Case of the Yorkshire Pudding

by Erik Schubach

  Her surprise turned to amused shock. “Well, it's about damn time.”

  I nodded agreement, and she asked, “Do we know who with?”

  I narrowed my eyes and growled out, “No, the evil wench just tossed Becky and me out on the sidewalk without sharing.”

  She chuckled, and my frown turned upside down as I chuckled with her. Shrugging I said in dejection, “I guess she'll tell us all when the time is right.”

  She nodded and deadpanned, “Unless you can snoop and find out before then.”

  I love her. My wife knows me so well. I echoed with an emphatic nod, “Unless I can snoop and find out before then.”

  She hugged me to her and kissed the top of my head. I smiled into her chest. Not the worst predicament I could find myself in if I do say so myself.

  She released me, and I said, “Dinner will be ready in a couple minutes.”

  She nodded, handed me the papers back, and headed out to watch the news with Calvin as I looked over the paperwork once again to see if I could spot their error. There was none, but that still didn't change the fact that the results were impossible.

  Well unless someone somehow changed the entry in the database somehow. But to what end? Anyone would know Killer wasn't Darius if they took the time to examine him. I shrugged, knowing our best bet of finding his parents was to talk with the Larkins.

  I put the papers on the desk, and arranged them neatly so that the bottom edge was parallel with the edge of the desk, then headed into the kitchen to take out the meatloaf. Jane loves my meatloaf, so I like to spoil her like this every once in a while.

  She kept looking at the time as we ate. I had to chuckle, she was such a good friend. She volunteered to pick up Jess and Ker from the airport tonight. I was looking forward to trading honeymoon stories with them... just maybe from Ker now that I think of it, because Mable Jessie Freeman... well Freeman-Stevens now, would share all of their intimate times in great salacious detail if we let her tell the story.

  Kerry? Well, I guess she's just as bad, but she grew a Finnegan Filter back when we were kids so she'd only do it to tease me.

  Just as I finished with the dishes after we ate, Jane stood and said, “Well time to get the girls.”

  I couldn't believe how excited I was to see them again, so I asked, “Mind if I come?”

  She smiled and nudged her chin toward the door. I said to Calvin as I wiped my hands on the dish towel, “Come on boy, your second favorite bedmates are coming home.” He cocked his head when I spoke to him, then darted to the door when I started that way. I asked, “We have time to walk him before we go?”

  She nodded and told him, “Yes, but make it quick fuzzy man.”

  I loved how she loved him. It was so odd to hear the rough and tough woman treating him like our child. Hmm... our child.

  As we donned our coats and leashed up Cal, I said absently, “I want children.” Then I slipped out the door with Cal, leaving a speechless cop behind. I smirked. Not the way I had planned on broaching the topic, but the results were fun.

  A few seconds later she must have pulled her wits about her as she finally followed us, one eye on me as she locked the door. She was silent until after Cal did his thing in the park and we made our way down into the parking garage to get into the SUV.

  She simply said, a thoughtful look on her face as she slipped into the car, “Ok.”

  It was my turn to study her as I slipped in with Calvin. She wasn't looking at me or adding anything else about such a heavy topic, then she smirked over my scrutiny as she started the car.

  I muttered, “What?”

  She chuckled and said as we went up the ramp and onto the street, “You're baby drunk. Alyx has everyone wrapped around her little finger.”

  I blew her a raspberry then grinned. Even though Jane held our niece away from her like she was a wet sack, not knowing how to hold her properly, she always got a goofy grin on her face.

  A little over a half hour later we were at LaGuardia Airport, circling like we were in a holding pattern as we drove past the terminals I sent a text to the girls to let them know we were here. After our fourth trip around the airport loop, I got a text from Jessie, 'Wheels down, see you in a few short stuff.'

  I rolled my eyes at her teasing and shot back, 'Whatever, Mable.' Which got me an emoji I didn't even know existed. I showed the middle finger emoji to Jane when we had to stop for a moment to let a bus into traffic. She snorted. I grinned.

  I had to smirk when on our seventh trip around we saw what anyone would think were two models from Bad Girl's Monthly standing at the curb. One in a leather Air Force Jacket, the other in a long leather duster. They looked gooood, and they knew it as Jess cocked her hip and tugged up a leg of her jeans to show off her shapely calf as she stuck a thumb out to hitch a ride.

  Jane slowed and operated my window from the controls on her door and called out, “Sorry, we're not looking to hire any girls for tonight.”

  Kerry snorted at Jessie's indignant expression as I hopped out and ran around to open the tailgate for them. I sighed, wondering if I was the only one without muscles as each girl hoisted two large suitcases each, like they weighed next to nothing and placed them in the back as Calvin whined from the back seat, his whole body shaking in excitement at seeing the ladies again.

  I swallowed, their new tans made their skin virtually glow. Jess smirked down at me and kissed the top of my head, “Fin.”

  Ker did the same, “Hey, Tempe. We missed you.”

  I was blushing as I squeaked out, “We missed you too.” Then I was blushing even more as I stood on my tiptoes to grab the tailgate but couldn't quite reach as Jess chuckled and closed it for me. I scurried back to the passenger side and slipped in as the ladies hopped into the back seat and Calvin proceeded to give them sloppy wet tongued greetings.

  They giggled as we pulled out into traffic. Jess fought the excited border collie off and made baby talk with him. “We missed you too boy. Who's a pretty boy?”

  Ker rolled her eyes and said, “Calvin is, Red. Duh.”

  With a wink to her girl, Jess turned to look up into the rearview mirror. “Hey Five-O, how's married life treating ya?”

  Jane's smirk was all Jess needed, and the redhead just nodded in appreciation. “Nice.”

  Ker shoved her shoulder and said, “Behave, woman, you're going to break our dog walker.” Then to my cop, she said, “Hi Jane, thanks for picking us up. We could have taken a cab, really.”

  My traitorous woman just snickered. “Are you kidding? Finny would have my hide if I let you do that.” They all chuckled at my expense.

  I grumped, arms across my chest, “What? Is it a crime that I love my girls?”

  They all chimed out, “Love you too, Fin.”

  Ha! Take that, they love me too.

  We spent enough time on the road for them to hit the major highlights of their honeymoon. Half the time I spent with my hands over my ears as they described some of the places they found to do it, “La la la, I can't hear you.” They were insatiable and lascivious gals, those two.

  I caught the tail end of the last description, “...and screaming my name. They kicked us out of the aquarium.”

  Jane was smirking at me and said, “They're just trying to get a rise out of you, love.” I knew that. They made a game out of who could get me to blush the most all the time.

  I pointed a finger at Jess when she started to open her mouth, and I complained, “I'm not a puritan, woman. I just feel that some things shouldn't be... shared.”

  This got the two evil back seaters oooing and prompting Jane things like, “Does she like the cuffs?” And, “I bet she's a firecracker in...” By the seven canine lords of Nebula B, I was going to die of embarrassment.

  Jane stopped them, even though she looked almost smug. “Stop right there, ladies.”

  I looked back and said, “Calvin, attack.” Calvin... didn't attack. Instead he snuggled his head
down onto Jessie's lap to get some good lovin'.

  The girls then started telling us of the activities they participated in that didn't involve panting and moaning. And I was right, them girls be crazy. They did almost every thrill seeking, adrenaline pumping thing they could find there.

  Then as we walked from our underground parking to the apartment, Jess asked, “And what did you two do on your honeymoon?” She crinkled her nose at me as she teased, “Attend seminars on how to make proper hospital corners on your sheets?” Ooo was that a thing?

  Jane's smirk looked half smug half prideful as she shrugged and said like it wasn't anything, “We battled it out at the most epic paintball arena I've ever been to.”

  After a moment of shock, they exploded into excited questions. Culminating in, “Who won?”

  Jane looked down at me expectantly as she pulled me into a side hug as we reached the door to the entry hall at our building. I grinned as I unlocked the door and released Calvin to lead the way in. “It was a tie. Unless you count the time I killed Jane in one on one.”

  They looked completely stunned as my girl complained, “Hey. We hadn't agreed to play when you...”

  I nodded and tried not to grin as I said, “And yet, you died.”

  Ker was insistent as we headed up the stairs, the girls carrying their suitcases like they were light as pizza boxes, “We need to know everything!”

  Then my jerk cop, to get the attention off the fact she hadn't been able to kill me, pointed out, “Our room and car got broken into while we were there, and Fin found a dog with a little mystery attached.”

  Traitor.

  The women looked at me as Jane unlocked the door, and Mable said with humor coloring her tone, “Of course she did.” Then to the world, she quipped, “That one is a magnet for trouble.”

  They dropped their luggage just inside the door as I went to slug the redhead in the gut. Instead, she captured me into a hug, pulling me into her and I was trying not to be smothered by her prodigious chest as she said, “Missed you, shrimp.”

  I sighed and hugged her back as I tried to nod. Then Ker snagged me when I gained my freedom to do the same. “It's good to be home Tempe.” Only Ker and Mom could call me that.

  Then they looked at us as they gave Jane fist bumps. Ker yawned out, “We're exhausted. And I have to report for duty in the morning. Catch up tomorrow?”

  I nodded as I hung up my coat and Calvin's leash and harness. They gave me and Jane cheek kisses and then started trudging toward their room, stripping off their boots and coats as they went. Calvin flowed into their room with them, missing his pack mates.

  I squeaked to myself as I looked at the suitcases just dumped there, then the trail of discarded clothing. I was about to start cleaning it up when Jane looped an arm in mine, “It can wait until morning, love.”

  Easy for her to say. I nervously tucked some hair behind my ear and started wringing my hands as we went upstairs. She got me to settle by asking. “Didn't you say there was some stuff we had to take care of?”

  Oh yeah. I smiled and started pulling stuff up on my iPad at the little sitting area by the french doors out to the tiny patio while I organized some papers in front of me. She pulled the other chair around to my side of the little round table.

  I said, “Just a few things that need to be taken care of now that we are married.”

  She nodded. She had left it all to me because she knew just how much I loved organization and paperwork.

  We went through some papers for Social Security with our name changes, as well as the Department of Motor Vehicles for our driver’s license updates, and the US State Department for our passports.

  I still don't know why I have a passport, it isn't like I'm ever getting on a plane. Maybe it is just in case I ever take a drive up to Canada. It always pays to be prepared for any contingency.

  Then we went through additional papers, adding her to the titles of all my property holdings. She looked down at the one I was cringing about and hoped she wouldn't notice. The one with the property owned by Calvin and Hobbes, LLC. She cocked an eyebrow at me as she read the address to that property. Then instead of saying anything, she just gave me an almost sad look, cupped my cheek, and I leaned into the warmth, closing my eyes. She signed the papers for the family home without a word.

  Then she gave an almost sheepish look, saying, “I knew all of this except the house, intellectually, but actually seeing everything you've accumulated in...” She stopped mid-sentence and blinked at the iPad I slid in front of her. “Holy shit!”

  The pad had my bank accounts open for her to add her name and social security number. I nudged her, and she started moving again, her eyes wide and scanning the balances.

  My unflappable detective, who was currently flapped, asked as she typed in her information while I stuffed the paper forms we had finished filling out into envelopes to mail. “I think they missed a decimal somewhere.”

  Now I was truly embarrassed as I looked down, and tugged on my skirt to straighten it over my legs. I said, “It isn't that much. I just don't have many expenses beyond real estate, and those are taken care of by the rent I... umm... we collect. So I save.”

  She chuckled, her eyes still on the numbers. “A lot it seems.” Then she looked unsure of herself. “Are you sure you want me on these accounts?”

  I leaned over to rest my head on her arm and said in a small voice, “You're my wife.” Like that explained everything.

  She sighed and didn't say anything for a few heartbeats, then submitted her information.

  I sighed back at her and hugged her arm, then a put on a mischievous smile as I said, “If that shocked you, just wait until the lawyers for Miss McKnight's estate have the paperwork ready to add you to Calvin's account and my caretaker trust fund.” I added with a silly grin, “Calvin is loaded.” As odd as it sounds, I doubt he was the only dog who was technically a millionaire in the city.

  She looked at the floor like she could see Calvin with the girls, and shook her head. Then she started smirking and pulled up another window on the iPad's browser and said primly, “And here is my tremendous contribution to our family's wealth.”

  I grinned as I looked at her bank info as she added in a regal tone, “All two thousand and three dollars.”

  I tried not to grin as I just nodded and added, “And fifteen cents.”

  She nodded, her chin in the air like an aristocrat as she echoed, “And fifteen cents.”

  Then she exhaled and deflated. “My girlfriend makes more than me... and she's a dog walker.”

  I smirked and said, “That's right, copper. And she's your wife, I have it on good authority.”

  She nodded and exhaled again then dipped her head to give me a whisper of a kiss as she ran her fingers through my hair. “And she's my wife.”

  I didn't like how insecure she looked, and saying it was just money sounded contrite, so instead, I just shut off the iPad and moved onto to her lap to cuddle in. I played with her collarbone as I whispered, “I love you.”

  She hugged me tight and nodded. “Love you too. Why didn't you tell me you had so much money?”

  I corrected. “We have so much money. It isn't anything important. What's important is that there is a bed right over there, and we aren't on it. I'm beat.”

  She smirked and stood and I gleeped as she just swung me up into her arms and carried me the few steps to the bed and laid me gently down on it. “We should rectify that oversight.”

  We kicked off our clothes and didn't bother with our sleepwear, and I cuddled into her with a sigh. She just held me to her until we were both out. And we slept the whole night.

  Well except for the few minutes I woke up in the middle of the night to slip into my sleepwear and sneak downstairs to straighten the girl's suitcases and clean up their trail of shoes and clothes to their bedroom door. Cal joined us when I went back upstairs to slip into the small spoon position in my cop's snoring arm
s, Calvin draped across our legs on top of the blankets.

  Chapter 9 – Road Trip

  The next day I felt a pressure lifted, knowing my family was all home again. I know I stress over the strangest of things, but I had a bit of anxiety when they were away. We fell right back into our familiar routine as they all gathered around the television for the morning news as I made breakfast for us all after walking Calvin with Ker.

  This was nice. My family.

  Ker stood first in her uniform. Just how heroic she looked should inspire new recruits into the Air Force. Even though she would rather be flying attack choppers on covert missions, she was damn good at recruiting too. She's never missed a quota yet.

  Her girl walked her to the door as she called back to me, “Don't forget, Tempe, movie tonight with Red's parents.”

  I waved her off. “Yeah yeah, Ker-Bear, Heartsong Warriors 9: Monotone at seven.” I don't know why the girls insist on watching that silly cinematic series. Ok fine, movies are funny as hell. Shut up.

  She saluted me, then laid one on Jess that had both Jane and me looking at each other and swallowing as I felt a rush of heat inside. Those two are stuck on ten perpetually. A Jess type unit with a sufficiently dreamy look on her face joined us after making a show of locking the door for me three times. “So what's the plan today ladies?”

  I sobered and smashed my lips to one side before saying, “Well I have to take a train up to Sleepy Hollow after I finish my walks today, to see if I can figure out who Killer belongs to. Darius' parents live there.”

  Seriously, Sleepy Hollow was just an hour by train, north of New York. About a third of the way to Hudson Valley. Washington Irving drew inspiration from Tarrytown there for his book about the Legend of Sleepy Hollow.

  Jane said as she played with my loose curls, “Why don't you take the SUV today?”

  I shook my head. “No, you need it for work. I heard how you complained the last time you had to get a car from the carpool when your's was in the shop.” Then I added before she could retort, “And complained, and...” I squeed as she tickled my ribs before hugging me to her side.