My place in the life
Page 16
terrible instant was interrupted by the words of Ivan.
«I beg you not to shake you, you/he/she could be void serious.»
«I/you/he/she explain better us, doctor Smith, the situation of it Feels happy» my father intervened.
«We are not of it certain yet but we think you deal with a tumor form to the brain. We will have to make some special examinations to understand if it deals with a tumor and, if it is him/it, above all if it is asportabile.»
The voice of Ivan came far me from; while he/she was speaking, I relived some fragments of my existence, I saw in front of the eyes you imagine that didn't remember to have lived, I saw even the day of the degree.
The world was collapsing me I set. I kept me on asking the why of that misfortune; I was young, beautiful, intelligent, I loved my pastimes and the people that were around me, I had just decided thing to do in expectancy and now, instead, a terrible mazzata went down from the sky to break all of my dreams.
The voice of my father brought me to the reality.
«It feels happy, you have to be strong. We will make all the checks and the possible visits of this world, we will go in any hospital and from any physician can take care, however you have to be strong and to think that you are able and you have to recover!»
My father had never spoken to me so; I was moved me and I could not do to less less than burst in tears. I threw the braccias to his neck and I received a strong and reassuring embrace.
My mother looked us with the eyes full of desperation, while Ivan was forced to assist to a really agonizing scene.
After some minutes we recomposed there and we excused there with the doctor that showed him, however, very comprehensive and solidale with us.
We took accords to start the other examinations, then decided Ivan that of there twos days at the most you/he/she would have made me hospitalize again in the hospital. Seeing me some puzzled told me:
«We don't have to waste time, it Feels happy. More they spend the minutes, the hours, the days and more yours badly, always if it is him/it, you/he/she can worsen. We have to pick him/it up in time, anything it is.»
I didn't have other choice, it was about to start a long ordeal.
For the first time in my life I saw Laura stay without words.
I hardly returned home from the visit near the study of Ivan I called Laura because I needed to express my fear and my worries to a person similar to me, that he/she knew everything about me and that you/he/she would have been able to help me.
«It is not possible, it Feels happy, there is surely an error. Cannot have a tumor to the head! You are so young, so beautiful. you macaws my best friend!»
«Perhaps it is not a tumor, Lauras, are not sick perhaps. I have to still make some examinations.»
«It feels happy, remembered that in every case we will be always us you near, even if I don't succeed in believing that can have happened to you.»
«I thank you Stephen.»
My two friends were not given peace; that news had upset their existence how much mine.
Laura looked out of the window as if you/he/she had been attracted out there by something; Stephen was sat next to me the lowered look.
Everything to a line Laura he turned verse of me, it came nearby me, he/she embraced me, he/she took me the hands in his.
«He/she listens it Feels happy: you will recover badly surely from this ugly, therefore we don't have to be sad and depressed. We have to think about the future that attends us, to thing we want to do in the life.»
Laura had a great will power; an instant first seemed on the edge of a hysterical crisis, now it was the calmest person of this world. What it had of marvelously beautiful it was the fact that succeeded in transmitting everything this to me.
«Laura I don't know him/it, the whole world is collapsing me I set. I had just decided thing to do after the maturity and it looks what happens me!»
«Calmed, you don't have to do this way. You have to continue to go on to your life, to make your choices, nothing can prevent you from it!»
«Even pits so but I have an ugly presentiment.»
«Is right Laura! You have to react, to fight, to live as if nothing had not happened!» it added Stephen.
«You are perhaps right. If I started me thinking continuosly about on what could happen me, more than two days I would not last.»
«Good Feels happy! You do as me and Stephen, enroll yourself in the university, to a course, to something that you like and that you would like to do for the whole life!»
«Me, really, I had taken a decision, some days ago.»
«Thing you would have decided to do?» he/she asked Laura with curiosity.
«I want to enroll me in medicine.»
It was a particularly fresh evening, there was a strange nebbiolina along the road. It was already spring but me, perhaps for the first time, I didn't succeed in warning the awakening, the heat, the rebirth of the nature.
Patrick was very silent; he/she caressed me the hair with a lot of care, it gave me tender kisses on the forehead, while I held me hold to him, as if I feared that you/he/she could disappear from a moment to the other.
We were in his/her study, sat on the soft couch of blue velvet, where we were found again others directed to speak there, to play, to stuzzicarci.Ci we were found there because I felt like seeing my jobs again, his/her photos, and because I felt that that passion would never have died inside of me. I loved to make photos immortalize the things that struck me and they transmitted me something.
I would have done him for the whole life, also only as pastime. There was not a moment in which I didn't thank Patrick for what had taught me and transmitted.
That evening we decided to see us, alone, because the next day I would be due to go to the hospital and I didn't sincerely know when I would be gone out of it.
«I don't succeed in believing us yet, it Feels happy. Because really to you?»
«Not to ask you nothing, Patrick. Is happening and enough. We only hope how hard for few.»
«You are very brave, I admire a lot you.»
I felt a strong feeling toward Patrick, I would not have sworn pits love. I admired him/it, I adored him/it, I loved him, but I didn't believe to love him/it. It was anymore a friend and a confidante that it turned him into intimate lover but never in true love.
Also he loved me but I believes that also for him he treated more than friendship and of physical attraction that of other.
Despite there was no true love between us we were together very well, we understood there and we compensated there. Just that evening I succeeded in understanding that it is not necessary that there is for strength true love among two people to do yes that these get along in all the senses. It is enough to feel himself/herself/themselves satisfied and inclusive, without strong sentimental involvements.
Patrick and I were so, two bosom friend that respected him and they were loved, however that evening abandoned us equally to our desires, ready to give everything of ourselves, for a last time.
Here it is, had returned.
Now however I knew him/it.
I knew who was.
This time was more delicate, light, it seemed anymore a tinkling, however unbearable.
I brought me the hand to the right temple and I started to press. Now pain lasted more slightly.
I held the closed eyes, with the hope that passed more to the quick one, but I opened them because I felt someone enter the room.
It was Ivan and it brought with itself my clinical briefcase.
«It hurts, does it Feel happy?»
«By now not more because I know that I have to cohabit with him.»
«You are convinced to have a tumor, true?»
«Yes, until someone it won't tell me the contrary one.»
«I admire a lot you, you are brave and flood of life.»
«Ivan, prays you, you make the part of the doctor, now, and tell me what you have to tell me.�
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«You don't want to wait for your parents?»
«No, I want to be also strong alone, without the help of anybody. I pray you.»
I grabbed on me with all the strength to the sheet of the bed and I started to tighten.
Ivan seemed he/she wanted to take time and from his/her behavior I deduced of it that would not have been able to deny what I thought.
«I have all the results of the analyses here. I have made them do more than once. I regret it Feels happy: you have a tumor.»
Who knows because but I waited for that answer.
Ivan had the eyes full of bitterness. You/he/she would not have liked to give me that news but unfortunately you/he/she was touched to him.
It drew near to my bed and the hand tightened me.
«You would regret to embrace me, doctor?»
«Imagine, it is a pleasure.»
It had the strong and reassuring braccias and among that friendly hold I started to pour my tears of desperation.
The only hope that still made to go on my family was the fact that, perhaps, the tumor was benign, even if it owed to be removed however.
My mother was visibly tried, you/he/she kept on repeating that she didn't succeed in believing that that misfortune had struck really its only creature. It reacted only thanks to my father that kept her on remembering that, really because I was their only daughter, it was necessary that I had their support and their help and not the their sadness.
They spent a lot of time with me; I didn't remember to have spent a whole day with them from a long time.
That afternoon we were at our home because Ivan had granted me a couple of days of liberty.
We didn't do nothing