Desertion

by River Savage

  “Besides, you see me moping around?” he fires and he’s right. I just don’t get his fucking upbeat attitude. I escaped with a fractured ankle and a shattered tibia, which ultimately ruined my career, but I can still live a normal life. Conner’s life revolves around rehab and surgery after surgery.

  “Jesse.” Bell comes back into the conversation but I know what she’s going to say. I just don’t need to hear it.

  “I need some air. Be back.” I move to the door. I see Bell stand but I don’t want her around me.

  “Don’t, Bell,” I warn, not looking back.

  “Leave him, Bell.” I hear Conner say but I don’t stick around to hear her reply. I’m out of there before the walls close in around me and I’m back in the Humvee, with the smell of burned flesh singeing my nostrils.

  If only it was me that lost my legs.

  Eighteen

  BELL

  “I should go check on him.” I turn back to Conner, wishing I understood what Jesse was going through.

  “Leave him. He needs space when he gets like this.” I nod, knowing what he means.

  “So tell me, Bell, how long have you been together?” He points to the chair, motioning for me to sit down again. I only hold back for a second, knowing Jesse won’t talk anyway.

  “Oh, we aren’t together,” I rush out and take a seat. As much as I’d like to call Jesse mine, I don’t think he would appreciate it. Especially when he told the nurse we weren’t together.

  “He’s never brought a woman to meet me before.”

  “Does he come visit often?” I ignore the flutter in my stomach knowing I’m the first girl Jesse has brought to meet his friend.

  “Only when I’m here.” He laughs, but it’s not light.

  I nod, looking around the room “Are you here a lot?”

  “More times than I’d like to count. Hopefully after this visit, I can finally get my life back.” I nod, hoping he gets his wish.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper, not even beginning to understand what he must live through.

  “Has he ever talked about what happened that day?” he asks carefully.

  “Jesse doesn’t talk about anything,” I tell him on a laugh. It’s hard enough getting him to talk about his family.

  “Typical,” he scoffs. “He thinks he’s to blame, but the truth is if he wasn’t there, I would have died. He saved me. He saved himself, and he saved me. I wanted to give up. Fuck, it would have been easier, but the fucker wouldn’t let me.”

  I don’t know what to say, so I nod. I can imagine Jesse being a proud Marine, feeling guilt for what happened to his friend. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

  “I don’t understand him.” I sigh. Hearing Conner’s story, I can understand why he would feel a sense of guilt, but to this degree?

  “His father, have you met that sonofabitch?” Conner asks.

  “Only briefly, a few months ago.” I remember the hard man I met when Jesse was in the hospital. I know Jesse and his father are not on good terms at the moment, but getting any information out of Jesse is like pulling teeth.

  “Oh, so you know the asshole is a piece of work. He fucked him up bad. I don’t know the full story, but I do know Jesse is the way he is, because of him. War just fucked with him a little more.” I let the words hang between us for a moment. What sort of life has Jesse lived if war only fucks you up a little more…

  “I’m not scaring you, am I?” Conner laughs when I look up.

  “Ha! Barely,” I lie, not really sure how I feel. It doesn’t take much to see Jesse has some serious issues. But it’s the issues he doesn’t talk about that worry me.

  “You telling stories about me again, fucker?” Jesse walks back in, halting any more talk of him.

  “Nah, just trying to hit on your girl.” He teases. I tense at Conner’s jab and wait for Jesse’s reaction.

  “Good luck with that. Took me a few times to get her to smile.” Jesse looks over at me. I raise my brows and watch him challenge me. The fact he doesn’t shut down Conner’s slip makes me happy, but I know we are a long way from any sort of labeling.

  “That’s because you’re not funny,” I joke back, hoping to relax him a little.

  “Oh, those are fighting words.” Conner looks between Jesse and me.

  “What?” I ask Jesse when he pouts.

  “You don’t think I’m funny?” He looks put out, but he knows his lines sometimes get me to crack.

  “Sometimes. You’re definitely not as funny as you like to think you are.”

  “Damn, I like this girl. Can I have your number?” Conner asks and the room goes quiet.

  “Conner,” Jesse warns, the air changing between them.

  “What? Bell told me you weren’t together.” He gives me a wink before turning to look at Jesse. “Unless you are?” he adds.

  “Bell, we gotta head out.” Jesse ignores him and turns to me.

  “Oh, okay.” I stand, expecting this kind of reaction. “Have you got a pen? I’ll give you my number, Conner. We’ll arrange a time to chat when Jesse isn’t being a rude jerk.” I move closer to his bed.

  “You are not giving him your number, Bell,” Jesse stretches out his words and delivers them with a warning I’m not going to follow.

  “This is too good.” Conner snickers between us.

  “Why not, Jesse?” I ask, annoyed at his rudeness. He’s the one who brought me here, and now he’s acting like I’m doing something wrong.

  “Yeah, Jesse, why not?” Conner repeats, clearly liking this exchange. He sits up a little more excited than he has been since we arrived.

  “Bell, we gotta go, now.” He ignores both of our questions, but I’m not going to let him push me around. He brought me here, and for whatever reason, it’s not the outcome he wanted. I’m not going to let him pull away anymore.

  “And I’m saying goodbye to Conner.” I scribble out my number. “It was nice to meet you.” I pass him the card knowing full well I’m playing with fire.

  “You too, darlin’.” He winks and Jesse growls behind us. The undertone of his displeasure isn’t lost on me.

  Ignoring Jesse I move toward the door.

  “I’ll come back tomorrow. Betty just told me you’re getting fitted with your new prosthetics.” Jesse tells Conner who nods in reply.

  “Yeah, can’t fucking wait. So don’t come back in a mood either.” Jesse doesn’t reply, just nods then turns.

  “Bye, Bell.” Conner taunts as Jesse pushes me out the door. He doesn’t stop pushing as we head down the hall, and out of the doors we first entered.

  “You’re rude,” I finally say when we make it out to his bike.

  “I’m rude? I wasn’t the one trying to poach my buddy’s girl.”

  “Your girl?” I pull on his hand, forcing him to stop.

  “You know what I mean.” He brushes his slip up off, but I’m not letting him off the hook.

  “No, I don’t know what you mean, Jesse. Please explain.” I fold my arms across my chest and watch him falter under my stare.

  “Get on the bike, Bell.” He ignores my request, but that’s not enough for me.

  “Jesse.”

  “Bell, don’t push it.” I hate that he keeps pushing me away whenever we take one step forward. I know it’s hard for him, but all I ask is for honesty. If it’s too much, I can step back. But I don’t even know what he’s feeling, or where we’re at.

  “You’re a confusing man, Jesse Carter.”

  “I know, sweetheart. You’re learning.” I shake my head when he graces me with one of his my-way-or-no-way smiles. I climb on the back of his bike, wishing he would give me more, but knowing this is all I’ll get.

  “Where are we going now?” I ask, checking the time. I still have a few hours before Mom will start to worry, and I’m glad. I’m not ready to go back yet.

  “I want to take you back to the clubhouse, get you naked and taste that sweet pussy of yours again,” he says and my face instantly heats. “
Any objections?” he asks and I feel my head shake no. “Good.” He smirks, then leans down and plants his lips on mine. I try to hold on to the kiss for as long as possible, but before I know it, Jesse’s pulling back and climbing on his bike. After placing our helmets on in silence, I wrap my arms around his middle and wait for him to take off. I might not be getting all of Jesse Carter, but from the get go, I’ve always said I’d be happy with whatever he’ll give me.

  I need to let it be enough.

  * * *

  “Look who came back. Have a nice ride?” Sy asks when we walk back into the clubhouse.

  “It was great thanks,” I answer, waving to Holly and Kadence. Jesse doesn’t answer and keeps moving us toward his room.

  “You’re not going to hang and chat, Jesse?” Holly asks, her grin growing as Jesse’s scowl darkens.

  “Need to get my own fucking place,” Jesse mumbles under his breath.

  “We just have to get something,” I answer, not comfortable with letting the question hang in the air.

  “She’s about to get something all right,” Sy says, and they all start laughing again, making Jesse pull me along faster. He keeps quiet as we move down the hall, his grip on me growing stronger the closer we get to his room.

  “Jesse, what is wrong with you?” I try to pull out of his hold but he’s too strong.

  “Fuck them.” He pushes the door to his room open and drags me inside. “On the bed, dirty girl. I need your pink pussy in my face now.” He starts toeing off his boots, barking his dirty words at me. Half shocked at his tone, half mesmerized by what they do to me, I stand frozen watching him.

  “Bell, did you hear me?” he questions, snapping me out of my daze.

  “Yes.” I start to kick off my shoes. I don’t know who this person is. The Bell I thought I was would never expect this sort of reaction coming from me, but being around Jesse, I can be myself. I can be the person I wish I was all the time.

  “Then get that sexy ass on the fucking bed. I’m fucking hungry for your sweet pussy.” He steps into my space and I falter. My God, the man is so goddamn beautiful.

  “Okay.” I swallow, lifting my dress over my head and dropping my panties. He follows, ripping his shirt over his head. My eyes find the dips in his stomach, his well-defined muscles only making me weaker in the knees. He drops his jeans and his thick cock springs free. It’s not the first time I’ve seen him naked, but I still take a minute to appreciate the view.

  “You keep staring at me like that, I won’t be able to control myself.” Jesse’s voice breaks my stare. I look up at him, realizing I’ve been caught.

  “Bra, Bell,” he urges and, this time, I don’t falter. Reaching back, I unclasp the hook, and let it fall to the floor.

  “Good girl, now climb up on that bed slowly, sweetheart. I want to admire what I’m about to feast on.” He orders and I do as I’m told. Gathering confidence I never knew I had, I slowly crawl along his bed, knowing he stands there watching me.

  “Spread those legs and point that ass up in the air, girl.” I feel him come up behind me. I know his face is right there, and I eagerly wait on all fours for his next order. “Jesus Christ. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something so fucking beautiful that tastes just as fucking good.” He breathes me in and my stomach tightens. I know I’m not experienced or know what it’s like to be with another man, but an awareness flows through me, telling me with Jesse things will always be like this. “I’m gonna fucking savor this, sweetheart, so get comfortable. I’m not coming up for air for a while,” he promises, then his tongue is gliding over me.

  It’s like the first time his head was between my legs. Only this time, I know what to expect. His tongue darts out flicking my clit, then moving back up to my entrance. The urge to move against him becomes too much. His hands push against my ass, spreading me wide-open, gaining easier access.

  “Jesse,” I moan, feeling myself build. He moves back to my clit, while his finger finds my entrance. I buck as he draws circles through my wetness, before filling me. He pumps his finger inside me, and then hooks it, making me come undone.

  “Jesse,” I cry out, not sure what just happened but it was different. More intense.

  “Shhh, baby. Just go with it.” He goes back to playing with my clit. I relax into his face. Letting all the feelings sink in. My arms and legs tense as I feel myself starting to build once again. I know from the last few orgasms Jesse has given me, this is going to be huge, but I don’t have time to prepare before Jesse’s finger hooks again, pushing me head first into a hard and fast orgasm.

  “Shitttt,” I scream out. The wave of heat and rapture hits me, and before I know it, my face is pushed down into the bed and Jesse’s cock is filling me.

  “Jesus, fuck.” He grunts, pumping into me repeatedly. I wasn’t prepared for it, but welcomed him as he holds me by my waist, pushing into me over and over. Unrelenting, unforgiving and oh, so good.

  “Oh, God. Feels so good.” His balls slap against me. He doesn’t relent, pushing deeper and faster into me.

  “Touch yourself, sweetheart,” he commands, and like the good girl I am, my fingers find my clit, rubbing it hard and fast. “Don’t stop ‘til I tell you. Do you understand?” he asks after each stroke.

  “I understand.” The wave builds again.

  “So close, baby. Keep those fingers working,” he says and I nod into the bed, knowing what I have to do. “Now, baby, fucking hit it hard,” he demands, pulling out of me. I protest the absence of him, but my hand takes over, giving myself the pressure I need.

  “Jesse, what—?” I begin to ask, before I feel the warmth of his cum coat my back, and the cries of his release over me. It’s all I need to push me over, following him into my release. He continues to moan above me, his cum covering my back.

  “Mine.” I think I hear him whisper, but I can’t be sure. My orgasm ends and my arms and legs give out under me. Collapsing to the bed, I let my breath come back to me.

  “Stay there,” he orders, moving off the bed, and fetching a washcloth.

  I stay face down, Jesse’s cum coating my back.

  “Fuck me, woman. That was so fucking hot,” Jesse says, coming back and wiping away his cum.

  “It was?” I ask, not getting what was so hot about it.

  “It was.” He throws the cloth in the direction of the bathroom and pulls me closer to lay with him. He doesn’t rush to get dressed this time, so I relax against him, both of us naked. Both of us breathless. Both of us in sync with each other.

  I roll into him and my hand rests on his bare chest. My eyes fall on his dog tags.

  “You still wear them,” I ask, carefully touching them.

  “Yeah, they remind me of what I nearly lost. What we take for granted.”

  “I get that,” I tell him, lifting one of his tags up. His hand stops me and I release it. I know he doesn’t intentionally try to push me away; he’s just so used to behaving this way that he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.

  “Why did you take me to meet Conner today?” I ask after a few more moments of silence.

  “I don’t really know.” His hand moves to his head, rubbing his brow.

  “I think you do.” I call him out, hoping he opens up.

  “You do, do you?” He turns into me, bending his elbow and leaning his head on his hand.

  “I think in some kind of messed up way, you were testing me.” He doesn’t deny it, which only pushes me to believe that maybe I passed.

  “Do you think you’ll ever get over what happened over there?” I ask, wondering what I’m dealing with. Sometimes he can be so distant that I begin to wonder what I’m doing wrong. I know he has nightmares. I saw one the first night I was in his room. He holds onto his guilt with Conner so tightly that it tries to suffocate him in his sleep.

  “Will you ever get over what happened with Paige? Even if you find her?” he asks back, and I understand where he’s going.

  “I just want you to be honest with
me, Jesse. Whatever is happening here, I need honesty. Don’t push me away when you‘re upset or not dealing. I can handle anything if you’re honest with me.” I lay it out, and I know he gets me. It’s whether he can be truthful with me.

  “I’ll always be honest, Bell. You don’t have to worry about that,” he says and I blindly believe him. Maybe later on it wouldn’t be enough, but for now it had to do.

  We lie in silence, naked, with his promise between us. Soon my eyes feel heavy, but I don’t fight sleep as it takes me. It’s been a long day.

  A ringing phone wakes me some time later. Jesse stirs, shifting me awake to reach for it.

  “Hello?” His groggy voice answers and I find myself waking up. Shit, what’s the time? “What? Right now?” Jesse barks, sitting right up. I follow suit, knowing either I’m really late or he is.

  “Shit, fuck!” he curses, standing to full height. “Fine,” he says before hanging up.

  “What?” I ask when he bends to find his jeans.

  “My brother is coming over.” He steps into them and pulls them up his legs.

  “What’s the time?” I ask, searching the floor for my panties and dress.

  “Just after five. We drifted off.” He picks up my bra and throws it to me. I take a calming breath, knowing I’m not going to be late for Paige’s birthday dinner.

  “I really should get going, too.” I adjust my clothes then start on my shoes.

  “Yeah, preferably before Jackson gets here,” he mumbles.

  “Sure, okay,” I say, ignoring the sting of him not wanting me to be seen by Jackson.

  “Not like that.” He reaches out and pulls me into his chest. “I mean, the asshole has already warned me off you. I don’t need his shit.”

  “Jackson warned you off me?” I ask and start to laugh.

  “Yeah, the asshole seems to be protective over you.” He takes my hand and walks us to his door. I’m ready to leave, and as much as I know have to go, I don’t want to.

  “It’s sweet.” I shrug, as we walk down the hall to where everyone still sits around.