The Forbidden Plan

by Erika Starits

  My sensibility scampered and darted anxiously. Did Jude Meadows purposely wait for me in the hall? Had it been his intention to leave a note for me to find? It was bewildering. I attempted to decipher the meaning of the picture. Why was I depicted next to the most beautiful flower in Starosa? Was he comparing me to the flower? I could scarcely think straight as I folded the piece of paper and stuffed it into my pocket.

  I became alarmingly cognizant. I was wasting labor time. I hurriedly busied my unsteady hands with the mundane work of cleaning. No matter how vigorously I worked or strived to push him away, I daydreamed about Jude Meadows. I fancied him and the two papers he left for me.

  These forbidden occurrences did not stop there either. The next morning, Jude Meadows waited for me in the hallway once more, and dropped another note. This one had a picture of an undeniable Jude, scrubbing the toilet in the primary bathroom with a strained look on his face. I was drawn next to him with a triumphant expression and folded arms. The depiction of a firstling cleaning a toilet while a drudge stood by observing and beaming was comical. But it also seemed wrong to be amused.

  On my fourth and last day of cleaning duty at the School for the Firstlings, I found myself nearly skipping to labor. I was gleefully anticipating another moment with Jude Meadows. Like before, would he gaze into my eyes and greet me kindly with his charming features? Would he leave a note for me to retrieve and quickly walk away? I was excited and hoping for the discovery of another paper. The other three were tucked carefully inside my wooden chest. Despite my best efforts and reasoning not to care so intensely, they were undeniably cherished items. I was constantly daydreaming about the illustrations and much to my dismay about the person who drew them.

  When I entered the school house, I was disappointed to see Jude Meadows was not there. I panicked and speculated. Did his father discover our treacherous behavior? The full repercussions of our actions had been removed from my judgements because of my unwillingness to stop. But the dangers of being exposed, surfaced harshly when Jude was not waiting for me.

  If we were caught, I would be publicly executed... and before midday meal. Especially because I already had the misfortune of being on Chief Meadows’s fatal wish list. With frightened eyes, I glanced around the hallway and into the older students’ classroom. I examined the students in earnest hoping to glimpse Jude. My panic tapered when I located him talking to another firstling in a joking manner. Relief rushed through me when I comprehended we had not been caught.

  As I made my way to the supply closet, I could not dispel disappointment. He was not waiting for me. I attempted to thwart my ridiculousness. How could I be upset about something so outlandish? A firstling should barely acknowledge my existence, unless it was to give orders. It was wrong he had even given me the notes in the first place. I immediately dismissed the absurd discontent and set out to work. I was determined to not muse over Jude Meadows ever again.

  I attended to the duties of the day and after working tirelessly all morning, retired to the closet to eat my meager midday meal. The students filed out of their classrooms. I could not refrain from trying to spot Jude in the swarm of students strolling to the eatery. It was a shameful act, carried out the previous days of the week as well. All of the students entered the eatery, but I never identified him in the crowd.

  When no footsteps could be heard, I shook my head in frustration. I was exceptionally annoyed at my behavior. I was acting irrational and ridiculous. I readied myself to eat when the supply closet door unexpectedly swung open and swiftly shut. Jude Meadows was standing there. He spoke at once and in a hushed tone.

  “I want to meet with you later…tonight.”

  His brown eyes were pleading as he stated, “There is an old wooden shed located within Animal Quarters. It will be unlocked, go inside. Please be there before the ten o’clock bell rings.”

  He must have noticed the alarm spread across my features. He lifted his right arm and traced a cross over his heart. The authentic signal indicated the pure seriousness of keeping our word in Starosa. If you crossed your heart, you meant what you said.

  While performing the gesture he solemnly and urgently uttered, “I swear to Starosa, I will not hurt you.”

  Jude Meadows turned and left before I could remove my gaping jaw from the floor.

  Chapter 13

  After my day of labor, I struggled to perform normal evening tasks. I briefly visited with Brenna and Old Jake. I showered, ate the eveningtide meal, and went to my room. At night, drudges often visited for a short time on the main floor, but more commonly retired to their own rooms. Some would visit outside in the open, chancing an unwanted encounter with an elite ten. Our vulnerability against unnecessary conflict was magnified outdoors. It was generally the male drudges, those who were large in stature. They would brave leaving the safety of a drudge house at night.

  I would normally remain inside after work and without fail. I would never chance an undesirable encounter with Rykeir in the darkness of nighttime. Wracked with worry, I formulated a plan to avoid elite tens in route to Animal Quarters.

  Would I even cultivate the courage to sneak out at all? I scolded myself for wanting to go. I knew I should not venture out, but my desire to meet Jude was not decreasing. Most of the elite tens spent their time at the Drinkery after work hours. Once the eight o’clock bell rang, they tended to relax their control of the community. They assumed we were all in our drudge houses eating and preparing for sleep. An act of obedience I regularly performed. Only occasionally, could an elite ten be spotted patrolling the area with determination once it was dark outside. As soon as the ten o’clock bell rang, the elite tens often left their airs of authority and law enforcement at the entrance of the Drinkery. If I avoided the vicinity near the Drinkery, I would be safe from the unwanted attention drunken firstlings would provide.

  I restlessly attempted to relax on my cot, but my nerves were overwhelming. I continuously debated if I should leave to meet Jude Meadows. Indecision thrashed around my mind like a wild animal trapped in a snare. What if it was a ploy and Jude would be waiting there with his cruel friends to do something terrible to me?

  The pleasant way he smiled before dropping the valued papers on the floor trickled through my mind. He swore to Starosa and crossed his heart. It was a promise and could not be broken. Right? Surely, he was not planning to hurt me. The relentless, wild animal trapped in my mind, defeatedly gave into the snare, as I decided to meet him. In my insignificant musings, the resolution became an act of rebellion and defiance against the meaningless life of drudgery. It was my way of revolting in a place where I was without rights. Despite my consistent hard work and obedience, I was ultimately sentenced to death by my ruthless leader anyway.

  The decision to meet Jude was out of character, but it was a choice I made on my own. It was exhilarating to make my own decision and execute it. It was reckless and out of control, but my mind was made and there was no turning back.

  I figured the ten o’clock bell would ring soon, so I found my courage and ventured outside. There were a few cleaning drudges finishing their short-lived conversations. I crept quietly into the dark and snuck behind the drudge houses. I hoped to stay as far away from Main Circle as possible. Remaining hidden in the shadows of the buildings and surrounding wilderness was my only chance of going unnoticed. My entire body was jittery.

  I was meticulous in my movements, making sure I would not encounter any of the elite tens. I moved swiftly in obscurity until I was in proximity of the animal quarters. My body was pressed firmly against the back walls, veiled in darkness. Not many drudges were outside. I was concealed and safe in my advancements, though my heart was racing from the task.

  The sudden dread of a horrible fate attempted to loom over like heavy rain clouds. There was a chance I was walking into a death trap. I debated turning around countless times. But curiosity as to why Jude Meadows wanted to meet with me was too fierce to ignore. I was foolishly risking my life with irratio
nal behavior, but there was a force pushing me. It could not be thwarted. The preexisting death sentence from Chief Meadows added to my recklessness. Knowing he would eventually execute my existence added to my willingness to risk the encounter.

  I spotted the predetermined shed and waited, searching the area for anybody who might cause harm. Only the animals could be spotted in the darkness. Animal waste hostilely invaded my senses. I remained as still as a statue and alert to possible threats.

  After what seemed like an everlasting duration of time, I summoned the courage to dash to the shed. With tremulous effort I swung the door open. I scuttled inside. In my haste, I failed to keep the door from slamming behind me. The crashing noise rang through my ears with the sound of inevitable capture. My body jolted with astonishment and nauseating tension. An inward chastisement ensued for allowing the door to swing closed.

  After being squeezed shut and awaiting possible discovery, I chanced opening my eyes. The inside of the shed was pitch black and I needed to adjust to the darkness. My heavy breathing bellowed against the walls and I attempted to compose myself. I fumbled with fidgety hands and struggled to discover a light source to no avail. I frantically became conscious of how alone I was, with confining and suffocating gloom. With severe distress, I affirmed Jude was not there and he was most likely not coming.

  I sulked in the darkness like the biggest fool in Starosa. After regaining my composure, I mustered the necessary courage to return to the safety of my drudge house. I placed my ear to the door and listened for threatening sounds. The clamor of unexpected footsteps thundered near the shed and flared alarming fretfulness. My body froze instantly. Was somebody coming to hurt me? Was the person Jude Meadows?

  Before the door flew open, I scurried into a corner like a frightened cowering creature. I tried to identify the silhouette in the dim atmosphere. I noticed the figure was holding something in its hand. Was it a weapon? Would it be used to end my life? I peered at the object and attempted to stifle my anxious emotions. A tinge of relief surfaced after identifying the object as a lantern. The shadowed profile turned on the lantern and Jude Meadows’s features came into view. He caught sight of me in the corner and his mouth turned into a charming smile.

  He spoke gently, “Hey there, Analysse. You came.”

  He appeared genuinely pleased. Why was one of the most important firstlings in Starosa happy to see me? I was a meaningless drudge girl. Due to crippling apprehension and from being a bundle of nerves, I could not respond. Why were my insides tangled in knots? Was I worried he might still hurt me? Why was I so jittery? I compelled myself to answer with poise, but my wavering voice gave me away.

  “Yes, sir. I came.”

  I strained to remove any emotion from my face. I did not want to reveal my struggle to remain calm.

  I asserted, “I decided I better not refuse a firstling’s request, sir. Especially yours, as the future Chief.”

  Jude signaled disagreement with my words and declared, “There will be no addressing me as sir, in here.”

  He scornfully said the word sir, and persisted to stare in my direction.

  I did not know how to reply and desired to bolt from the shed. If we were caught…I could not even imagine what would happen. In my defense, I could claim I was simply being an obedient drudge. A firstling asked me to meet him and I obeyed his demands. I needed to figure out why Jude asked me here, so I could immediately return to my house. I longed for the safety of my confined, assigned room.

  I questioned, “Why did you ask me here, Jude...sir?”

  I attempted to drop the sir, but it was too difficult after being required to address firstlings formally my entire life. It was bizarre calling him by his first name as well, but it was exhilarating to push a boundary.

  At my question Jude cast his glance downward. He silently set the lantern down and sat on the dusty floor. I could not be sure, but in the dim light it appeared as if his cheeks were flushed. He mumbled something incoherent and attempted to answer my inquiry. I could barely make out his reply. Jude fumbled with his words as if they were blocks of cement attempting to leave his mouth.

  “I umm...wanted to apologize to you in person for the other day.”

  I remembered the humiliating moment with overwhelming impact. The embarrassment rushed through my senses. Having Jude bring the incident to the forefront of my memory made the irritation and hurt rise all over again. I needed to get out of there as soon as possible.

  Through gritted teeth I responded, “It is okay. I should get back to my drudge house though.”

  I moved from the corner to leave. I was agitated and desperately wanted to get out of the uncomfortable circumstance.

  As I walked past Jude, he grabbed my hand and softly said, “Please, Analysse, don’t go.”

  Jude Meadows holding my hand was making my stomach tumble and my heart beat faster. The touch had a shocking effect on me. With immense effort, I pushed the new emotion away and moved to face him.

  My voice was shaky as I responded, “If all you wanted was to apologize, you already did through the drawings. You have wasted my time and risked too much asking me here. I should leave. I do not want to be caught. Unlike you, I would be put to death over this forbidden meeting.”

  Jude Meadows still commanded my hand. He held it lightly, but did not release its grasp. The only other person to ever hold my hand was Old Jake and he rarely did. But this physical contact was not the same. This connection unsettled me in an inexplicable way. Abruptly, I released the perplexing influence he had on me. Jude solicited assurances.

  “We won’t get caught, Analysse. Nobody even comes to Animal Quarters at night. Nobody. So please, sit and talk to me. I want to talk to you. Stay?”

  Staying would go against my better judgment. Why would Chief Meadows’s son want to converse with me? I was unimportant and the situation did not make logical sense, but I found myself hopeless to resist his persistent invitation. It was especially difficult to refuse his helpless and pleading brown eyes.

  There was something rooted within my soul and it did not want to leave so quickly either. Despite the apprehension, and regardless of the danger, I quietly sat across from him in the poorly lit room. I chanced a timid glance and observed his features were radiant with sincere happiness and a hint of triumph. His genuine cheerfulness was contagious and I could not help but smile back at him.

  Jude spoke carefully, “Analysse, what I want…I would like to become your friend.”

  His request seemed futile so I kept my eyes to the floor and whispered, “Why?”

  Jude Meadows’s expression reddened and he answered, “I have always wanted to. I am drawn to you. Ever since we were young children, I have noticed you.”

  He had noticed me since we were children? I supposed I had been aware of him as well, but he was Chief Meadows’s son. He was the future leader of Starosa. Of course, I was cognizant of him too. Was it the only reason though? I was unsure of my motives, but I could not deny a close attention paid to him in the past as well.

  Not masking my skepticism, I said, “I guess we can talk…for tonight.”

  I cautiously emphasized, “However, we cannot be friends. Drudges aren’t permitted friends.”

  My response came out harsher than I intended. I refused to admit it out loud, but I was scared. I was breaking serious laws. I was outside late at night and conversing in an amicable manner with a firstling. Even if he was the one to ask me here, I knew the argument would not stand and would crumble like sand if we were caught. Especially because Chief Meadows already disapproved of his son’s open kindness to me in the past.

  My curt comment made Jude Meadows chuckle and he responded, “Okay. At least I have you speaking and with me.”

  He peered into my eyes and added, “Even if it’s only for tonight.”

  Happy with his success he inquired, “What should we talk about?”

  His body fidgeted with excitement and he asked, “Analysse, what do you want more
than anything?”

  Freedom. The powerful word came to my consciousness, but I dared not utter it aloud to a firstling. I was at a loss for speech because what I truly wanted was against the law. It would be an attempt on my life to inform a firstling of what I immensely desired. I wanted to shatter everything forcing me into drudgery. Jude Meadows was not only a firstling, but the son of Chief Meadows, the main enforcer of laws and the most unforgiving punisher.

  Jude detected my hesitation and affirmed, “Analysse, I promise I will not hurt you. You can tell me anything and your words will be safe with me.”

  He snickered and declared, “Even if you said you wanted to throw a rock at Rykeir’s ugly, disfigured face. I would only agree to it being a rewarding desire.”

  His countenance tensed at the mention of Rykeir, but he winked and grinned.

  I could not conceal my amusement at his remark. I found it intriguing. Jude recognized Rykeir as being one of the more revolting people in Starosa. In my eyes, he was the most vicious and horrible of the elite tens. Did Jude ever witness Rykeir’s disgusting intensity as he liberally studied my features and body?

  Jude’s revealing statement and warm expression eased my worries. For a moment, I debated divulging exactly what I wanted more than anything. I found myself believing he would not hurt me. I could speak with him truthfully and without reprimand. Could I mention freedom was my ultimate wish? Probably not, but believed I could tell him other desires of my heart.