Finding Ava

by Jennifer Loren

  “I can’t believe you went out on dates.”

  “Well you kissed and tried to sleep with your ex-girlfriend.”

  “No, I tried to fuck her, nothing more.”

  “How is that any better?”

  “I don’t know, it just is.” He said taking his wine and going into the living room to sit down on the sofa, still mumbling under his breath.

  Great now he’s in a bad mood and I am horny as hell. Surely it won’t be too hard to get him to refocus. I turn out the lights in the kitchen, leave the candles still burning and walk in front of him while he sits, leaning on his knees, and still mumbling under his breath. I take the opportunity to quickly undo the last couple of buttons on my shirt. I barely show my diamond which he specifically asked for me to put back in last night. He is still not paying attention, so I undo a couple of top buttons too. To hell with it, go for obvious. One more button with an inviting stance. But he continues to grumble. Rolling my eyes ... idiot, if he would only realize I am throwing myself at him. He was begging me last night and now he doesn’t even see me?

  I grab his hands and pull them to my waist. “What are you doing?” he asked ridiculously.

  “Sean, pay attention to me. It already happened and it’s not that big of a deal.”

  “It’s not?”

  He is so insanely jealous. “It’s not! I thought of you on every date and the whole time wishing it was you instead.” I give up. I let go of his hands and put my own on my hips, “Sean! Get over it! Honestly, we could be having a real nice night and you are dwelling on some guys that aren’t even here, that don’t mean anything to me.” I keep huffing until I feel his hands glide up my legs to my thighs and abruptly reach around to grab my behind and pull me to him. He traces around my diamond with his tongue, causing me to lose my breath as he pulls up my shirt kissing my stomach, sucking and exhaling lightly against the wetness he creates on my skin. Standing up in front of me, he pulls off his shirt and throws mine behind me, snapping open my bra, he tosses it aside. His mouth with eager massaging moans, takes hold of my naked breasts. Holding his head against me, I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of his mouth. I remain standing as he unbuttons my jeans, pulling them down until his tongue can reach underneath the edge of my panties. Muffling my excitement, I suck on my fingers, watching as his lips brush against me briefly. I catch sight of his cocky smile, the smile that can make any woman tear her clothes off for him and I am no different. Using his palms held out wide, he slides my panties slowly down my legs leaving me nude and wanting in front of him. Sean glances up at me once before moving in and with simple movements of his tongue, he does all the right things while I keep my fingers tight in my mouth. Panting. He gently spreads my legs further apart, while I fist his hair. Naked and vulnerable, feeling his tongue, his fingers, and lips graze against me repeatedly, until my moans become satisfied whimpers. His cocky smile finds its way back to my lips.

  “I wanted to show you my appreciation for dinner.”

  “What about showing your appreciation for having your child?” I asked jokingly.

  “Oh I’m going to take care of that right now, baby,” he said picking me up in his arms and carrying me to bed. Watching me with his sex driven eyes, he slowly removes his pants, reducing my patience completely. I reach out eagerly, pushing his pants off him. Seeing how hard he is, I take hold of him feeling his pulsating growth between my fingers until he pulls my hands away and climbs in on top of me. Placing his hands to either side of me he opens my mouth with his, “say it, tell me what you want.” His tongue touches mine lightly. “Say it,” he said against my lips.

  “I want you … I want you inside me.” I begged feeling his hands slide along my legs pulling them up around him.

  “I love you.” He said focusing on my eyes and giving me what I want. I wrap myself around him kissing his toned chest, sucking on his delicious neck, and finding his perfectly soft lips as he pushes in even deeper than the previous. Our breathing rough and rugged, our hands grasping and massaging, “let go Ava. I want to hear you let go, I want to feel you,” he continues to whisper in my ear, seducing me into ecstasy until my toes curl and I feel him growing larger inside me. He groans deep into my skin, “that’s it baby.” I arch my back against him, gripping him tight as the sensation shakes me and controls me into my release. Groaning he continues, whispering, gripping my thighs tight, and building me up again.

  I grip the back of his neck, unsure if I am going to explode in pleasure or pass out in his arms. “Sean, please!” Rocking his body back and forth, again and again, faster he pushes until – climax. He slows with our release, shivering to the end. Exhausted and relaxed we end the night curled into each other, using our old rule, of no clothes. “I love you so much,” I smile finding my place within his arms as he whispers the same.

  ~

  It is amazing how quickly things can change. Sean has permanently relocated to Atlanta and surprisingly so did Ethan and Abbey. Neither thought twice about moving. I assume to get away from the Hollywood lifestyle that neither enjoys. Mary practically lives here already with her new boyfriend and Randy always follows Sean, and he is especially excited about being closer to his family in Alabama. While Lillah and I, are moving into a much larger lifestyle, one I am not sure I am ready for. Sean helped me pack the house and Lillah’s things especially. I left some furniture for Kyle, who is ecstatic about moving into my little warm house. I try not to concentrate on leaving my home and to be excited about the other parts of my life but Sean has caught me a few times saddened, by the memories I am leaving behind. He tries to make me feel better and I always pretend that he is, despite my anxiety about my new life. However, he did give me one last memory, the day Tad stopped by to see if I wanted to go running with him.

  When I heard someone at the door, I was a little surprised at first but then I realized the day and the time. I tried to get to the door without alerting Sean but he caught my expression and cut me off.

  “Who’s that?” He asked judging my reaction suspiciously. I shrug, unsure if I can get out believable words. Furrowing his brows at me, “sit. I’ll get it darling.” I thought at first to fight him but something told me that it is not worth it. As I sit, I watch him walk to the door, still judging my facial expressions until he opens it and sure enough there stands Tad, all gloriously built and decked out in his adoring, running clothes, cute as ever. Mr. “Boy Next-Door” at his finest.

  “Hi, is Ava available?” He asked without any concern.

  “Not anymore,” Sean said coolly as he shut the door in Tad’s face.

  “Sean!” I stood up running towards the door, surprised by his rudeness. Sean grabs me and throws me over his shoulder, taking me to my room and tossing me on my bed. He positions himself around me so I cannot move anywhere. All I can do is look into his eyes that are intent and questioning. I lie back trying to look innocent.

  “Ava, that was not the guy you led me to believe he was.”

  “No?” I asked innocently.

  “No,” he said roughly.

  “I said he was young.”

  “Ava ... that is not a guy that would be fine with just talking.”

  “I said he is sweet.”

  “Sweet doesn’t make a guy want to keep coming by and still not be getting something in return?”

  I fumble my fingers around the covers on the still unmade bed, “I didn’t have sex with him Sean, and I resent the accusation.”

  “I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m asking what you did to make him return,” still sounding like an accusation.

  “Maybe he thinks I’m pretty?” I shrug.

  “Pretty? Ava you’re beautiful and I have no doubt that he thinks that but that still doesn’t explain his persistence.”

  Sigh. “I kissed him or rather he kissed me when I wasn’t expecting it and …” I am not sure the next part is entirely necessary.

  “And?” Sean asked with wide-eyed curiosity.

  “And he
grabbed my ass and got a quick hold of my chest in the process. It was completely innocent and nothing else happened. I got nervous as usual and excused myself from the situation gently.” Sean gets up, stomping his way back towards the door. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to break Tad’s hands.”

  I jump quickly onto his back. “Sean no, it was nothing. I thought of you the whole time and he wasn’t even close to as good as you.” He smiles a little too easily. I slide off his back looking at him closely, “oh you did that on purpose!”

  “Maybe, but at least I know I’m better,” he boasted.

  Giving him the angriest look possible he laughs at me and caresses my face “Oh kitten, don’t be mad. It only makes me laugh harder.”

  “It’s not funny, Sean.”

  “You should have seen that guy’s expression when I shut the door in his face. It was hilarious!”

  “That was not nice.”

  “I wasn’t trying to be.”

  “You know since your mother took Lillah this morning I was going to let you shower with me but now I’m not.” His laughter stops abruptly when I grab a towel and huff in his direction before walking into the bathroom.

  “Ava, now that’s not nice.”

  “Too bad, you need to be punished,” I said holding my head up high and ignoring him purposely. I turn on the shower and strip my clothes off while hearing him approach from around the corner. “Don’t you dare come in here Sean Grant,” I said hearing him laugh. Stepping into the shower, I let the water wash over me for a few seconds before feeling his hands and caressing lips. I love teaching him a lesson.

  ~

  The days have flown by and the packing was completed before I wanted it to be. We have moved out of my perfect little house and into a massive, more secure house. It is big, modern and has everything and nothing smaller than my old bedroom. I am afraid I will lose my daughter in her own room. Most people would be ecstatic but it is not me, the big white fortress swallows me whole. I pretend in front of Sean, showing him no sign of how much I hate it, telling myself it does not matter as long as we’re together. I am too happy to worry about where we live. However, my nightmares have returned and I’m not sure why and I am not going to tell Sean until I know. I am sure they will go away as soon as I get use to my new life. Besides, even if Spencer manages to get out of jail, there is no way he is going to be able to get to me in this house.

  Tonight, Sean has agreed to make up for my struggle by taking me out on a date, my way. “So, where are we going beautiful?” I direct him to the Varsity, so we can eat junk food and people watch from our car. He is skeptical but proceeds without questioning. We park as far away from the restaurant lights, order our food, and then relax watching the unique people coming and going, talking and laughing about all the crazy things we see. We decide to leave the restaurant soon after a drunken man tries to urinate in the parking space next to us. Sean ushers him to move on and we head off to the movies. I pay for the tickets, the popcorn, and the sodas and am excited about doing so, making a point to dismiss the cash he tries to hand me. “You are so damn stubborn,” he said putting his arm around my shoulder.

  “I know but I’m having fun.”

  “Good,” he said leading me into the theater with his head down under his baseball cap. I swore no one knows me anyway, so I don’t bother hiding. Sean made it clear that he is not happy with that decision. When the movie is over, we mix into the crowd rushing to get out. No one is paying attention to anyone, including us. Once we get outside, we see a crew of guys dancing and stop to watch them from the back of the crowd. I lean into Sean’s chest enjoying our time together until he tenses up. “We need to go,” Sean said suddenly taking my hand and leading me off in a mad sprint. He rushes me through the crowd and towards the car, pulling money out of his pocket and throwing it into the dancers’ box as we pass. I am not sure why he is in such a hurry but I know enough not to question. We are almost to the car, when I hear someone call out his name.

  “Sean!” A low squeaky voice called out again.

  He tenses up on my hand as the voice becomes closer. “Sean!” I look out of the corner of my eyes seeing a young girl chasing us down. Sean is careful not to run from her but continues to get us as close to the car as possible. She reaches us leaping to tug on his jacket. “Sean, can I get your autograph?” She asked shrugging her shoulders. She is around seven or eight and cute with her glasses and big smile.

  Sean stops at the car. “Sure sweetheart.”

  Her mother runs up on us, breathless and distraught. “I’m so sorry, she got excited and ran off before I could get a hold of her.

  Sean waves her off, taking the pen and paper from the flustered mother, “no problem, what’s your name?” He asked crouching down to the little girl’s size, causing her to become ecstatic and barely able to stand still.

  “It’s Candice. You know my friend Lydia is going to be soooo jealous.” She wiggles, exaggerating her hands and expressions.

  “Oh yea and how old are you Candice?”

  “Seven. I knew it was you as soon as I saw Ava, Candice said as Sean looks up at me. I am never going to hear the end of this one.

  Sean hands her the piece of paper and pen back to her, “okay Candice you have a goodnight?”

  “Wait, can I ask you a question?” Candice tugs his jacket again. Sean nods. “Are you going to marry Ava?”

  He smiles crouching back down to her. “Do you think I should?” He asked glancing up at me before giving her a serious look.

  “I guess so, she is pretty and seems nice. She lets you hold her hand in front of people, so she must like you a lot.”

  He laughs, “I agree.”

  “So you are?” She persisted.

  “Candice, that’s none of your business,” her mother chastised her.

  “No, it’s alright,” he said before whispering loudly in her ear. “I’m going to ask her to marry me soon but don’t tell her, it’s a surprise.”

  She smiles wide back at him and then me. “Okay!” She yelled gushing.

  “I know this might be too much to ask but would you mind taking a picture with her?” Candice’s Mom asked.

  Sean agrees picking Candice up in his arms as her eyes grow wild. Her mother takes the camera from her father, who is exhaustively running up on us.

  “Wait Mom, we have to get Ava too!” Candice yelled. Sean grabs my hand pulling me into the photo with them. After they take a couple of pictures and thank us, Sean puts the young girl down watching her smile wide, up at him and pushing her little glasses back into place. Her mother swiftly takes her hand and escorts her and her smile back to their car. Sean waves back at her once more before helping me into our car.

  While Sean maneuvers us out of the lot, I stare at him admiringly. “What?”

  “You were so sweet to her. You made her day, Sean.”

  “She was a little girl Ava, what would you have me do knock her to the ground and step over her?”

  “Well I didn’t expect you to be so gentle and caring towards her, especially after you had us nearly running from her.”

  “What must you think of me? Besides, I wasn’t running from her, I was trying to get away from the crowd of people before her and her mother caught up to us.”

  “You were so obnoxious when we met, I guess I assumed you would be similar with others.”

  “I thought you were some crazed groupie, who was trying to get to me through my mother. I wasn’t interested in encouraging that any.”

  “Well that was still sweet.” He reaches for my hand kissing it softly. “Sean what about her question?” I asked biting my lip.

  “I was wondering how long it would take you to ask that.”

  “Well then I have asked it, so…”

  “So when am I going to ask you to marry me?”

  “Actually, I was more interested in you saying that you were but either or both answers would be good.”

  “Ava you know I
love you and I can’t imagine anyone making me as happy as you do. So yes, I do want to marry you but I told you I have a plan on how I want to do it. So if you can be patient with me, I promise I will ask you. Soon.”

  I smile at him. Crap! Am I blushing? He’s laughing at me, so I guess I am. “I think I can be good with that.” I said simply turning my red face away from him.

  “If you want, I will take you to pick out a ring?”

  “No ... no that’s okay, I would rather it be a surprise. I don’t care about the ring.”

  He looks at me in shock, “you are not normal at all. Most girls would be all over the ring part.”

  “I trust you, you did get my locket.” I pull it out to look at it. “Plus, I like the idea of being surprised.” I said relaxing into my seat more and staring out the window to try to hide my ridiculous smile. “Sean?”

  “Hmmm.”

  I scoot over to him and kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you, this was the best, normal date I’ve ever had.” He smiles his sensuous smile with a wink.

  Chapter 31: Sean

  Ava’s bright smile and dreamy-eyed reflection makes it hard not to pull the car over and propose to her right now, but she deserves perfect and that is what she is going to get. We arrive home, with Ava still in her enlightened mood and me still amused by it. Suddenly I realize something different about her.

  “Ava, you haven’t been getting up in the middle of the night have you?”

  “No, I haven’t for some time. Once I met you, I became more determined than ever to be normal or as close to, as I can possibly be. I tried to tell you before you left that I was getting better. I wasn’t perfect yet, but I was trying.” She said bringing my guilt to the surface once again. “I became even more determined when I found out about Lillah. I wanted to make sure I was going to be the best mother I could be for her.”

  “You are,” I said grabbing her hand and pulling her into my arms.