A Merciless Year One

by Eva Brandt

  It was a strange sensation, as if feeling was coming back into a limb that was asleep. I didn’t completely understand it. I’d experienced discomfort and pain plenty of times while here, but it had been different.

  I wasn’t sure what to make of it, and I was relieved when it faded into something a little more sedate. Azazel let go of me and I realized we’d gotten to our destination.

  Professor Grim’s domain, as Azazel had put it, was a vaguely terrifying looking building shaped like a scythe. The shape alone wasn’t what scared me. It was actually moving in reaping-like motions, and I half expected it to claim the soul of one of the Watchers any moment now.

  No one seemed intimidated. If anything, they were amused. “Ah, this brings back memories,” Yeqon drawled.

  “Memories?” I repeated, despite knowing I shouldn’t encourage conversation between us.

  He nodded. “Professor Grim used to be a teacher at the Academy of the Devil. We were sort of bound to the school at the time for… reasons. Anyway, he lived in the exact same building. He moved it here when that school stopped operating.”

  “It was actually a little funny,” Sariel added, “because he always tended to throw the craziest things at the students.”

  I suspected his sense of humor wouldn’t mimic mine and I braced myself for what would undoubtedly be a difficult afternoon. What had possessed me to come here in the first place? Christ, I was an idiot.

  As I watched, the scythe stopped moving and a door on its ‘handle’ opened. One by one, the Watchers entered the building. I shuffled inside after them, feeling wary and out of place.

  There were already more students present, presumably those who weren’t as problematic as Sariel, Azazel, and Yeqon. The moment they spotted me, they eyed me curiously. But no one got the chance to address my presence, because the Grim Reaper decided to start the lesson. His skeletal face was hidden under his hood, but his dark figure was even more intimidating than before. I wondered how I’d ever thought I’d imagined him.

  “Hello and welcome to Inter-Realm Affairs. Today, we will be dealing with a difficult topic, which is The Mortal Realm’s distance from The Celestial Realm and its new connection to The Shadow Realm.

  “For those not in the know, The Mortal Realm is in a separate plane of existence from The Celestial Realm and The Infernal Realm. It’s not something that can be measured in geographical terms. In fact, mortals can only access these other two realms through very specific methods—sin and spirit.

  “Sin fuels most of the powers of the demons, as well as the transport points they’ve created in The Mortal Realm. Spirit is a more intangible resource, specific to each individual. It’s only through personal growth and deep effort that a mortal can unlock their true spirit and access divinity. Either that, or by dying, of course.”

  I almost laughed at the latter sentence, although it wasn’t funny at all. Professor Grim just said it so calmly, as if he was talking about the weather. I pushed back my unwarranted amusement and focused on the lecture. Most of it had been for my benefit, since the Watchers undoubtedly knew these things already. I needed to show appreciation.

  “In any case, over the past few centuries, recent events have thrown the balance between the three realms off. After the fall of the first Satan and the rise of Lucifer, The Infernal Realm became more involved in the affairs of The Mortal Realm, which in turn, caused The Celestial Realm to take a more forceful approach. Once Lucifer left the position of Satan, a tentative truce was reached. However, The Shadow Realm, also known as The In-Between, remained still somewhat untouched.

  “The In-Between isn’t a regular realm. It follows no set rules. The demonic symbiotes who live there use a unique type of magic that’s mostly inaccessible to regular angels or demons.

  “But as Watchers, you’ve had contact with all these things. You understand both the spiritual element of divine magic and the sinful nature of demonic symbiotes. That makes you very important.”

  Did that mean the Grim Reaper expected The Shadow Realm to become a problem in the future? He hadn’t mentioned anything about that to me. He hadn’t mentioned The Shadow Realm at all.

  But then again, I had been a little overwhelmed at the time. If he’d dumped everything on me then, I might have been unable to handle it. I’d learn more about what was expected of me, in time.

  Fortunately, Sariel asked the question on my mind before I had to. “Professor Grim, why are you telling us this? Do you expect an imminent conflict with The Shadow Realm?”

  “It’s too soon to say. Demonic symbiotes and creatures like them are individuals in their own right and make choices independent of us. But it’s a good idea to keep an open mind to all possibilities and be prepared for every problem.”

  “Can’t argue with that,” Sariel muttered. “If a situation can go downhill, it usually does.”

  Professor Grim waved his hand and the room around us vanished, the walls fading away into nothingness. All of a sudden, we were surrounded by a terrible, dark void, one I instantly recognized.

  It was the same place I’d been in when I’d died. My vision blurred and my heart started hammering in my chest.

  It shouldn’t have been possible. I was a spirit. I didn’t have a pulse. But I felt it anyway, felt my lungs constrict as they refused to take in air. There were monsters, demons, and terrible dark creatures in this place. Maybe it wasn’t sharks that I feared, but these beasts hiding in the abyss between the realms.

  I might have fallen apart altogether had Yeqon not pulled me closer, holding me so tightly I could feel almost every inch of his body. “Shh. Don’t be afraid. You’re safe. It’s only an illusion.”

  It didn’t feel like an illusion. It felt so real, terrifyingly so. But I supposed every hallucination was like that. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be so scary.

  Shadows danced in front of us, and eerie laughter echoed from every direction. The void stopped being shapeless, strange beings emerging from the darkness.

  Sariel and Azazel flanked us, keeping us from being attacked. The creatures could still come at us from the front, but on some level, I preferred being able to see them. The not-knowing would have been far more terrifying.

  “Demonic symbiotes feed on fear and uncertainty,” Professor Grim said, his voice echoing through the darkness. “They’ll find your darkest wishes and exploit it. They’ll turn you against yourself, if given the chance. If you face such a creature, you must at all times remember your goals and strength.”

  The vagueness of the advice made me want to scream. What strength? I was practically crippled by the mere memory of The In-Between. What goals? To earn my wings and become a guardian angel? I desperately wanted to do that, but I didn’t know if it was possible.

  Was I good enough to become an angel? I was trying, but so far, all I had to show for my efforts was another nervous breakdown, in front of the Watchers, no less. The only bright side of this disaster was that not all the students had noticed my reaction. Sariel, Azazel, and Yeqon had prevented that. I hated having to rely on my enemies to anchor me, but it was either that or collapsing and starting to scream in a panic. I didn’t want every single person here to know how much of a mess I was.

  Thankfully, Professor Grim didn’t prolong the lesson. The eerie shadows soon vanished, and we returned to the classroom.

  Even then, I still felt light-headed and unable to breathe right. I should have pulled away from Yeqon, but I didn’t have the strength.

  I heard Professor Grim say something, but the words weren’t clear, as if I was hearing them through a veil. Through some kind of miracle, I managed to stay upright. He must have dismissed the class, because Yeqon and the others started to usher me away, toward the exit.

  “Lean on me,” Yeqon murmured. “It’s okay.”

  A blinding rainbow erupted around us as his wings transported us away from Professor Grim’s domain. Sariel and Azazel joined us.

  This time, I barely felt the barrier. I didn’t know what
was different, but the sensation wasn’t as strong as before. Or maybe I was just distracted by how tightly Yeqon was holding me.

  Either way, we reached our destination with no incidents. By then, I had started to calm down and the leftover feeling of nausea and dizziness had mostly vanished.

  It was just as well, because the moment Yeqon released me, I realized I was in an entirely unfamiliar space—in a bedroom that was not mine.

  What the actual fuck?

  Grim Revelations

  I didn’t have a lot of experience with men. Having seen my mother go through countless lovers and crush her marriage, I’d been pretty leery of relationships. Romance had just seemed destructive and I’d preferred to stick to books to satisfy my need for happy endings. That was always harmless.

  But if books had taught me anything, it was that when men brought a girl to their bedroom, it was usually because they had sexual intentions toward her. There were exceptions, but I didn’t think those applied in the case of the three fallen angels.

  I would have loved to unleash my outrage upon them, but I was still shaken after the Grim Reaper’s class. Just the thought of the unavoidable argument exhausted me. Still, I straightened my back and glowered at them. “Why did you bring me here?”

  “Because you need to rest and it’s not the best idea for you to be alone,” Yeqon reasoned. “Don’t worry. We have many flaws, but we wouldn’t take advantage of a vulnerable woman.”

  “You just had a panic attack,” Sariel added in an almost clinical tone. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t find absolute terror all that sexy.”

  I obviously hadn’t been that discreet in my suspicions. Maybe they were telling the truth. Besides, it wasn’t like they could force themselves on me. Watcher Academy was monitored at all times and the archangels would know if anyone did something bad.

  “What makes you think I’d want you to keep me company?”

  “Don’t you?” Azazel asked. “It’s either that, or your empty room. We can take you there too, if you’d rather.”

  I thought about my bland, sterile white room. The thought of going back there didn’t appeal. To make matters worse, I didn’t know other people here. I hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to Professor Grim like I’d hoped and Ariel was busy.

  “Assuming I agree to stay, what could we possibly talk about? I don’t even like you.”

  “Most people don’t.” Sariel snorted. “But that doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Listen, Delilah,” Azazel said with a sigh. “You hate or dislike ninety-nine percent of the people here. The rest mostly hate or dislike you. The archangels will help you because that’s their job, and the Grim Reaper has a vested interested in you succeeding in your task. But this deal you made is not that easy to fulfill. Granted, I don’t know the details, but I don’t have to. Contracts like that never end well. So even if we’re your enemies, let us help you.”

  I wanted to ask them what they could possibly help me with, but I held my tongue when I realized that was a stupid question. They must have been a hundred times older than me. The kind of knowledge they had was priceless.

  But could I really put my faith in the people who’d killed my parents?

  God, it hurt to have to go over this over and over again. Why couldn’t they just leave me alone? Everything was so much easier when I could just blindly hate them.

  But maybe that was the whole point. Ariel had said that I couldn’t let them to throw me off my path, and that meant more than one thing.

  I couldn’t forgive them, but I could ask. I could at least understand.

  No, I absolutely had to.

  “If you really want to help me, tell me this. Why did my parents have to die?”

  It was a question that had been burning me ever since I’d come here and had been thrown into a world so different from my own. Everyone had been vague on the reasons behind that mysterious battle. I was logical enough to realize that my parents and I had only been collateral damage in something far greater, but logic wasn’t worth shit when compared to grief and sheer emotion.

  “Tell me. Why were we killed? What happened at that school?”

  Sariel grimaced. “It’s a long and complicated story. Basically, Alyssa Michaelis, Lucifer’s current queen, was kidnapped by Satan. Most of the other Princes of Hell rebelled against Lucifer and took Satan’s side. Everything turned into a giant, chaotic battle. It was so bad that we wouldn’t have been able to save your parents had we known about them.”

  I would have gotten angry again, but Sariel didn’t say the words as an excuse. He said them as a fact. Just like before, he didn’t insult me with a meaningless, dishonest apology, and it was beginning to help.

  But the topic of my parents was still too painful to approach directly, so instead, I said, “So this whole thing is a Helen of Troy kind of situation? The battle was because of this Alyssa person?”

  Azazel let out a started bark of laughter. “I suppose it is, in a way, although not in the sense you’re thinking. Helen of Troy wasn’t just a random human girl either. Tell me, Delilah, have you ever heard about Pandora’s Box?”

  The story Azazel told me was so outlandish it well and truly eliminated all my lingering doubts on whether or not this was real. I just wasn’t creative enough to come up with something so crazy. The current queen of Hell was the incarnation of the Apple of Eden or something like that, and she carried the unique gift of hope. At first it sounded completely ridiculous to me, but then, I remember drifting in the darkness alone and terrified. Maybe hope wasn’t such a bad thing to fight for.

  There was just one problem with the whole concept. “Okay, if I understand this correctly, the whole reason why people are so leery in The Celestial Realm is because the queen of Hell has this crazy gift of hope.”

  “It’s not quite so simple, but yeah, something like that,” Yeqon answered.

  “If that’s true, why doesn’t God just take it from her? He could do it, right?”

  Sariel pursed his lips, now looking thoughtful.

  “In theory, yes. In practice, not really. The thing is, Delilah, that all deities have limitations. This might seem crazy and convoluted, but half the time, it’s something they impose on themselves. The Supreme Being is no different. But I’m personally not sure what the truth is, when it comes to him.

  “When something like this happens, it’s usually because The Supreme Being wishes to respect the free will of an individual, no matter what the consequences might be. But sometimes, I do find myself wondering if maybe there’s more to it than that, if some things are just impossible, even for The Supreme Being.”

  It was an interesting concept to think about. I wanted to ask them more, because like this, at least, I had some knowledge about the motivations of the people around me.

  Once again, my plans were thwarted. The door burst open and Metatron stalked into the room, followed by two other archangels. “As expected, Sariel, you can’t go one day without committing blasphemy and offending the name of The Supreme Being.”

  The moment I heard the archangel’s voice, I realized he wasn’t Metatron. He looked identical to the dean, but his voice was a little thicker. Their dismissive attitude was similar, though, and after the difficult day I’d had, I felt the unmistakable urge to punch him in the face.

  “And as expected, Sandalphon, you’re far more incapable of respecting privacy than a Watcher will ever be,” Sariel replied. “If you don’t mind, my companions and I were having a conversation with Delilah.”

  “You were trying to sabotage her progress in her studies. I’ve already warned you about the potential consequences of your actions, but you never listen.”

  I didn’t like the sound of that at all. “Look, I don’t see what the problem is. We were just reviewing some of the information Professor Grim gave us during class. I’m still very new at this and they were helping me understand it a little more.”

  “It’s commendable that you wish to protect these men,
but such things never end well. Please return to your quarters.”

  Up to a point, I could understand that the archangels wouldn’t like the idea of Sariel questioning God, but this was a little excessive. Besides, Sariel was a fallen angel. What did they expect, for him to suddenly decide he had complete faith in the world he’d left behind?

  Azazel gripped my hand and shot me a quick smile. “It’s fine, Delilah. Let us handle this, okay? Sorry for getting you involved.”

  “But I don’t understand…”

  “It’s fine,” Sariel repeated. Turning toward Sandalphon, he said, “Look, I’ll go along with whatever you want, but we promised Ariel to take care of Delilah. We have to leave her at The Halls of Truth.”

  One of the angels with Sandalphon immediately jumped in. “I can—”

  “No,” Yeqon cut him off. “No one asked you. It’s our promise.”

  “Fine,” Sandalphon said. “But you don’t need three people to deliver one would-be guardian angel to her bedchambers, and today, I only have an interest in Sariel.”

  “Lucky, lucky me,” Sariel muttered.

  Yeqon swept me away in a flash of light before I could figure out what was going on. We reappeared in front of The Halls of Truth, with him looking more than a little rattled. “Be careful, Delilah,” he told me. “Remember, archangels will always see the world in black and white. Maybe we can’t help you as much as we’d like, but try to make up your own mind about things. They might all act like being human is bad, but it’s not. Never forget that.”

  And with that, he was gone, leaving me more baffled and confused than ever. My spine buzzed, my incipient wings aching again. Things weren’t black and white, no, but I wished they had been.

  * * *

  With time having no meaning at Watcher Academy, it was hard to say how long it took for me to see the trio again. If I had to guess, at least a week passed before anything of significance happened.