show. “We miss you,” she said simply.

  Zuki hesitated, searching the room for a sign of a pending argument. But there wasn’t one.

  “We want you to come back,” Millie said.

  Rainbow spoke next. “J-Club isn’t J-Club without you.”

  “Friends fight sometimes, but it doesn’t mean we have to stop being friends,” Luna pointed out.

  Ashley looked at Luna thoughtfully before glancing at Zuki. “I’m sorry I was so blunt. Sometimes I don’t think about what I’m saying before I say it, and I end up hurting people’s feelings. I need to work on that.”

  Zuki didn’t reply.

  “I think maybe what we need is to clear the air,” Millie said slowly. “So maybe we could each take turns telling each other how we really feel? Like this is a safe place to be honest with each other—as friends—so that we can move forward?”

  Rainbow nodded. “I like that idea.”

  “Me too,” Luna and Ashley said in unison.

  Zuki sighed. “Fine. But I’m not going first.”

  “Okay. Well, I guess I can start.” Millie paused. She hadn’t really planned anything special to say. But maybe it was easier to be honest when she wasn’t trying to plan her words so carefully. “It hurt my feelings when you said I’d do whatever you wanted just because I was desperate to have a friend. And it hurt my feelings when Ashley agreed with you.”

  Zuki looked up at Ashley and frowned. “You agreed with me? Because it’s not true—I just said that because I was mad. Millie has been an amazing friend, and you shouldn’t be telling her stuff like that.”

  Ashley held up their hands. “Look, I just said I say things without thinking.” They turned to Millie. “But I’m sorry. I still think it’s a little true, but I shouldn’t have said it.”

  Zuki opened her mouth to argue, but Millie spoke instead. “It’s okay. I’m not mad anymore. And you’re right. It was maybe a little true. But it’s not because I’m desperate for friends. I just care about you all. I’ve never really had friends before. And I guess I didn’t want to lose you.”

  Zuki’s shoulders fell. “I’m sorry I said I didn’t want to be your friend. It was a horrible thing to say.”

  Millie was trying not to cry, so she nodded and kept her mouth shut instead.

  Rainbow shifted in her seat. “Okay, so it’s my turn, I guess. Um, well, I didn’t think it was nice that Ashley volunteered me to sing lead. It was never my idea, and it put me in the middle of an argument, which is one of my biggest, most horrible fears.” Rainbow sniffed. “It takes a lot for me to be around people. I usually prefer hiding away where nobody will notice me. So that kind of conflict … it’s too much for me.”

  Ashley held up a hand. “I apologize again. I say things without—”

  “Thinking about them. We know,” Luna said with a small smile.

  Ashley scratched the back of their neck. “I thought it was really cool that you stood up to your friends.”

  “They weren’t very good friends,” Luna admitted.

  Ashley tapped a finger against their knee. “Then why did you ditch me for them?”

  Luna frowned. “What?”

  “We used to be close. And then you stopped talking to me out of nowhere, and I—” Ashley started.

  “You stopped talking to me!” Luna exclaimed. “We used to hang out all the time, and then you acted like you didn’t want to be around me anymore. You’d barely talk to me, and you always looked like you couldn’t wait to get away from me.” She shook her head. “I started hanging out with Annabelle and Ruby because you were the one who didn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

  “But—but that’s not true,” Ashley said firmly. “I did want to be your friend! More than anything. I still do.”

  Luna lifted her shoulders. “Then why did you start acting so weird around me?”

  Ashley blinked. “You really don’t know?”

  Luna shook her head. “I just assumed it was because you didn’t like me anymore.”

  Ashley’s cheeks darkened. “Well, it was the opposite.”

  At first Luna looked confused, and then her face softened. “Oh,” was all she said before her cheeks darkened, too.

  For a moment it was quiet, and then both Ashley and Luna grinned.

  Millie raised her eyebrows, amused, and looked around. “Um. Does anyone else want to share how they feel?”

  “You know what I’m feeling?” Zuki broke in suddenly. “I’m feeling betrayed. I feel like you all forced me out of J-Club for no reason. I feel underappreciated. And I feel like—” She paused, and tears welled up in her eyes before slipping down her cheeks. “I feel like I lost all my friends. I feel alone. I feel like everything is changing.”

  Millie reached out to hold her hand. “You aren’t alone. I promise. And you definitely didn’t lose us.”

  Zuki sniffed, wiping her nose with her sleeve. “I just really needed this.”

  Millie frowned. There were those words again. “What does that mean, Zuki?”

  “It’s silly,” Zuki replied, and she tried to laugh even though it came out deflated and heavy. “I thought that if I was singing a solo in Pop Showcase, my parents might actually show up. That they might actually be interested.” She shook her head. “But they won’t care if I’m just a backup singer. It won’t be enough.” The tears fell faster. “Nothing I do ever feels like enough.”

  Millie wrapped an arm around Zuki’s shoulders, and the others shuffled closer until there was hardly any empty space in their circle at all.

  “What’s going on with your parents?” Millie asked quietly.

  Zuki shook her head, almost desperately. “I think—I think I’m just hoping for something that’s never going to happen. Only now I finally know it.” She smiled weakly. “Kind of like the singing, I guess.”

  “You’re a good singer,” Ashley insisted. “You wouldn’t have made it through the auditions if you weren’t. Just forget I ever said anything, okay?”

  Zuki shook her head. “But I can’t. Because even if you think I’m good, the truth is Rainbow is a lot better.” She turned to Rainbow and smiled. “I think you should sing lead. It’s what’s best for J-Club.”

  Rainbow looked frantic. “What?—no—I can’t! I’ve never sung a solo before. And being onstage, with everyone staring at me…”

  “We’ll be there with you,” Zuki said. “I want us to be amazing. And with you singing Chiyo’s part, I know we will be.”

  “I can help you with the stage fright,” Luna offered gently. “I know some tricks.”

  “And with the lights, you can barely even see the audience,” Ashley added. “Just pretend it’s another rehearsal.”

  “But it’s still your choice,” Millie pointed out seriously. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

  Everyone voiced their agreement, while Rainbow stared at the floor deep in thought.

  “You really won’t be mad at me if I sing lead?” Rainbow asked quietly.

  “You said that it used to be your dream.” Zuki smiled. “And I’d be mad at myself if I didn’t make the right choice for J-Club. It’s all I have.”

  “You have us,” Millie said, squeezing her shoulder. “And we’re your friends, regardless of who sings lead.”

  Zuki looked at Rainbow. “So you’ll do it?”

  Rainbow smiled, the light finding her eyes. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

  And just like that, J-Club was whole again.

  CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

  “Choir rehearsals? All week?” Zuki looked like someone had given her the worst news of her life. After everything that had happened over the past several
weeks, J-Club was behind. Their dancing was rusty, their singing was off, and they needed every spare second possible to get their routine back on track.

  Ashley wasn’t as visibly disappointed as Zuki, but their voice still faltered. “They like to use the theater for the acoustics, I guess. But it’s during lunch.”

  “Which means we can’t rehearse,” Luna finished. “What about after school? Could we use the orchestra room again?”

  “Normally, yeah, but the orchestra room is being repainted. They had us in the old band room yesterday,” Zuki said with a sigh. “Plus, Millie has tutoring after school.”

  Millie nodded. She might have gotten her grades up, but her parents still didn’t know anything about J-Club.

  “I could try to ask the dance teacher about a space,” Luna started. “Everyone knows I’m in J-Club anyway. But they have rehearsals right now, too, with the big recital coming up. So I can’t promise anything.”

  “We could rehearse at my house,” Rainbow offered. “I know my parents wouldn’t mind. And they, um, sort of have a dance studio.”

  “What?” everyone asked in surprise.

  Rainbow lifted her shoulders timidly. “My mom teaches kids on the weekends.”

  “You’ve had a dance studio at your house this whole time and you never told us?” Zuki asked.

  “I—I don’t usually invite people over,” Rainbow admitted. “It didn’t go so well last time…”

  Millie offered a smile, but Zuki was still shaking her head like their problems hadn’t quite been solved yet.

  “But what about the tutoring?” Zuki looked serious. “Would your parents let you skip a day?”

  Millie knew the answer, but she didn’t want to let J-Club down. Not when they’d worked so hard to get back to how things were.

  She’d skip tutoring for one afternoon—but it would have to be a secret from her parents.

  “I’m sure one day won’t matter,” Millie decided. “But I’ll have to be back at school in time to make the late bus.”

  “I live really close,” Rainbow said. “We could walk there after school today, if you want.”