Desertion

by River Savage

  “Only if you say no,” I joke and watch her shake her head. “It’s just food, Bell.” I push, and I can see she wants to. See the need in her eyes when I reach for her. The way she holds herself around me. “Two friends, eating food,” I add. I don’t know what else to call what it is that is happening here, but friends seems like a good start.

  “Okay, fine. Let me message my mom.” She gives in and I almost cringe when she says it. I feel like what we’re doing is wrong, when in fact it’s not.

  “Good, let’s go.” I let her go and step back to follow her to the parking lot. “So how was your day?” I ask when she finishes typing out her text.

  “Long,” she answers, dropping her phone in her bag. “What about you?”

  “Yeah, had a few errands and the group session.” I shrug, not thinking much of my relaxed day. It’s not often they happen. The clubs always keep me busy, both Liquid and the Rebels, but with Nix and Kadence dealing with family shit, things have been quiet.

  “Do you come to the burn unit often?” She finally looks up, giving me her eyes.

  “Yeah, once a week. I used to come more often, but with Liquid and club shit, I really don’t get to come down as often as I like.”

  “I don’t recall ever seeing you down there,” she notes, and now I’ve had a taste of her, I’m going to make it my mission she sees me more.

  “You would know if you see me down there, Bell,” I joke, knocking her shoulder and she snorts.

  “Seriously?” She stops and turns to me.

  “Sorry, bad habit.” I smile, shrugging it off. I can’t help it. They are lame, but it’s too good not to go there. She shakes her head and continues walking.

  “This is me. Where do you want to go to eat?” She stops at her car and opens the door.

  “I’ll meet you at Happy Chef,” I tell her, eager for a good burger.

  “Okay, meet you there.”

  “Drive safe.” I wink and close her door. I walk back to my bike quickly to follow behind her. I know I won’t have much time with her, so I need to make the most of it.

  We pull up to the front of Happy Chef a few minutes later. I park my bike, and walk over to Bell’s car.

  “I can’t stay long,” she lets me know as we make it inside. The diner is busy, but there are a few tables in the back.

  “Come on then, before you turn into a pumpkin,” I joke and move her toward the back.

  “Hey, no making fun of me,” she says, sliding into the first free booth.

  “Okay, no pumpkin jokes. Got it.” I wink and slide in next to her.

  “I’m serious, Jesse. I already get a lot of flack from my friends for my situation. I don’t need anymore,” she whispers into her menu.

  “Hey.” I stop and wait for her to look up. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I won’t go there,” I promise and she nods. I don’t know how she does it, how she pulls off being so calm after everything her and her family have been through.

  “Thanks.” She smiles and goes back to her menu. I watch her for a few moments, observing how she scans the menu, her eyes moving over each word as she weighs up her options. I take note how the slight dip in her chin deepens as she moves her lips, mouthing each word, and the way her tongue pokes out after a few words. I take it all in and realize I’m sitting here, staring, getting lost in the way she is reading a menu and I know I’m fucked.

  I, Jesse Carter, am fucked.

  “Text messages, stalking and now staring. I think I need a restraining order, Mr. Carter.” Bell looks up, catching me.

  “Well, by all means, sweetheart, but I must warn you, I don’t think it would help.” I sit back and make myself comfortable. “Which would be a problem. I’m too good-looking for jail.” Her eyes light up at my challenge but she doesn’t argue. Instead, she watches me closely, running her eyes over my face. I know I’m laying it on thick, but it’s the way I am. Never one to take life seriously, I patiently wait for her to come back with something funny. “You can’t deny it, can you?” I whisper, watching the dimple on the left side of her cheek deepen as we lock eyes. I cock a brow.

  “Fine, you’re right, you’re too pretty. I’ll let it slide this time, but watch it, friend,” she says, and I don’t miss her tone on the word friend. I don’t give a fuck how she sees it, how she thinks it’s going to be. At this stage, I’ll take her any way I can get her.

  And fuck it if that makes me a goner.

  I’m already lost. What’s the point in fighting it?

  * * *

  “So let me get this straight. You were a firefighter, a Marine, and now you’re a biker?” She sounds sleepy asking her question. I know I should probably end the call, but it’s becoming the best part of my day when we talk over the phone late at night. It’s been a week since I had dinner with Bell. A week of trying every day to get away to see her, but I haven’t had the chance. Between Liquid and the club, I’ve been stretched thin. Which is why I’ve been calling every night.

  “Yeah, I told you this last week,” I tell her, remembering the conversation we had about my past over dinner at the Happy Chef. The one time I’ve ever talked about why I was no longer a firefighter.

  “You did?” She shuffles and I know she’s sitting up.

  “You’re beginning to forget our talks, Bell. What am I going to do with you?” I tease, hoping to change the subject. I don’t want to talk about something that plagues me constantly.

  “What about you? Did you always want to be a nurse?”

  “Not really. It’s something Paige wanted to do.” I catch the sadness in her voice and it twists something in me. I wish whatever feelers we have out there, would hurry up and fucking give us something. Jackson and even T’s men are all on it, but so far we’ve got nothing.

  “So you decided to be a nurse for your sister?” I push, wanting to know more and more about her.

  “I guess. I didn’t think about it. I had to decide and I wanted to do something to remember her. For my mom and dad to be proud,” she answers, and it hits me like a punch to the stomach. Bell and I are somewhat alike. Doing things to please our parents.

  “Do you regret it?”

  “Regret what?” she asks, not understanding.

  “Doing something you didn’t want to do, just to please your parents?”

  “I don’t know. I think sometimes I wonder what I would have done if Paige never went missing, but then I realize there’s no point in wondering. I just have to move forward the best I can.”

  “Are you really though? Moving forward?” I find myself asking. After everything we have talked about, I’m not sure Bell really is moving forward.

  “I guess I am, but I don’t like change. I don’t want to worry my family. I feel…” she trails off, searching for the right word.

  “Lost?” I ask, liking the more I talk to her, the more I get her.

  “Yeah, lost. I don’t always, but sometimes I wonder what if. Do you? What if things never happened the way they did?”

  “All the time, sweetheart. But you still have to live your life.”

  “Yeah, true.” She yawns and I know it’s time to hang up. As much as I don’t want to end our conversation, we both have work tomorrow.

  “Okay, Bell, I’ve gotta go to sleep now.”

  “Okay Jesse,” she says and it makes me smile. Jesus, I’m fucking pussy whipped without getting the pussy.

  “Night,” I say and wait for her reply.

  “Night,” she replies before hanging up. I flick the bedside lamp off and let my eyes drift shut, hoping again tonight, I won’t dream about bombs and fucking dying. Instead, a dream of a cute brunette who likes to suck cock would do the trick.

  Ten

  BELL

  “Someone help me,” a deep voice shouts down the corridor, echoing off the walls of the hospital.

  Standing from the desk, I step out and peek my head around the corner. “My fiancée is in labor,” a man holding his very pregnant fiancée, who looks to be in the thro
es of a deep contraction, shouts out. He looks familiar, but my eyes refocus on the woman.

  “Here,” I call, getting his attention.

  “The baby is coming, now.” He moves toward me as I rush for a wheelchair and meet them halfway.

  “How far apart are the contractions?” I ask when he places her in the chair.

  “Every three minutes,” his fiancée pants.

  “Holly?” I finally get a look at her face and realize it’s her. Holly and Sy.

  “Oh hey, Bell.” She tries to smile, but her face contorts as pain hits her again.

  “How long has it been at three minutes?” I ask, trying to get every detail I can for the midwife.

  “Her waters broke twenty minutes ago.” Holly’s badass biker, Sy, takes over answering when she gets stuck on a bad contraction.

  I look up at the man for the first time and notice he’s wearing his leather cut. A Knights Rebels’ cut. For a second, I falter thinking of Jesse.

  “You’ve done this before?” I ask him over the screams of Holly.

  “You could say that.” His eyes don’t leave hers as hers don’t separate from his.

  “You’re doing good, baby, so close,” he encourages. “She’s not due for another two weeks,” he continues, giving me all the information I need.

  “What’s your last name again, Holly?” I stop at the desk and ask the receptionist to page Dr. Fry.

  “McAdams,” Sy answers and pulls out her health card.

  “They’re going to need you to fill out some paperwork,” I tell him as another contraction has Holly screaming out. I might not be experienced in knowing when a baby is about to come, but I’ve seen a few labors and I know she’s close.

  “Fuck the paperwork,” he says, throwing the card down on the desk.

  “Oh, God, God, God. The baby’s coming, Sy.”

  “Okay, let’s get you down to a suite.” I move back around the wheelchair and start to move her. The midwife, Cherry, walks out and follows us into the birthing suite. Rushford Hospital has its own birthing wing. I don’t get to come down often, but now that I know Holly is about to have her baby, I wish I could stay.

  “Okay, this is where I leave you guys.” I step back and let Cherry move in.

  “What?” Holly cries out and grabs onto my arm. “You can’t leave, Bell. Please, I need you to stay.” Her panic turns to pleading.

  “I’m happy for you to stay,” Cherry says and moves in to help Holly up on the bed.

  “Oh, okay,” I reply, watching Sy move in behind Holly and pull her back to his front. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen a father take charge and I’m thrown for a minute.

  “Are you sure, Holly?” I ask, not sure why she would want me here.

  “I can’t do this, Sy,” Holly cries as Cherry pulls her panties down her legs to check her.

  “You’re already doing it, baby. We’re doing it together. Don’t you want to meet our son?” He kisses her head. So in control, I’m drawn to watching them.

  “She wouldn’t ask if she didn’t want you.” Sy looks up at me giving me the confidence I need.

  “She’s ten centimeters,” Cherry cuts in, pulling me out of my trance. “Get gowned up,” she adds, moving over to the phone, calling to see how far away the doctor is.

  “He’s coming?” Holly pants, as the room becomes a blur of action. I step back as I let Cherry and the doctor through.

  “I need you to give me a push, Holly.” Dr. Fry comes to stand between her legs, gowned and ready to deliver her baby.

  Holly draws a deep breath and begins pushing with the help of her man counting to ten.

  “Good, very good, Holly. If you can give me a couple more of those, then we will get to meet this baby of yours very soon,” the doctor says and I watch as determination spreads over her face.

  “You can do it, baby,” Sy whispers.

  “Nurse Johnson, come and take a leg,” Dr. Fry orders and I follow, taking one leg as Cherry takes the other.

  I hold her leg, and she takes another deep breath as she pushes to the count of ten again, this time pushing harder.

  Not able to hold back, I look down as she pushes and I get a small glimpse of her baby. “I can see the head,” I encourage, spotting dark curls.

  “You can?” She looks up at me and I nod encouragingly.

  “Dark hair,” I tell her and her smile is blinding.

  “Like his daddy.” She looks back at Sy and he kisses her.

  “One big one this time,” the doctor encourages, and Holly gives it all she’s got.

  The head crowns and the doctor orders no pushing for a moment.

  “I need to push. I need to push,” she pleads but manages to hold off. Sy keeps whispering encouraging words, while Cherry and the Dr. exchange a few words about the next push.

  “Okay, give me all you’ve got on the next contraction, Holly, and I’ll have your boy in your arms,” he says, and before I know it, the wailing cries of a newborn echo throughout the room as the baby is placed onto Holly’s chest.

  “You did it, baby.” Sy kisses her head as Cherry moves to take the baby− conducting all the quick checks before quickly wiping and swaddling him. Once Dr. Fry has delivered Holly’s afterbirth, Cherry hands him back to her.

  “Oh, God, look at him, Sy,” she cries, holding her new baby in her arms. “Hi Xzavier Dean,” she whispers and the name is just so adorable and fits him perfectly.

  “I am, baby, and he’s beautiful,” he whispers as a tear falls down his face. I have to look away, giving them the intimate moment they deserve.

  “You did very well, Holly,” Dr. Fry says after a few more minutes of tidying everything up.

  “We should weigh him, Holly,” Cherry says, turning back to her. “Would Dad like to help me?” she asks Sy, as he carefully shifts out from behind Holly. He kisses her softly, whispering, ‘Fuck, I love you,’ before taking Xzavier and following Cherry.

  “Thank you, Bell.” Her hand reaches for mine.

  “You’ve come so far, Holly.” A tear falls from my own eyes as I remember back to last year when Holly was in the hospital.

  “We have, haven’t we?” She looks over at Sy and Cherry as they weigh her son.

  “You deserve it, and Xzavier is beautiful,” I tell her, reaching for her hand and squeezing it.

  “Seven pounds six ounces.” Sy walks back over, revealing the weight of his new son. “So proud of you, baby.” He hands her back Xzavier and I step away to give them the privacy they need to bond as a family. And what a gorgeous family it is.

  * * *

  “He’s beautiful, Holly,” Kadence whispers from the visitor’s chair holding baby Xzavier for the first time.

  “Thanks.” Holly smiles, forcing her eyes to stay open. She must be exhausted. It’s been a few hours and I thought I would come in and check on her. She still hasn’t had any rest.

  “Oh, great, another biker daddy to deal with around the clubhouse.” Jesse’s voice echoes from the doorway of the room, halting all conversations. Shit. Keeping my eyes down on my chart, I slowly step back. I’m not ready to see him today, especially with all his friends around.

  “Jesse, don’t be a douche bag.” Holly laughs as he walks straight to her and bends to give her a kiss.

  “Proud of you, darlin’,” he whispers, but I still hear him as I place Xzavier’s chart back in its spot and slowly step back. Yeah, Jesse might act like this I-don’t-give-a-shit type of guy, but the more I learn about him, the more I know it’s not true.

  “Thanks, Jesse.” She sighs then looks to me. “Did you hear? Bell helped deliver X.” Holly winks at me and I have to hold in my need to roll my eyes at her play. She’s been drilling me about Jesse since I came by, even going as far as to tell me she hasn’t seen Jesse pick up any skanks since the night I left his room. If only she knew how much time Jesse and I have been spending together. Besides the few dinner dates and hospital run ins, we’ve been talking every night for the last two weeks.
Every night without fail.

  “Did she?” Jesse smirks a knowing grin to me and I didn’t realize how much I missed the cheekiness of it, until it’s staring me in the face. “How are you, Bell?” He asks, stepping closer. He knows how well I’ve been. I just spoke to him last night.

  “I’m well, Jesse.” I step out of his way, not needing him to get too close. “Holly, just buzz if you need anything.” I run my finger down baby X’s face, wanting to feel him one more time and move toward the door.

  “Can I buzz you if I need anything, Nurse Bell?” Jesse teases but I don’t respond, letting the room laugh at his antics. Such a typical Jesse move. What surprises me is how much I love it.

  “What time do you finish up tonight?” Cherry asks when I step behind the nurses’ station.

  “I finished my shift thirty minutes ago, but I was just making sure everything was settled.” I tell her, knowing I didn’t have to stay. I wanted to.

  “Good, you look exhausted,” she notes and she’s not lying.

  “I feel it,” I agree, taking my bag and grabbing my I.D badge.

  “You up all night with some lucky man?” Cherry teases and she’s only half right. I spent all night talking to Jesse on the phone, hanging up at three, only to wake up at seven for my shift today.

  “Something like that.” I shrug, not even sure what is happening between Jesse and I. It’s not like we’ve labeled it. Hell, it’s not like anything has even happened since our kiss on our first date, but every night he sends a text and every night I respond, which only leads to more texts and then a phone call which can last hours. We don’t talk about what’s growing between us. We just talk. About what? Who knows…everything, and anything? Paige, my family, my job. He talks about the club and Liquid. Once, he talked about his time in the Marines. But only once and it felt forced. He doesn’t talk about his family, only his club family, but even if he’s selective, I still feel like I’m getting to know him more and more.

  “He sounds interesting.” She laughs.