A Curse So Dark and Lonely

by Brigid Kemmerer

  “You’re the monster? You’ve killed all those people?”

  My voice breaks as I say, “Please. You must understand.” I reach toward her.

  She draws back before catching herself. We sit there breathing at each other, my betrayal heavy in the space between us.

  “You’re going to kill them all again,” she whispers. “The castle is full of people.”

  “I have planned for everything, my lady. My people will be safe.” I take a breath. “You will be safe.”

  She wets her lips. “Rhen.”

  There is only so much I can take.

  I stand and turn away. “You must go.”

  I wait for her to disagree. To call me back. To stop me before I reach the door.

  She doesn’t.

  Commander Grey is not pleased with my orders.

  He stands at attention in the hallway as we wait for Harper to say her goodbyes to the people she’s grown close to, but I can read the frustration in his eyes. If the castle were as empty as it’s been for the last three hundred twenty-seven seasons, he would challenge me. But we’re not alone now. The door to Freya’s room is open, and Harper is hugging Zo and Freya and the children. A page waits nearby, toward the staircase to the Great Hall. Guardsmen stand at the entrance to this hallway.

  Even from there, they can probably sense his displeasure.

  Our presence here, my rule over these people in my father’s absence, is based on a precarious hierarchy. Insubordination could unravel it all, and swiftly.

  With a start, I consider my father’s short temper, his intolerance, and wonder if this was the reason for it. When my father was in power, I never thought about where that power came from. I wonder if his rule, his position in power, was equally precarious.

  “You are to return at once, Commander,” I tell Grey. “See the princess safely home but do not linger.”

  “Yes, my lord.”

  His voice is temperate, even, but he looks like he wants to draw his sword and run me through.

  I cannot blame him. This curse traps him as effectively as it traps me. Sending Harper home removes all hope.

  Grey will have his chance to run me through soon enough.

  I pull a folded slip of paper from my belt and hold it out. “Your urgency is no small matter. This message was delivered when you and Harper were in the arena.”

  He unfolds the paper briskly. His expression goes still as he reads, frustration replaced with surprise.

  His eyes flick back to mine, and he keeps his voice low. “Karis Luran wants to meet at sunrise.” A pause, followed by a glance at Freya’s doorway. Then he makes a guess: “You have not shared this information.”

  “The princess cannot afford to delay her return home,” I say, conscious of the ears in this hallway. My voice drops. “Even if she could, I cannot assure Harper’s safety if she were to remain long enough to join us. We may be victorious in convincing Karis Luran to withdraw from Emberfall—or the meeting may lead to all-out war. I do not need Harper physically here to speak of Emberfall’s alliance with Disi. Enough people believe in it for the alliance to seem real.” I pause. “But I need you, Grey.”

  He folds the note and holds it out. Any displeasure is gone from his expression. “I will return as swiftly as possible.”

  Harper appears in the doorway to Freya’s room. Her eyes are red-rimmed and damp, but her voice is steady. She avoids my eyes. “I’m ready.”

  For an instant, the air seems to hesitate.

  Grey wants to refuse my order.

  I want to beg her to stay.

  Harper finally looks at me. “I wish you’d told me.”

  “Look at where we stand, my lady. You know now. If you’d known earlier, would your choice now be different?”

  That seems to steady her. We are all trapped by circumstance, seeking a path to freedom. A path that does not exist.

  “No. It wouldn’t.” Harper draws a deep breath. “I don’t … I don’t want it to end like this. On a lie. On a betrayal.”

  I step close to her. Her breath catches but she doesn’t pull away this time. I lean close to feel her breath on my cheek one last time. “Do not remember this moment, my lady. The important ones are all that came before.”

  “Rhen,” she whispers. “Please.”

  I step back. “Commander Grey. Return her home. That is an order.”

  As always, he obeys.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  HARPER

  The smell of the city hits me first. The air is sharp and cold, full of exhaust fumes and cooking oil and an undercurrent of urine and a bonus of overfull dumpster. Grey and I have arrived in an alley, sandwiched between restaurants and a drugstore. The night sky hangs above, full of the same stars I saw in Emberfall, but they seem more distant here, blocked by the neon lights that shine everywhere.

  The sound hits me next. I never realized how loud DC was, even in the middle of the night. Air compressors and buzzing neon and distant traffic. Even the wind is louder, whipping through the alley to lift my curls and slide between the threads of my sweatshirt.

  Familiarity is slower, though I recognize this alley, the drugstore we stand behind. After six weeks in Emberfall, in breeches and vests or skirts and corsets, now my threadbare sweatshirt and jeans feel foreign. The only things I kept from the castle are my boots—and the simple leather satchel that hangs over my shoulder, which Rhen packed with a pouch of silver coins, half of Arabella’s jewelry, and five bars of gold. I have no idea how much it’s all worth here, but if nothing else, it’ll buy my family time.

  Grey stands beside me, completely anachronistic in his weapons and armor with a flickering sign for Chinese food behind him. His expression is closed off, unreadable.

  He’s said very little since Rhen gave the order for him to bring me home.

  I feel immeasurably guilty. And betrayed. I don’t know what I am.

  I swallow. “I’m here.” My eyes fill against my will, and I hastily swipe at my face. “You can go back.”

  “I am to see you safely home.”

  “You—you’re going to walk down the street like that?” I suck in a shiver through my teeth. I’ve spent so long in woolen cloaks and fur-lined jackets that I’ve forgotten the life I left behind.

  “I will keep out of sight.” He unfastens his cloak and sweeps it around my shoulders. His fingers swiftly work the buckle at my shoulder. “You are not dressed for this weather, my lady.”

  “I’m not ‘my lady’ here,” I say. “I’m just Harper.”

  “You are far more than just Harper, regardless of location.”

  “Grey …” But my voice trails off. Nothing I can say seems sufficient.

  I am dooming him. I am dooming Rhen.

  I am possibly dooming all of Emberfall.

  I clench my eyes closed. “Grey … I’m so—so—”

  “Time grows short and I must return.”

  “Right.” I press my hands to my cheeks and take a deep breath. My fingers slide over the smooth scar on my face, and I drop my hands. “Sorry. Let’s go.”

  He clings to the darkness so effectively that I barely know he’s there. It’s as if I walk the streets of DC alone, my boots making a small scuffling sound as my uneven steps scrape along the pavement. Grey’s cloak hangs heavy from my shoulders.

  Every step is a reminder of Rhen’s words about choice.

  I feel so certain I’m making the wrong one, but I cannot abandon Jake to whatever Barry is going to do to him.

  At the corner of D Street and Sixth Avenue, I stop. My building stands across the street. Only one apartment has a lit window.

  My family’s. Mine, though it doesn’t feel like it anymore.

  I step into the shadow of a store awning, and Grey comes to my side. We’re sandwiched between two glass display windows, close enough for me to feel his warmth.

  I point across the street at the lit window. “That’s my family’s apartment.”

  He nods. “As you say.�
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  I stare up at him. His eyes are cool and dark.

  “Scary Grey,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

  His stoic countenance cracks a little. He sighs and touches a finger to my chin, then gives me a sad smile. “A princess should not apologize to a—”

  I launch myself forward and hug him. In a way, it’s like hugging a brick wall, but his arms come around my back and he sighs, his breath brushing over my hair.

  I suddenly want him to take me back to Rhen and Emberfall and the people who have so quickly lodged themselves into my heart.

  That lone lighted window across the streets taunts me.

  If I stay, I’ll never see Grey again. I’ll never see Rhen.

  He pulls away before I’m ready, but his thumb brushes the tears off my cheek. “If the choice were up to me,” Grey says, “I would have trapped you in Emberfall.”

  “I know that. You think I don’t know that?”

  “Your family would have suffered,” he says evenly. “You likely would have watched it happen, if Lilith had her way.” A pause. “And you would never have forgiven me.”

  There’s something stabilizing in that statement. To know this was no easy choice on anyone’s side.

  “I would see you truly home,” he says, “if you wish.” He glances across the street, his expression as vigilant as it is when he guards Rhen.

  I imagine him striding through the hallway of my apartment building, sword hanging at his side. The elderly woman at the end of the hall who lives on social security would probably take one look at him and have a heart attack.

  “I’m not in danger now,” I say. “At least I don’t think so. My family has a reprieve until morning.”

  Grey gives me a level look. Then he unbuckles the knife-lined bracer from one of his forearms.

  “What are you doing?” I say.

  He reaches out to take my hand, then pushes back the sleeve of my sweatshirt. “I have no coins or jewels to leave you with.” The barest hint of a smile. “But I do have weapons.”

  “Grey.” I swallow. “These are yours.”

  “I have more.” He buckles the leather onto my arm, pulling the straps as tight as possible to make them fit—though they’re still a bit loose. Then he unbuckles his other bracer and does the same with my other arm. When he’s done, he pulls my sleeves down to cover them. The weight of the knives and leather hangs heavy against the edge of my hands, but it’s a good weight. Reassuring.

  “Far more effective than an iron bar,” he says.

  I blush. “I did all right.”

  “Indeed you did.”

  Another tear slips down my cheek. “Grey.”

  He steps back, allowing some space between us. “My lady.”

  My pulse kicks. “Wait.”

  “I have been ordered to return quickly,” Grey says.

  “Okay.” I swallow my tears, but then I throw up a hand. “Wait! Wait.”

  Now he sighs.

  “Come back,” I say quickly. “Can you come back?”

  I’ve never seen Grey look so startled. “My lady?”

  “I need—I need to see my mother. I need to save my brother. But you—you can come back now, can’t you?”

  He’s staring at me as if I’m trying to trick him somehow.

  “Twenty-four hours,” I say. “Can you come back in twenty-four hours? Right here?”

  “For what purpose?”

  My voice falters. I’m not entirely sure. Too much is up in the air, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to save my family at all. I don’t know if I’ll be able to break Rhen’s curse. But I know I can’t end this all right here, right now. “To bring me back to Emberfall.” I swallow. “Lilith said you can go back and forth now, right? Please, Grey. I just—I need time to help my family. Please.”

  His expression doesn’t change, but I can see him weighing the different outcomes of this.

  “You know the truth,” he says. “Of what he will become. And still you ask to return?”

  “I don’t know the truth,” I whisper. “But I want to try.”

  “Midnight,” he says. “One day hence. I will wait here. Fifteen minutes. No longer.” He pauses. “I will not give him false hope.”

  With a start, I realize he expects that I won’t show. “I’ll be here. I’ll be waiting.”

  He nods, then his eyes flick to the window across the street. “Your time grows short, my lady.”

  “I know.” I draw a ragged breath. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  My voice lilts up at the end, almost a question.

  “Yes,” he says. “I will return.”

  “For the good of Emberfall,” I say hopefully.

  That makes him smile, a shadow of Grey’s true nature peeking through. “For the good of all.”

  He takes a step back, and with barely a shimmer in the air, he’s gone.

  I stop in front of my door. I’ve been gone for weeks, but everything about this hallway feels so familiar, I could have left just yesterday. The number hangs a bit crooked under the tarnished knocker, just like I remember.

  I knock gently, so I won’t wake anyone else on this hall.

  Silence answers me, a pulsing lack of sound that beats along with my heart. My palms are damp. I have no explanation for where I’ve been. No explanation for where I’ve gotten the coins and jewels I carry.

  There’s a part of me that wishes I’d just left the satchel on the front step, then asked Grey to take me back.

  Or that I’d begged him to take my entire family back with us.

  Back to what? I think. Back to a war with Syhl Shallow? Is that really better?

  And what would you do with Mom, away from any doctors? Away from her morphine pump?

  I don’t know.

  I don’t know.

  I do know I’m going to rattle myself apart if someone doesn’t open the door. I knock again, a bit harder this time.

  More silence.

  Then from the other side, a muffled swear, and the locks are thrown.

  Suddenly, Jake stands in front of me.

  He looks both older and younger than I remember. I didn’t notice that in Lilith’s vision. His face is thinner, but he’s definitely been working out, because his shoulders are broader, his chest stretching the T-shirt. A day’s worth of beard growth clings to his chin, and his eyes are dark and tired and shocked.

  He jerks me into his arms and crushes me in a hug. “Oh my god. Harper. Oh my god.”

  He’s crying.

  I’ve never seen Jake cry.

  I’m not really seeing it now, because my face is pressed to his shoulder, but I can feel him shaking against me.

  “I was so worried,” he’s saying. “I thought they had you. I thought you were dead. I thought—I thought—”

  “It’s okay.” My voice breaks, and I’m crying, too. “It’s okay. I’m home. I’m fine.”

  When I say that, he shoves me away from him. “You’re not okay. Your face—who did this to you? Where have you been?” Before I can say anything, panic floods his eyes. “You need to get out of here. Did they see you come in? They’re coming back in a few hours. Harp—it’s bad. I don’t—I don’t—” He breaks off and runs a hand back through his hair. “Where were you?”

  I don’t even have a chance to answer, because he’s shaking his head quickly. “You need to get out of here. You need to hide. I’m trying to figure out how to move Mom—”

  “I’m not hiding,” I say.

  My voice is firm, and he blinks in surprise. “They don’t even care that Mom is dying.” Jake’s voice is harsh. “Please, Harper. We can find a way—”

  “I’m not hiding.”

  His voice changes. “Did they have you? Are you a warning? Is this—did they do this?” His eyes are on my cheek again.

  I knew I was walking into a mess. I knew my homecoming would be bittersweet.

  I didn’t expect … this.

  Grey’s bracers are heavy on my arms. “Jake,”
I say gently.

  He runs tense hands through his hair again. “We have until nine a.m. I don’t know—”

  “Stop!” I slide the bag off my shoulder. “Stop spinning, Jake. Take this. Let’s come up with a plan.”

  He snorts disgustedly. “Harper, unless you have a hundred thousand dollars in there—or maybe a bulletproof vest—you need to get yourself somewhere safe. I don’t know why you came back right now, but it’s the worst possible time.”

  I’d forgotten this. How I could never solve anything before. How I was something to be shoved into back rooms or left playing lookout in the alley, because I never had anything to offer.

  I shove the bag into his chest. The weight slams into him, and the coins inside clink together. “Take it,” I snap. “I’ve brought money.”

  “What?” he whispers.

  “I brought money. I want to see Mom.” My voice almost cracks. “I’ll tell you everything. And then we’re going to come up with a plan.”

  CHAPTER FORTY

  RHEN

  Despite my orders, I half expect Commander Grey to return with Harper. My imagination conjures the thought of her kicking and screaming as he impassively drags her into the castle and right back up to my door.

  These thoughts are fruitless. I should be planning my discussion with Karis Luran. I have spoken to my generals, and soldiers have been moved into position around the castle.

  There is still a chance to save the people of Emberfall.

  Perhaps there is time to find another woman to break the curse.

  The thought would be hilarious if there weren’t so much desperation behind it. I pull the crystal stopper from a bottle and pour, watching as deep red liquid fills the glass. I take a sip, then remove my shirt to prepare for bed, moving across the room to toss it over the back of a chair.

  There, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

  The scales have spread, even in the short amount of time Harper has been gone.

  A sharp knock raps at my door.

  Silver hell. I grab my shirt and yank it over my head. A glittering shadow is visible through the lacing at my neck, and I pull on my jacket as well, fumbling with the leather straps to hurriedly buckle them into place.