Desertion

by River Savage

  “Sweet my ass,” Jesse grumbles, ignoring his friends once again, and heading for the front door. I hold back and say goodbye to Holly and Xzavier.

  “Bye,” I whisper kissing X’s cheek.

  “Girl, we need a girls’ night. Drinks and talking. Lots of talking,” Holly whispers in my ear when she says goodbye. I nod, agreeing, hoping I can develop a stronger relationship with Jesse’s friends.

  “Bye, guys.” I wave to the rest of the club and walk toward Jesse. He doesn’t say anything, just takes my hand and walks me to my car.

  “Thanks for being there for me today, Jesse,” I say when we come to a stop.

  “Always, sweetheart.” He leans down and kisses me gently. I let the touch of his lips linger before pulling back. “I’ll call you later,” he says, telling me our normal nighttime chats won’t end.

  “Okay.” I go up on my toes reaching my mouth to his. He has to bend to receive it, and a thrill runs through me when he does. He glides his tongue along my lips, and I give him access only for him to pull back at the sound of a car horn.

  “Fucking hell,” he grinds out, then steps back. I turn and watch Detective Jackson pull up beside me. Jesse steps back again, putting more distance between us.

  “Hi, Jackson,” I greet him when he exits his car, angry eyes trained on Jesse.

  “Hi, Bell. How have you been?” He steps up to us, his eyes leaving Jesse’s a short while to address me, but they track back to him almost immediately.

  “Good. Really good.” I clutch my keys, eager to get out of Jackson’s stare. “Okay, I really should get going. I’ll speak to you later.” I smile at Jesse, wishing I could kiss him properly one more time, but feeling the tension between Jesse and Jackson, I know not to push it.

  “Drive safe.” Jesse nods, his happy smiling face replaced with a stony stare.

  “I will.” I wave and get in my car. The boys don’t move from their positions, Jesse’s eyes trained on mine, Jackson’s on Jesse. I back out slowly, and then turn, keeping my eyes ahead, hoping whatever is about to go down, isn’t over me.

  Something tells me it is.

  Nineteen

  JESSE

  “What are you doing here?” I ask my brother as I watch Bell drive off. I’m annoyed she had to go, and I’m pissed Jackson fucking ruined our goodbye. I wanted her to stay, even if the boys were going to give me shit. I was enjoying having her in my bed, but she had to get back for dinner. I know her situation is fucked up. I know her family are dealing with their own shit, but keeping their twenty-three-year-old on a tight leash is seriously messed up.

  “What the fuck are you doing with her, Jesse?” he starts on me. I wait till Bell’s car takes the corner before I walk back inside the club. Jackson stays close behind me. “You’re in too deep here, Jesse,” he adds when I don’t answer. “Are you even listening to me, fucker?” He taps me over the head when I stop at the bar.

  “What?” I ask, rubbing the side of my head letting him have his play.

  “Hey, Jackson.” Holly comes to stand by me to greet him.

  “Hey, Holly, how are you?” He asks and it’s my chance to get away from him. I walk over to the pool table and set up for a solo game.

  “I’m good. Really good.” She replies as I continue to set up.

  “How are your mom and dad?” Holly asks as I take my first shot, but block out Jackson’s reply. I know whatever is happening with Mom and Dad is the reason he’s here tonight. I for one don’t give one fuck right now. They talk for a few minutes as I continue with my game.

  “Jesse, we’re doing pizza for dinner, you down?” Holly interrupts my train of thought as I work on sinking my fifth ball.

  “Yeah,” I say as the ball rolls into the top right-hand pocket.

  “Shame Bell couldn’t stay.” She taps the side of the table before leaving to sit back with Sy and X over on the sofa.

  “Bell was in a rush to head off?” Jackson moves closers and my hopes of letting this go flies out the window.

  “It’s Paige’s birthday. Family does a dinner every year.” I shrug and take another shot.

  “You’re fucking falling for her.”

  “Who?” I act dumb. He’s right but I’m not about to let him know it.

  “You’ve been spending a lot of time with her.” I look up from the table wanting to know how he knows who I’ve been spending my time with.

  “How the fuck do you know what I’ve been doing?” I glare, but we both know he’s not going to answer. “Is there a reason you’re here, Jackson?” I move on, taking my last shot and sinking the eight ball.

  “You’re gonna regret it.” He answers with another jab as I begin to set up another game. “You and I both know how this will pan out, Jesse. Why do you want to hurt her?”

  “You have no idea what the fuck you are talking about, big brother.” I finally look up. I’m fucking done with this conversation and more importantly done with Jackson thinking he knows me.

  “You fucking will. You think you’re being smart, getting mixed up with her, but what’s going to happen when you’ve had your fill? What are you going to do then? You’ll fucking break her.” He says everything I think about daily. I keep my face blank. I don’t need him knowing he’s hitting me low. “You’re not what she needs.”

  “Are you fucking done?” My fist comes down on the side of the table. Holly and Sy stop talking and look over our way. “You don’t think I know this, Jackson?” Jackson’s hand comes to my shoulder, but I don’t need him trying to calm me. “Fuck off.” I shake him off and move around the table away from him.

  “You okay, Jesse?” Sy stands, Holly following him closely.

  “I’m good.” I nod, not needing everyone in on my shit. He returns my nod and tells Holly to follow him outside, giving us the space we need. Not that it will fucking help. If Jackson keeps pushing me, I’ll lose my shit and my brothers will all see it go down.

  “You don’t talk about her to me again. You understand me? My fucking business, big brother.” I level my glare at him, urging him to push me.

  “Fuck! Fine! What about Dad then? You ready to talk about that?” He moves on to another situation I don’t want to talk about. Not today. Not tomorrow.

  “No and don’t ask me again. Is this all you came here for tonight? To bust my balls?” I ask him and go back to my game.

  “What are you going to do when he dies?” His hand snakes out, scooping up the cue ball as it rolls past him.

  “I don’t have time to think about that, Jackson. I’ve got a lot on my mind.” I brush it off. I never want to think about it again.

  “Well, you’re gonna have to start thinking about it, Jesse. He doesn’t have much time.”

  “Jesus, Jackson, I need fucking time!” I throw the pool cue down on the table, letting him get to me. Fuck! I just need some fucking peace.

  “I’m only thinking about you, Jesse. How are you going to handle this shit when he’s gone? Have you thought about Mom? What about Bell? You can’t bring her in on this shit. Now is your chance to deal with all this.” I get what he’s saying, I even agree with the fucker, but I wasn’t lying when I said I had too much going on. I can’t just deal with this shit like him. Never have been the type to deal head on, I live in my head. I need time, something Jackson fails to deliver on.

  “I’ll think about it, Jackson. Just don’t fucking push,” I tell him, starting to feel those walls closing in on me again.

  “Fine, let me know when you decide.” He taps the pool table ending our conversation.

  I shouldn’t have told him I would think about it, because the fucker will keep hounding me for the next week. I know I need to sort this shit out with my dad, but I can’t think about it right now. I can’t fucking think about him.

  After Jackson leaves, I finish my game and head back to bed before any of my brothers ask me what’s happening with my dad. I contemplate calling Bell, letting her conversation soothe me, but I need time to think: think abo
ut my family, my father, and what the fuck I’m going to do. But I find after an hour, all I can think about is Bell.

  Fucking hell.

  * * *

  “Hey, isn’t that the nurse you’ve been secretly crushing on?” Sarah asks beside me as I watch Bell laugh across the club with her friends. I ignore her, and continue to shoot daggers at Bell’s table, hoping she will finally look my way. It’s been a week since Jackson left the clubhouse delivering his ultimatum. I still haven’t made up my mind, even though I know what I want to do. I want to tell him to go fuck himself, tell him I don’t give a fuck, but if I’m being honest, it would be a lie. I haven’t seen Bell since she left, but I have spoken to her a couple of times. Our normal texting and nighttime chats have kept up. Which is why I’m surprised I’m seeing her tonight since she didn’t mention she was coming. I don’t know why I don’t just walk over there and say hi, and demand to know why she won’t look my way, but something is putting me off. I noticed her as soon as she walked in thirty minutes ago. At first, I was excited to see her, thinking she came for me, but as the minutes tick by, my excitement turns to anger. It’s not like I’ve got any claim to her. I made it clear when I shut down Conner’s remarks about her being mine. Yet now, there’s no denying I’m feeling some pent-up issues.

  “Earth to Jesse.” Sarah snaps her fingers in front of my face, breaking my stare.

  “What?” I ask, forcing myself to turn away.

  “Holy shit, you like her,” Sarah accuses, catching on to my strange behavior.

  “What?”

  “Like, like her.” She fires a smile, having figured me out.

  “Fuck off.” I go back to cleaning up the bar and keeping one eye on Bell.

  “She keeps looking over here every time you look away. It’s so tragic.” She shakes her head and begins to walk away.

  “She has?” I ask, wondering what she’s up to. If she knows I’m here, then why the fuck hasn’t she come over?

  “No, but that just proves I was right, you like her.” She pushes my arm as I decide to go find out. “Aww, don’t be sad, Jesse,” she calls after me, but I block her out. I’m going to find out what the fuck is happening and put an end to it.

  I push through the crowd and walk up to her table. I decide I’m not going to think. I’m going to act. The table halts as I come to stand next to her. I don’t greet anyone; instead, I take Bell by the hand and pull her to her feet.

  “What?” she answers flustered, but I don’t let her get another word out before I smash my lips against hers. She doesn’t fight me, opening as my tongue seeks access. I don’t know what I’m thinking; claiming her in front of every asshole here, but my body just takes over.

  “Holy shit, I need a biker,” someone says at the table, but I don’t stop kissing. My hands find her waist and I pull her closer to me. The need to be inside of her grows stronger the longer we continue to kiss, but I can’t pull away. I don’t want to. I don’t ever want to stop.

  Eventually, her hand pushes at my chest, breaking our connection and she steps back.

  “What was that?” She looks up at me, her brown eyes drowning in arousal.

  “That’s what happens when you walk into my club and ignore me for half an hour.” I take her hand, sit in her chair and pull her onto my lap.

  “I w-wasn’t ignoring you,” she stutters, trying to stand, but I don’t let her. My grip on her tightens as she tries to shift.

  “You didn’t look at me once,” I whisper closer to her, aware the whole table is quiet and staring.

  “I didn’t want to seem needy,” she whispers back, which makes me laugh. Fuck me, she’s cute.

  “Sweetheart, I would never see you as needy. If anything, I wish you were needier,” I tell her. Fuck, I should just give her my balls now.

  “If it makes you feel any better, I really wanted to look.” She offers and it does something to me that I never knew possible. It soothes me. Ever since I found out about my father, a knot in my gut has been twisting, but when I’m around her, it loosens. It’s fucking dangerous, and I know I shouldn’t want her to soothe me, but I can’t help it. I need it.

  “It doesn’t, but we can talk about it later when I put you on the back of my bike and take you home.”

  “Umm, I’m staying with Lissy tonight.” She points and my eyes follow her gesture to a waving Lissy.

  “Oh, hello, Jesse, I didn’t see you there,” she remarks and I can’t hold in my chuckle at her smartass remark.

  “I like her.” I look back to Bell.

  “I think she likes you,” she replies and I know she does.

  “How are we all, ladies?” I ask the table, finally giving them my attention. They all answer enthusiastically with huge smiles, and I ask Bell to remind me of their names.

  “This is Manda.” She points to the dark-haired girl to my left. “This is Kate.” She points to the cute blonde woman, who shyly waves back.

  Yes, I remember this one.

  “And of course, this is Lissy.” She points to the fiery redhead.

  “Please! He didn’t forget me,” she jokes, before laughing at herself.

  “I won’t forget now.” I smile at them. “What are you ladies doing out tonight?”

  “Just a girls’ night,” Lissy answers. And the others all nod, still looking between Bell and me. I’ve watched them all talk and laugh the last thirty minutes, and now, they’re stunned silent.

  “I think my friends are confused.” Bell turns to me and, this time, I laugh because I’m right there with them. I’ve never been so confused in my life.

  “Are you staying for a drink?” Lissy asks, bringing me out of my head.

  “No, I have to go back to the bar.” I look back and see Sarah is swamped. “I’ll be back. Don’t even think about leaving without me tonight.” I stand with Bell still in my arms.

  “Put me down,” she squeals, so I kiss her to shut her up.

  “Promise me,” I urge her.

  “Okay, we’ll talk,” she concedes. I kiss her one more time, and then place her back on her feet.

  “I’m watching,” I warn, turn, and then stalk back to the bar.

  “Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Jesse?” Sarah asks when I walk back around the bar, but I can’t answer.

  I don’t know who I am. I didn’t think I was capable of feeling anything more than what I have always offered, more than what I have ever been given. But having Bell come into my life has shown me that’s not true.

  She’s a game changer, and holding back from her isn’t an option anymore. She’s worked her way under my skin, and I might not know how to handle it, but I do know I’m not ready to walk away.

  Nowhere near ready.

  Twenty

  BELL

  “Girl, that man has it bad for you.” Lissy whistles as we all watch Jesse stalk back to the bar.

  “Please, we’re just having fun.” I shake my head and watch as Jesse turns back one last time. He smirks like he knows we’re talking about him, then gives me a wink and turns back.

  “Yeah, a man acts like that with all the bitches he’s having fun with.” Manda snorts then high fives Lissy. I know what they are saying; sometimes even I wonder what the hell he is thinking. One minute he runs hot, the next cold. But I’m not going to ask what’s going on. The last thing I want is to push him away, so I’ll just take what I can get.

  It’s not that I can’t see his struggle. I can see when he fights it. Even last weekend when he took me to meet Conner, he was conflicted. The man is fighting his own demons.

  “For now, it’s just some fun. Don’t start labeling us, guys. You should be happy I’m out having fun,” I fire back. It was their idea to come here tonight. I hadn’t planned on going out, but I didn’t put up much of a fight either. Mom and Dad are out of town and Ava is staying with one of her girlfriends. When Lissy showed up at my door I didn’t have a chance.

  “If you say so.” Lissy sucks on the end of the straw.
“So if you’re not serious about Jesse, you won’t mind if we invite some men over, have some more fun.” She nods at three guys who are all looking our way.

  “You and I both know that wouldn’t be wise,” I say, looking back over at Jesse.

  “Why? You’re just having fun,” she pushes.

  “Don’t mess around, Lissy. You want to piss him off? Go ahead. But I’m not having any part of it.” I sit back and wait for her to play with fire.

  “You’re no fun, Bell. You know that would be hot, seeing Jesse get jealous. I would pay to see it.”

  “Me too,” Manda winks, only encouraging Lissy more.

  “No,” I say, not one bit intent on encouraging them; instead, I stand, take my drink and head over to the bar.

  “Come on, admit it. You would want to know what would happen,” Lissy yells, but I keep walking. Yeah, maybe seeing Jesse lose his shit would be interesting to see. But Jesse isn’t the type of man to play games. I’m not giving him any reason to push me away; instead, I make my way up to the bar and plant myself on a stool.

  “Hi, I’m Sarah. You must be Bell.” A small blonde wearing a Liquid apron wrapped around her waist holds her hand out to me.

  “Yeah, that’s me. Nice to meet you.” I offer my hand back and watch her assess me.

  “Play nice, Sarah.” Jesse walks by and gives me one of his grins.

  “Don’t worry, Jesse. I won’t tell her all of your dirty secrets,” Sarah jokes back, throwing me a wink for good measure.

  “Just the juicy ones?” I ask, a little eager. Inside information on Jesse? Yeah, I’m down for that.

  “I like her already,” Sarah declares, and I can’t help smiling.

  Yes, I think Sarah and I need to have this talk. The more I know about Jesse, the easier it will be to figure him out.

  * * *

  “You ready to go?” Jesse steps around the bar and up into my space commanding my attention. After I started talking with Sarah, the night seemed to flash by. Lissy, Kate and Manda, ended up joining me at the bar and we spent the rest of the evening laughing with Sarah, as she kept us entertained with all her bar stories. A few involved Jesse, but nothing too embarrassing.