Desertion

by River Savage

  “New goal tonight. Let’s get Bell laid!” Holly exclaims, placing a bright pink sash over her head and totally ignoring my attempt to shift the attention.

  “What? No! Oh, God, no!” My head moves from side to side, watching everyone nod in agreement. Even Kadence.

  Jesus, help me. “I’m so not ready for that.” I’m in way over my head. A one-night stand is not my scene and never will be.

  “It’s exactly what you need. You’re still hung up on Jesse, God knows why when you keep avoiding him. Seriously, girl, you either need to let that man in, or decide he’s not the only one who can flick your bean,” Lissy says, pushing my blush back into the hot zone. Just kill me now.

  “Oh, I love her! Where have you been hiding her, Bell?” Holly laughs, holding her palm up for a high five. Lissy returns it then they both fall back giggling.

  “Jesus, this isn’t good.” I turn to Kadence and Kelly for help, but they don’t offer any relief. Only telling me the inevitable:

  “Welcome to our world. Just hold on, Bell. It’s easier if you don’t fight it.” Kelly chuckles, leaving me to fend for myself. Taking a deep breath, I reach forward and take my glass. I probably shouldn’t have another drink after this one, but something tells me between Lissy and Holly, I’ll need it.

  “We’re not talking about dating or one-night stands tonight.” I dig my heels in, refusing to get into anything with them.

  “Why? ‘Cause we’re right?” Holly taunts just as bad as Lissy.

  “I need another drink.” I ignore her jab and turn to Kadence holding up my glass. She holds my stare but doesn’t push. Instead she leans forward and pours me more wine.

  “This reluctance to talk about dating doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that a certain someone is in this hotel and we might possibly see them at some point tonight?” Holly continues, knowing exactly how to rile me.

  “Not at all,” I deny, and watch as all the girls look at me with grins. “We’re not seeing them tonight, right?” My voice hitches in my panic. Shit.

  “No, tonight the boys know it’s girls’ night.” Holly laughs, calming my nerves. I know I have to see him; I’ve just been trying to hold off for as long as I can.

  “You do know you won’t be able to hide from him tomorrow night at the wedding, right?” Kadence pushes this time. I don’t know why they think I’m trying to hide… Oh, right ‘cause it’s what I’ve been doing for a month now.

  “Of course I know.” I laugh awkwardly, swallowing my unease. It’s what’s going to happen when I see him that worries me.

  Ever since Jesse called and told me he was going to win me back, I’ve been laying low. Hiding out. Avoiding his texts. It’s not that I don’t want him back. It’s more that I’m exhausted and unsure. The back and forth, it’s been too much for me. Jesse is dealing with some pretty deep issues, issues he has to handle on his own.

  “Are you going to be okay when it happens?” She watches me carefully.

  “Yeah, of course. I mean it might be a little strange seeing each other, but I’ll be polite and won’t cause you any problems, Holly. It’s going to be fine.” I turn to assure Holly but catch her sharing a look with Kadence. “What?” I stop and ask.

  “Nothing,” Both girls reply, but something tells me their nothing means something.

  “Don’t be playing any games, guys,” I say, watching both of their grins grow wide.

  “We’re not playing anything, Bell. We just know Jesse. There is no way that man is going to see you and want to be friends.”

  I roll my eyes because I knew this was coming. “Jesse knows how I feel guys. He’s respecting my space.” I direct my stare at each of them, willing them to understand.

  “If you say so, Bell.” Holly shrugs, not looking directly at me. She doesn’t believe me.

  I turn to Lissy to gauge her opinion. “Don’t look at me. I’m with them on this.”

  “I do say so. What we had is over.” I shake my head, ignoring the flutter their doubt ignites in me.

  “It doesn’t have to be,” Holly argues, ready to challenge me. I knew this would happen. Dealing with Jesse on my own I’ve managed to stay strong and not cave, but with a room full of Jesse fans, I don’t see how I’m going to survive.

  “What we had, it wasn’t healthy, guys.” I’m not ready to admit they might be right and maybe I should let him in. I just wish I wasn’t so confused.

  “Bell, you know I love you, and I will respect your decision either way, but that man has been through hell the last few months. What he did that night was wrong, I’m not taking that away from you, but people make mistakes, babe.” Holly fights his case, cracking a little at the hard shell I’ve locked myself away in since Jesse pushed me out of his life.

  “I know, but I’m not ready guys.” I look back to Kelly and Kadence hoping they understand. I know I’m probably hurting everyone for pushing Jesse away, but I still need time.

  “Just don’t give up.” Holly steps forward and wraps her arms around.

  “I’m trying not to.” I admit, more to myself than anything.

  “Okay, we’ve all established whatever is happening between Jesse and Bell is just going to have to wait. Now we have dinner and drinks to go to.” Kadence steps in, taking the focus off me.

  I blanket my mind from everything Jesse, and focus on getting through the night. Through this weekend.

  “She’s right. We have a bachelorette party to have. Strippers to see, money to win. Are you ready to do Vegas, ladies?” Holly calls shifting gears into party mode.

  “Hell yeah!” they all reply, hopefully forgetting their need to fix Jesse and me.

  “Let’s do it then, ladies!” She hollers before throwing her drink back. Kadence turns her gaze back to me and gives me a wink.

  “Thank you,” I whisper as we gather our bags and start to head out.

  “Don’t worry, Bell, I have your back,” she assures me and I trust that she does. I know none of these ladies will let anything happen to me. They are part of my family now. Even after everything that’s happened, they have been there every step. Even when I tried to push them out they wouldn’t allow it. I’m stuck with them and I can’t fight it.

  “I know you do, Kadence.” I smile and follow them out the door. I have to force myself to not think about Jesse and put away everything the ladies said. This weekend isn’t about Jesse and me. It’s about Holly and Sy, and I refuse to let him ruin it.

  I’m going to stay strong and when I see him, act like it means nothing to me.

  Easy. Right?

  * * *

  “Oh my, he sure is pretty.” Holly giggles next to me as we wait for our row of shots. It’s been a few hours since we headed out. After eating downstairs at Le Cirque, we moved the party on to The Bank, one of the many bars in the Bellagio.

  “Yeah, he’s okay.” I shrug, watching the bartender give Holly a wink. He’s cute in a boy-next-door kind of way, but isn’t anything to make me stop and flirt.

  “Girl, you still have it bad for Jesse. No other reason you would be saying that man is okay.” She nudges my shoulder, making me fall sideways.

  “Whoa there.” Two hands grab me and stop my descent.

  “Oh, sorry.” I look up at the man who saved me. His dark hair is cut short on the sides but sits messy in length on top. Locked in a brief moment, my eyes sweep his face. His nose is long but slightly crooked, like it had been broken and left to its imperfections. A boyish grin spreads across his face, revealing a set of perfectly white teeth. “That was an accident.” I shake my head out of his spell and awkwardly finish my sentence. “My friend slipped.” I turn to point at Holly and watch a cheeky grin split over her face.

  “No, I changed my mind. He’s cute,” she whispers, tilting her head toward the man beside me.

  I turn back to the handsome stranger, before Holly embarrasses me more.

  “That’s okay, not every day I get to save a pretty girl.” He winks. His hands are still on m
e, his grip firm.

  “Umm, yeah, well, thanks again.” I softy shrug out of his grasp. He lets go then instantly extends his hand.

  “My name’s Grant.” His voice is deep and raspy, and makes me want to ask him a question just to hear it again.

  “Bell.” I fit my hand into his. He shakes firmly, his thumb lightly stroking my hand before he releases me.

  “Can I buy you a drink?” he asks, nodding for another bartender’s attention.

  “She’s having champagne and you can get the bottle.” Holly sticks her head into our little space interrupting.

  “Oh, my God, Holly. Go to Kadence, now,” I say, pointing over to the leather sofa area where the rest of the ladies are sitting. Holly pouts but does as I say, giving Grant a wink then turning and walking to the girls.

  “I’m so sorry, she’s a little drunk.”

  “It’s fine.” He smiles again, handing me a glass of champagne. He pays the bartender, takes the bottle and holds it up. “Let’s get your girl her bottle.” He nods, before taking my hand and moving over to where Holly and the girls all sit, watching us. A new level of excitement starts to build inside of me as the warmth of our connection resonates in my hand. I don’t know what I’m doing, I told the girls I wasn’t interested in meeting anyone this weekend, but falling into Grant might have changed my mind.

  “Ladies,” Grant greets my friends when we reach the table. He places the bottle on the glass table in front of Holly then steps back.

  “For us? Why thank you.” Holly acts shocked at his gesture then turns to me. “I approve.” She laughs and the others follow. Yep, just kill me now.

  “Just ignore them. They’ve had a crazy night,” I rush out, excusing their boldness.

  “I can see.” Grant’s grin grows wider as his eyes sweep over each woman.

  “Take a seat.” Holly points to the space next to her but I don’t feel up to her pushing my buttons. “Wanna dance?” I blurt, hoping to move away from the ladies before they make it worse. Oh god did I just ask someone to dance?

  “Sure.” He nods, takes my glass and places it on the table before moving us to the dance floor. I start to second-guess my motives when we make it to the dance floor. I really suck at dancing. Keeping my back to the table, so I don’t see the girls watching us, I let Grant take the lead.

  “I have to warn you, Bell. I’m really not that great at dancing.” Grant leans closer so I can hear him over the music.

  “Well, I have to warn you too, Grant. Neither am I. I only asked you to dance to get away from Holly before she started on you,” I admit. He shakes his head with laughter before taking my hand and pulling me closer to him. With the alcohol rolling through me, I let my reservations go and relax closer into him. Thoughts of Jesse flash in my mind but I push them out immediately. This is what I need. Forcing myself not to read too much into anything, I close my eyes and let the music take over. Grant’s arms come around me, his hips swaying in time with mine.

  “You lied.” I tilt my head back when he spins me to face away from him, his front flush with my back.

  “How is that?” His breath grazes my ear as his hand moves to my hip, dragging me against his hardness.

  “You said you couldn’t dance,” I breathe, getting lost in the feeling of him pressed up against me. He doesn’t reply but I feel the soft chuckle against my back. We stay on the dance floor locked against each over for two songs, before Grant takes my hand and moves us back to our table.

  “Can I get you another drink?” Grant slows as we walk past the bar.

  “Bell!” Lissy shouts for my attention before I can reply.

  “Yeah?” I turn to see her eyes bugging out of her head. “What’s wrong?” Thinking something has happened, I step out of Grant’s hold and move toward her.

  “Umm.” Her eyes dart from Grant then back to the table. Following her gaze, I slowly turn and see what has her in such a panic.

  “Oh, God…” I shake my head watching Holly wrap herself around Sy, both locked in a passionate kiss while Kadence plants her ass on Nix’s lap.

  “What are they doing here?” I start to move toward the group, pissed off our night has come to an end. Lissy follows close behind as I stalk my way over, ready to put an end to it. They said girls only, the traitors.

  “Bell, look the boys decided to crash the party.” Kadence has the audacity to look innocent as I come to stand in front of them.

  “I can see,” I bite out, getting a wave from Nix, Beau and Hunter, before my gaze lands on Jesse. Shit. How did I miss him sitting there?

  “Bell.” His voice is liquid to my ears; the smooth sound forces my knees to lock, and throws my head into a tailspin. Jesus, get it together, Bell. You’re okay. You’re stronger now. You’re not the weak girl you used to be.

  “Hey, Jesse.” I return his smile, hoping I’m not showing my alarm. My stomach starts churning, and my hands sweat. I’m not sure if it’s from excitement or fear, but having him here is affecting me more than I thought it would. “So, looks like the fun is over?” I look back over at Holly and notice she and Sy have come up for air.

  “Well, Kelly was dragged off as soon as Brooks saw what she was wearing. Holly’s about one second from getting arrested for public fornication and Kadence is trying to be polite and lady like, but we can see her squirming on Nix’s lap.” Lissy laughs, breaking it down for everyone who wasn’t clued in on what is about to go down. In short, we are about to be ditched for sex. Great.

  “Yeah, it’s probably for the best,” I say, looking back over at Jesse. I can’t keep my eyes off him. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since the funeral. He looks good. Really good. Seriously, why does he have to look so good?

  “Hey, you ran off.” Grant breaks my stare when he leans down into my ear, reminding me he’s still here.

  “Oh, sorry.” I turn back and look up at him. “Looks like our party is over.” I bite at my lip, not sure how to play this out. An awareness starts to grow in me as I feel everyone’s eyes move between Jesse and Grant.

  “Looks that way.” He sighs, taking in the men now sitting in our space.

  “Yeah, so you can run along now.” Jesse’s voice cuts through the awkwardness, taking it to a whole new level.

  “Excuse me?” Grant turns his gaze to where Jesse sits, then steps around me and places himself between Jesse and me.

  “You heard me.” Jesse shrugs; his normal smartass grin lifts at the side of his mouth. Jesus I’ve missed that.

  “You got a problem there, man?” Grant calls him out, not really understanding what he’s getting into here.

  “Grant—” I begin but shut up when Jesse stands and steps into Grant’s space.

  “Yeah, you.” Jesse’s grin grows deeper when he notices just how much he stands over Grant. A thrill spikes through me seeing him stake his claim, but I quickly shake myself out of his spell.

  “Jesse, what’s your problem?” I step around Grant and plant myself between them.

  “This guy is. Fucking rubbing up on you on the dance floor. You that hard up, sweetheart?” He keeps his stare on Grant but addresses me. Asshole.

  “That’s none of your business, Jesse.” I step closer into his space, ready to take him on. No way is he going to just push his way back into my life this weekend when I’ve told him no.

  “Oh, it fucking is, sweetheart.” He shakes his head, not giving in.

  “Jesse, I’m no longer your concern. I’m a big girl and I’ve got this.” I turn and take Grant’s hand. “Let’s get out of here.” I find myself saying, getting lost in the frenzy Jesse brings to my life.

  “No fucking way are you leaving with this asshole, you hear me?” Jesse’s hand snakes out taking my free hand in his.

  I try to pull out but he doesn’t relent.

  “So what, you don’t want me but no one else can have me, is that it?” I drop Grant’s hand and step back into Jesse’s space, ready to go up against him again. His grasp on me tightens when I mo
ve in close but I don’t read into it. I’m going to stay strong.

  “This has nothing to do with you and me. You’re in Vegas, Bell. You don’t go off with fucking strangers, ever.” His voice drops and his head dips closer to mine.

  “What if I wanna get laid? What then?” I push, knowing it’s not going to end well. It’s like the old Jesse and me. Him pushing, me reacting. I don’t even care if our friends are openly watching us now. I’m too lost in my own anger.

  “Sweetheart, you need a cock, I’m more than willing to help you out. But you’re not having his.” He pulls back, releases his hold and directs his stare back to Grant on the last sentence.

  “I don’t want yours. Been there, done that. I’m not some hang along.” I throw his words from the funeral back at him, regretting it instantly.

  “Jesus,” someone curses beside us, but I don’t have a moment to react when I watch Jesse cringe.

  He quickly recovers before lowering his gaze. “I deserve that, but put all of that shit aside right now, sweetheart. You’re not being smart.” His hand reaches out, grazing my fingers. I snatch mine back not needing his touch. “I’m not letting you leave with him. Don’t do this to hurt me, think about it,” he pleads, and it’s his tone that makes me listen.

  He’s right. Whether it’s because he’s here in my space, or I’ve had too much to drink, I’m not thinking straight. I do want to hurt him, but at what cost?

  “Grant, I’m really sorry.” I turn back to this innocent man and I try to excuse my behavior, but what’s the point. He’s not stupid, the electricity in the air is enough for everyone around us to sit up and notice.

  “It’s okay, Bell. I get it. Here’s my number, maybe we can get coffee some time.” He leans down and kisses the side of my face.

  “Thank you.” I smile and take his card. He steps back, throws one more glare at Jesse then turns and walks away, leaving us standing there awkwardly.

  “Well, that was rather anti-climactic,” Lissy announces, breaking the thick silence.