Fueled in Fire

by Ryan Michele

  At the question, it confirmed to me that this guy didn’t know much about the Ravage MC and really should do his homework if he wanted to stick around. Knowing the members and their families was a must. “Yeah, you could say that.”

  “Maybe I…”

  The guy’s eyes widened behind me. It could be anyone, especially my father who’d been keeping a tight watch on me, but I knew it wasn’t. I could feel him. That special tingle that only he gave me. How was that even possible to feel someone before you saw them? To just know they were there?

  “Stay the fuck away from my girl.”

  The newbie wasn’t going to make it. I knew this because I was pretty sure he pissed his pants at Crow’s tone. No one got through who didn’t have balls. He obviously didn’t if just someone’s voice made him show fear, and it made me wonder why he was even here. Why be part of a motorcycle club when you couldn’t hold your own?

  The guy behind me had balls though, big ones. I wanted to be pissed at him for going at it with my father, but knowing my dad and how protective he was in all aspects of my life, Crow wouldn’t have just stood there and let my dad pound him into the ground.

  There was little doubt that Crow gave as good as he got, but still, it didn’t mean I had to like it.

  “Sorry, man. I didn’t…” The hang around started.

  “No, you fuckin’ didn’t. Get gone,” Crow interrupted, his hands coming to my shoulders behind me and giving me a squeeze. I didn’t want to love his touch, but fuck me I did. Damn him.

  The hang around did as told, moving quickly into the kitchen and out of sight.

  “Pretty sure he pissed himself,” I said to the bar as Crow leaned down in my ear.

  “Need to get out of here, Pixie.” I turned around and looked up at him. Damn, he was gorgeous. The man I could love for the rest of my life and never look at another. The man who had a heart larger than he let anyone know. The way he was with his children, at least, Van. His determination, strength, and presence. All of it making him the man who stood behind me.

  Damn him.

  “No one’s stoppin’ ya.”

  His head dipped low into mine. “You’re comin’ with me.”

  “I am huh?” My arms crossed over my chest. Fuck, I wanted to, really bad, but I didn’t trust it. Didn’t trust him. Even after watching him with his brothers and sister, I just didn’t know if I could put myself out there again. He’d hurt me and there was a possibility of him doing it again. Only it would be worse. I couldn’t go through that again. It would completely destroy me.

  “Yes.”

  “Are you high?” I challenged.

  His brow quirked. He didn’t answer because his mouth was on mine. The music, people, everything disappeared, and it was just me and Crow in the middle of the bar. It was beauty. And I hated myself for craving it so badly, but also didn’t tear myself away from him. I’d missed his lips, his touch, him. Love was a mean sonuvabitch.

  A loud bang happened beside us on the bar as I jumped, breaking from Crow and turning to it. Nox stood there smiling.

  “Get a room,” Nox said, hitting Crow’s shoulder. “While we’d love to see this shit play out, unless you want another go around with her father …” He trailed off and nodded toward my dad, who had a scowl on his face. Shit.

  “Don’t give a fuck about that,” Crow said, bending down and attaching his lips to mine. He picked me up, and my legs had no choice but to go around his hips.

  I melted. My body disconnected from my brain, and I gave in. Somehow, some way, we made it outside with catcalls everywhere. We didn’t stop until we were at his bike, and he put my feet to the ground.

  As we looked into each other’s eyes my heart began to thump overtime. Indecision hit me creating a war between mind and body. What I wanted and what I should do were on different pages threatening to tear me in two pieces.

  “I’m stayin’ with you,” he said boldly. “On my bike.”

  It was true. I was going to hell because without another thought at his words, I was on the back of his bike and we were through the gates of the clubhouse and going down the road. Once again, I had nothing on me. This time not even my phone. It was probably still sitting at the bar.

  The ride to my house wasn’t long, but I enjoyed hanging on to Crow the entire way. I’d ridden my bike to the club earlier and it was nothing compared to riding behind Crow.

  He parked and we both swung off in front of my place. “Guess I’m the Holiday Inn tonight.”

  Crow pulled me into his body, bringing me super close. “No. You’re Rylynn. The woman I want next to me for the rest of my fucking life.”

  My heart skittered and breaths caught, but before I could say anything, his lips were on mine. When we made it up to the door, and I was able to break away in order to get it unlocked and opened. He came at me in my apartment, but I held my hand out. As much as it killed, we had shit to talk about.

  “Want a beer or bourbon?” I asked, moving into the kitchen and grabbing the bottle from the top cabinet, setting it down on the countertop knowing it was stupid, but needing something because his closeness was making me want things I couldn’t have.

  “Neither,” he said in the doorway of the kitchen and held out his hand. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I took it.

  He led me to the couch, this time him sitting on one end and me on the other. Guess he knew we needed to talk as well.

  Blowing out a deep breath, I pulled my legs up and tucked them my ass. “You kissed another woman. That’s a no-go for me, Crow. If it’s me, it’s only me. End of discussion,” I started. “Do you understand how much that hurt seeing your lips on someone else. Feeling the pain of that sear through you? I’ll never do that again, Crow. Ever.”

  “If it were you who had your lips on another man, I’d kill him. No doubt about it in my mind. So I get it. What you need to understand is from this moment on, you are all I want and need. There is no other. There is nothing if you’re not in my life. You’re my light in the darkness. Without you, I’m just dark.”

  “No, you’re not…” I started, but he interrupted me.

  “Yeah, Pixie. I am. I know it and chose it. But you are my light. The one. You’re mine.”

  The damn tears welled up in my eyes, and I had to breathe in and out to get them to stop. No tears!

  “Come back to Rebellion so I can prove it to you. Swear you won’t regret it.”

  How could a heart break and mend in such a small amount of time? That I didn’t think I’d ever have the answer to. But I loved him. Love made us do stupid shit, like giving the man who shredded you another shot.

  If it was meant to be, I needed to find out, and we couldn’t do that with me a state away.

  “If I do, I will never be okay with any woman putting their lips on you or touching you in that come and fuck me way that you know women do. It happens, Crow, they’re dead and I’m gone. And I don’t just mean gone from your life, I mean gone as in you won’t find me again.”

  Being a PI, many resources were at my disposal. Finding a new identity wouldn’t be hard. But he and I both knew staying away from my family was a no go. I would though disappear for him.

  He gripped my hands. “I’ll shut it down immediately.”

  I wanted to believe him with everything inside of me. How did you trust someone who broke your heart? How did you move on from all the heartbreak to start over again? Guess I was about to find out.

  “Never again, Crow. You’re either all in with this, or it’s not going to work.”

  He pulled me into his lap holding me close. “I’m all in, baby. Love you. Want to be with you and only you. You won’t have to wonder because I’ll fuckin’ prove it every damn day.”

  Breathing in and out. My mind swirled. There were two options here. One: make him leave, tear my heart in two, and never know if we worked. Or two: give this a try and risk my heart being broken.

  Either way, my heart was going to break. I would regret it if
we didn’t try. Never knowing if what we went through led us to being sealed in strength or to end in disaster.

  “Trust is a huge thing for me, Crow, and I don’t know if I can get it back between us.” My voice was soft, almost silent. My mom and dad taught me a lot. The biggest thing over everything else was trust and loyalty. Crow broke that.

  “We will. I’ll bust my balls to show you.” He kissed my lips briefly. “Trust is hard for a man like me, but I’ve let you in more than anyone else in my life. I’ll get yours back. You’ll see the kind of man I am.”

  “I want to believe you.”

  His hands moved up and down my arms causing a shiver. “And I want to be believed.”

  I looked down feeling the wetness threaten to take over. Being vulnerable wasn’t my thing, and being it in that moment was a tough pill to swallow. I was. Incredibly so.

  His fingertips came to my chin, and he raised it so our eyes met. Different emotions tumbled through his. “Rylynn.” He started my name with a gentle caress. “I’m in love with you.”

  Tears welled up as he continued, “I keep thinking back to that night in the clubhouse.” My chest compressed, and I made a move to get up. “Wait.” He held me in place.

  “I don’t think I want to hear this,” I told him honestly.

  “Yes, you do.” He kissed my lips once again, and I shut up. “At the clubhouse, I never saw Sophia.” At the name, my stomach turned. “Baby. I never did. Every memory I have of that night, you were it. I don’t know why or the how, and I’m so damn sorry.”

  “So every time you get drunk at the clubhouse, I’m going to have to worry that you’re cheating on me?” That was a pain all its own. Trust. Gone.

  “No. There are no excuses for what I did. I’m sorry. Down to my fucking soul sorry.” Wetness pooled in his eyes and my heart broke for him. “We can fix this.”

  “How?” I asked as the tears rolled down my face. “It’s too much.”

  “It’s only too much if we let it be.”

  My head shook. “Love doesn’t always fix the problems. As much as we want it to it only has so much power.”

  His lips touched mine. “You know my cut means the world to me.”

  I nodded, looking into his eyes.

  “Never wanted something more than my cut.” He kept on going as I listened attentively. “Until you.”

  The world stopped. Time stopped. Everything stopped. He wanted me more than his cut? There was no way that was possible. No man would claim that.

  With my body frozen, I couldn’t move. His words rolled around in my head over and over again. Never wanted something more than my cut. Until you. Holy shit.

  Mouth hanging open, I stared at him unable to form words as to how I was feeling. He didn’t fill the quiet with words, instead giving them time to sink in.

  After a long time, I said, “You can’t mean that.”

  “Wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t. No man would. It’s how much I care and love you. Need you to know the depths of it and fuck.” He pulled back, resting his head on the back of the couch. “Never thought I’d ever say those fuckin’ words.”

  “You have to know I’d never ask you to give up the club or your cut. Ever.”

  He lifted up, and a smirk played at his lip. “You think I don’t know that? It’s another one of the reasons I love you.”

  “Don’t you think we need time apart to see what we feel?” I asked, my hands on his chest.

  “No. You and I both know our time is limited on this earth. Don’t want to waste any more of it.”

  I leaned in and pressed my forehead to his. “I was scared before, Crow. Now, I’m terrified.” Raw emotion whipped through me like a cold wind through a cornfield.

  “I deserve that, Pixie, and I’ll work my ass off to prove to you that the trust we’ll build is stronger than granite.”

  Exhaustion took me over. The tears and feelings becoming too much for the day. “I need sleep, Crow.”

  He lifted me with ease and led me to the bedroom, setting me gently on the bed. The fire in his eyes told me what he wanted, but I was too raw for it. “Just hold me.”

  Crow nodded, stripped his clothes while I did mine, and he held me the entire night.

  Connected in our pain.

  Fueled by the fire between us.

  What more could I want for? If only I could believe it was real.

  17

  Crow

  The phone woke me from a peaceful sleep. Rylynn was still in my arms exactly as I’d fallen asleep hours ago. She hadn’t moved an inch. Her beautiful hair spread out on my shoulder and the pillow. Her hand on my abs searing heat into me.

  I wasn’t fucking around last night. Meant every word I said. Surprised the shit out of me. My cut meant everything to me and as soon as those words left my lips, it shocked me to my core. Because they were true. That was how much I loved her. How much I felt for her. How much I wanted her beside me through the good times and the bad. All of it.

  Hopefully she felt how much because I needed her to trust me. Needed her to be by my side.

  Never had I needed or wanted a woman the way I did her. Ever.

  I kissed her temple and reached over to the nightstand grabbing my phone.

  The display said Cruz calling. I took the call.

  “Crow.”

  “Come over for brunch.” Short and to the point Cruz definitely was. Always had been. The fact he’s my father didn’t change him a bit. Not that I expected it to. What I didn’t expect was a phone call this early in the damn morning.

  Rylynn shifted, her eyes coming up to mine. I winked, and she blushed. Fuck, that was hot. She hadn’t done that before, and I liked it. “What time?”

  “Eleven,” Cruz said in the phone.

  “Right. Later.”

  He disconnected.

  “Who was that?” Rylynn asked in her sleepy, sexy as hell voice.

  “Cruz. Wants us over for brunch at eleven.”

  Rylynn looked over at the clock that read nine thirty-seven. “You should go, and I’ll stay here.”

  I pulled her up my body knowing she hated morning breath, but not giving that first fuck because I kissed her. She tried to push back, but didn’t get anywhere. She finally gave in and that was when I pulled away. “You’re comin’ with me.”

  Her head fell to the bed in exasperation. “We need time, Crow.”

  Giving her my weight, I rolled on top of her. “No more time. You’re mine. I’m yours. Everything else will work itself out.”

  “You sound so sure of yourself.”

  “Because I am.” I kissed her once again. “Now, gotta shower and dress. You wanna join me, I’m up for that. Or I can fuck you when we get back.”

  Her eyes dilated telling me she liked the idea. Her words though were of the contrary. “I’m showering by myself.” The little vixen was going to hold out on me. That was fine. I’d wait. Today. Then all bets were off.

  “I’ve never been here before,” I told Rylynn as we got off my bike and took our helmets off. Coming to Sumner every now and then, we’d always meet at the clubhouse. This felt different, and I was damn happy to have Rylynn at my back.

  She hadn’t said a thing this morning about coming to Rebellion with me. I’d let it lay, giving her that time she kept saying she needed. The outcome would be the same no matter what way the coin flipped.

  “It’s like any other place, Crow. The big difference is you know these people are blood. That’s it. Don’t think too much on it. Just enjoy it.”

  I pulled her into me and kissed her hard. “When’d you get so smart?”

  “I’m a descendant of Einstein.”

  Laughter broke through, and it was exactly what I needed to lighten the mood. Somehow this felt so damn serious, and in actuality, it wasn’t. It was us eating food.

  “Have I told you today that I love you.” Her breath caught, eyes wide. “Yeah, Pixie. You’ll be hearing those words from me a lot, but my actions will show you. S
wear it.” Grabbing her hand tight, I pulled her into me and kissed her.

  “Would you stop necking and get in here?” Nox yelled from the entryway of the house. Rylynn and I burst out laughing.

  “Nothing like getting caught by dad!” Rylynn hollered back at Nox who joined us laughing.

  “Aren’t you cute, Ry,” he teased.

  “Damn right. Like a little bunny,” she retorted. The back and forth they had was interesting to see. It was as if they were alone in it, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

  “Bunny my ass. More like a panther coming to rip our throats out.”

  We walked up to the door. “Damn straight.” She tapped Nox on the nose. “And don’t you forget it.” She walked past him, trying to let go of my hand, but I didn’t allow it.

  “Awe, she already have you trained?” Nox joked, but my head swung to him. He held up his hands. “Down there, man. Gotta take the teasing if you wanna be in Rylynn’s life. She’s big on that shit.”

  Rylynn started hugging people, and we released. “Know that, Nox.”

  Nox slapped me on the shoulder giving it a good squeeze. “She’s not givin’ in, is she?”

  The question caught me off guard. It was something that people who were really close would recognize. How close were these two? “How’d you know that?”

  He shrugged. “She’s Rylynn. You fucked up, and you have to pay for that. Once you get done with your penance, it’ll be all good.”

  My arms crossed over my chest. “How is it that you know all of this?”

  Nox smiled knowingly. “Grew up together, man.”

  “Yeah, and…” I prompted him.

  He chuckled. “Got nothin’ to worry about, Crow. I’m not after your woman. She and I are tight. Just gotta ride her wave for a bit.”

  Tight. There were so many questions I wanted to ask. The thought of him going after my woman pissed me off. Hitting your estranged brother in your estranged family's house wouldn’t be good.