All We Never Knew

by Elena Aitken

  It had been Davis’s idea to start going to the farmers’ market and it had quickly turned into a weekend ritual that all three of them looked forward to. As Rylee got older, she didn’t join them as often. The demands of the swim team or homework often kept her away, but every now and then she’d ask to go with them. Those were Maren’s favorite mornings. When they were all together.

  She glanced at Rylee’s closed bedroom door as she made her way down the hallway to the stairs. Something told her that her daughter would not be joining them at the market that morning.

  Once downstairs, Maren fixed herself a cup of tea and sat at the kitchen table. She stared at her cell phone, but couldn’t bring herself to pick it up and check for messages. What if Sabrina had texted her?

  But what if she hadn’t?

  Maren had no idea what she would say to her friend if she did reach out. But worse would be checking her messages to see that she hadn’t.

  No. She couldn’t look.

  Davis would be downstairs by seven thirty. No doubt he’d be surprised to see her up. She was generally the night owl, favoring staying up late with a book or a movie instead of waking early like he did. He tried to sleep in on weekends, but seven was usually as late as he could manage before he started to get antsy.

  She sat for another minute, sipping at her tea, which, to her pleasant surprise, wasn’t disturbing her stomach, before making a decision.

  She’d make breakfast. A big, over-the-top Saturday morning family breakfast.

  Swim club was on a four-month break, so Rylee wouldn’t be in a rush to get to the pool. They could all eat together. And maybe…talk.

  Yes.

  That’s exactly what she would do. Make an irresistible breakfast that would bring her entire family together, so they could deal with the situation life had thrown at them the way they’d always dealt with everything else—together.

  She set to work mixing up the batter for the waffles and putting the bacon in the oven to cook up nice and crispy. It wouldn’t be long before the aroma would reach upstairs and wake Rylee up. Waffles were her favorite. She’d never be able to resist and once Rylee was sitting across from her, pouring maple syrup into each of the little golden brown pockets, she’d have to talk to Maren. And finally, they would get everything out in the open.

  Buoyed by the idea, Maren set the table and put a pot of coffee on for Davis, careful not to inhale the aroma of the beans.

  For a few minutes as she measured and poured and whisked the batter, losing herself in the normality of it, she even allowed herself to believe it was a normal day and her life was completely normal and her family was behaving normal and everything was just so freakin’ normal that anyone looking in on their totally normal life would call it boring. Mundane even.

  She didn’t even notice how vigorously she was whisking until batter splashed over the edge of the bowl. A laugh bubbled out from the back of her throat but the sound that escaped was borderline maniacal. She clamped a hand over her mouth and pressed her free hand on the counter, leaning into it. A sob replaced the laugh and just for a moment, she let the tears slip down her cheeks for the first time.

  But almost as soon as the tears started, Maren wiped them away, took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. It would be too easy to give in to the swirl of emotions smashing through her body. The release would probably even feel good. Really good. But she couldn’t. Not yet. She needed to hold herself together at least until she’d had a chance to talk to Davis. They still had so much to discuss and talk over. Decisions to make, risks to consider.

  Maren made herself take another deep breath and then another. She would pull herself together, because that’s what she had to do. She’d handle it. She was the mom. It’s what she did. Maren held things together and pushed everyone forward. This wouldn’t be any different.

  By the time she heard the footsteps on the stairs, Maren was ready. A stack of light and fluffy waffles sat in the center of the table next to a plate full of bacon piled high, a jug of orange juice, and Davis’s coffee. She was just finishing up with a pan of eggs. Sunny side up, just the way her family liked them.

  “Good morning.” Maren looked up, surprised to see it was Rylee who’d beat her father down for breakfast. The smell of waffles. She knew her daughter wouldn’t be able to resist. “You’re up early.”

  Rylee grunted in response and moved to push past her mother, but with a quick step to the side, Maren blocked her passage. She didn’t recognize this angst-ridden, growly version of her daughter. She used to brag to her coworkers how Rylee had seemed to skip all of the teenage drama and they’d stayed just as close as they’d ever been. In less than a week, all of that had changed.

  But it was temporary, Maren told herself before her forced smile could falter. This too shall pass. She’d make sure of it.

  “You must be hungry,” she said to her daughter as she twisted around to grab the pan of eggs. “I made your favorites. I thought it had been too long since we’d all sat down and eaten together and since it’s Saturday, maybe we could—”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  Maren blinked hard, momentarily caught off guard by the angry tone of Rylee’s voice. “You must be,” she said. And then, with more force, “Sit.” It wasn’t a request and even through her newfound attitude, Rylee must have heard the steel in her mother’s voice, because after a moment she did as she was told.

  Without asking, Maren slid an egg onto Rylee’s plate before plating some for Davis. When she turned back to the table, she noted with a certain sense of self-satisfaction that Rylee was buttering a waffle.

  “I know you’re a little bit upset and—”

  “I’m not upset.” She picked up the syrup bottle and poured an obscene amount onto the waffle until it practically floated like an island in a sea of maple syrup.

  Maren forced herself not to remark on the sugar content of what her daughter was about to eat. “Okay.” She tried again. “I’m glad to hear you’re not—”

  “You think everything is about you.”

  The sharpness of Rylee’s voice caught her off guard and Maren’s head twisted around to stare at her daughter. Slowly she moved to the table and was about to sit down across from her when Davis’s voice saying good morning distracted her.

  “Good morning.” She turned to greet him and forced yet another smile to her face, but kept one eye on her daughter, who had started to attack her waffle with her knife and fork, tearing off large pieces. “I made breakfast.”

  He was showered, but Davis hadn’t shaved, the way he often didn’t on the weekends. Maren liked the scratch of his stubble and was about to reflexively reach for it when his mouth twisted down in an exaggerated frown. “Oh no.” He drew out the words unnaturally. “I need to get back to the office.”

  Maren’s stomach knotted in disappointment as a wave of nausea—which, until that moment, had stayed away—hit her.

  “If he’s not staying, I’m out of here.” Behind her, Maren heard the scrape of Rylee’s chair as she got up from the table.

  She took a deep breath to steady her stomach before looking at her daughter, who shrugged and said, “I’m going to Sienna’s.” She was already headed for the back door, but Maren stepped to the side, blocking her.

  “Wait.” She held up her hand and turned back to her husband, who was pouring himself a to-go cup of coffee. “You wait, too.” She held up her other hand and was vaguely aware that she must look like some sort of crazed domestic crossing guard in her robe with her hair still tossed from sleep.

  “Maren, I—”

  “Mom, this is—”

  “I don’t want to hear it.” She cut them both off and pressed her lips together in an effort to control the quiver in her voice. She swallowed hard, willing her stomach to settle down before confronting her family again. “We all need to talk, and I went to all the work of making this big breakfast. The least the two of you can do is sit down and eat instead of running away again.”
Rylee muttered something under her breath that Maren ignored. “I understand there’s a lot going on, and there’s going to be a lot of feelings about it, but we’re a family and we need to start acting like one. I’ve given you both enough space to process.” She looked directly at Davis as she said the word. “Now it’s time to talk. Sit.”

  It wasn’t very often that Maren lost her cool. She prided herself on being a relaxed wife and mother, who handled every situation with a calm clarity. Well, most situations. And judging by the looks on the faces of her husband and child, they were just as taken aback at her change in attitude as she was.

  She dropped her hands to her side and moments later, they both sat at the table.

  Once she had their attention, Maren was no longer sure what to say, so she simply sank into her own chair and, despite the fact that she was still battling an internal war to keep her nausea at bay, took a waffle off the top of the stack. “This is nice,” she said with as much cheer as she could muster.

  “I really do have to go this morning. I—”

  “No.” She interrupted Davis with a sharp look. “There’s nothing more important than this. Right now.”

  He stared at her, but finally nodded. “You’re right.”

  She released a small sigh of relief when after a moment he took a waffle of his own.

  The tension in the room was thick, but it was a start. Davis and Maren made small talk about the weather and whatever emergency was going on at the office that had him running in on a Saturday. It didn’t happen very often, and despite the unusualness of it, Maren couldn’t focus on what he was saying. She continually glanced at Rylee, who swirled chunks of her waffle around in the sea of syrup, only occasionally popping one in her mouth. She looked so young with her hair tied back in a ponytail but the eyeliner rimming her eyes and the scowl on her face told a different story.

  How had her baby turned into a brooding teenager in only a matter of a few days?

  But she knew the answer and it had everything to do with the other baby who was about to throw their lives for a loop.

  “Do you have plans today, Rylee?”

  Her daughter started a little bit at the question, as if she’d been lost in her own thoughts.

  “Because if you don’t, maybe we—”

  “I was going to sleep over at Sienna’s.” She looked to Davis and then back at her mother. “If it’s okay?” she added after a moment.

  “Of course.”

  Maybe Maren should have objected. Maybe she should have put up a little resistance and insisted her daughter spend some time with them to reconnect. But her instincts told her that a little time with her best friend would be good for Rylee. Besides, maybe the time alone would be good for her and Davis. In their entire relationship, she’d never felt so disconnected from him and she didn’t like it. The situation needed to be nipped in the bud. And quickly.

  “Sounds good to me.” Davis shrugged.

  “Right?” She jumped on the idea that had just formulated in her mind. “And you and I can have a quiet night together. Since you have to go back to the office today, then tonight maybe we can get some takeout and talk.” She wished she hadn’t seen it, but there was no mistaking the way Davis flinched when she’d suggested takeout and talking.

  Had things really changed so much between them too? No. She refused to believe it. It was just a blip and after a night reconnecting and talking together about what was happening, everything would be okay. They would be okay.

  “That’ll be nice.” He said the words with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Eyes that Maren couldn’t help but notice looked tired. The lines around his eyes seemed to have deepened in the last few days as well. Not that she was going to mention it.

  “I’ll go tell Sienna.” Rylee jumped up from the table and was gone. What was left of her waffle looked oddly abandoned in the pool of syrup.

  “I really should get going, too.” Davis didn’t make eye contact as he pushed his chair back, leaving his breakfast largely untouched.

  Hot and sudden tears pricked at Maren’s eyes but she refused to cry. Not twice in one morning. She blinked hard and stood so she faced him. “So…later?”

  Something in her voice must have caught his attention, because Davis crossed the room and stopped in front of her.

  “Of course, Maren.”

  When he put his hands on her shoulders, her instinct was to melt into his touch. She wanted his arms to wrap around her so she could let him hold her safe. More than anything, she wanted him to tell her that she’d be okay. That they’d be okay. No matter what.

  But she held herself back because if she let herself, she could and would completely fall apart.

  “I know you’re feeling…well, I guess I don’t know what you’re feeling,” he finished clumsily. “But I want you to know I’m here, Maren. I know I haven’t been…well…it’s not easy.”

  His words should have comforted her but she couldn’t seem to find any solace in what he said. She shook her head and looked to her feet. “No,” she said. “It’s not easy. That’s why you can’t shut down on this. You can’t avoid it, Davis. We need to talk.” She looked up into his eyes. “I need you.” She hadn’t planned to say something to him. Not that way. And for a moment, she almost felt bad when she saw the look in his eyes. The same look she’d seen four years earlier, when his mother passed away after a stroke. Did their unplanned pregnancy spark that level of distress in him?

  She shook her head and dropped her gaze but Davis caught her chin with his fingers and lifted it gently until she was looking at him again. “I love you, Maren, and I know I could have done a better job at communicating with you about this, but I am here. We’re going to be okay. I promise.”

  This time there was more confidence in his voice, or maybe it was just that Maren so desperately wanted to hear it. Needed to hear it. Either way, it was enough for her to wrap her arms around him and pull herself into his chest, where she soaked in his warmth and strength. They would be okay. Of course they would.

  Davis slipped his arms around her to pull her in tighter and for a moment, everything was okay.

  And then it was over when Davis pulled away and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We’ll talk tonight.”

  All she could do was nod and smile because she was only barely hanging on. As it was, Maren managed to make it another few minutes, until just after she heard his SUV pull out of the driveway before she dropped into a chair, crumpled to the cool wood surface and let herself sob.

  Sabrina

  By the time Sabrina woke up the next morning, long after she should have rolled out of bed, she was feeling better.

  Mostly.

  The lingering anger at Maren’s news was still there, but she calmed down considerably. While she stared at her reflection in the mirror as she brushed her teeth, Sabrina had almost convinced herself that her irrational outburst that night was the fault of her out-of-control hormones.

  She’d almost managed to convince herself. But not quite.

  The truth was, it wasn’t the first time she’d been jealous of Maren. And it wouldn’t be the last.

  It wasn’t easy to have a perfect best friend. Sure, Sabrina was happy for Maren most of the time. And proud of her and everything she did. But every once in a while, it was hard to be her friend. Really hard.

  Davis had been Sabrina’s friend first. Ever since the third grade when he pulled her ponytail and made her cry. Later that day, once her tears turned into a determination to get him back, she’d kicked him in the crotch.

  The teacher, of course, called both sets of parents, and they’d all ended up sitting in Mrs. LaMew’s classroom, the adults with their knees bent up comically in the small child-sized seats. Of course, the adults all tripped over themselves to apologize for their children’s behavior. Davis and Sabrina were ultimately made to apologize to each other, which they did begrudgingly. But it wasn’t until Mrs. LaMew made the two of them hug and Davis had whispered in her
ear, “I think her name should be LaPew.” and they’d both dissolved in a pile of giggles because Mrs. LaMew was known for having terrible BO, that they became best friends.

  As it turned out, their behavior and Mrs. LaMew ended up bringing together their parents as well, as the two families became close friends after that initial meeting. Over the years, the Miller and Bennett families hosted each other for Fourth of July barbecues, Thanksgiving dinners, and Saturday night card games. As the kids got older, the families naturally drifted apart, but by then Davis and Sabrina were so entrenched in each other’s lives, they didn’t need their families to keep them close.

  It was Sabrina who’d introduced Maren to Davis and changed everything. She’d hit it off with the pretty new girl right away. They seemed to complement each other—Maren’s quieter personality with Sabrina’s more outgoing nature—and with Davis in the mix, they all just kind of went together.

  She hadn’t even cared when Maren started dating Davis, not really. Especially because neither of them were the type to get all relationship crazy and forget about her. Of course, there were a few times when she’d felt like a third wheel…but mostly it worked out.

  And then later, when they decided to get married, Sabrina wasn’t jealous at all. Not really.

  Okay, maybe a little.

  But that was only because Maren got to plan a big party, and all of the attention was on her, while as usual, she simply played the supporting role. It’s what she did.

  And sure, things could have been different…but they weren’t.

  Not that any of that mattered now.

  She knew the real reason she was upset with Maren, and although right or wrong, it was rooted in jealousy. It wasn’t fair. It was definitely not fair. And she absolutely could not say anything.

  She dressed in a new pair of maternity jeans—none of her regular clothes fit any longer—and tugged an oversized sweater over her head. The only thing that mattered now was the family she was going to have.