Descension

by Shani Struthers

  “I can’t believe…” It was Jessica, her hand also at her throat.

  In contrast, Ruby could believe it. It was all making such terrible sense.

  “I’m sorry,” Sarah continued, looking at Ruby rather than Jessica. “Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve said to you, about embracing the light and rejecting the darkness – encouraging the good wolf within you, starving the bad wolf – it wasn’t because I ever feared you were anything like Hames; I didn’t. You come from a long line of female psychics; you carry the strength of all of us in your soul. You shine, Ruby, brighter than anyone I’ve ever known. All this man ever did was plant a seed, but your heritage, your true heritage is what counts; the Davis bloodline.”

  Jessica was still aghast. “You conjured demons too? You did exactly what I did.”

  Sarah denied it. “Not exactly, there was good intent at the root of my conjuring.”

  “Good intent and demons don’t belong in the same sentence!” Jessica’s shrill voice made both Sarah and Ruby flinch. “I felt so guilty because of what I did and how it ruined us as a family; for so long it ruined us, and sometimes, when you thought I was looking beyond you, I wasn’t, I was looking at you, I could see what a disappointment I was, your wayward child. And yet you were capable of the same thing. Rosamund too if she wrote about it. We’ve all played with fire!”

  Ruby didn’t know if it was shock making her mother say these things, but it wasn’t fair. Sarah had explained why she’d done it; why she’d sent a man insane. It was because she believed he was a danger to her grandchild, a very real danger.

  “Mum…” she began, but Jessica had shot to her feet and was towering over Sarah. Beside her, Jed had started to growl, his head lowered.

  “You’re no better than me, you and Rosamund, but I suffered because of what I did, whereas you perhaps didn’t. You think it’s easy to conjure demons? It isn’t. It takes time, it takes effort, and it takes dedication. And it should never, ever, be done. You could have gone to the police, got their help; but no, you used evil to fight evil. It’s the worst thing you can do, tear back the veil and let demons come flooding through. Once opened, it’ll never shut again. Not fully. And what you’ve unleashed, one day, when it’s fed enough, it’ll return to sender. Then what? How are we going to handle it? Oh God, Mum, why didn’t you just do what normal people do and call the police!”

  Sarah tried to stand, to reach out to a distraught Jessica. “Darling, I was just so scared. You said he had a certain something about him; that he was charismatic. I agree. He was. What if he sweet-talked the police; made me look as though I was the one that was a danger to you. As her father, he’d have had rights.”

  “If he was her father!” Jessica screamed.

  At last Sarah was on her feet. “He was! But more than that, he believed he was.”

  “But you still shouldn’t have done it! All that preaching about the light – that there’s no such thing as evil, that demons don’t exist – you drummed it into us, into Ruby especially, day in day out, and then you went and did this? You bloody hypocrite!”

  Ruby had heard enough. Able to move at last, she too darted forwards, intent on drawing her mother back; of putting some space between the two women, but as she did her attention shifted. Sarah’s hand was raised, not clutching at her throat this time, but at her chest, all colour steadily draining from her face. No, thought Ruby, staring at her, no, no, no. Gran suffered with her heart, having collapsed nearly two years ago; surely she wasn’t going to collapse again.

  Jessica must have noticed too. Instead of continuing to berate Sarah, she was calling out to her, asking what was happening and whether she was all right. As Sarah tumbled forwards, she hit the table; a table that seemed to be made of rubber rather than wood as she bounced off it and fell sideways on to the floor.

  “Mum!”

  “Gran!”

  Jed rushed to the old woman’s side too and started to sniff around her.

  Her knees buckling once again, Ruby sank down beside Sarah, lifted her head and began to cradle it. Dragging her eyes away from Sarah’s supine form, she beseeched Jessica. “Mum, get a blanket from the front room. Quickly. Go.”

  “A blanket? But Ruby—”

  “GO!”

  “There… there’s no point.”

  “You have to get one, please; you know the one I mean, the wool blanket, the warm one, that’s on the arm of her chair. It has to be warm because she’s growing cold. So cold. Why is she? I don’t understand. Mum, she needs that blanket.”

  Instead of obeying, Jessica knelt too. “Ruby, look at Gran, just look at her.”

  Ruby began to shake her head. “No, Mum, no. I… I can’t.”

  “Look.” Tears had drenched Jessica’s cheeks. “Oh God, Ruby, you have to look.”

  At last Ruby did as she asked. This was not a night to hide from truths, although she wanted to; she wanted to so desperately. “Gran?” Her voice broke as she said it.

  So pale she looked, so still; the silver of her eyes no longer bright but dull. Sightless eyes, Ruby gradually came to realise. With no life behind them at all.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  How they got to hospital, Ruby couldn’t recall. Part of her was forever stuck in the kitchen at Lazuli Cottage, watching as Gran bounced off the kitchen table – the one they’d dined at so many times over the years, she and Gran in particular, the two of them – listening to the thud as she hit the floor. Such a sickening sound.

  Gran had gone, truly gone. There was no sense of her spirit remaining; her essence. She was in the light, where she belonged. She’d crossed over. But to leave that way, Jessica arguing with her, calling her a hypocrite and while Ruby just sat there, not intervening sooner. If she had, would Gran still be alive? Guilt seized her. It had seized them both. As they knelt by Sarah’s body in the kitchen, her mother had eventually begun to wail and to tear at her hair in a maddened gesture, until Ruby had stopped her. But she couldn’t console her. Jed had done that. Instead, Ruby had become numb inside, her heart like a lake that had frozen over.

  In the cold glare of the waiting room, Ruby and Jessica were sitting side by side on cheap plastic seats, staring at the wall in front of them, waiting for a doctor to make an official declaration regarding Sarah’s cause of death.

  “Hames can’t be your father; he can’t be,” Jessica was muttering.

  “Why are we talking about this now?” Ruby’s voice was just as low.

  “I… I… I just… That test they did, it could be wrong, or his daughter could have tampered with it. You said she was suspicious of you, perhaps she was jealous too.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “But it can’t be Hames.”

  Ruby turned to her mother. Her body was shaking, just as Ruby’s was shaking. “Was there anyone else during that time, besides Hames?”

  Jessica shook her head. “No… not during that time.”

  “There you go then. It’s him.” The monster.

  Saul entered the waiting room and walked straight to Jessica, who’d stood up at the sight of him, and hugged her fiercely to his chest. “Oh Jessica, I’m so sorry. But don’t worry, please don’t worry, I’m here. I’ll look after you from now on. You can move in with me and Dad; the house is big enough. Both of us will look after you.”

  Breaking down yet again, Jessica sobbed loudly against Saul’s chest, whilst Ruby, who had also got to her feet, looked on, her eyes curiously dry. When at last Jessica had calmed, Saul broke away, moved towards Ruby and hugged her too, albeit tentatively. “I’m so sorry,” he said again.

  After he had let Ruby go, Jessica mentioned she’d also contacted Cash.

  Ruby glared at her. “You’ve done what?”

  “Surely you’d want me to?”

  “But…” Of course! Jessica didn’t know about their argument, Ruby hadn’t told her yet. “What did he say?”

  “He’s on his way.”

  No sooner had she said it than the
doors burst open again and Cash entered, Jed barking happily to see him. As Saul had done with Jessica, he enfolded Ruby in a fierce hug, whispering words that were much the same. I’m sorry. Don’t worry. I’m here now. I’ll look after you. She should be glad to hear them, hug him back and cling to him, her last remaining rock; but she couldn’t seem to summon the energy. Instead she remained mute and stiff, eventually causing him to pull away.

  His eyes, they were like deep wells, emotion pooling in them – love, concern, and warmth too – all the things she was terrified she might not see again, but had desperately wanted to. Strangely, it didn’t seem to matter now.

  At last, the official declaration was made – myocardial infarction was the likely cause of Sarah’s death. A heart attack in other words, and now the work of dealing with her corpse would begin. Gran didn’t want any fuss, she’d made that clear enough in the past. She wanted her body to be cremated and her ashes scattered on water. She’d loved living in a seaside town and would walk by the sea when she was able to; listening to the sound of the seagulls overhead and watching as the fishermen sailed their bright little boats back to shore to unload the day’s catch. For Ruby, registering her demise and organising the funeral would take priority, over and above everything else.

  As the four of them eventually returned to Lazuli Cottage, Ruby was aware Cash kept glancing at her, she able to meet his gaze only every now and again. He looked nervous and upset, seeking reassurance perhaps when she had none to give.

  Later, as they sat nursing cups of tea in the living room – Ruby had refused to drink hers in the kitchen – she reached for her phone and began texting.

  “Is that Theo you’re texting, or Ness?” Cash enquired.

  “It’s Eclipse,” she answered. If Cash was going to take umbrage, then let him; she had nothing to hide. “I’m letting him know that I may not be around for a few days, I’m saying sorry… about the asylum. I know how much it meant to him.”

  “It can’t be helped,” was Cash’s solemn reply.

  Jessica intervened. “Darling, I can deal with matters here, you know, until…” she swallowed, unable to continue.

  Ruby shook her head. “I need to be here too, at least for a couple of days.”

  They were days that passed in a blur, taken up with completing paperwork and organising a date for the funeral – the earliest they could get – which was a week away. Cash had phoned Theo, Ness and Corinna and told them about Sarah, but so far they knew nothing about Ruby’s supposed connection with Aaron Hames, and nor did Cash. Jessica hadn’t said anything either, understanding Ruby’s need to come to terms with it first. At night, she’d lie in her childhood bed with Cash beside her. He wanted to hold her close but she turned on her side. During those quiet hours she took the time to think. Jed would also lie at the bottom of the bed, not settling, not really, none of them did; they’d all remain awake, even Cash, staring at walls or the ceiling.

  “I was an idiot,” he’d whispered on the first night. “A total idiot. Can I explain why?”

  “Okay,” she whispered back, despite no real urge to know.

  “It wasn’t just about Eclipse, although yeah, I discovered I’ve got quite a jealous streak. I never really knew that before, it came as a surprise to me as much as anyone. I’m not making excuses here, but maybe it’s because I’ve never cared about someone so much.” There was a brief moment of silence; perhaps he was expecting her to comment. When she didn’t, he continued. “It was this whole dad issue too. It stirred something up inside me, something that had its roots in jealousy as well, I think. You were just so excited you’d found him, and he seemed like a nice guy; interested in you. My dad, well, you know about my dad. He’s got his new family. He’s not interested in Presley or me. Whatever. None of it’s your fault, but I took it out on you. Like I said, I’m a prick. Can you ever forgive me?”

  “We’ve all got our flaws, Cash, even you.”

  He’d laughed but it was humourless. “You used to call me ‘the ideal boyfriend’.”

  “Yeah, well, now I tend to think idealism’s overrated.”

  She’d wanted to tell him at that point, but in the end she couldn’t. He’s not my dad, Cash. Peter Gregory’s not my dad.

  * * *

  On Friday morning, she came to a decision. At a few minutes past six, Ruby rose from bed, leaving Cash to stare after her, puzzled. She padded across the landing to Jessica’s room, where she knocked on the door, poking her head round when Jessica called her in.

  It was strange to see her mother in bed with a man, but Saul was good for her; she was committed to him and vice versa. Time really could change so much. As most of the funeral arrangements had been taken care of, Ruby asked Jessica if it would be okay if she and Cash returned to Lewes for a day or so.

  “Of course, if you think you’re going to be okay.”

  Ruby simply nodded.

  “Are you going back to work? I know that building on the Brookbridge estate was due to be torn down. Actually it’s today, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, it’s today.”

  Jessica exhaled and made to get out of bed. “I’ll make some breakfast before you go.”

  “Mum, don’t get up, it’s still really early. Besides, I’m not hungry.”

  “Cash will be.”

  Ruby attempted a smile. “Probably, but he can grab something later. Please, there’s no need to fuss. Just… let us leave.”

  Jessica looked upset but tried to smile too. “Okay, Ruby, if that’s what you want. Let Cash take care of you though, don’t keeping pushing him away.”

  “I’m not.”

  If she thought Jessica might argue with her, she was wrong. “I’ll see you very soon,” was all she said.

  Instead of returning to her own bedroom, Ruby crossed over to Sarah’s and slipped inside. She’d been in here after Sarah had passed to look for her birth certificate and will, kept in a bedside drawer, but she hadn’t been alone; Cash had been with her. This was the first time in a long while she’d been in here alone. Hoping that she wouldn’t be disturbed and that her mother hadn’t heard the door squeaking as it opened, she sat down on the bed. In her mind she imagined a scene from long ago: Sarah sitting in the exact same spot after Hames’ most recent visit, her insides turning to jelly because she was so terrified of what he might do and the threats he was making.

  Jessica was right: she could have gone to the police, but Gran was right too. The police might not have taken her seriously. Would they have provided round-the-clock protection, intent on preventing a serious crime being committed, or an abduction? Or, as happened so often nowadays, would they only pull out all the stops after the event? She stared at the bureau, as Gran must have stared at the bureau; a repository that had harboured such terrible knowledge. Again Jessica was right when she’d said that what Sarah had done had been too much. Her father had descended into madness because of it – extreme madness – and at least one death had resulted from it that Ruby knew of. There were consequences to actions, always. And, as Jessica had also pointed out, whatever had been sent after him would eventually return. But Sarah was dead, so who would be sought out instead? Who knew? She didn’t. She and Jessica would have to be on their guard, probably for the rest of their lives. That was Gran’s legacy. But despite that, she wouldn’t blame Sarah; she refused to. That bureau, she couldn’t tear her eyes from it. Would she have done the same in Gran’s shoes? Given in to desperation? Would she have made the trade? Perhaps. And that’s why she didn’t blame her, and perhaps Jessica didn’t either, not deep down – because when it came to it they would all have made the trade.

  It took a moment to realise that she had her hands clasped together; that she was wringing them in anguish, just as Sarah might have done. Taking a deep breath, she inhaled for a count of four then exhaled for a count of four, a method of keeping herself calm in the face of adversity. It worked. After a while she was able to place her hands on her knees and breathe evenly. Slowly rising, sh
e glanced around her, at all of Sarah’s belongings. I’m glad you didn’t stay, Gran, I’m glad you’re in the light. And I’m sorry if it was a hard life, that there was so much adversity in it. But there was a lot of love too, wasn’t there? I loved you, Gran, and I always will. Whatever happens from hereon in, I’ll deal with it. Thanks to you, I have that chance.

  Taking a final look around, she left Sarah’s room and returned to her own. On seeing her, Cash sat up.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “As much as I’ll ever be. I need to go back to Lewes.”

  “To see the team?”

  She nodded. “I need to arrange with Theo and Ness to see my father.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  It was barely nine o’ clock and yet the Psychic Surveys team had gathered in their entirety, Cash and Jed included, not in Ruby’s office, but in Ness’s house.

  As Ruby spoke, her tone calm and measured, there were various gasps of surprise, Cash and Ness in particular staring at her in stunned surprise.

  “So Peter’s not your dad?” Cash had to check and double-check. “Hames is?”

  Ness echoed what Jessica had said. “He can’t be.”

  “Why not?” Ruby asked, looking directly at her. “Why can’t he be?”

  “He’s so… unlike you.”

  “In looks?”

  “Of course in looks! Although…”

  “Although now I’ve mentioned it, there is a similarity, isn’t there?” Ruby finished when Ness faltered. “Where is it? Around the eyes? The shape of the mouth? The nose perhaps. In what way do I look like him?”

  Theo rose from the seat she’d been occupying in order to sit closer to Ruby. “Sweetheart, to confirm parentage, we’d need to do a test.”

  “More tests?” Ruby raised an eyebrow. “I’m a bit sick of tests to be honest.”