A commotion in the hallway caught her attention, then the smell of tomato and garlic pasta sauce alerted her senses, and made her stomach grumble. Hum, lunch. About time.
She made her way down to the cafeteria, where she met Laura, who was in a conversation with a group of patients.
“Jackie, this is Tom, Scott, Dan, Steve, Russell, and Warren. Gentlemen, this is Jackie.” Friendly waves and collective nods were exchanged. “Maybe you gents can fill Jackie in on the rumours, I know how you all like to gossip?” Laura winked, then left them to get acquainted.
“Hell, we don’t want to scare her off,” Scott chuckled. His Adam’s apple bobbed like a fisherman’s float in a lake, while odd noises escaped from his throat.
“So, Jackie, what regiment were you in?” Steve asked.
Jackie cleared her throat. Oh, here we go. ‘I’m better than you are, egotistical bullshit bragging.’ “Royal Yeomanry.” I suppose I had better show interest. “You?”
“Royal Armoured Corps.”
“You didn’t say what rank you are. I bet you’re a warrant officer.”
“I’m a Major.”
They all saluted her.
The hairs on the nape of her neck stiffened; she hadn’t wanted to draw any immediate attention to herself. But getting what she wanted or expected seemed to be the opposite of her reality. Everyone in the room saluted her.
•••
Lunch was a whole whopping bowl of spaghetti bolognaise, and a slice of garlic toast, which she ate with relish. She hadn’t anticipated it would be as good as it was.
Tom, the youngest of the group, who’d lost both legs and the lower half of his left arm during combat, leaned forward in his wheelchair. “So, who’s your physiotherapist? You better pray it’s not Bubba…I mean Barbara.”
“I’m not sure. I haven’t seen my schedule yet.” She crossed her arms over her chest and looked each of them directly in the eyes. “And what’s so wrong with this Barbara woman, anyway?”
“She’s a bloody sadist! I swear she gets pleasure from our pain. She’s a right hard ass. Considering you’re a Major, she might not be such a bitch to you.”
I doubt she’ll go any easier on me, and I hope I don’t get her, she thought.
She glanced at the clock on the wall and realised her children would be there in half an hour. “Sorry, but I need to go back to my room.”
As she made her way towards the door, Tom called out behind her to inform her she would be welcome to join them in a game of cards any time.
Yeah, whatever! She left the cafeteria and headed towards her room, where, just before reaching it, Laura caught up to her.
“I hope the food was satisfactory?” she asked.
“It was okay.” She doesn’t need to know I liked it. “I take it those are my orders in that folder under your arm?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Great. Can we make this quick? My twins will be here soon—”
A woman who looked vaguely familiar to Jackie passed them in the hallway. About five foot nine, she had the softest blue eyes, like the cool shade of a forget-me-not. Jackie perked up as her pulse increased, and the object of her attention halted. It was as if time stood still as the woman glanced her way and gave a slight smile, before she continued on down the hallway.
•••
Back inside Jackie’s room, Laura dropped the folder on the bed, which caused Jackie to jolt out of her preoccupied thoughts. Laura pulled a piece of paper from the folder and handed it to her. “As of tomorrow, this will be your schedule. Your physiotherapy, occupational therapy, and PT classes are all mapped out.”
Jackie turned her face to look at the window and let out a long, exhausted sigh, her disinterest for her schedule obvious. “I guess with a strict schedule the recovery rate will be quicker.”
“It can be. It’s been shown that our patients recover better and progress more quickly when they have goals to achieve,” Laura explained.
Goals, now there’s a thought.
A light rapping on the door interrupted their conversation, and Jackie gave a sidelong glance towards it, as it opened.
“You must be the twins,” Laura said as she passed by them with a huge smile on her face, then closed the door behind her.
Ben handed his mother a bag containing more clothes and her tablet. He knew how she liked to read her books, and would have eventually asked for it anyway. “We thought you’d get bored without it.”
Her children had been through quite an ordeal, and yet, they were the ones who showed maturity in their family unit. I’ve raised them well. “That’s very thoughtful of you. I was going to call home and ask your dad to bring some clothes in with him.”
“Shall I put them away for you?” Jess asked. “Oh, that reminds me, I made a little alteration to a couple of pairs of jogging bottoms.”
Jackie raised her brow. “Oh?”
Jess opened the bag and pulled one of the pairs of jogging bottoms out. “I thought that all the extra material on the left leg would cause you problems. So I cut the leg down and sewed it up.” She put her arm inside the leg and showed her mother. “This way your stump won’t get cold either,” she said as she pushed her shoulders back and raised her chin.
“That’s clever of you, Jess. This will be ideal,” Jackie said, warmth flooding her heart.
Ben prised the bag open further and pulled out a framed photo of the three of them. “I thought you might like this, Mum.”
“I love it.” Even though she was in a wheelchair, and filled with self-hate for being in her situation, her children gave her the ability to feel taller, even stronger, when they were around. She had achieved success with them, the one thing she could actually take credit for, and the love and support she received from them, she gave back unconditionally, which was more than their father did.
“I also thought you might like your laptop,” he said, swinging the black carrying bag from his shoulder. “At least this way, we can still talk to you through Skype if we can’t make it in to see you.”
Jackie reached out and pulled the two of them into a group hug. “I love you both so much. Thank you for putting all this together for me. Now, tell me about your day.”
Jess went on to tell her about the new puppy her friend’s father had surprised her with, and Ben told her about the latest game he was interested in downloading. Jackie liked listening to her children talking. They put her at ease, and gave her an escape from the reality she was enduring. As she listened to them chat, she became tired, and struggled to keep her eyes open.
“I’m sorry, guys,” she said eventually. “I’m just wiped out.”
Jess gave a genuinely sweet smile with just the right touch of reserve. “We understand, Mum. You’ve had a lot thrown at you today.”
Jackie gave them a kiss and hug, then sent them on their way, glad that the barracks were only half an hour journey.
•••
After she’d changed into her pyjamas, the schedule Laura had given her came to mind. She pushed herself up from the wheelchair and slid over onto the bed, where she settled back into the pillows and pulled the folder off the nightstand. The sigh she let out released a lot of the tension she had been bottling up, yet left her downhearted instead of relieved. The schedule was mapped out for a week, and to say it was intense was an understatement. Her first physio session was at nine-thirty the next morning, followed by an hour in the gym with a military PT instructor. After an hour for lunch, it was back to the gym for more time on the machines. She flipped through the file until she came to her physio report. Crap, its Bubba. Tomorrow’s going to hurt. Dread crept over her like an icy chill.
•••
Jackie was woken by a light knock on the door. “Come in,” she called out, pushing herself up.
The door opened, and like a clockwork soldier, Laura breezed into the room. “Good morning, Major Holmes. I’ve brought your medication.” She walked over to the night stand and placed it down, the
n turned and opened the curtains. Daylight flooded the room, which caused Jackie to cover her eyes with her hands. “I understand from my handover that you’ve had a bit of a hectic night.”
Jackie focused on her, her curiosity as sharp as the eyesight of a hawk fixed on its prey. “What?”
“Your night nurse had to come in and settle you five times last night. She said you were quite restless.” Her soothing voice and eyes radiated kindness towards her patient, as though she genuinely felt compassion.
Jackie glared at her. “I don’t remember anything, but my mouth feels like I’ve swallowed a ton of dust and sand.” She reached over to the nightstand and poured herself a glass of water from the jug. The movement made her wince. She then looked down at her grey t-shirt and saw the wet patches from perspiration. Oh, for fuck sake!
Laura sat next to her on the bed and placed a hand on her shoulder, removing it when the material stuck. “Due to your night medication, you might not wake up during these episodes. The nurse said you were shouting someone’s name, Davis, and that you were jerking and twisting violently, then you began whimpering.”
To her it felt like a fading dream, blurred, leaving nothing to prove anything had happened.
“Davis is a private in my battalion. It could’ve been the accident, but I don’t remember it”
“It could be that your brain is starting to remember things subconsciously. Your night meds will be reduced over time, so the chance of you waking up during the episodes are possible. It’s part of your PTSD.”
“So what do I do?”
“I’ve already spoken to your counsellor. She’s going to talk to you in more detail about it.”
Just the thought of not knowing what was happening to her was enough to release the breath she didn’t even know she’d been holding back. “It’s unnerving to be told you’re doing something you can’t remember.”
“I can understand that. I’m not trained in psychology, but if you need to talk—”
“Thanks.” She took the plastic cup of pills from Laura’s hand.
Laura poured more water into her glass and passed it to her. “Let’s get you in the shower, then you can go to the mess for breakfast.”
Jackie took her medication, then crumpled the cup in her hand and tossed it into the small plastic bin next to the door. Good shot. “Will I be able to use the shower by myself?”
Laura gave a ‘your-a-pushy-bugger’ smile. “Not at the moment. I’ll have to be present for a few weeks, but don’t worry, there’s a modesty curtain, so you’ll have privacy.”
Privacy? My ass I’ll get privacy. I guess that’s the downside of being dependent on strangers. What I wouldn’t give for blissful ignorance. All I can do for myself right now is breathe, and loathe everything around me. I feel like a tiger that’s been taken from the wild and caged, only to be fed and watered by the hands of those who think they have the right to say when. This pain will break me; I know it will. It’s not just physical, it’s emotional…fuck, it’s frustrating. I’m a burden to my family, society, hell, to all these people.
Laura helped her slide into the wheelchair, then grabbed a bath towel from the folded pile on the shelf, and pushed her into the en-suite bathroom. It was nothing special in the way of décor, just white glossy tiles, white tub, sink and toilet, a wide, open, tiled shower, and a small window too high for anyone in a wheelchair to open. “I know you’re going through a lot of frustration right now, and the emotional pains you’re experiencing are like invisible wounds, but they will fade eventually. It just takes time.” She turned the shower on and tested the water temperature. “Can’t have it burning you, now can we?” She stood in front of Jackie, it was an awkward moment for her patient.
Am I supposed to undress in front of her, or does she undress me? Like, is she going to give me a clue, rather than just stand there and ogle me? She glanced at the shower cubicle. “So I sit on that seat?”
Laura unfolded the towel and placed it on the wall-mounted heated towel rack. “Let me help you undress.”
“No. That’s okay. I can do it myself.” She gathered the bottom of her t-shirt and lifted it over her head, immediately folding her arms to cover her breasts.
“Oh, don’t worry, I’ve done this plenty of times.”
Maybe you have, but I haven’t. What an ignorant cow.
There was a moment of silence, and a casting of uneasy glances, mainly from Jackie, as she removed her pyjama bottoms. Laura had offered to help her, but she was insistent on doing it herself, even though when it came to removing her underwear, she put on a display of wriggling and wincing.
“I have to put wrapping over the dressing to keep it dry, okay? Then I’ll help you into the cubicle.” She opened a sealed bag and pulled out a shower sleeve, then gently placed it over the dressing. Jackie covered her lower region with one hand, while still trying to remain dignified with her other arm over her breasts.
“Okay, I’m going to help you slide in, but I will warn you, being modest isn’t going to help either of us, is it?” Her thick black eyelashes were magnified under the lenses of her glasses as her eyes widened with a look of wistful compassion. “And that pretty brown hair of yours isn’t going to wash itself.”
This felt foreign to Jackie. She’d been in battlefields, faced worse scenarios than having some female look at her naked body, but there was more to it than that—her confidence had left her. She was embarrassed.
•••
Jackie wheeled herself to the mess hall, where she spotted Tom at a table on his own. “Hey,” she called out to him. “You were right. I got Bubba.” Her chair settled against the table and she leaned down to engage the brake.
Tom shuddered. “I’m sorry. Perhaps I should’ve kept my mouth shut, then you’d be none the wiser.”
“It is what it is.” She looked at the clock on the wall, and was well aware she had half an hour to go before her session with Barbara.
“It’s bacon and eggs this morning. The coffee’s a bit on the weak side, though,” he informed her.
Laura swanned by and placed a full plate of bacon, eggs, and toast in front of her. “There you go, Jackie.”
Jesus, she’s like a fly you want to swat. I’d love to tell her, ‘I must eat and run,’ but that would sound kind of ironic, me run, with this leg. I wouldn’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me ridicule myself. It would be like casting a shadow over my life, with her constantly in my peripheral view, waving some sort of flag with ‘Well Done!’ plastered on it.
A loud crash of plates being dropped caused Jackie to jump. In an instant, she couldn’t catch her breath. Her vision became blurred, and echoing sounds of gunfire and explosions filled her thoughts, then a loud piercing noise, and then - silence. Her attention was brought back to Tom, who was asking her if she was okay. “Yes,” she replied, the colour drained from her face. But she wasn’t okay, and was unsure about what had just happened. This was something she would have to discuss with her psychologist.
•••
Before Jackie entered the physio treatment room, she took a deep, cleansing breath, and straightened up in her chair. When the door was yanked open, she fought the need to recoil. The woman resembled something like a hammer thrower. Her thick, sinewy muscles looked as though she could snap a person like a twig. Jackie swallowed the knot in her throat and introduced herself.
Barbara’s fearsome eyes portrayed fire extinguished with water, as she stared at her patient. “Come in,” she said flatly, then backed away from the door.
I can handle this bitch; I’ve dealt with her kind before. She resigned herself to her fate and wheeled into the room. Good bye, cruel world, I’m leaving you today! She might not kill me—but I can tell this is seriously going to hurt.
The session started with Jackie on her back, then on her side, and finally on her front, completing a series of painful leg raises. With each pain, Jackie grunted and growled, but she never gave in.
Her mind again fill
ed with images of her and the battalion out on patrol. She saw herself rugby tackle Davis to the side. Concentrating hard, she willed her brain to show her what had happened next. Except, no matter how hard she tried, the details evaded her.
After working her leg muscles to near exhaustion, Barbara helped her back into her chair and pushed her over to a hand bike. Jackie grimaced as the woman reached forward and increased the difficulty level. She slipped her hands into the straps and began to crank the pedals forward.
After ten minutes, the setting was lowered, but Jackie was still sweating and panting profusely. Ten minutes more passed before Barbara ended the session. She snatched the phone from its receiver and stared at Jackie. “She’s finished, come and get her.”
What a bitch. Is this even legal?
Laura entered the room a short while later, and quickly steered her out. “What the hell happened?” she asked.
This was so far from what she knew, and totally unexpected. “I’m not sure. I just know I hurt all over.”
“We should get you to the sauna, the heat will help your muscles. And maybe we should get Barbara to reduce the intensity of your physio.”
Do ya think?
When they arrived at Jackie’s room, Laura helped her out of her gym clothes and into her swimming costume.
“But what about my gym session?” Jackie asked, tugging a soft white terry towel dressing gown around her shoulders.
“I’ll cancel it today. Your muscles don’t need the added tension, you’re too exhausted. You can start tomorrow. I’ll get you some ibuprofen on the way to the sauna. That should help ease the tenderness. And I suggest, while you’re in there, do a few desensitisation exercises and massage your leg muscles.”
Hero Page 3
