Paper Love

by Jae

  The panic Susanne felt at that was only slightly less than when she’d thought something might be wrong with her uncle. She hesitated.

  “What, you don’t think we’re capable of talking without tearing each other’s clothes off?” Anja’s chuckle sounded a little forced.

  Susanne groaned. “Don’t give me any ideas,” she muttered under her breath. “Of course we are. Come on in.” She pressed the buzzer and opened her apartment door, clinging to it with one hand.

  Anja’s steps approached slowly. She paused and looked at Susanne from the other side of the doorway. Her face was pale, and her eyes held that same look she had sported when she had taken that first step up on the observation tower—scared and not sure she would ever make it to the top.

  Susanne’s throat tightened. Suddenly, the last thing on her mind was ripping her clothes off, but God, she wanted to hold her. She opened the door wider. “Come in.” She led the way into the living room.

  They sat on opposite ends of the couch.

  Anja stared at her hands. For someone who had come to talk, she was now very silent.

  “Are you okay?” Susanne asked and then instantly felt stupid. Does she look like she’s okay?

  “Yes. No. Yes.” Anja’s chest rose and fell under a deep breath. Finally, she looked at Susanne. “I am okay. I’m always okay. But I’m never great. Because I always play it safe.”

  Susanne watched her. Where was she going with this? But she didn’t ask because she sensed that if she interrupted her now, Anja might never again work up the courage to say what she obviously needed to say.

  “I’ve never been one to take chances, especially not with my heart.”

  “That’s not a bad thing,” Susanne said softly. “Probably saves you from a lot of hurt.”

  Anja tilted her head in a vague nod. “Sure, but by trying to protect myself, I sometimes lose out on good things too. If I had given in to my fear and avoided climbing that observation tower, like I always have before, I never would have gotten to share that breathtaking view with you.”

  And that equally breathtaking almost kiss. Susanne reined in her impatience and waited for Anja to go on.

  “I know there are plenty of reasons why we should keep things between us on a strictly friendly basis, but…” Anja’s gaze darted to her face, then away. “Do you think…? Could we just…try?”

  Everything in Susanne screamed at her to say yes, but she forced herself to hold back. “God, Anja, believe me, if things were different, I’d date you in a heartbeat, but I can’t make you any promises.”

  Anja shook her head and now fully looked at her. “I’m not asking for promises. Can’t we just take it one day at a time and enjoy each other’s company without worrying about the future for now?”

  It was exactly what Susanne had done in many, maybe even most of her past relationships. But did she want to do that with Anja? Could she do that to her?

  Muesli chose that moment to jump up on the couch between them.

  “Hi, boy.” Anja immediately buried her fingers in his fur, and Susanne’s heart clenched when she saw that they were trembling. “Hey, you’ve still got that lipstick on your head.”

  “Yeah.” Susanne laughed shakily. “He can’t seem to get rid of it.” Just as she couldn’t get rid of the memory of their kiss. She slid closer to her on the couch.

  Muesli took it as an invitation to climb on her lap.

  Susanne absentmindedly ran her hand over his fur once but then ignored him to focus solely on Anja. “Are you sure you want to do this? Can you really enjoy our time together, knowing it might not last?”

  “I think so. Using those six weeks to find out if it could work is better than wondering forever if…”

  “If?” Susanne prompted when Anja fell silent.

  “If that kiss earlier today was a fluke, or if you can make my toes curl every single time you kiss me.” Anja peered over at her from under half-lowered lids. How could she look so shy and yet so damn sexy at the same time?

  “You know I can never resist a challenge, don’t you?” Susanne murmured, her voice husky.

  “Then don’t.”

  With a groan, Susanne tossed the remainder of her reservations overboard and decided to do exactly what Anja wanted her to do: live in the moment—and kiss her senseless.

  She slid even closer on the couch and turned until her knee touched Anja’s thigh. Gently, she put one hand on her hip, just resting it there, even though her fingers wanted to explore immediately. “Are you really—?”

  Anja surged forward, and then Susanne was the one being kissed senseless.

  Their mouths connected with urgency, as if both of them wanted to make the most of every minute together.

  Anja clasped the back of Susanne’s neck with one hand while cradling her jaw with the other, holding her against her.

  Not that Susanne had any intention of pulling back. She returned the kiss with equal heat.

  The cat gave a meow of protest as he was squished between them and then jumped to the floor.

  Susanne slid her other hand onto Anja’s waist and pulled her even closer. The heat of Anja’s body seeped through their clothes, making Susanne’s temperature skyrocket too. She nipped at Anja’s bottom lip and then slipped inside her mouth, teasing her with lips and teeth and tongue until the small noises Anja made were nearly constant. Or maybe some of them were hers. She could no longer tell.

  Finally, she broke their kiss with reluctance.

  Anja straightened and took her hand away from Susanne’s neck but left the other where it was, softly brushing her thumb along Susanne’s jaw.

  Susanne tilted her face into the caress and stared into her eyes. So much emotion—passion but also something gentler—swirled in those brown depths that Susanne had to look away. She bent, untied the laces of Anja’s sneakers, and pulled off one shoe and sock.

  A giggle burst from Anja, and she pulled back her foot as if she was ticklish. “What are you doing? If this is your attempt to undress me, I’ve got to tell you, it’s not very sexy.”

  Susanne suppressed a moan as visions of undressing Anja and exploring each centimeter of her warm, soft skin danced before her mind’s eye. “Believe me, when I undress you, it’ll be very sexy.” She lowered her voice to a seductive burr. Then she paused as she realized what she’d said: when. Not if.

  The flush on Anja’s cheeks deepened. She licked her lips. “Then what’s this?” She wiggled her toes.

  Susanne grinned. “Just looking to see if I could make your toes curl.”

  Anja fell against her, laughing, and it only took that contact to have them tumble into another kiss.

  When it ended several minutes later, Susanne was breathless. For her, kissing hadn’t been this intense in a very long time. She glanced down at Anja’s cute toes. “Yep. Definitely curled.”

  “What about yours?” Anja’s husky voice sent shivers through Susanne’s body.

  “You could take off my socks and kiss me again.” Susanne invitingly lifted one foot. “And I wouldn’t mind if you don’t want to stop at my socks.”

  One hand already on Susanne’s ankle, Anja stopped and glanced up at her with wide eyes.

  “Hey.” Susanne put her hand over Anja’s, pulled it away from her sock, and held it in both of hers. “I was just kidding. Well, mostly.” She gave a wry smile. “I admit I wouldn’t put up much of a struggle if you wanted to drag me to bed right now. But I know you’re not the kind of woman who jumps into things like that, and that’s perfectly fine.”

  Anja searched her eyes. Whatever she read there seemed to reassure her because a smile eased across her face.

  Muesli jumped onto the coffee table as if to check whether they were done kissing.

  Susanne pointed at the floor. “Get down!”

  The cat sat and looked at her without blinking.

  Anja laughed. “You’ve never had a cat before, have you?”

  “No. And I don’t have one now either.” S
usanne picked him up and carried him toward the bathroom. “Come on. Let’s clean him up.”

  She sat on the edge of the tub, holding him, while Anja took a cloth, wet a corner of it at the sink, and gently ran it over his fur to remove the traces of lipstick.

  The cat nestled into Susanne, trying to escape the wet cloth, and Anja had to step closer to reach him. She stood between Susanne’s spread legs, her knee resting against the inside of her thigh. A tingle rippled through Susanne, and she couldn’t decide if this was heaven or hell.

  She distracted herself with one of the questions they still needed to talk about. “How are we going to handle this?”

  “Oh, I think it’s working the way we’re doing it. Look, the lipstick is all gone.” Anja took away the cloth and nodded down at the cat.

  “No, I meant…” Susanne waved her hand between them. “This. Do you want to tell people? Tell…Uncle Norbert?”

  “I don’t know. Do you want to tell him?”

  Hell, no. She was fairly sure her uncle wouldn’t like their day-by-day arrangement. “I’m not saying I want us to sneak around and make each other feel like this is our dirty little secret. But maybe we could be…discreet.”

  “Discreet, hmm?” A teasing smile tugged at the corners of Anja’s lips. “So no making out in the middle of the store?”

  A vivid image of her pressing Anja against the island display while she captured her mouth in a demanding kiss flashed through Susanne’s mind. “Uh…”

  “All right. We can do discreet.”

  Susanne suddenly wasn’t so sure she could.

  Anja ran her fingers over Muesli’s damp fur. “All done. Good boy.” She bent and kissed his head, then straightened.

  “Hey, what about me?” Susanne tapped her chest. “I helped get him clean. Don’t I get a kiss for that?”

  “You’re not the one who got her fur all wet.”

  “Oh, I’m plenty—”

  Anja pressed her mouth to Susanne’s. “Don’t say it,” she playfully whispered against her lips.

  “If you don’t want me to talk, maybe you should find a way to shut me up.”

  So Anja did.

  By the time they finally managed to pry themselves away from each other, it was already nine o’clock. Susanne reluctantly walked Anja to the door. She didn’t want her to go, but she knew they both needed some time to process what had happened, so a sleepover wasn’t an option tonight.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you?” Susanne asked for the third time.

  Anja nodded. “If you drive me, I have a feeling we’ll still be sitting in your car at midnight, exchanging one last kiss goodbye.”

  Susanne couldn’t argue with that. “At least send me a text so I know you made it home safely.”

  “It’s just two quick streetcar rides, not a trip halfway across the country.”

  “Still. I’m allowed to worry about my…” Susanne cut herself off, not knowing what to call Anja. Did she have the right to call Anja her girlfriend when she wasn’t sure what would happen once the six weeks were up? “To worry about you.”

  Anja smiled and softly touched her palm to Susanne’s cheek. “I thought you were a total ice queen when we first met, but you’re actually pretty sweet.”

  Heat flared up her neck. “Am not.”

  Grinning, Anja rose up on her tiptoes and kissed her, just a light caress of her lips this time.

  It was sweeter than the most delicious chocolate.

  “I like it,” Anja whispered against Susanne’s lips. Then she dropped down onto her heels, took her hand away from Susanne’s face, and opened the door. “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning.”

  “See you,” Susanne said with a nod, already wondering what it would be like to see Anja again, away from the safe haven of her apartment. Would things between them feel weird? “Good night.”

  “Sleep well.” Anja stepped outside, but instead of walking away, she faced Susanne and lifted her hand in a silent goodbye.

  Susanne mirrored the gesture. She watched as Anja reluctantly turned and walked toward the building’s front door. The hallway veered to the right, so Susanne couldn’t track her all the way to the door. Suddenly, she understood how Muesli probably felt every time she put him outside and closed the French door between them.

  Stop being so melodramatic. This so isn’t you. Get back inside, put the cat out, and get some work done.

  But she stood rooted to the spot until she heard the front door open.

  In a second, it would fall closed behind Anja, and she would be gone.

  “Anja!” she called, then immediately wanted to slap herself. She barely recognized herself. She had never acted like this with any other woman. In the past, she’d always been in control of herself and her actions.

  Anja’s footsteps paused before hurrying back toward her, as if she’d been waiting for Susanne to call her back. It took only two seconds for Anja to reappear, a question in her eyes.

  Damn. What was she supposed to say now? “Uh, I…I just thought you probably need another kiss to tide you over.”

  A twinkle lit Anja’s eyes. “Oh, do I?”

  Susanne nodded. “You do.”

  “Well, then you’d better come here and kiss me.”

  Susanne took off one slipper and used it to block the door so it wouldn’t fall closed since she didn’t have her keys with her. On one sock and one slipper, she padded through the hallway. God, if any of her friends or former colleagues could see her now! Cool, calm, and collected Susanne Wolff was making a fool of herself over a woman. That was definitely a first.

  Any embarrassment she might have felt quickly vanished when she bent and kissed Anja. She loved the way Anja curled her fingers around her neck to tug her down and hold her against her. She could spend hours exploring Anja’s warm mouth and nibbling her soft lips.

  But they were standing in the middle of the hallway for all her neighbors to see, so she reluctantly broke the kiss and traced Anja’s reddened bottom lip with the pad of her thumb. “Good night.”

  “Sweet dreams,” Anja whispered.

  Oh yeah, she would definitely have those. Although they might be more hot than sweet after that last kiss.

  Still looking dazed, Anja walked backward to the door. Their gazes held until the very last moment. Then, with one final wave, Anja turned and was gone.

  Susanne trudged back into her apartment.

  Muesli sniffed her abandoned slipper, but when she approached, he stopped and greeted her by rubbing against her legs as if he hadn’t seen her all day.

  She really should put him outside, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Not today. “Come on. You can share my bed—just this once, okay?” She’d rather curl around Anja than around a cat, but for now, his company would do.

  Chapter 15

  Anja didn’t sleep much, too keyed up from their make-out session and thoughts about their uncertain future. She tried to tell herself to just enjoy each day and that a lot could happen in six weeks, but that didn’t help calm her racing thoughts.

  At five o’clock, she gave up on sleep and crawled out of bed. She showered and dressed and then slipped her laptop and a travel mug of coffee into her backpack.

  At least she’d be able to get some work done on the blog before the first customers started coming in, and she could take a look at the stock and what she needed to order now that Nobby was out for a couple of weeks.

  Maybe Susanne would come in to work early too. She admitted to herself that was part of the reason why she was getting her bicycle out and heading to the store before dawn. This eagerness to see her was exciting and scary at the same time.

  All was still quiet on the cobblestoned street as she chained her bicycle to the stand next to the parking garage. She had half expected—or maybe hoped—to be greeted by a light already on in the store, but Paper Love lay in darkness.

  With a sigh, she unlocked the door and went inside.

  She bu
sied herself with her usual morning routine and additional tasks Nobby normally took care of. She even managed to finish writing a blog post on her laptop. As opening time approached, she wheeled the carousels with the greeting cards outside and carried the Plexiglas sheet with the paper boats to the Bächle across the street. The sheet was as long as the distance between her fingertips and her elbow, but thankfully, it wasn’t heavy.

  Under the pretense of looking around for potential customers, she glanced toward the parking garage where Susanne usually left her BMW.

  Still no sign of her.

  In the five weeks since she’d been in Freiburg, Susanne had never been late. What if something had happened to her?

  Anja shook her head. More likely, Susanne had second thoughts about them and didn’t know how to tell her that she didn’t want to get involved with her after all, and that was why she was staying away.

  The thought made her stomach clench into a tight knot. Come on. Have some trust. Since when are you such a pessimist? But the knot in her belly didn’t loosen as she went back into the store.

  The first customer came and went. Still no Susanne.

  Anja fingered the cell phone in her pocket. Should she call her to make sure she was okay?

  Just as she pulled the phone out, the bell above the door jingled wildly and Susanne rushed in.

  Anja’s mouth went dry, not just from relief but probably also because most of her bodily fluids had gone south. Anyone looking so sexy in public should come with a warning label. The top two buttons on her blouse were open as if she had dressed hastily, revealing a glimpse of her cleavage. Her chestnut hair wasn’t tied back or put up into a twist today; it tumbled onto her shoulders in wild strands that looked finger-combed.

  “Sorry.” Susanne leaned against the counter and put down her laptop bag. “I overslept.”

  “Really?” Anja couldn’t help asking, even though she knew her insecurities were stupid. Susanne wasn’t the type to change her mind once she’d made a decision.

  “Yeah. I only fell asleep around four and must have shut off my alarm clock. If not for Muesli, who woke me up because I don’t have a litter box and he needed to go outside, I’d probably still be asleep.”