If You Cherish Me

by Ciara Knight

  For the first time since leaving prison, he thought about the future and believed in possibilities. A real life, not just survival. He loved working at the nursery, and it broke his heart to leave, but he couldn’t be with a woman if he couldn’t offer to be an equal partner. Once he’d worked on his relationship with his mother and found a job, he’d be better deserving of a girl like Felicia. He had to clean up his messes, if not for himself than for her.

  He’d finished all the planting and work for the day, and Felicia was out with her friends, whisked away by Carissa an hour ago and not expected home until dinnertime, so today would be the day he’d take the first step forward. It would take a few hours, and it most likely would be a wasted trip since his mother would probably send him away, if she even remembered who he was, but he’d go anyway.

  A message popped up on the screen for Lacey. She’d obviously forgotten to log out of an app.

  Need more money for us to be together.

  His fingers froze midstrike of a key. No. No. No. He didn’t see that. It didn’t mean anything. Yet, the hair on the back of his neck stood stiffer and taller than a redwood. He couldn’t ignore the warning, so he clicked on the icon and up popped messages between her and who he assumed was Jason. The more he scrolled, the more his chest burned and his muscles tightened.

  Jason: Sorry 4 hurting you, but U know I can’t stand not making money 4 us.

  Lacey: I don’t care about money.

  Jason: We need it for a place to live.

  Lacey: You want to live with me?

  Jason: It’s all I want.

  Lacey: How much do we need?

  Jason: Only need a little for security deposit. I have most. Can you get…

  Declan scrolled down, scanning the manipulative exchange between Jason and Lacey. The man was beyond ruthless, toying with her emotions. He’d never wanted to punch a man out so badly in his life.

  “What are you doing on the computer?” Lacey marched in and flipped the screen around before Declan could stop her.

  “You had no right. This is personal.” Lacey shoved into him, but his chair didn’t budge, so she leaned across him to the keyboard and closed out the application.

  Declan shook his head. “I know you don’t like me, but please listen to me. That man is manipulating you. He’s tugging on your emotions to get what he wants, and when you can’t give it to him anymore, he’ll be gone.”

  “That’s you, not Jason. Jason loves me.” Lacey’s lip trembled, telling Declan she already suspected as much.

  “I didn’t mean to pry. The screen popped up while I was answering some emails. Listen, I know you want me gone, and I think that’s partly because you think I’m bad for Felicia.”

  “You are.” Lacey swiped two tears away that had pooled in the corner of her eyes. “You have nerve criticizing and accusing my boyfriend when you’re an ex-con yourself with no future. Jason has plans. He’s staring a company, and that’s why he doesn’t have money to get us a place. Now he does.”

  A sinking destroyer warning alarm went off in his head—loud, red, and frightening. He knew he shouldn’t ask. He willed himself not to ask, but he had no choice. “Where did you get the money from, Lacey?”

  Her shoulders straightened, her arms lengthened by her side, and she fisted her hands. With a gaze like a superhero firing lasers from her eyes, she crinkled her nose and said, “None of your business, and if you take this any further, I’ll send you back to jail. I know I can. Jason told me you’re a man with a noose around your neck, waiting to swing.”

  “Colorful boyfriend you have there.” He tried to keep his voice calm and low, but the threats she was making were dangerous. “You don’t have to be concerned about me. I won’t cause any trouble for you. I only wish you could see Jason for who he is and not let him hurt you anymore.”

  “Hurt me? He loves me,” she said, despite the slight discoloration that still remained at the edge of her cheek from the bruises. “I told you he made a mistake and he’s making it right.”

  He couldn’t warn her any more, not when she hated him. She needed to hear the words from someone else. He’d tell Nana or Felicia about what was going on. “I’ll be back in a few hours. If you see Felicia when she returns from her girls’ outing, please let her know. I’ll leave her a note, too.”

  With those words, he went inside the house to find Nana resting on the couch. “I’m leaving a note for Felicia on the kitchen table to let her know I’m borrowing the truck. I hate to leave like this, but I’d like to go visit someone. I’ll be back by dinner.”

  “Okay, hon. Good luck and be safe.”

  He went to Nana’s side, finding her a little pale. “When’s the nurse getting here?”

  “Oh, any minute. Don’t worry about me. I’m just a little tired today, that’s all.” Nana waved him away, but he kissed her forehead.

  “Get some rest.”

  After his shower, he dressed in the best clothes he owned, knowing his mother had always liked him clean cut and shaved. Clad in khaki pants and a button-up shirt, he drove through town and out the other side, feeling a sense of leaving home when he took the turn toward Riverbend. It would be a long day, but excitement stirred inside him. Excitement of possibilities that Felicia had made him believe in. The way she looked at him made him feel worthy. Worthy of everything he ever wanted. And he wanted a life with Felicia.

  When he reached the memory care facility his mother had to live in after Zach had stolen all her money, he pulled into a space and longed to help her more. Perhaps if the job hunt turned out, he could pay for a better facility.

  The minute he put the truck in Park, his nerves switched on injecting him with adrenaline. His heart raced and his breathing quickened. He’d faced fights over food, been shanked, threatened, beaten, but he’d never felt like this through any of that time.

  He gripped the dashboard and hung his head, forcing his mind and body to slow. The idea of turning around and heading home without facing his mother drove him from the truck and into the front lobby.

  “Can I help you, sir? Are you okay?” the young receptionist asked, as if he were a patient.

  He cleared his throat and forced out the words. “I’m here to see Mary Mills. She’s my mother.” The sign on the desk said ID required, so he pulled his driver’s license out and handed it to the woman.

  The lady searched through a list on the table and then picked up the phone.

  “I should tell you that my mother may refuse to see me. She’s suffering from significant dementia, and I haven’t tried to visit her for a while. Not since I caused her agitation last time I tried to see her.”

  The woman set the phone down and came around the corner, handing him back his ID, which he shoved into his front pocket. She slipped her hand into the crook of his arm. “Don’t be so stressed. We deal with this often. Please don’t take it personally if your mother yells or curses at you. She’s not the person you once knew. It’s not your fault. I’m sure deep down she’d love to see you. I’ll take you to the nurses’ station, and they can apprise you of her mood today. Sometimes residents have great days. You never know. She might remember you and welcome you with open arms.”

  He doubted that, but he kept his mouth closed, feeling like he’d just broken into Fort Knox without causing any commotion. The men and women dressed in scrubs behind a square counter in the center of a hallway looked up from their work with a welcoming smile.

  “Hello! Who’s going to have a special visitor today?”

  Realizing the young man was speaking to him, Declan cleared his throat and said, “Mary Mills. That is, if she’s up for a visit. I mean, I don’t want to agitate her. I could even peek in on her and she doesn’t have to know that I’m here.” Coward. He was already backpedaling his way out the door.

  “Don’t be silly. Mary’s having a pleasant time right now in our garden. She enjoys painting in the shade. Are you family?”

  Declan nodded. “Her son.”

&nbs
p; “This is so good to hear. We were under the impression she had no family around here. She hasn’t had a visitor since I started working here a few months ago.”

  “I’ve been away.” It wasn’t a lie. Felicia was right. He didn’t have to tell everyone he’d served time as if he shouted his own version of a scarlet letter.

  The man with a name tag stating Peter opened a door at the edge of the counter and came out. “Follow me.”

  The hallway smelled of sour milk and disinfectant, but there were no dirt smudges, cobwebs, or any other nightmarish things he’d imagined. Their soft steps echoed, as did a deep groan from one of the rooms.

  “Don’t mind Mr. Shelton. He’s a little dramatic. He taught theater at the university for years.” Peter used his badge to open the door at the end of the corridor that exited into a sunny, vibrant garden that Felicia would approve of if she were here.

  Declan caught sight of his mother sitting in a chair painting. His pulse pumped hot blood through his body, as if preparing for a riot in the prison yard. The memory of her harsh words and yelling in front of the neighbors and friends froze him at the threshold to the garden.

  When Peter reached his mother’s side and whispered something to her, he turned and waved him over, but Declan couldn’t move.

  Fear locked him in place, keeping him safe from the one thing that broke his heart more than anything had to date in his life—his own mother hating him. He didn’t blame her. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know the truth, and she was ill. They’d once been so close, though.

  Peter joined him again. “It’s okay. She’s having a good day, and the medication the doctors have her on has been keeping her lucid and calm. I’m guessing, like many of our incoming patients, she was combative prior to her arrival. I assure you, she will not be that way today.”

  His words promised the possibility not of reconciliation but of a chance at a conversation. A chance for him to tell the truth. Or should he keep the secret to protect his father’s memory and try to rebuild what he could with his mother? He forced himself into action and joined his mother, sitting at her side.

  When he looked up, he noticed Peter had gone. Only one staff member sitting almost concealed by a fern in the corner remained as witness if his mother attacked him with her fists again. He forced a breath in and said, “Hello, Mother. It’s me, your son, Declan.”

  She calmly placed her paintbrush on the easel. “Well, it’s about time you came to visit me. I thought I’d done a better job of raising you than that.”

  Declan blinked. What kind of medicine had they prescribed, or had her dementia taken hold and kept the memories she didn’t want from her mind?

  “I can’t blame you. After…” Her voice cracked, but she cleared her throat and looked at him with the same cloudy eyes he remembered. “After I sent you away. You must realize I was confused.”

  “No, Mama. You had a right to be angry at me. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you from Zach. You wouldn’t be here if I—”

  “Hadn’t gone to jail to save your father’s life?” She smiled, and the perpendicular lines around her lips deepened. “For a time, anyway.”

  His mouth fell open, but he had no words to say. A bird swooped and landed in a nearby tree, insects chirped, the smell of paint infiltrated his senses, but he couldn’t process anything else.

  Mama’s hand settled on his. “Listen, your father confessed on his deathbed that he was the one who’d embezzled the money. He was in over his head in gambling debts, and when they came to collect, they threatened you and me.” She sighed. “I’m afraid I didn’t see the truth in time. Then after his death and your incarceration, I was weak. I slipped into a dark place, and that’s when Zach Frayser entered my life, dragging me from my depression. He claimed to be an attorney and wanted to help get you out of jail.” She scooted closer and gripped his fingers. “I thought Zach was helping me. That’s how he stole all my money. I was paying him to get you out of jail. I blamed your father for being weak and dumb, but I was the dumb one.”

  “No, don’t say that.” Declan kissed his mother’s hand. “He was highly manipulative. That’s why I finally got you into this place. I’m sorry it isn’t better. I didn’t have any money or a job.”

  “Are you kidding? I love this place.” She lit up like a lightning bug on a dark night illuminating the world.

  Declan held tight to his mother, wishing they had more time together. “I’m going to make everything better for you, for Felicia, for myself. It’s time for me to get my life back, Mom. It’s time to let go of the past.”

  “Felicia?”

  A swell of happiness made him feel as if he’d burst. “Yes, she’s a woman you would adore. I can’t wait to bring her here to meet you.”

  “No.” She slipped her hands away and sat back.

  He watched her turn from welcoming and loving to rigid and distant. “I don’t understand.”

  “No, you don’t.” She picked up her paintbrush and dipped it into daffodil yellow. “I’ve seen you, and we’ve made our peace. Now, it’s time for you to go.”

  “But I just got here.”

  “You need to leave. And you won’t bring Felicia back for a visit. I wish you all the best, but this is it. Now, go and never visit me again. I’ve done enough to you. It’s your turn to have a life.”

  Nineteen

  The sun was already resting along the tree line, ready to say good night, when Carissa pulled into Felicia’s driveway. Although Felicia had enjoyed the afternoon with the girls, she was eager to return home.

  “So are you glad now that we kidnapped you for a few hours?” Carissa drove to the front of the house and took the spot where Felicia’s truck normally sat. Great. She hoped Lacey hadn’t snuck off to see Jason.

  “Yes, it was nice.”

  “Nice?” Carissa put the car into park and sighed. “Listen, I know Jackie gave you the third degree, but in the end, she came around about Declan.”

  “Did she?” Felicia tilted her head down and looked up with her best you’re-joking expression.

  “Okay, well, she took a step in the right direction.”

  “Was that before or after she summoned Davey inside Maple Grounds and told him to get the tar ready?”

  Carissa smirked. “But then when he went to get the Elders together to run Declan out of town, Jackie calmed him down. She likes to make sure everyone believes she’s in control, that’s all.”

  “I get it. I do.”

  “Only you, Felicia.” Carissa chuckled. “You’re a saint. I would’ve been stomping off or avoiding her. Not you. Always the diplomat.”

  “I know she acts this way because she cares about me. It’s just that I want all of you to like Declan. Could you convince them to come here for dinner one evening? I know he’ll win them over if they spend some time with him.”

  Carissa nodded. “Sure. I can do that. Are you ready for Jackie to be near Declan, though?”

  “I’ll prep him. Don’t worry. Have you seen the guy? I think his great-grandfather was a giant.”

  “A giant underwear model with muscles, amazing hair, and broad chest. There’s no doubt to any of us about his physical appeal.” Carissa waggled her brows.

  “I saw him in boxers once. Will I ever live that down? He’s more than just attractive in a carnal sense. He’s deep, thoughtful, attentive, and puts me before himself. That’s what this is all about. I know it is. He’s protecting me from people’s prejudice. He doesn’t seem to understand I’ve dealt with that my entire life.”

  “I know. But that’s what’s made you so strong and diplomatic.” Carissa traced the stitching in the steering wheel. “How are things between you? Is he still being cold and distant?”

  “He says he’s working on something so we can be together, but each time we’re near each other he’s like an iceberg on Mars.”

  “Ouch.” Carissa continued her study along the leather until she dropped her hands to her sides. “You sure he’s
going to come around? I mean, I don’t want you pining for someone who will never be available. You’re too good for that.”

  “Now you sound like Jackie.”

  “She has a point.”

  Felicia threw her hands up. “Great, the world is coming to an end. You just sided with Judas Jackie.”

  “That’s all behind us now.”

  “Really? So if you saw her talking to Drew alone in a dark alley, you wouldn’t plot her demise?”

  Carissa gripped the steering wheel again, this time as if she were going to bolt across town and run Jackie down. “I might order some tar myself.” She took a long breath. “But she wouldn’t do that. Her fiancé-stealing days were a youthful indiscretion that she won’t repeat. She’d never even flirt with Drew.”

  “That sounded like a quote straight from Ms. Horton.” Felicia opened her door, eager to find Declan and tell him it was time to let go of his fears and give them a chance. He was ready to hear it now—or at least she was ready to make him hear it.

  “Wait.” Carissa touched her arm to stay her movements. “You know I’m on your side, right? I’ll bring the girls over for dinner whenever you want.”

  “I know. Thanks.” Felicia slid out of the car and shut the door, offered a friendly wave bye, and then darted to the house to face Declan. After a moment to collect her courage, she opened the door and found the room dark. No sign of him or anyone. No delicious aroma, no sizzling meat, no smiles. “Declan? Nana? Lacey?”

  No one answered. She made her way into the living room and shut the door. “Hello?”

  Lacey stepped out of her room into the hall. Felicia was relieved to see her. Maybe she really had given up on Jason.