Heartless

by Jennifer Sucevic

  I groan as she continues to stroke my dick. “Does it really matter if that’s all I want?”

  Pain flashes across her face as the firm pressure of her touch disappears. My cock is practically throbbing. Skye twists away from me and stares silently out the windshield.

  A handful of moments more and I would have come in my shorts.

  I force my gaze to the whitecapped waves as they roll toward the shoreline. They climb up the beach like fingers grasping at the sand before being pulled out again. I could sit here and watch the rhythmic motion of the water all day. I have a love-hate relationship with the ocean. There’s beauty and grace in it but also death and devastation.

  I know that better than most.

  When my emotions have been locked down tight, I refocus my attention on the girl sitting beside me. No matter what I have to do to wear her down, I’ll do it.

  “Why do you insist on denying what we both want?” I graze my fingertips over the bare skin of her arm. Goose flesh breaks out in the wake of my touch. God, but I love the feel of her beneath my hands. I want to tangle my fingers in her wheat-colored hair and pull her close. I want to lash her mouth with my tongue until she’s been reduced to a quivering mass of nerve endings. Until she understands and accepts that I’ll do whatever the hell I want with her. “Don’t you want to spread those pretty thighs nice and wide so I can fuck you hard?”

  Those words are like a bucket of ice water being dumped over her head. She straightens on the seat and gasps at my crudeness.

  Satisfaction pounds through me that I’m capable of wielding such power over her.

  I want Skye to understand exactly how I’m going to use her.

  Make no mistake, I want her disgust. I welcome it. Not only with me, but with herself for craving every dirty word that comes out of my mouth. It’ll make my victory even sweeter when she finally caves in. She’ll never be able to say that I lied about my intentions. She’ll continue to fight me, but in the end, she’ll give in.

  And she’ll hate herself even more when I use her up and spit her out like all the other faceless jersey chasers who fuck the players. Except Skye isn’t a groupie. And that’s what will kill her the most. That she allowed me to treat her like one.

  With an angry fist, she bats my hand away and I let it drop to my thigh.

  “That will never happen,” she seethes.

  One side of my mouth hitches into a lazy smile. “We’ll see,” I say before starting the engine and driving her home.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Skye

  T here’s a knock on the door before Lanie pokes her head inside my room. “Please, tell me you’re not still studying.”

  It’s clear from the books and papers spread out on the bed that I’m knee deep in homework.

  My gaze stays locked on my computer screen as I finish typing the last sentence of a paragraph. “What gave it away?”

  “Come on, girl!” she snaps with annoyance. “You can’t study your life away. That’s no fun.”

  “When did I ever say I was interested in fun?”

  Fun. As if that’s anywhere on my radar.

  How can I focus on something so frivolous when Dad’s treatments aren’t knocking out the cancer? We keep waiting for him to turn a corner, but that has yet to happen. The chemo makes him sick and he has a hard time keeping anything down. More importantly, the medicine hasn’t lowered his numbers. I’m losing hope and it feels like time is running out. Most days, I walk around with a sick knot at the bottom of my belly.

  “Yeah, that’s part of the problem. You’ve become a real stick-in-the-mud.” She steps over the threshold and glares. “Your excuse this morning for not attending the game was homework.”

  I sigh.

  All right, I’ll admit it was a flimsy excuse. Can I really be blamed for not wanting to spend three hours in the stands, watching Hunter on the field? Drowning in memories from high school is the last thing I need.

  No thanks. This is what self-preservation looks like.

  “That’s it,” she announces. “I’m making an executive decision. You need a break.” She waves a hand at my stuff. “Put your books away, you can study tomorrow.”

  “No, I need to stay here and finish up these assignments.” What I’m trying to do is stay afloat. I can’t drown in all facets of my life. My head is barely above water where school is concerned.

  “Tough shit, I’m not taking no for an answer. There’s a party at the beach and your presence has been requested. You’ve been hiding out in the apartment for the last couple of days. The weather is gorgeous, so let’s get out there and enjoy it. What’s the point of living by the ocean if you don’t make use of it? Come on, Skye,” she pleads. “These parties are so much fun.” Lanie steeples her hands together in front of her before bouncing on the tips of her toes. “Please? Don’t make me go alone. You can take a break for one afternoon.”

  Oh, right…the beach party.

  When Josh had mentioned it at the beginning of the week, I’d felt excited at the prospect of getting to know him better. But there’s no way Hunter won’t be there, and I have no desire to see him.

  Or be anywhere near him.

  Except…it feels like my ex wins if I stay locked in my room and avoid getting to know other people. And Josh is definitely someone I want to get to know. He’s the first guy who’s sparked my interest in a long time. He’s easy to talk to and has a great personality. He makes me laugh and I need that right now. There’s too much heaviness in my life.

  Am I really going to let Hunter stop me from branching out?

  Ugh.

  “All right, I’ll go.”

  Lanie straightens to her full height as her expression transforms into one of surprise. I can’t say that I’m not equally shocked by my surrender.

  “You’ll go?” she echoes, as if she couldn’t possibly have heard me correctly.

  Humor ignites inside me as I reluctantly smile. “I’ll go with you to the beach party.” Instead of mentioning Josh, I say, “You talked me into it.”

  “What’s going on?” Her eyes narrow. “Is this some bit of sly trickery to throw me off my game? That was almost too easy.”

  “Seriously?” A gurgle of laughter bubbles up in my throat as I throw my hands in the air. “I can’t win with you.”

  Her lips curve before she breaks out into a wide grin. “You’re right. I’m going to stop while I’m ahead. I don’t care why you’ve agreed, I’m just glad that you did.” She claps her hands together in front of her and singsongs, “We’re going to have so much fun today!”

  I really hope so.

  Maybe a day in the sun is exactly what I need to get my mind off everything that has been weighing me down. If there’s a place capable of raising my spirits, it’s the beach. How can you not feel better when you’re surrounded by salty air and there’s hot sand beneath your toes?

  Warming to the idea, I hop off the bed and go to the dresser before rummaging around in the top drawer, searching for my black one-piece. As I grab it, Lanie comes out of nowhere and hip checks me. I grunt and stumble to the side.

  “Sorry, girly.” Her expression turns to one of disgust. “That’s not happening. Jeez, what are you? Like eighty?”

  I blink at the one-piece. There’s nothing wrong with it. Who cares if it’s full coverage? We can’t all be perky B cups. “It’s not that bad,” I grumble.

  She stabs her finger at the offending garment. “It’s not that good either. Trust me on this. You need something that says—hey, look at me.”

  I really don’t.

  Doesn’t she realize that I want to blend in, not stand out?

  “No,” I groan. “I don’t need anything to say that.”

  Lanie ignores my protests as she rifles through my drawer before pulling out an emerald green bikini that matches my eyes. It’s the reason I bought the suit in the first place. And while I love it, it doesn’t exactly leave a lot to the imagination.

  “Not that o
ne.” I shake my head and hold up the suit in my hand. “I’ll wear—”

  She rips the garment from my fingers. “Friends don’t let friends wear swimsuits that make them look geriatric.”

  “Now you’re just exaggerating.”

  She arches a brow. “Wanna bet?”

  I frown at the suit she’s waving around in front of me. “Come on, Lanie. Give it back. Isn’t it enough that I agreed to go in the first place?”

  “Nope. It’s my way or the highway.” She shoves the green bikini into my hands. It barely fills my palms. I look down at the sheeny material as it catches the sunlight pouring in from the window. The color makes me think of a mermaid’s tail. It had seemed a little magical when I tried it on in the store. I think that’s why I’ve hung onto it instead of tossing it during one of my many clean outs.

  “You need a little sass in your ass and this suit accomplishes that.”

  I snort and consider my options.

  You know what?

  Lanie’s right. I need a little something to push me out of this funk. I have no idea if this suit can accomplish that, but I’m going to give it a shot.

  What’s the worst that can happen?

  Don’t answer that. It was more of a rhetorical question.

  “All right. Fine. I’ll wear it.”

  “Now you’re just freaking me out.”

  I shoo her from my room. “Get ready and let’s get out of here before I change my mind.”

  Lanie doesn’t need to be told twice. She flies out of my room to change.

  Forty-five minutes later, Lanie pulls her lime-green VW convertible Bug onto the gravel that hugs the stretch of road along the ocean. There’s already a ton of cars parked bumper-to-bumper. I grab my straw beach bag that holds our towels and sunblock from the backseat and Lanie scoops up the small cooler that contains water, Diet Coke, and enough snacks to get us through the evening. We slip off our sandals before stuffing them in the bag.

  “Ready?” she asks.

  As I’ll ever be.

  “Yup.” I hoist my smile as we step onto the weathered boardwalk that protects the sand dunes. Before we even make it to the beach, I hear the music and loud voices. Another dozen steps and the party comes into view. Sun-kissed flesh stretches as far as the eye can see. Girls are standing around in string bikinis and guys are sporting boardshorts or Chubbies. It may be mid-September, but the temperature on the North Carolina coast is still sizzling in the high eighties. The breeze coming off the ocean cuts through some of the heat.

  As I survey the beach, looking for a place where we can set down our stuff, my gaze zeros in on Hunter. Like most of the guys, he’s decided to forego a shirt and is only wearing a pair of brightly colored boardshorts. Unlike them, if the NFL doesn’t pan out, he could find work as an underwear model. There’s not an ounce of fat on the guy. Each muscle stands out in sharp relief against the brightly shining sun that beats down on his bare chest. My mouth turns cottony and my lower belly clenches in response.

  My reaction to him is enough to have me spinning around and hightailing it to the car. This was a terrible idea. I shouldn’t have let Lanie talk me into it.

  Hunter jumps in the air and spikes a volleyball over the net. The other team misses the shot and the ball lands in the sand. Skimpily clad girls standing on the sideline bounce up and down as they cheer. Hunter knocks fists with a few teammates before getting ready for the next set.

  Lanie prods me from behind and I take a hesitant step forward, forcing myself to move. Hunter’s head snaps in my direction. Even though he’s wearing aviators that shade his eyes from view, I’m cognizant of his gaze settling on me. It’s like being struck by lightning and I stumble to a halt.

  “Skye?” Lanie questions.

  Hunter jerks his head away in a clear dismissal and everything that had become impossibly tight, slowly uncoils. I shake myself out of the stupor I’ve fallen into.

  “Sorry,” I glance over my shoulder, “what did you say?”

  Lanie presses her lips together before shading her eyes and surveying the thick crowd. My heartbeat settles when she points to a spot further down the beach, about a hundred yards away from where the volleyball net has been set up. “Should we look over there?”

  “Yeah, there’s more room down that way.” I refuse to let Hunter ruin this for me.

  We trudge through the hot sand until we find a spot where we can set down our towels, bag, and cooler. Lanie peels off her shorts and T-shirt. I’m about to do the same when I hear my name called over the buzz of voices that surround us. I swing around and find Josh jogging toward me. He pushes a hand through his long blond hair, shoving it away from his eyes.

  His face lights up as he stops by us. “Hey! Glad you made it! I was wondering if you’d show up today.”

  My lips lift into a smile. There’s an easiness about him that calms my jangled nerves.

  I tip my head toward Lanie. “You can thank my friend. She strong-armed me into it.”

  “Is that so?” he laughs, clearly not offended. “Had better plans, did you?”

  “Hardly,” my roommate snickers. “She was locked in her room, studying her little heart out.”

  Josh’s eyes widen as he shakes his head. “Please tell me she’s kidding.”

  “Nope,” Lanie cuts in before I can respond. Then she elbows me in the side. “I’m going to forewarn you right now—this one can be kind of a buzzkill.”

  “Huh.” Josh tilts his head as if he’s reassessing his interest in me.

  I wave them both away. “All right, can we stop discussing how pathetic I am?”

  “But it’s so much fun,” Lanie says with an impish grin. “And I was really warming to the subject.”

  I jerk my thumb in her direction and glare. “Ignore my ex best friend. And here I was going to introduce the two of you, but now you can forget it.”

  “Then it’s a good thing I already know Lanie.” Josh glances at her before flashing a smile. “What’s up?”

  “Not much,” she says. “How about you?”

  Josh shrugs and his chest and arm muscles ripple. “It’s all good on the hood.”

  With those pleasantries out of the way, his eyes settle on me. “Any chance you’re interested in playing a little volleyball? I’m sure we can get in on the next game, if you want.”

  Not a chance in hell. I’m keeping a healthy distance from Hunter for the rest of the day.

  I shake my head and glance longingly at the ocean where the bright sunlight sparkles off the waves. It’s a pretty sight. One that never fails to sooth me.

  “I was thinking of cooling off in the water.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  Feeling a bit self-conscious, I strip out of my shorts and tank top. Josh’s gaze stays focused on my face which is a refreshing change of pace and instantly puts me at ease. When my clothing has been shed, Josh reaches out and grabs my fingers before tugging me toward the ocean.

  I glance at Lanie and she grins, giving me a not so discreet thumbs up sign which is her stamp of approval. I’m sure she’s patting herself on the back for dragging me here.

  The tide is out, leaving behind twenty yards of damp sand and seashells. Once the waves can lick at my toes, everything eating away at me fades to the background. It’s almost as if the problems that have been weighing so heavily on me get sucked out to sea.

  As soon as I’m deep enough, I dive headfirst into a wave, submerging my body below the surface. Most of the girls sauntering around in their tiny bikinis would never dream of getting their hair wet, but I don’t give a damn. I feel so much better beneath the water. A rush of liquid fills my ears as a wave crashes over me.

  There’s something magical about the ocean. The life that thrives in its dark depths and the shells that wash up on the shore. The salty air that slides over your cheeks and through your hair. The sand that clings to your body. I missed all of it more than I realized when I was away. How did I ever leave it behind?

&nb
sp; When my lungs ache for air, I break through the surface into the sunshine and meet Josh’s gaze. A contented smile curves my lips. I can’t help it. This is my happy place and it does wonders for my soul. We swim around, bobbing on the waves as they roll in. Catching one every so often and body surfing toward the shore. We volley questions back and forth. The kind you ask when you’re trying to get to know someone. It’s all very easy and relaxed. There’s no pressure.

  It’s exactly what I need.

  The more I learn about Josh, the more I like him. I’m not sure if this is simply friendship or if it could grow into something more meaningful. What I do know is that there’s time to figure it out. I’m not in a hurry to label our relationship.

  After a while, Lanie and Jaxon join us in the surf. We splash around, diving beneath the surface. Jax picks Lanie up and tosses her into a wave. She comes up sputtering and we all laugh. After an hour or so, we decide to head back to shore and get something to drink and eat.

  As I reach for a bottle of water from the cooler, I hear, “Head’s up, Hardgrove!”

  My belly plummets as I recognize the voice. Josh turns in time to leap into the air and grab the football with both hands. A grin slides across his face as he tucks the ball under one arm and sprints across the sand. With his other fist, he punches the air as he lets loose a loud whoop. He falls back a few steps and launches the ball in Hunter’s direction. It spirals through the air, arcing perfectly before landing in Hunter’s hands.

  All the light and happiness that had been flooding through me drains away as nerves skitter across my sunbaked skin. It never occurred to me that Josh and Hunter might be friends. If that turns out to be the case, it’ll ruin everything.

  As if reconfirming my worst fears, Josh calls out, “I’ll be right back.”

  No! Don’t go over there!

  But it’s too late. He’s already jogging in Hunter’s direction. With every long-legged stride he takes, my dread rachets up another notch.

  My gaze slides reluctantly to Hunter only to find him staring at me. As soon as his lips curve into a wicked smile, I know he’s going to destroy this budding relationship. That thought is the only one pounding through my head as Hunter throws an arm around Josh’s shoulders. My ex’s lips move but I’m too far away to hear what’s being said.