The Loudest Silence (Part One)

by Olivia Janae

  Ash gave Max a pat and let him springboard off her so that he could join his friends.

  “In front of my son, Ash? Can you please stop talking about Vivian that way at all? She’s my friend.” She was eternally grateful they had never slept together.

  “Oh, come on, Katie, he has no idea what we’re fuckin’ saying.”

  “He’s four, not a lamp post! Of course he—”

  “Come swim with us,” Ash cut her off.

  “What?”

  “Come oooooon!” Ash waggled her eyebrows, giving her a huge, hopeful smile.

  “In a minute, I need to ask Vivian something.”

  Ash just shrugged. “Ignore her.”

  “You want me to ignore the person who is throwing my kid a party?”

  Ash pushed herself up and onto the side. “Yeah, pretty much. Talk to her another time. I mean, I’m soaking wet. I’m in a bikini. What more could you want?”

  “Ash,” Kate rolled her eyes, exasperated. She wanted to talk to Vivian. “God! Ugh! I knew I shouldn’t have let you stay! We broke—”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, but hey, man.” Ash frowned. “I want to point out that there is a difference here, okay? One of us is over there and the other of us is in the pool with your kid.”

  “She’s making sure they can eat in thirty minutes when they’re hungry,” Kate said, but then she saw Ash’s grin and realized that she was kidding. “Yeah, okay.” She rolled her eyes and went to move past her.

  She didn’t make it, though. She took one step, and suddenly she was in the water, choking on the chlorine as she tried to breathe. “You are so lucky that I didn’t have my phone!” she said as she broke the surface.

  Max gave a cheer, climbing up her arm so he could sit on her shoulder, nearly dunking her in the process.

  “Jesus, kid!” Kate gave a garbled yelp as Ash also gave a cheer, launching herself onto Kate’s back and kissing her cheek.

  “Hey!” Max cried, his little face angry as he tried to push Ash off, wanting all of Kate’s attention.

  “What’s up, little man? I can’t swim with you?”

  “No!”

  “Max,” Kate warned, “you have to be nice to people. What do you say instead of pushing Ash?”

  Max’s face turned into a pout as Ash wrapped her arms tighter around Kate’s stomach. “Will you swim with me, please?”

  “Good job.” She gave Max’s cheek a kiss and let him swim off. It was a little harder to detach from Ash. She was smiling and looking the opposite way, and yet Kate wasn’t fooled. Ash knew she was trying to escape. “Clearly… I need… to have clearer… boundaries with you.”

  “What? Oh. My bad. Habit.”

  “Sure.” Kate ducked under the water as soon as she was free and swam to the pool’s edge where Vivian was standing, her smile guarded.

  “How is the water?”

  Kate smirked, reaching a hand out for Vivian’s. “Wet. Why don’t you come in and see?”

  Vivian just shook her head. “I don’t think so, Ms. Flynn.”

  “You owe me from our picnic.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yup.” Kate grinned, her hand shielding her eyes.

  Vivian turned, her lips playfully pursed, and slowly walked away, her hips shaking in a way that left Kate helpless but to stare. It was only human, she knew that. Vivian was stunning.

  “Hey, Kate, you okay?”

  Kate jerked out of her daze and looked guiltily up at Charlie.

  Charlie gave her a mischievous grin and a little wave. “You have this really weird look on your face. Do you need some resuscitation?”

  Kate didn’t respond and instead dived back under the water as an escape.

  She swam for a little while with the kids, Ash, and even Charlie. Everyone tried to coerce Vivian into the pool, but she refused.

  Ash never left her side, but for once her hands stayed politely to themselves. She was even a little charming as she cannonballed into the pool to the delight of the children, sprinkling Kate with water the moment she was beside her again. She was all smiles as she doted on Max, giving him piggyback rides and tossing him this way and that to make a splash.

  She was clearly trying to make up for how she had been while Max was sick, and Kate appreciated. Perhaps it really had been a bad idea to let her stay. She couldn’t seem to dig deeply into that thought, though. Every time her mind began to work, Kate found her eyes yet again seeking out the sea-foam green bikini. She watched as Vivian flew between the house and the food table, the house and the gift table. She never stopped moving, and Kate, for her part, found herself smiling each time she cuddled Max or smothered him with kisses, laughing and crying out when Max’s soaked body got her legs wet. Kate didn’t mean to watch, she was trying to be attentive to the kids, but something would happen and she would seek out Vivian, or nothing at all would happen and she would still look for her.

  Kate got out of the pool just before lunch, leaving Ash and the surrounding parents to watch the kids.

  “Hey,” she smiled, as she sat down next to Vivian. “This is all amazing. Thank you.”

  Vivian looked back to the kids, smiling behind her sunglasses. “It does seem like he’s having fun, right?” she asked in a pleased sort of way.

  Kate reached over and touched her arm to get her attention. “Are you kidding? He’s having the time of his life.”

  “Good.” Vivian smiled back nervously. “That’s good.”

  “Katie, come back!” Ash called from the pool.

  “In a sec.”

  She watched Ash frown as Max climbed up her shoulders, asking to be thrown again.

  Kate glanced at Vivian, liking the smile on her face as she took the party in.

  Vivian seemed to sense her gaze and looked up, right back at Kate.

  Kate cleared her throat and quickly looked toward the kids in the pool, her heart in her throat. She felt like a sixteen-year-old suddenly, and she didn’t understand it. Since when had she felt tense sitting beside Vivian? Her hands were balled into fists, and try as she might, she couldn’t think of anything to say. It was strange, but her mind was just blank.

  They watched for a while in something just thicker than companionable silence.

  “Ash, come on! Come on! Play Chicken!” Max shouted, crawling over her again.

  Kate had to admit that whatever Ash was doing today, it was going a long way in making Max happy.

  Vivian signed something to Charlie across the pool and Charlie signed back, her eyes rolling. They went back and forth for a moment before Vivian finally threw her hands up and looked away, silencing Charlie.

  “Did she just point to me?” Kate asked, when she was able to catch Vivian’s eye again.

  “She was speaking of lunch,” Vivian smiled.

  “You’re totally lying, aren’t you?” Kate laughed as Vivian’s lips pursed into a playful pout.

  “I do not know what you mean.”

  “Are you guys talking about me? Should I be worried?” she asked through a grin.

  Vivian frowned back at the pool. “Kate. I’m not sure this game is a wise one.”

  “What?”

  In the pool, Ash was teetering with Max on her shoulders, one of the girls’ teenage brothers coming toward her with his sister on his shoulders.

  “Are they playing Chicken? Uh, Ash,” Kate called, “small pool. Maybe not so smart of a game… Ash!”

  It only took one push, and Max’s gleeful face drained of pleasure as he went flying backward.

  “Shit! Not again!” Kate cried, scrambling to her feet, panicking as Max headed for the stone side of the pool rather than the water.

  Ash swore loudly, spun, and caught Max just before he hit. “Yes!” she shouted. “Got him! Hells yes, ninja skills! Look at that!”

  Still, startled by the fall, Max began to cry.

  “Ash!” Kate dropped to her knees, barely registering that Vivian was beside her, looking just as panicked. Kate ran her hands over
him, looking for any injuries while Vivian did the same, her long fingers gently tracing his head. When she was sure that there was nothing wrong, she gave a loud and fake laugh, her voice wobbling a bit. “Look at you! You went freaking flying, kid!” History had taught her that the more upset she was, the more he would be. “Did you get a superhero cape for that fall?”

  Max’s tears slowed. “No.”

  “You didn’t!” Vivian exclaimed, following Kate’s cue. “Well, that’s crazy! We must fix that! A fall such as that one deserves some type of cape!”

  Max laughed, and, in the way only children can, forgot his fear. He laughed when Kate gave him a swat on the butt and, tear tracks still wet on his grinning face, sent him back to the pool.

  “Are you all right?” Vivian asked in a low voice.

  “Dude!” Ash said, pulling herself out of the pool to join them. “The kid is fine, don’t freak out.”

  “Surely you have more intelligence than we just witnessed, Ms. Campbell!” Vivian hissed. “If you cannot play responsibly, then perhaps you should not be allowed near the children at all.”

  Ash scoffed. “He’s fine.”

  “By pure chance only.”

  Ash’s mouth opened, and Kate cringed, ready for her to yell. “You know what?” she said instead. “Whatever, Vivian. You wanna be drama, then you do you, mama. This is Max’s day.” Ash turned and dived back into the pool, her dreadlocks only just missing Vivian’s face.

  “Are you okay?” Vivian asked again, her expression still tight.

  Kate took a gulp from her water bottle and tried to get her stomach to untie itself. “Scared the crap out of me,” she admitted. Vivian’s hand found Kate’s, giving it a squeeze. “Birthdays are a little cursed for me. Something bad always happens.”

  Vivian’s hand squeezed tighter, nodding a little as she watched her speak. “Well, he’s just fine. Look.” She gave her hand a gentle pull and, grudgingly, Kate smiled a little as she watched Max swim. “He’s okay.”

  She nodded, her heart slowing a little as Max screamed at nothing, broke into high-pitched laughter, and then dived back under the water, his face radiantly happy. She was smiling widely again when she looked back to Vivian out of the corner of her eye. “He’s just all I have, you know?”

  “I understand.” Vivian’s fingers gave another small squeeze. They weren’t holding hands, as much as Vivian’s fingers were wrapped around her palm. Kate cleared her throat, wanting to say thank you, wanting to reach and intertwine their fingers. Instead Vivian gave her a polite smile and let her hand slide away.

  “I have ta go to the bathroom!”

  Kate nodded at the little girl standing in front of her. “Okay, kid, I’ll take you.”

  “That’s all right, Kate, I’ll take her,” Vivian said. “Thank you for not going in the pool, missy.” Vivian gave a wide grin and bopped the girl on the nose.

  Kate watched them go, smiling a little as Vivian took the girl’s little hand and led her inside.

  “Guys! Pizza!” Kate called a little while later. The effect was instantaneous. Kate yelped, holding tightly to the pizza boxes as little waterlogged bodies tore past her in a stampede, nearly knocking her over. Eyes shining and lips in a smirk, Vivian appeared beside her. “Let me take one of those before you drop them.”

  The teasing lilt sent a shiver down Kate’s spine. She rolled her eyes. “Really?”

  “Well, it would be a shame to lose this oh-so-unhealthy food and force these growing children to eat lean turkey sandwiches on wholegrain.” Vivian gave a gasp as though she had said something dirty and yet delicious, her hand playfully covering her mouth.

  Kate gave a snort. “All right, your majesty, here. Two pieces each.”

  “Got it!” Vivian gave a yip of surprise as Ash grabbed the boxes from her hands.

  “I can do this!” Ash said.

  Vivian’s eyebrow popped as she watched Ash scramble away, her head and shoulders high. “What just happened exactly?”

  Kate cleared her throat. “I guess Ash wanted to help.”

  “I suppose so,” Vivian answered in a dark voice, and moved off to get the napkins.

  Her own pizza boxes held high over the heads of the squirming children, Kate started to pass out the pizza. “Careful, it’s hot.”

  Charlie followed behind, filling glasses of water.

  “Piiiizzzzaaaaaa!” Max cried. “Can I have three?”

  “I’m pretty positive that you can’t eat three, kid.”

  “Pleeeease!” Max cried, his lip pouting.

  Kate laughed, pleased when she saw that Vivian was watching, laughing quietly to herself. She signed something quickly to Kate with her free hand.

  “What?” But Vivian didn’t see and so, slightly embarrassed that she hadn’t understood, Kate ducked her head, busying herself with making sure Max had everything he needed.

  “Viv make you get water instead of soda?” Charlie asked, shooting Vivian a teasing glare.

  “Oh yeah,” Kate scoffed. “She was not about having pizza and soda. She said that she refused to contribute to the poisoning of young bodies more than she had to.”

  Charlie laughed. “That sounds about right.”

  “Are you two talking about me?” Vivian called over.

  Charlie signed something back to Vivian, her tongue caught between her teeth as she laughed.

  Vivian gave a headshake, as though she didn’t understand the problem. “These are growing children. They need healthy foods, unlike” – Vivian sniffed at the pizza – “this.”

  Before Kate could answer, Ash dropped the box beside the table on the floor. “Can I do anything else to help?”

  “You can put that box in the trash where it belongs, Ashley,” Vivian said pointedly.

  “Yeah, Ash, don’t litter!” Max pointed an accusing finger at her.

  Kate watched Max glare, amused and concerned. He had seemed to be enjoying her earlier. Had Ash said something to him again? The idea didn’t really surprise her at this point.

  Ash’s face hardened, but she picked up the box with a jerk and started inside with it, grumbling.

  It wasn’t easy keeping the children out of the pool when their bellies were full, each trying to dive back in like a kamikaze flier. It wasn’t until Charlie put music on the heavy outdoor speakers that the children gave in to the thirty-minute wait. Kate wasn’t sure exactly why a deaf person owned such industrial speakers, but she was glad for the music; the party immediately lifted as the children began jumping up and down in their four-year-old versions of dancing.

  “So, you look like you ate something bad. What’s wrong?” Kate asked, plopping down beside Ash, who was sitting alone by the sliding door and working on her fourth beer.

  “Nothing,” Ash insisted, but her lips stayed tightly pressed.

  “Ash,” Kate started, ready to tell her that maybe it was time for her to go home.

  “I just – it’s whatever, man.”

  Kate frowned at Ash, waiting for her to look at her. When she didn’t, Kate finally sighed. “Okay. Well. When you feel like letting me know. But this is my son’s birthday, so I’d kinda like to keep the drama to a minimum. Maybe it’s time for you to head out.”

  “Yeah!” Ash cried. “Kick me out! Of fuckin’ course.”

  “Ash,” Kate warned.

  Ash pulled her dreadlocks back tightly as she snapped, “How is it you’re pissed at me?”

  “What?”

  “About Max!”

  “Oh. What? I’m not.”

  “That’s crap.”

  “What? I’m not. You scared me, that’s all. It’s over.”

  “Yeah, I scared you, and so you went running to the crocodile.”

  “Oh, come on! That’s not fair. I think she was just as scared as I was!”

  “Whatever.”

  “Okay, Ash. I’m not doing this with you right now. Okay? I’m not doing the whole I-hate-Vivian thing while we’re at her house! Actually, I’m not going
to do it at all. Seriously. Maybe it’s time. Okay? It was nice of you to come and everything, but… yeah.” Kate stood, leaving Ash to mutter to herself.

  She walked around the pool, watching with a smile as Max all but climbed Charlie’s leg. Charlie laughed, leaning over and kissing his forehead.

  “Dance wif me!”

  Charlie joined in without a single thought, spinning and laughing as she held his hands above his head, her wide smile shining toothily.

  Charlie really was amazing with Max; she and Vivian both were. In the back of Kate’s mind, that end date loomed, reminding her that the time left was short. A year would pass before she knew it. What would they do then? Would he remember them once they moved to the next place? Once again, she wondered if letting them get close was smart.

  “Your kid’s a natural,” Ash said, her arms wrapping tightly around Kate’s waist again.

  “Change your mind, huh?” She moved out of Ash’s embrace.

  Ash shrugged. “Momentary stupidity.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “The question is, does he take after his mother?”

  “Yeah, you know it,” Kate smirked, only half paying attention. Kate’s eye had been caught, yet again, as Max signed across the patio to Vivian. She nodded, signing slowly back as she made her way to the speakers. It was easy to be distracted when those two were together. The way they smiled at one another made her heart warm.

  “Look at Charlie go with that dad. Maybe she isn’t gay after all.”

  “Uh-huh,” Kate said, entirely unaware of what Ash had said. Instead she watched Max, unable to get over how adorable it was as he stood before Vivian, his face serious as he asked her a question.

  Vivian gave an exuberant nod, carefully took one of his hands, and gently pressed it into the speaker. Jumping up and down, he squealed and nodded with her. Then to Kate’s surprise, a huge smile plastered on their faces, Max began to jump and spin again as Vivian’s hips swayed, popping perfectly side to side and back and forth on the beat, her shoulders rolling – dancing, she was dancing!

  A flood of pleasure swept through Kate, balling tightly below her navel as she watched Vivian’s hips sway like a pendulum to the beat, Max grinning at her side.