The steamy heat of the sauna oozed through her aching muscles, helping Jackie to relax. It was slow in coming, but when it did, her muscles loosened and the cramps disappeared.
She thought about the day she’d enlisted. The excitement of signing her name on the form, and the proud expressions on her parents faces. It had comforted her. Her ultimate goal had been to follow in her father’s footsteps and become an officer. And when she received her promotion to Major, he had saluted her for the first time as a superior. They’d laughed and hugged. The memory comforted her, but she was soon brought back to reality when she sat up, as a tear escaped and trickled down her cheek.
“Are you ready to come out?” Laura called through the door.
“Yes.”
The door opened and Laura wheeled in Jackie’s chair. She extended her hand and helped her from the wooden bench, then handed her a towel to pat the sweat from her face.
“That was just what I needed, thank you,” she said quietly
•••
Jackie closed her eyes and laid her head on her pillow. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this tired. Everything had changed, but she was determined to get back to the woman she’d been before the explosion.
That first day was only a prelude of what was to come. The session with Barbara the next day was just as exhausting, and again, Laura had to help her back to her room.
I swear to God she’s trying to kill me.
Waiting in her room were the twins. Jess had made herself comfortable on the bed, with her feet up, and Ben was seated in the chair, playing a game on his phone.
Jackie’s heartbeat quickened, and an immediate desire to hold them overwhelmed her.
Then Jess jumped up from the bed and flung her arms around her mother. She quickly retracted as she felt the sweat soaked chill of her mother’s skin. “Why are you all wet?”
“I’ve just come back from physiotherapy, and my therapist is a hard ass. I think she might be the female version of The Hulk. In fact, she kinda looks like him.”
As Laura walked out into the hallway, she mirrored the three people smiling at her with a smile of her own. “Jackie, I’ll see you at lunch. I’ve already cancelled your gym time for this morning.” Then she closed the door.
Jess sat back on the bed and looked at her mother. “We had a study day, so we decided to pay you a visit. Dad’s here too, he wanted to stop to pick something up for you.”
At that moment, Dave strode in holding a bunch of flowers and some magazines. He laid them on the bed, then removed his sunglasses and looked around the room, first at the wheelchair, then at the bed, but his avoidance of looking at her, really looking at her, spoke to the big, white elephant in the room. He hadn’t lost his temper over the loss of her limb, or shown any emotion, other than worry about his precious job. He acted as though he didn’t see her as a real person at all, let alone as the mother of his children, or even someone who was capable of fighting for her country. He moved toward her and kissed her forehead—not even a proper kiss for his wife. “Damn,” he complained, then stepped away and wiped his lips. “What the hell, you’re all salty?”
Jackie’s heart sunk.
“I’ve just come back from physio.” I can see this is going to be a great visit…not.
Although he’d never used his fists on her, his words and actions far outweighed the impact any physical abuse would have had. He was a dramatic type of person, always trying to stir up emotions, and finalising arguments by having to have the last word. Jackie could never fathom out why she’d put up with his bullshit for so long; he was set in his ways, and would never change.
Avoiding a scene, she asked Jess to help her shower.
Jess jumped off the bed and rushed to the en-suite to turn the shower on, coming back to grab a towel and a fresh set of clothes for her mum. And with the tension high, Jackie breathed a sigh of relief as she wheeled herself into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.
After Jess had helped put on the shower sleeve, and aided her mother into the shower cubicle, she pulled down the toilet seat and sat while she kept her mum company. Her new glasses were a little loose on her, so she found herself continually pushing them up her nose. “I’m sure dad didn’t mean what he said. Sometimes he can be nice,” she said, as she looked down at her lap.
Jackie sat inside the cubicle and lathered shampoo in her hair, and with her eyes closed tight she chose to ignore the comment. It was hard for her to watch her daughter trying to make things seem okay within the family, but the cracks were there, and they were getting bigger. Jess has really grown up. At least I got it right with the kids.
When they entered the bedroom, they found Ben alone on the bed, flicking through the TV channels.
Why does Dave do this? What’s the point of him coming here if he can’t even stay for more than a few minutes? Am I wasting my time with this? Maybe I know the answer; I just don’t want to face the truth.
Ben looked to the door his father had recently left through. “Dad received a phone call from work and had to rush off. He said he was sorry he had to go, and that he loved you, and will stop by again soon.” He turned to his sister. “He gave me some money so that we can get a taxi home later.”
I feel as if I’m married to a shadow. If I was ever to be asked what makes the basis for a good marriage, I’d have to answer bullshit. An orchestra of bullshit has kept us together, because that’s how we function. As much as it nauseated her, she would stay quiet and wait for the storm to clear.
The visit with the twins was just what she needed, and they spent the time together watching a movie. They huddled together on the bed, with Jackie in the middle and her arms around them in protection mode. Ben glanced up at her, and with a half-hearted smile he placed his hand on top of hers.
As her children were engrossed in the movie, she stared at the cream flowers that had been left on top of the dresser. Cheap, that’s what he is, he couldn’t even buy me expensive roses, or lilies, and he knows they’re my favourites. Cheap carnations from the corner shop, that’s what I’m worth now. She stared harder at the petals until they formed a blurred mass that reminded her of sand, and her deployment to Iraq.
She was sat on an upturned bucket under the cover of a camouflage canopy. The hot, dry desert wind brought sand particles with it, a pet peeve of hers, as she had to spit out the drifting grit. She was writing a letter to her children, filled with love and adoration. But her letters were written under the duress of wartime activity—choppers flying in and out, and having to maintain a constant vigilant eye for the enemy approaching, meant her letters had to be kept short.
She shuddered as she snapped out of her thought.
Ben nuzzled his face into her shoulder and placed his hand next to her thigh. From the pit of her stomach a warm tingling sensation grew. She opened her hand and pressed her palm against his. “I love you,” she whispered and kissed his head…
The dinner bell rang, and Jackie was left alone once the twins had said goodbye.
•••
“Damn, Major, you look knackered!” Tom said.
“It’s Bubba!” she replied tiredly. “I think she’s torturing me for some past sins I might have committed.”
Tom leaned closer, and in a hushed voice, said, “You’ll only have to put up with her for a week. After six days of intense therapy with her, you’ll be assigned another physiotherapist.”
Thank God! Her mood instantly lifted.
“You should pray you get Carrie, she’s gorgeous.”
Pray? Why waste a prayer on who’s going to be my therapist? It would be better spent on not having my leg blown off, or that my children stay safe. “That doesn’t matter to me. What’s she like at physiotherapy?”
“She’s nicer than Bubba. Carrie knows when you’re pushing yourself too hard, and encourages you to do everything in your own time,” he replied. “So it’s a good physiotherapy session with some eye candy to sweeten you into doing every
thing she wants.” His shiny face turned a light shade of red. “Trust me, she’s fantastic. You’ll be back on your feet before you know it.”
“Foot,” she reminded him gently, with a rueful smile.
•••
Jackie lay on the bed in her room. With a headache brewing, she rubbed her brow as her thoughts turned to Dave. They’d been together for eighteen years and he’d never had a problem with her career choice. He’d even vowed to be there for her if she ever got injured, but something had changed. She wondered what had happened to the man she’d married. Maybe they would benefit from some couples counselling, and hopefully he’d be able to reveal what it was that was really bugging him.
Got to Table of Contents
Chapter Three
Carrie Spencer sat behind her desk in her office. She thought about the woman she’d passed in the hallway. Something was vaguely familiar about her, but she couldn’t pin point what. She smiled as she remembered the dark shoulder-length hair, and the chestnut coloured eyes.
“I wonder if she’ll be moved onto my schedule in the next week. She’s definitely a new arrival,” she muttered to herself. “I’d like to know who she is.”
She moved to her computer, bought up the new arrivals list, and scanned through it. “Ah ha! Well, it’s nice to meet you, Major Jackie Holmes. I hope you appear on my list next week. I’m intrigued to find out where I know you from.”
•••
Jackie had tossed and turned throughout the night, her mind unsettled by her husband’s constant absence. She’d also been having dreams of past missions she’d been on; her first one had been particularly clear:
She sat quiet with her team as they flew in a Wildcat Mk1. It was her first mission as their Major. She could sense the tension, not only because there was resentment within the group, but also down to the fact that they’d just entered Iraqi airspace. Everyone was giving off the same nervous smile as they looked at each other. They were scared shitless, there was no denying that. Below them was sand, miles of it, as far as the eye could see, and it was vital they approached their base before nightfall. The silence in the helicopter was broken by one of the soldiers noisily breaking wind. It was loud and stunk them out. The team laughed and blamed each other. It was the first of many times they would joke around.
She woke from her dream with a start, beads of perspiration standing out on her brow. Her anticipation about her new therapist had made her feel less edgy. She needed compassion, and not getting it from her husband or Bubba, she thought there might be some on offer in her next session. She sat up and pushed herself to the edge of the bed, slid over into her chair, then picked up the phone on her nightstand and called Laura to let her know she was up.
“You’re certainly an early bird this morning,” Laura answered.
A short while later, Laura opened the door. “Jackie,” she called as she entered the bedroom.
“In here. Can you bring my meds and a glass of water with you? I can take them in here, then get straight into the shower.”
“I gathered that was your plan when I saw the pile of clothes on the bed.”
Laura covered her dressing and helped her into the shower. Jackie’s shyness where her naked body was concerned had gradually dissipated, but she still couldn’t bring herself to look at her leg. She stared at Laura while the nurse tended to it. She looks different. Her eyes are vibrant, and she has a glow about her. She’s too happy. She shouldn’t be. She has that look on her face, the sort that shows when you’re trying to hold back a smile, not just any type of smile, but a smile that’s hiding a secret. She’s met someone. I had that look once.
•••
Jackie was showered, dressed, and ready for breakfast. Deciding she didn’t have time for a full meal, she settled on a bowl of porridge and some mixed fruit.
When she arrived at the physio wing, she found her new therapy room and knocked on the door. It was opened by the same woman she’d passed in the hallway the week before. Her pale blue eyes held Jackie’s attention for longer than they should have.
“I’m Jackie Holmes. I understand you’re my new physiotherapist.”
“Hello, Jackie, I’m Carrie Spencer. I’m your new therapist. Come on in and we can have a chat before we begin.”
Jackie wheeled herself into the room. Yet another clinical room. Maybe it’s me. Maybe because we moved around to different bases as I grew up, and every house had the same bland beige paint, I’ve grown to detest it.
Carrie walked around her and settled into her chair behind her desk. “Okay, Jackie, the first thing I want to know is, what are your goals?”
“I want to be able to walk out of here with the help of a prosthetic leg, play football with my children, ride a bike, drive my car, and have a normal life.” The same life I had before, but better.
Carrie placed her elbows on the desk and rested her chin in her cupped hands, and raised an eyebrow. “Wow, that’s quite a list. Are you sure you can achieve them all?”
“I’m more than sure. I’m certain,” Jackie replied with a determined nod.
“Brilliant. I think we can get you started with some things today. First of all, I’m going to take you to be fitted for your first prosthetic leg. We can work on your arm and leg muscles while they arrange that for you. Next week, we should be able to start you walking.”
“Really?” She stared at Carrie’s pale-skinned face. Christ, I feel like I’ve just been told a million pounds has just been added to my bank account, and that my kids can have free vanilla pudding for the rest of their lives. Don’t ask me why I thought of them liking vanilla pudding, it was just one of their favourites when they were little, and I know they still secretly like it, but won’t admit to that. For a second her grief was suspended. It was the first happy thought away from her children she’d had since her operation.
Carrie’s straight blonde hair had been pulled back into a ponytail. It suited her heart-shape face. She gave Jackie a smile; a warm, comforting smile.
“Yes, but you need to promise me you’ll take things slow to begin with. We can build up to the bigger things in three or four weeks. While you’re here, you’ll have to be fitted for a new leg nearly every week. The hard work you’re doing will strengthen your muscles, and the skin on your stump will change as it heals.”
Oh God, I hope I’m not fitted with something that doesn’t fit well. “What type of prosthesis will I have? I’ve seen some of the legs the guys around here are wearing, they look big enough to be tree stumps.”
“I know they look cumbersome, but they’re the only ones they can use until their own custom prostheses arrive.”
“So…I’ll be able to pick what kind of leg I want?” Jackie asked quietly.
“Yes. Some soldiers take the basic custom legs offered to them. There’s also the choice of paying extra for lightweight or more flexible options, or special limbs like running blades. The prosthetics team will go over it all with you when we get there.”
Jackie had a desire for perfection, it was the way she’d always been, and not having that in her life anymore meant she’d have to make certain compromises, including her love for sporting activities. She leant forward and placed her hands on the edge of the desk. “That’s great! I do have another question, though. Will I be able to do any form of martial arts again? I hold black belts in three different types, I don’t want to give it up.”
Carrie patted Jackie’s hand. “I can’t see that being a problem. However, you will have to alter your technique to adapt to the new leg.”
“Thank you. My son will be pleased that we can still practice together.”
Carrie expressed a compassionate smile, which brought a warm acceptance into Jackie’s heart. She knew she’d seen this woman before, and studied her more intently, trying to remember where. She thought back to her school days, and wondered if they’d attended the same classes. “Did you go to Freeman’s Secondary School, Carrie?”
Carrie tilted her head and
looked Jackie directly in the eyes. “Now how did you know that?”
“I thought I knew you from somewhere.”
“Were we in the same year, I remember a girl called Jackie Powell?”
A weird sensation fluttered through her stomach, she wasn’t sure what it was, just that it excited her. “My married name’s Holmes, my maiden name was Powell. I can’t believe this. Jesus! How have you been?”
Carrie stood and walked around to the front of the desk. She held her hand out to take her patient’s “Oh, my God.” They shook hands, holding each other tightly. “I can’t believe this, either. I’m so sorry about your accident. I would’ve come to see you if I’d known.” She gradually pulled her hand from the hold, and sat on the edge of the desk.
“That’s okay, my parents and my twins came to visit.”
Carrie folded her arms over her chest. Her eyes lit up, showing that she recalled the kind couple. “I remember your parents, your dad was in the army.”
“Well remembered; he retired five years ago as a Captain.”
“And you have twins? Wow...I wish I could’ve done it all in one go! I had my two separately, but only by a year.”
“It was exhausting doing it all at once. At least you had some recovery time before pushing the second one out…I had half an hour.”
Carrie laughed. “Okay, time to get to work. Let’s get you measured up.”
•••
The prosthetics centre was just a short distance from Carrie’s physio room. Carrie lead the way, and opened the door and held it for Jackie as she wheeled in. “Hey, Stan. Jackie, this handsome man is going to measure you up today. Stan, this is Major Jackie Holmes.”
Hero Page 4
