Kill or Die

by Samantha Lee Howe

  At Peterborough, I see Elsa hanging out of one of the doors, making sure I’m not leaving. I stay onboard. The train stops again at Stevenage. We are twenty minutes from King’s Cross. I mull over slipping away here, but reason that Elsa will only be waiting for me at the other end for when I get another train into London. No, the best thing to do is lose her in the station.

  When the train arrives at King’s Cross. I walk along the platform as though I’m unaware of being followed, but as I reach the barriers, I slip in and out of the crowd. Elsa is way behind, trying not to be seen, but also stuck behind the commuters. I get through the barrier and then run as fast as I can towards the tube station.

  Hurrying down the steps, I hope she’s seen me. I go down the escalator to the Northern Line and take the next train.

  As the doors close, I see Elsa running onto the platform. I get off the very next stop and go outside. I join a queue at a taxi rank. By the time I’m in a taxi to the rendezvous point with Neva I’m sure that I’ve lost Elsa. She may be well trained by MI5, but I also have skills given me by the Network. Elsa had no chance of keeping up.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Solomon

  ‘Where are we going?’ asks Solomon.

  ‘Back to England,’ Subra says. ‘I’ve been called in to see Annalise.’

  They are on board a private jet and have passed through security with barely any issues. No one has questioned Solomon’s false passport or his reason for leaving the country. Subra had done all the talking anyway at security. Even in Israel, the rich are favoured, Solomon notes. He wonders how many working in airport security were on Subra’s payroll. Probably all of them.

  ‘How did you get all this?’ he asks looking around the jet. She hadn’t been able to command so much years ago.

  ‘I came into my power once Beech died,’ she says.

  Subra has been telling him much more since his return. He takes this as sign that she has no intention of putting him under cover somewhere else, at least for the moment. He now knows all about Beech, and all about Annalise’s takeover of the Network. As well as Subra’s frustration over the coup. He hadn’t understood the full extent of who and what they were until now.

  ‘How long have you been on the committee?’ Solomon asks as the plane takes off.

  ‘A few years. It happened after we met, and after you became Jay,’ she says.

  ‘Why were you promoted?’

  ‘Beech had promised it years ago. A reward for work I’d done for him,’ she says.

  ‘What work?’ Solomon asks.

  ‘It’s not important. I’m much further up the ranks now, that’s all that matters,’ Subra says.

  But it was important, because Solomon knows that the planting of him in the airline had been long considered, a well-constructed plan, as though Subra had always known she would need to do what she did. Solomon suspects that this is just the tip of the iceberg too: her full ambitions have yet to be realised.

  He thinks about Angela again. Not the fake one – the real one. He’d liked her so much and Angie had promised she’d be freed as soon as the plane went down. He’d given Angie a number to call him when that happened. She’d said she’d pass it on to the people holding Angela, but no one had phoned, and now Solomon wonders why.

  He’d liked Angela a lot. More than he was supposed to. More than Subra would have been happy with. He wasn’t supposed to get involved with anyone during his absence. But Subra didn’t know that he’d been sleeping with Angela. He’d kept that really quiet; he’d had to, or his cover would have been blown as a gay man.

  ‘I can’t believe you’ve been lying to me,’ he imagined Angela would say if he ever saw her again. ‘You said you loved me!’

  And he did. Oh yes, he really did. It wasn’t like with Subra. Oh no. She controlled him. She was always his superior. Angela was sweet and kind. She looked up to him and he loved her for it.

  They’d met in Dubai. Solomon had been working for British Airways then, and Angela had been with United Arab Emirates. That night she was in the bar on her own. Her co-workers on that flight had been generally unsociable. But Angela had gone down to the bar to get herself a nightcap, planning to take it back to her room, but instead she’d taken a seat and stayed.

  Solomon was sat on a bar stool a few seats away. He was staying at a different hotel, but had slipped away, because he was tired of playing ‘Gay Jay’ for the sake of his colleagues. Also, one of them, another gay man, had taken a little too much interest in him and had been hinting they spend some time together. Solomon thought maybe the guy was onto him and knew he was faking, but not why. He didn’t want to get into it, and as this was his last flight on the Dubai route, he decided it was best to lie low. After that ‘Gay Jay’ might just disappear as he was tired of playing the role and so far, Subra had never explained to him why he had to.

  When he saw Angela come into the bar though, he was glad he hadn’t just merely hidden in his room but had ventured out and found this hotel instead. Here no one knew him, and he could be himself. He went into overdrive chatting her up, and Angela, bored or for whatever reason, desperately needed a bit of attention. They both drank too much and then she’d invited him upstairs. They spent the night together in her room.

  He’d loved being his real self for the first time in two years. But after playing the role of ‘Gay Jay’ for so long, he was nervous. It all came back to him though, and it was a massive relief after two years of being celibate. The next morning, he had to slip away early, but he left her a note with his number on, telling her he lived in London and that she should call if she was there. He hadn’t expected to hear from her, but it had felt like the decent thing to do.

  A couple of weeks later she called and said she was going to be in town. Solomon had been pleased. He’d thought about her and their night together a lot. He agreed to meet her again and found that their connection was still there: it was dynamic.

  She came and visited his docklands flat every time she flew out of, or into, London and they became close after that. It wasn’t long before they were planning their meetings around their work commitments.

  As time went on, and as cabin crew do, they both wanted to change airlines. Solomon received a communication from Subra telling him to apply to Zen Airlines. Angela had just completed the examination and passed the final interview already. Solomon saw this as fate that they should be together. He also knew he could finally shake the gay persona and be himself with her around. They were both moving to the same airline, for a new route to Shanghai, and he barely gave Subra’s orders much thought, except that it suited him right then anyway. When he also got the job at Zen, he’d told Angela she could just stay with him, no need to get her own place. By then they were saying they loved each other. Solomon had almost forgotten that he wasn’t really Jay but he was definitely no longer ‘Gay Jay’.

  ‘Really?’ she’d said when she rang him, and he suggested they live together. ‘That’s great. I have something to tell you later.’

  He’d been expecting her to arrive that day, and so when he opened the door to Angie, it had taken him a minute to realise it wasn’t Angela.

  ‘She’s somewhere safe,’ Angie told him. ‘I’m your new friend now.’

  ‘Where is she?’ he asked.

  ‘Do as Subra wants and you’ll get your little gal-pal back,’ Angie said. ‘If you don’t, you’ll get her back in more than one piece.’

  Solomon knew just what Subra was capable of. She was evil. He was terrified of her for himself and Angela. He realised he’d been stupid to believe she wouldn’t know about his romance with Angela. Subra owned him and she would never let him go. Hadn’t she said as much when she first sent him out into the world to play a role on her behalf?

  The doppelgänger was good: Angie had every inflection down to a tee. She looked and sounded so much like Angela that he tried to just accept her. The first thing she did was hack into Angela’s Facebook page. There she posted a status
saying she’d be offline for a few months as she was doing a round-the-world trip. She waited a few days, responded to comments and well wishes and then she deleted Angela’s page. As it happened Angela had no relatives, only old schoolfriends and flight crew colleagues. She hadn’t been much for posting online anyway, and not that savvy when it came down to it, as she didn’t realise Solomon had a page; he’d blocked her from seeing it as soon as they started to date and Angela hadn’t really had the presence of mind to search for him on there anyway. This all made it so much easier for Angie to take over Angela’s life.

  Solomon wasn’t brave enough to take Angie on, and try to make her tell him where Angela was. Occasionally he’d ask after his Angela and Angie would laugh and say, ‘She’s getting a little plump, she’s being so well cared for.’ He hoped it was true. He had to keep believing she was safe.

  With Angie gone, no one had thought to tell him any more about Angela and Solomon was afraid to ask Subra because he didn’t want her to know how much he cared. But on the final flight, he’d pulled Angie aside and asked her one last time how Angela was.

  ‘They are letting her go this week,’ she said. ‘She won’t know where she’s been or that you were involved. But it’s best that she never sees you again now anyway. You know you can’t go back after this, don’t you?’

  Solomon hadn’t thought about it until Angie spelt it out. No, of course he couldn’t. He’d be a missing person, presumed dead. He could never see Angela again. And when she was free, she’d know that someone had taken over her identity. She’d know that he was the only person who could call out her double as a phony. She’d also know by then that he hadn’t done.

  ‘She’s definitely going to be okay?’ he’d asked.

  ‘I promise,’ Angie said, and she meant it. He could tell. He’d believed Angie wasn’t a bad sort, despite the fact she worked for Subra.

  But not seeing Angela again was his deepest regret. They’d had something special and she was nearer his own age, unlike Subra.

  Back in Subra’s clutches, he’d fallen into his old patterns of pandering to her every whim. He’d had autonomy for three years, but now he saw it for what it was. He’d been submerged in Subra’s intrigue, and any independence he’d thought he had was just an illusion.

  Even on this plane, as they fly back to the United Kingdom, Solomon understands he is a prisoner and he’ll never be free of Subra, not while she still lives.

  ‘Cat got your tongue?’ Subra asks as their flight attendant puts a drink down before them.

  ‘I was just thinking,’ he says.

  ‘About?’

  ‘Where did Angie send the plane? We haven’t heard of it being found yet,’ Solomon says.

  ‘It’s never going to be found,’ she says.

  ‘Why? Why did you do any of this? All for that one man…’

  ‘My dear Sol,’ she says. ‘That one man was very important to me. Especially his removal.’

  ‘Is he dead now?’

  Subra looks at him, ‘Can you really stomach the answer?’

  Solomon looks away.

  ‘Did you get what you wanted from him, then?’ he asks.

  ‘Yes. I got everything. And now look. I have your safe return. My dear Solomon. My beautiful black boy,’ she says. She reaches over and strokes his face. ‘Do you know how much I love you?’

  Solomon doesn’t believe Subra capable of love. He knows that he is just her toy. He lets her touch and stroke him; starved of physical contact for the past six months, he’s ripe for the picking again. But when he closes his eyes, and receives her kiss, it’s Angela he thinks of. Beautiful, blonde Angela whom he will probably never see again.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Ray

  ‘You wanted to see me?’ says Security Agent Carol Brinkman as she walks into Ray’s office.

  ‘I’m up to my eyes in the search for my missing agent,’ he explains, ‘And in the midst of this I get a phone call and an anonymous letter telling me where to find the Zen Airlines flight 723.’

  ‘Seriously?’ she says.

  ‘Yes. A woman. She said if I wanted to know where the flight was, I was to check my top drawer. I opened it up, and there this was.’

  Ray holds out the letter to her. She takes it and looks at the wording.

  If you want to know what happened to Zen Airlines Flight 723, go to these coordinates.

  ‘Any idea where this came from?’ Brinkman asks.

  ‘Probably someone on the inside, involved with the job,’ Ray says.

  Here you’ll find the Zen flight’s final resting place. And all the answers you seek will be yours.

  ‘As no country has recorded a crashed plane, we can only assume that it was sent into the ocean. But that’s for your people to learn,’ Ray says. ‘I’ve enough to deal with right now.’

  ‘I’ll let you know what we find,’ Brinkman says.

  Ray nods. He’s curious to learn where the flight went, but Brinkman will now have to deal with this alone.

  As Brinkman leaves, Ray’s mobile phone rings.

  ‘I hope you have some news for me, Elsa,’ Ray says.

  ‘He ditched me. I’m in the tube security office looking at the cameras and it seems he went one stop down the Northern Line. After that I’ve no idea,’ Elsa explains.

  ‘I expect I’ll hear from him. Michael is very loyal, and Beth was the closest to him here. I suspect he’ll be heading back in after he meets with Neva. She’ll help him, cover his back. It’s what she does.’

  ‘Why does she cover his back?’ Elsa asks.

  ‘I don’t fully understand it. But let’s put it down to their history.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ says Elsa. ‘I did everything you told me to. He was just on to me from the start, I guess.’

  ‘I’m sorry too,’ says Ray. ‘I was hoping he’d lead you to her and we could bring them both in.’

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Michael

  Neva is waiting in the reception when I reach the rendezvous point: a hotel across from Euston Station.

  ‘I’ve checked us in, darling,’ Neva says in an American accent as she leads me to the lifts, swiping her room key card to allow us to call it.

  ‘Are we still Richard and Amanda Ellison, then?’ I say as I get into the lift.

  ‘Yes. The IDs are still good because they haven’t been compromised. So why not?’ she says.

  The luggage from her bolthole in Kingston is now in the hotel room. Has she got me here to try to persuade me to leave with her? I feel awkward.

  ‘I can’t leave without making sure Beth is okay,’ I say. I observe that I’m not saying I won’t leave.

  ‘I’m not asking you to leave,’ she says. ‘I have other plans.’

  She draws me to her. I look down into her eyes and I’m mesmerised. ‘You’re doing something to me. Triggering me in some way,’ I say, feeling suspicious.

  ‘There’s no mystical brainwashing involved in what’s between us. Just hormones,’ she says.

  She is the instigator most of the time for our sexual contact and I know that is because I’m often afraid to make the first move for fear of rejection.

  There is no clichéd tearing off of clothing, just a slow, careful and languid removal until we are both naked. Then as she stands looking up at me, my heart hurts. It’s a similar sensation to the moment I stared at my delicate little niece, except my feelings for Neva are so much more complicated. I don’t feel the urge to protect – she’s perfectly capable of looking after herself – but I do know that it is something akin to love. I have a flashback of the first time I saw her. A little girl, hiding under my bed, while Beech’s cronies came to take me away. Did it start there? Is that why this connection is so strong?

  I pull her to me now, feeling the need to take charge again, and she lets me. My kiss is intense and fierce and demanding. When we pull apart, I see a question in her eyes, but I don’t understand what it is she wants to know.

  I push her d
own on the bed. There will be no objection.

  There’s a slight smile on her lips as she pulls me down with her: I’m not in control, but she’s letting me believe I am. I’m being manipulated even in this, but I don’t mind.

  Afterwards we lie together in the bed and I tell her everything that happened since we parted.

  ‘No stranger just randomly offers you a ride,’ Neva says. ‘You numpty.’

  I shrug. ‘I needed to get out of there. It was worth the risk. Plus, she was cute.’

  Neva gives me a look; it’s inscrutable but I hope there is just a twinge of jealously in there. I find myself wondering how many serious relationships she’s been in. Is this a serious relationship to her? I think.

  ‘So what now?’ she asks, changing the subject.

  ‘I have to get to Ray,’ I say. ‘I need to help him get Beth back.’

  ‘The Network will expect that. You can’t give yourself over to them, no matter what.’

  ‘Why? What will they do? Try to condition me again? I hardly think they’ll be able to do that now I’m aware of it. Plus, it was only ever Beech that triggered me, you said so yourself. That and the drug I was putting in my own milk sometimes to keep me compliant. None of that can happen again,’ I say but I’m not that confident inside.

  ‘They may just want you dead. Have you considered that?’ she says.

  ‘I have, and so did Ray. But they went to a lot of trouble to capture me before, so I’m convinced they want to at least try to bring me back into the fold.’

  Neva is quiet for a time and then she asks, ‘Do you trust Ray?’

  ‘With my life,’ I say.

  ‘Do you trust him with mine?’ she says.

  I’m not sure what to answer. Do I?