The Forbidden Plan

by Erika Starits

  “Throwing a rock at Rykeir’s face would be great.”

  I flashed a quick grin.

  “But it is not what I want more than anything. What I would like…”

  I trailed off losing my nerve. Jude looked at me encouragingly and motioned for me to proceed.

  “I promise, Analysse. I will not hurt you or be the means of any harm. I want to know everything and anything about you. Please, continue.”

  He was convincing and appeared to be sincere. I studied his eyes and attempted to find misgivings. I could not find any amongst his earnest, gleaming features.

  I found my courage and stammered, “I would love to try...to taste…bacon!”

  I lost my resolution to tell him what I longed for most, but this was an honest aspiration as well.

  Jude genuinely contemplated my response. He nodded his head in approving motions. He must have agreed it was a worthy wish. With the assurance of his supportive glance and amiable expression, I was inclined to reveal more. I could not stop and the sentences flew from my mouth with the vigor of rushing wind.

  “Oh, and I want to learn how to read and write. I would truly love to acquire those skills. It is unfair drudges cannot be educated.”

  I was immediately ashamed of my confession and fidgeted with panic. I was worried he would rebuke me for speaking against the Starosa way. He did not speak, but affectionately lifted my chin so I would look at him again. My body tensed and butterflies flickered.

  In a serious tone he said, “I agree, it is not fair. If you meet me here every night, I will teach you how to read and write. We can even practice math facts too.”

  He dropped his fingers from my face and beamed.

  “I will also bring you bacon.”

  A jolt of excitement rushed through my body, but it was sweltering with fear as well.

  I tried to stifle my enthusiasm and voiced my concerns, “But if we are discovered, I will surely be executed.”

  Jude looked me straight into the eyes, holding my gaze.

  He fervently said, “I promise you…we will not be caught and I will make sure you are always safe.”

  He carefully grasped my hand and held it firmly. He cautiously brought my hand to his chest and made the crossing heart motion.

  He whispered, “I promise you.”

  I was quiet for a moment, not trusting myself to speak while my heartbeat raced. The way Jude tenderly held both my hand and my gaze sent me through a whirlwind of sentiments. Could I believe him? I was not sure, but desperately wanted the things he was promising. I found I could not say no. He released his gentle grip which allowed me to regain my composure and find my voice.

  I responded, “Alright, I will be here every night.”

  Jude’s grin reached each of his ears. I reciprocated his cheerful manner.

  I mused, “You know, we have lived in this same community since birth. But we have never officially met.”

  Jude straightened his posture and became formal. He put forth his index finger, in an official Starosa greeting.

  As I interlocked my pale finger with his bronze one, he happily said, “It is nice to officially meet you, I am Jude.”

  His happy demeanor and twinkling eyes gave me a sense of comfort in the world of uncertainty I was embarking.

  “And I am Analysse…Ana.”

  He faintly repeated my nickname Ana. It was a thoughtful utterance, followed by a crooked grin.

  He confidently responded, “It is so nice to meet you.”

  We chuckled and engaged in unexpectedly easy and effortless conversation, until way past the ten o’clock bell.

  Chapter 14

  When life is full of exuberance, time moves at a rapid pace. A few weeks swiftly past since Jude and I first met in our shed of sanctuary. We were meeting every single night and without fail. His assertion proved to be accurate because nobody occupied Animal Quarters during our time together. Not one person...except for Jude and I. He was becoming one of my favorite people in Starosa. A genuine and dear bond was blossoming. Possibly a true friendship, a gift neither of us previously experienced.

  I loved spending time with him. His sense of humor kindled laughter and joy in my life. I experienced happiness scarcely enjoyed before, if ever at all. He was a capable and successful teacher too. In our short time together, I learned the beginnings of reading and writing. Education touched my soul to the very depths. It was a beautiful capability and it ignited wonderment and hope. The achievement would never be taken for granted. I was bursting with excitement and anxiously anticipated meeting with him each night to learn more. The bacon he provided was delicious and the savory juices practically dribbled from my mouth when I first tried the delicacy. I closed my eyes and marveled over the delectable taste.

  During our weeks together he brought many firstlings’ luxurious foods for me to try. He was beyond pleased to watch my reaction to each first bite. It would not be surprising to discover the spoils in sustenance added needed pounds to my meager frame. I remembered a conversation from one of our sneaky encounters. I smelled the aroma from a morsel he brought for me to taste.

  “Jude, I believe you are trying to fatten me up.”

  Jude laughed boisterously and asked, “Is that right, my Ana?”

  He referred to me as his and it did not escape my notice. I nodded enthusiastically and stuffed my mouth with a cheese biscuit smothered with butter and dripping with honey.

  He insisted, “If my aim is to fatten you, it does not look like I am succeeding. Also, whatever will we do about the fact you are so vertically challenged?”

  I cheerfully contended, “Oh whatever, Jude!”

  Years of undernourishment did not go unnoticed when I glanced in the mirror. With a tinge of disappointment, I hated Jude observed this as well. What I would have given...for enough nourishment to round and smooth out the jagged edges of my face.

  Jude leaned over and softly wiped the corner of my mouth.

  He offered reassurances, “In my opinion, you are beautiful and perfect, no matter what.”

  His words left me dazed and ignited a rush of nervousness. In true Jude fashion, he changed the subject with ease and cracked a joke. He regularly brought me to laughter ending in side aches and sore cheeks.

  I was crazy for meeting with him each night. I was breaking serious laws under forbidden circumstances. I could lose my life over such foolishness, but I refused to end our secret encounters. I could not stop learning and experiencing new things, of which only he could give me. I found it irresistible to avoid him and his charm. However, in my constant state of sunshine, there was an underlying storm cloud of concern.

  Throughout the day of labor, I often caught myself daydreaming with a giddy expression on my face. When I hurriedly returned to work, I realized with crushing force I was always dreaming of Jude. His piercing brown eyes, lighthearted manner, and gentle laugh vanquished my senses. I relived many of our secluded moments during the day. The situation greatly worried me and made me happy at the same time. The skin was darkened beneath my eyes. This indicated an exhaustive lack of sleep, but my energy abounded.

  During the day we avoided each other as we would a dreadful illness. Each night, we shared our schedules for the next day. The cleaning drudges normally followed a specific rotation for duty. This information was advantageous to our cause. We meticulously avoided being in the same areas. In the daylight we never crossed paths intentionally. If I glimpsed him in the distance, I immediately refrained from looking until he was no longer in sight. Once I was a safe distance away, it was impossible to prevent a smile from spreading across my face.

  I would be serving Remembrance Duty the following day and Jude was terribly anxious. I had survived remembrance duties every month since I was in my tenth year and tirelessly reassured him. My assurances did nothing to calm his fears. For some unknown reason, his concern pleased me. Knowing he cared about my safety, warmed my heart. It was also concerning so I forcefully pushed aside the sentimen
t.

  I finished cleaning and laundering for my drudge house. Thankfully, Chief Meadows allowed drudges the decency of being hygienic. I was headed to grab freshly laundered clothes from my miniscule room and was planning to shower. Unexpectedly, I heard Brenna’s chummy voice.

  “Ana! Ana!”

  I faced the sound of her running feet and I inquired, “Yes?”

  Brenna stopped and strained to compose herself. Her head hung and her hands rested on her knees for a few breath-catching moments. She never rushed anywhere or hurried to accomplish tasks, so it was odd to witness her in the action of bustling. I was amused at her quirkiness.

  She breathlessly announced, “Elite Ten Jada stopped me on my way to the house and demanded I take this paper to Chief Meadows. Will you please come with me?”

  She mustered the strength to lift her head and upon seeing her face, I grimaced. She had a huge bruise forming under and around her right eye. I instantly forgot what she asked me.

  “Brenna, what happened to your eye!?”

  She touched her face and shook her head impatiently. She brushed aside my concerns with a wave of her hand.

  “Oh, it’s nothing, Ana. I was late to duty today. Now back to my question, will you please come with me to deliver this to the Chief?”

  My muscles knotted in fear. The last person I wanted to see was Chief Meadows. Especially since I was in the habit of breaking so many laws lately. I was breaking them with his son and this truth did not quiet my reservations. Did I trust myself to appear innocent in his presence? Brenna could never know of my offenses though, so I was inclined to go. This was for her protection, more than mine.

  In faltering speech, I answered, “Umm, sure, but let’s go quickly. I have Remembrance Duty tomorrow and want to enjoy the comforts of shelter and a cot tonight.”

  Brenna was so happy with my compliance, she nearly hugged me, but promptly dropped her hands. We both glanced around, hoping her brief moment of human emotion went unnoticed by lurking elite tens and firstlings.

  Once she was sure we were free from suspecting and menacing judgements she said, “Thank you sooo much, Ana! You are amazing! Oh, and don’t worry about the eye, it’s not like it’s my first bruising.”

  She was unruffled by the injury and acted as if there was no need for concern.

  “I am sorry it happened. Please be more careful, Brenna. It looks horrible.”

  She proceeded to wave off my sentiments until I announced, “Alright, let’s go deliver this note.”

  While heading to Chief Meadows’s residence, I attempted normal conversation with Brenna. But I was about to faint from anxiety.

  I glimpsed the paper and experienced instant pride. I recognized every letter name and sound from the writing. I could even make out a few short words. It was exhilarating!

  Brenna rambled about her day and I endeavored to stay in the conversation.

  “It was Ralina who hit me today. I was caught frolicking on my way to work. I was fantasizing and taking my sweet time. You know, the usual. I was terribly late and should have already begun labor. Ralina caught me happily skipping and approached me. She demanded to know why I was not working yet.”

  Brenna raised her palms apologetically and explained, "I did not have a credible answer.”

  I gestured unbelief before asking, “Again, Brenna?”

  While awaiting her response, I incessantly studied the firstlings’ faces. I was striving to make sure we did not run into Jude. During eveningtide, he tended to publicly associate with firstlings from the school. He was unaware I embarked on this unplanned outing with Brenna.

  She answered, “Yes, I know. I...”

  I did not catch the rest of Brenna’s reply because something grabbed my full attention. It was two firstlings. A young girl, no older than her third year and her woman creator. The innocent and youthful child picked a colorful flower from along the path.

  Her bitty voice carried over to my ears, “Mommy, mommy.”

  It was peculiar hearing the firstlings’ term of endearment for their women creators. It was a word I never uttered because I did not have a mother. I simply had a woman creator. A person I had never even met.

  The child's maker responded, “Yes, honey?”

  The woman lowered her body to the girl’s level. She beheld her young one, and her features reflected what I imagined was…love.

  The pudgy child answered, “I picked this flower for you because I love you so much.”

  She was smiling so sweetly.

  The mother graciously said, “Aww it is beautiful, sweetheart. Thank you so much. I love you too.”

  The woman grabbed the flower and hugged the child affectionately.

  The moment touched my emotions. Is that what love looked like? In a strange way, it made me long for what these two firstlings possessed. I would never know the love between a child and creator. It was prohibited for drudges to talk to their makers. We did not even know their identities. The incident inexplicably gave me a sense of yearning and I became mournful.

  “Hello, Ana? Are you there?”

  Brenna stopped in front of me and was flapping her hand back and forth in front of my face.

  I shook the scene from my mind and answered, “Oh sorry, Brenna.”

  She demanded, “Ana, what is going on with you lately? You are always in a dreamy state, and mostly with a silly grin on your face. Although, you were not grinning right now. It is what you are usually doing when you are distracted. It is strange to see you act…like me.”

  Brenna giggled and asserted, “You are usually so serious, focused, and alert.”

  She lowered her voice.

  “You aren’t falling for Zander, are you? Are you fantasizing about your remembrance duties together or what?”

  She playfully elbowed me in the arm. Leave it to Brenna to make light of something as dreadful as my inevitable death. It surprised me. She observed how often I was in a faraway mood? But it had nothing to do with Zander…

  I responded with assurance, “What?! Absolutely not, Brenna! I told you. I will not fall in love with Zander. I would not be so foolish! You shouldn’t even joke.”

  We maintained our jaunt and I grimaced. I was already being irrational, but with somebody else.

  Brenna bantered, “Okay, okay, we can both admire Zander’s strong muscles and handsome face from afar. Relax, Green Eyes.”

  I shook my head and chortled. The cheerfulness was stripped from my face as we approached Chief Meadows’s residence. It was the largest house in all of Starosa. It was the size of three drudge houses and had the most lavish, outward decoration. It was painted a pristine white with roseletts and different flowers surrounding the grounds, making it even more stunning. I blushed when I saw the roseletts, remembering in one of Jude’s notes he admittedly compared me to one.

  We reached the entrance and I inhaled a lingering breath, compelling myself to remain calm and steady. I heard footsteps advance the massive double doors. The golden knobs twisted. Would I fall unconscious from stress?

  I slightly jumped and was startled to discover Jude standing in the threshold. I was so concerned about Chief Meadows answering the door, I failed to reason Jude lived with him. Seeing him caused unexpected nervousness. It was frustrating, but I inexplicably desired it too. Why were my emotions so difficult to understand and confusing?

  Jude spoke, “Ana? What are you…?”

  I shot him the sternest expression I could muster. I silently threatened him to remember he did not know me. He specifically would not know I was called Ana.

  Jude stopped mid-sentence. He subsequently registered Brenna standing next to me.

  If looks could kill, he would lie dead because of the fiery darts I threw in his direction. Brenna seemed perplexed at his behavior.

  Jude rapidly recovered and straightened his stance. His face turned serious and austere.

  He cleared his throat and demanded, “Drudges, what is your business here?”

  Desp
ite the initial alarm and irritation, I tried to stifle an uncontrolled snigger. Jude’s tough and stern act was comical. Especially when I knew he was anything but grim and rigid.

  Brenna responded, “Excuse us, sir. Elite Ten Jada wanted me to deliver this paper to Chief Meadows.”

  Jude took the paper from Brenna and harshly replied, “It has been delivered. You are dismissed.”

  He waved us away with an air of superiority and dominance. His extended air of self-proclaimed preeminence, a stance all firstlings portrayed, instantly wiped the amused expression from my features. I glared at him instead. An action I would never dare with any other firstling.

  Brenna answered, “Thank you, sir,” and motioned at me expectedly.

  Reluctantly, I snapped back to reality and stated, “Yes, thank you, sir.”

  I emphasized the formality and constrained myself to become more compliant in Brenna’s presence. It was weird having to act like a meaningless drudge in front of Jude. It rubbed my feelings the wrong way. My emotions were raw, mad, and wounded.

  Jude peered at me studiously before slamming the door shut. It practically collided in our faces and irritated me even more.

  Brenna turned to me, “Bizarre! Did he call you...Ana!?”

  She stared at me waiting for a response. I wracked my brain for a way to answer, trying to relinquish the mix of emotions the encounter released. With intense relief, she continued babbling. It was true to Brenna’s character and I was never more thankful for her endless chatter in all my life.

  She spoke at a racing speed, “He is a firstling! Who can explain why they do what they do!? Geesh! I am hungry, let’s hurry so we can eat!”

  Chapter 15

  I visited Old Jake so he did not grow suspicious of my forbidden actions. I had been shamefully avoiding him. In his sage presence the guilt was more than I could handle. Also, being encompassed with Jude and our unlawful meetings, kept me very preoccupied.

  I hated keeping Jude a secret from him. Especially after the great lengths Old Jake went through to keep me a stalwart drudge. He taught me to be hardworking and rule abiding. When I walked into his confined room, I found him resting on his cot and writing. It was the only luxury of being an old one. I mischievously acknowledged it was a benefit belonging to the old ones…and me. He gestured a welcoming greeting.