by Rona Halsall
* * *
Chloe’s eyes dropped to the floor, her cheeks burning, the memory of her last encounter with her siblings almost as mortifying as the actual event. She hurried out of the room, leaving thoughts of her fractured family behind as she focused on getting her gran’s food ready. Of course, she hadn’t left her gran to cope on her own. She knew she couldn’t. And although their relationship could never be described as close, Chloe had felt she did a better job of looking after her than anyone else. Nothing more had been said on the matter, and she hadn’t seen her siblings since.
She sighed as she put the pasta on to boil, got the tub of Bolognese sauce out of the fridge and started grating cheese into a bowl. She conjured up images of Dan’s smiling face and let thoughts of him drag her out of the fog of despondency that her family always managed to create in her head. But a niggling question persisted. Why were her brother and sister coming? And both at the same time?
They’re going to cause trouble for me.
That was her first thought, before she told herself not to be so paranoid, but a feeling of unease persisted. She was being excluded. They had things to discuss. What are they up to now?
She left her gran tucking into her meal, a cup of tea by her side, and practically ran home. It felt like she was being released from jail, and in some ways, she supposed meeting Dan had helped her to believe that there was a possibility of a different future. A way to escape her family and her past and be with someone who actually wanted her.
* * *
Later that evening, they were in the restaurant eating their meal when Dan’s phone pinged with a message.
‘I’d better get that. It might be Mum. I’m always nervous about leaving her in case she has a fall.’
Chloe smiled and took a sip of her water. ‘Of course, go ahead.’ She would have liked a bit of wine, but Dan didn’t drink and somehow it didn’t feel right to be drinking when he wasn’t. On their first date, she’d had a drink before she knew he was teetotal, and it had felt really awkward. She’d decided to make do with sparkling water, and, to be honest, she felt her health had improved now she wasn’t drinking. Still, it didn’t stop her fancying a glass of wine every now and again. Maybe in time she’d relax about it, but for now she was happy to follow Dan’s lead.
She watched him look at the screen, saw his eyes narrow.
‘Bad news?’ Chloe’s pulse quickened. ‘Your mum’s all right, isn’t she?’
He didn’t answer for a moment, his lips pressed into a thin line. He looked really angry and the transformation in his face was a shock. She’d never seen him look anything but cheerful. He was that sort of a guy. Nothing seemed to bother him. But clearly, she’d been wrong. Something was definitely bothering him now. He rose from his chair.
‘I’m just going to make a call.’
‘Yes, yes, that’s fine, you go ahead.’
He looked at the door, then back at her. ‘Bit noisy in here. I’ll go outside. Won’t be a minute.’
But he wasn’t a minute. He was almost a quarter of an hour, and she was wondering if he was going to come back at all when he finally returned to their table. He looked hot and flustered, not like he’d been stood outside talking on the phone. Unease stirred in her belly. What on earth has he been doing?
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said as he sat back down, taking her hand. ‘Some sort of prank, I think.’
She squeezed his hand, relieved that he’d come back but concerned by the look in his eyes. ‘What’s going on?’
‘It was a message saying my car was going to be towed away if I didn’t pay a fine and move it. But when I got there—’ he threw up his hands ‘—just bloody great scratches all over the bodywork and all the tyres slashed.’
Chloe’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘Christ! That’s horrible. But how did they get your number?’
He shrugged. ‘Who knows?’
Chloe frowned, unsure why he was being so philosophical. It was going to cost him hundreds of pounds to put right the damage.
‘Shouldn’t you call the police? Even if it’s just for the insurance?’
He shook his head. ‘Oh, I don’t think I need to bother them. I don’t want to make a fuss. I’ve had to call out a recovery vehicle. It’ll be here soon.’ He checked his watch. ‘Let me get you a cab, then I’ll stay and sort it out.’
Not calling the police seemed a bit of an odd decision to her. Why wouldn’t he want them to investigate? Or even just log the crime so his insurance company would pay? Maybe he isn’t insured. It seemed the only explanation, but out of character. He was the most honest, law-abiding person she’d ever met.
‘I’ll stay with you. I don’t mind,’ she said, thinking she wanted to see for herself what had happened. Maybe it’s an excuse. Maybe he was doing something else. Met somebody. Her mind galloped off along a path she had trodden several times before: always thinking the best of people and then being proved wrong when their deception became painfully clear. Had she made the same mistake again? All she knew was that something felt off and she wanted to get to the bottom of it.
He shook his head. ‘No, it’s okay. You get off home. I know you’ve got an early start.’
Chloe opened her mouth to argue, but there was something about his tone which told her not to. She could see a vein pulsing in his neck, could feel the anger radiating from him, and his body language was unmistakable. He wanted to be left alone. He had something to sort out and it was going to happen when she wasn’t there.
For the first time since they’d met, he didn’t want to have her by his side, and she felt the slap of rejection. She wondered then whether this was the point in their relationship where everything changed, the tipping point from which they wouldn’t recover, the slow slide into a break-up. But before her thoughts could gather steam and propel her into the depths of despair, he squeezed her hand. His thumb caressed her knuckles, and when she looked up at him, there was something in his eyes that made her heart flip.
‘Oh, Chloe.’ He sighed, and she couldn’t look away. ‘You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you know that?’
Her lips parted to speak, to tell him she felt the same, but the words gathered in her throat, her heart jumping like a gymnast doing a floor routine. Did he really just say that? She couldn’t quite trust herself to believe it, didn’t want to make an idiot of herself by responding to something she may have made up in her head.
He gave her a sheepish smile. ‘I love you. I really do.’
Her eyes prickled with tears, her heart thumping so hard she could feel her body shaking. ‘I love you too,’ she squeaked before she clamped her mouth shut, chin trembling as she battled to hold in the tears.
He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.
He leant across the table and kissed her tenderly on the lips, a kiss that seeped through her whole body, right the way down to her toes.
He loves me.
He pulled away, and when she gazed at him, she could see the emotion in his eyes. He meant it. He really did.
‘My timing is so wrong, isn’t it? Honestly, I’m such an idiot.’
She gave him a wobbly smile as a tear snaked down her cheek. ‘No, your timing is perfect. Honestly. I thought when you wanted to send me home that you were starting to get tired of me.’
‘What? You have no idea how’ His phone rang, and he glanced at the screen. ‘Crap! It’s the recovery vehicle. I’m so sorry, I’m going to have to answer this.’
‘You take it, it’s fine. Honestly, it’s fine.’ She pulled her phone from her bag. ‘I’ll call a cab.’ She flapped a hand in his direction. ‘You go and get it sorted.’
He picked up his phone, and when his attention moved from her, she felt an emptiness that she hadn’t recognised before. In a few short weeks, he had become a part of her, filled all the gaps that had been making her life less than she’d wanted it to be.
But can you trust him? Is he playing you like all the others?
Her jaw cla
mped shut and she willed the voice to go away, to stop putting doubts in her head, ruining her perfect moment of happiness.
Five
Love.
It’s as old as time, an integral part of what it is to be human. It’s what we crave from the minute we’re born, isn’t it?
But it also makes people really, really stupid.
She’s an intelligent woman.
She has a degree.
Has been a physiotherapist for nine years now.
But just look at the state of her!
As malleable as a piece of putty.
Life has a habit of throwing up happy coincidences. We meet the people we need to meet to achieve our ambitions.
I take it as a sign that right is on my side. Because, from the looks of things, this is going to be really easy.
Six
Now
Chloe watched from the back of the taxi as Dan came out of the shop, loaded down with a couple of carrier bags. Her jaw tightened, her body heavy with disappointment. I am not cooking on my wedding night, she told herself. I am not.
Dan grinned as he got in beside her, heaving the bags onto the floor. ‘That should keep us going for a couple of days. And I’ll rustle up something tonight.’ He grabbed her hand while he leant forwards and spoke in Spanish to the driver, who nodded before turning the car round and heading out of the village.
They drove back the way they had come for a little while before turning off onto a dirt road that wound up into the trees, the darkness forming a solid tunnel around them as the headlights picked out the stony track ahead.
Chloe shivered. She’d never been a fan of forests, not after Lucy and Mark had scared her half to death when she was younger. They’d been on holiday in the New Forest with their parents, and the three of them had gone exploring. She was probably ten at the time and Lucy would have been almost twelve.
‘We’re playing hide-and-seek,’ Lucy had announced after a whispered conversation with eight-year-old Mark. ‘And you’re it.’
‘But it’s getting dark,’ Chloe had said, nervously glancing around at the lengthening shadows, noticing the gloom that was settling between the trees.
Lucy had been in charge of the adventure, as usual, and they’d scampered down a footpath that led from behind their holiday cottage into the forest. Their mother had warned them to stay close, but this had been forgotten as Lucy led them this way and that until Chloe hadn’t a clue where they were. She had no idea how to get back to the cottage and had no desire to be ‘it’. ‘Mum said to be back before dark. You know she did.’
‘God, you’re such a wimp, Chloe.’ Lucy glared at her, hands on her hips, chin jutting forwards. ‘We won’t play with you ever again, will we, Mark? You just spoil all the fun.’
‘Spoilsport, spoilsport, spoilsport,’ Mark sang, pointing his finger at her.
Chloe tried not to cry. Ever since Lucy had started at secondary school, things between them had been different. Before that, they’d been close. All of them. But now Chloe avoided being with Lucy, hurt by the meanness of her constant jibes and the practical jokes, which were never funny when you were the one they were played on.
‘I don’t want Mum and Dad to worry,’ Chloe said.
‘Okay, well, let’s all have one turn. Then we’ll go back.’
Chloe couldn’t believe she’d almost won an argument with her sister and nodded. It was the best she could hope for and she knew not to push her luck.
‘You stand by this tree then, Chloe. And count to a hundred.’
She shook her head. You could go a long way in a hundred seconds.
‘Ten,’ she said, stepping gingerly towards the designated counting place. ‘Or there won’t be time for us all to have a go.’
Lucy gazed at her for a moment, then smiled. ‘Okay, count to fifty then.’
Chloe turned her back, intending to count to twenty and no more. Even so, when she opened her eyes, there was no sign of either sibling. She listened, and her ears filled with the sighing of the wind in the trees, the squeaking of branches rubbing together, the sudden flap of wings. Her heart pounded. She ran in a circle, not knowing which way to go, the trees so huge, the gloom so thick in the undergrowth.
A scream rang through the air, shrill and ear-splitting. Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest and she ran in the opposite direction, branches scratching her arms, brambles tugging at her jeans, hidden logs making her stumble until she slipped on a patch of mud and tumbled to the ground. She could feel someone behind her but didn’t dare to look, staying curled in a foetal position, hoping she wouldn’t be seen.
Night came quickly, then it really was pitch-black, clouds obscuring the moon, and a light drizzle started to fall. The darkness crept into her mind, noises setting off her vivid imagination until she was terrified, her chest so tight with fear, she thought she might die.
Some time later, her father found her, cold and shivering, still curled up where she’d fallen.
Her siblings had received a telling-off for playing a mean trick on her, but that didn’t put things right. Thinking about it now, she decided that was probably when their relationship had started to come unstuck, her trust in both of them broken in a way that could never be repaired. They knew she hated the dark, knew she was a scaredy-cat. But it was all good sport to Lucy, and Mark followed her lead. He was too young to know any better, she told herself, but even when he was older, she was always the odd one out, the one they both picked on and the one they always blamed when things went wrong. Their father died in a cycling accident when Chloe was twelve, and that had changed the dynamic again, made Lucy even worse.
Way back in her memories, there were the good old days when she’d had a father, a mother, a brother and a sister, who all loved her, and life felt secure. A tight family unit, when they were all alive and spoke to each other. It seemed like another life and she’d been a different person then, ridiculously carefree with no idea how difficult life could be – how actions had reactions that could chop you down like a felled tree and never let you get back up again.
And sometimes sometimes you only had yourself to blame.
* * *
She sighed as she looked out of the window, the darkness reflecting her face back at her, a face that was clouded with sadness and regret. They were travelling uphill now, going slowly over the potholed ground, the lumps and bumps making the car roll from side to side as if they were out at sea. She felt queasy and willed the journey to end. Gradually, the trees thinned until she was looking out over the bay, at the twinkling lights of the village behind them, the shimmer of moonlight catching the ripples on the surface of the sea, sparkling like a million stars.
‘Wow, isn’t that something?’ Dan said, sounding excited as he leant forwards to take in the view. ‘Not far now. Should be just up here.’
Chloe felt overwhelmed by weariness, heavy with disappointment. Yes, it was a nice view, but where were the palm trees, the warm Indian Ocean, the luxury? That’s what was missing. For one special week, she’d wanted to be pampered and cosseted and not have to think about making meals or looking after anyone else. But here she was, on a self-catering honeymoon. She caught her train of thought and pulled it to a halt, desperate to shake off her negative frame of mind.
Life is not a Disney fairy tale. When are you going to understand that?
She chewed her lip, her mind refusing to listen to her pep talk. Life did work out for some people, though. She’d seen the pictures: work colleagues, old friends she still followed on social media. They’d had the fairy-tale wedding, been wined and dined, gone to exotic locations, no expense too great. Why can’t it be like that for me? It’s what he’d promised and then he’d whisked it out from under her, like one of those magic tricks where the cloth is pulled from the table and everything lands back in place. Except she didn’t feel she had landed back in place. Ever since she’d realised Dan had changed their plans without telling her, something had shifted, putting her mood out of al
ignment.
He’s not the man I thought he was.
There it was, an embryo of worry being fed by a stream of little incidents that she had chosen to ignore at the time. Now they demanded she take notice, and her concerns grew until they filled her head.
You’re going to spoil this, she told herself. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. It will be an adventure, staying up here at the top of the cliffs, looking out at that view, nobody interfering. But another voice in her head answered back, petulant. Yes, nobody to do the cooking or wash the clothes or change the bed or do the shopping. What sort of honeymoon is that? A cheap one.
A new thought sidled into her head.
Maybe he’s got money problems.
It hadn’t occurred to her before, but now she realised it could be the answer. And if it was, she wouldn’t feel so bad about the change of plans. It was the idea that he could afford it but had chosen not to treat her that was hurtful. Like she wasn’t worth it. But this new explanation got her mind racing.
Has he got debts? Is that what the damage to the car was about?
She started sifting through all the reasons why someone might owe money. Drugs. Gambling. Chancer. Con man.
Oh God! What have I got myself into? She glanced at Dan, saw the smile had dropped from his face, replaced by a look of steely determination. The sort of expression that said you were worried, or running away from something. Or hiding from someone.
Her heart thudded in her chest, her hands clammy as the possibilities mounted up, all of them far removed from the man she thought she knew.
Christ, will you get a grip! She wiped her hands on her jeans. Talk about fanciful. Why are you doing this to yourself?
She took a deep breath and did her best to recalibrate. Her mind had filled with melodramatic nonsense and she was feeling headachy as the worries grew at an exponential rate. You’re exaggerating everything out of all proportion. This is Dan we’re talking about. Lovely, kind, considerate Dan. She glanced at him, saw that he was chewing a nail. Something she’d never seen him do before.
